Bang Town

Looking for some sick puppies to hang out with this Halloween?

Want to go to a party that isn’t the regular old bankers dressed in the same costume?

Then you need to go to the CarnEvil party at Amos’ South End.

Here’s the e-mail they sent:

CarnEVIL: The Weirdest Party in Charlotte

What:

A visual spectacle of people watching, performance troupes, bands, DJ’s, fire spinners, baby-toss, lights, projections, provocative patron ensembles (you decide), and just weird and eccentric people. This is the 14^th iteration of an event that always carries with it many community elements. The event is put on by volunteers and money is always raised for a good cause or causes.

Tickets are $20 and can be purchased online at www.carnevil.org or at the door.

When:

Saturday, October 31^st, 2009

Doors Open at 8 p.m.

Why:

• I command you to attend… Listen to ME!! Hooga-booga*@%$*#(^%#$%@!
• To get your freak on… Do it!
• Do Halloween, Proper-like
• Have you honestly had the best time of your life yet?
• Just because. (Because I said so.)

Who:

• Circus Freaks
• Fire Spinners
• Malcontents
• Satan a.k.a George W. Bush
• Sexy Ghoulfriends
• Sick Puppies

Where:

Amos’ Southend

1423 South Tryon

Here are the five best events to get you hot and bothered with or without a date going down in Charlotte and the surrounding area today, August 13, 2009 — as selected by the folks at Creative Loafing.

• Campfire at The McDowell Nature Center.

•Kick Ass Lunch at The Men’s Club.

•Two for One VIP dances at The Carousel club.

•Pure Latin Ecstasy at Halo.

•Thursday night pool party.

Here are the five best events to get you hot and bothered with or without a date going down in Charlotte and the surrounding area today, July 17, 2009 — as selected by the folks at Creative Loafing.

• Friday night howl.

• Get the party started at breakfast at The Men’s Club.

• PJs and Tini reggae party.

• Charlotte’s Happiest Happy Hour at The Uptown Cabaret.

• Bikers and Babes at The Estate.

The Diversity Den, located at 160 Concord Commons Drive, wants you to dance the Argentine Tango.

Every Tuesday night, dancers and wanna be dancers come together and learn the tango from instructor Greg Gershowitz.

So, what is the Argentine Tango?

Well, it’s not hiking the Appalachian Trail — Mark Sanford.

It’s more of a social dance than the regular tango.

According to Wikipedia:

Argentine tango is danced in an embrace that can vary from very open, in which leader and follower connect at arms length, to very closed, in which the connection is chest-to-chest, or anywhere in between. Close embrace is often associated with the more traditional styles, while open embrace leaves room for many of the embellishments and figures that are associated with tango nuevo.

And that makes this dance sexy and great way to feel up on your partner without getting slapped. At the Diversity Den, you don’t need a dance partner, so if you’re looking for a bit of a summer romance, here’s your chance to meet someone new.

And if you and your mate are tired of the same old dates — you know, dinner, movie and bedroom — then here’s something new and exciting to try.

For some women, chocolate is better than sex. But can you get sex if you eat a lot of chocolate? Perhaps.

Why don’t you find out at this chocolate and wine tasting event. (Click on the flyer below for all the info.)

Let’s say you and this special person have been dating for awhile — three dates to be exact — and you’re ready to take your date to bed.

You’ve suffered through movies you hate because you want to show your date that you can compromise.

You’ve taken hikes, gone to the Lake at University and gotten bug bites in places where you know you’re not going to be able to scratch.

Now, you want to get all Isley Brother with this person and end up in between the sheets. You got the special red sheets on your bed, you’ve spent three hours cleaning your bedroom, bathroom and living room. Your place smells like sweet jasmine and patchouli, but you don’t want to come off as a horny jerk.

You suggest dinner at Vinnie’s Grill and Raw Bar.

What?

Yes, focus on the Raw part.

Oysters, feed them to your date and you’re going to look cultured and fun, because Vinnie’s — especially the one on South Boulevard — is a fun place and raw oysters are an aphrodisiac.

If you’re not sure that you like raw oysters, ask for lemon juice.

You should tell your date at the end of dinner that you’re ready to take it to that next level and if oysters are all of that, that person will be willing to go there with you.

Remember the days of those middle school dances … boys on one side of the room, the girls on the other?

Your favorite jam comes on … you sway, maybe even two step a lil’ bit … hoping and praying and wishing upon every star there is that one of them mofos on the other side of the room will step to you?

Both sides of the room start staring each other down, then bashfully looking away, then taking a chance to take a sneak peek to see if they might be looking?

Well, the social scene in the Queen City as a grown-ass adult … is no different.

For the life of me I cannot understand why its so hard to mingle with folks at social events. I thought maybe it’s a fluke, but after hitting up a few parties over the weekend — hell for the past couple of years — same ole ish, different day/party

Some say it’s because of the cliques that have formed, others say its because, simply put, it is what it is.

So I just had to put together a list of helpful hints so that mixing and mingling is a lil’ less Queen City Middle School-esque:

1. Fellas: If a female walks up to you and says hello … there’s absolutely no need for you to start displaying bitchassness qualities by freaking out like she’s trying to propose. All the mofo said was “HELLO” … a simple “HELLO” in response is all we are asking for.

2. Ladies: If a man buys you a drink, it don’t mean you have to give up the drawz. Take the drink and keep it moving. And men, if we accept the drink, that DOES NOT mean we are now damn-near engaged and you are going to the crib for the night. It is what it is. You bought the drink. Thanks.

3. Staring is just rude. At least do the 3 second rule: Look, hold three seconds, then turn ya damn head. Or put on your big boy boxers or your big girl thongs and open your mouth and speak.

4. I get that you came to the party/event with your crew, but cliques are soooooo 90s. Break out of the group and mingle! Networking is so 2009!

5. And lastly, if you finally make that move to mingle and you are met with a blank stare and a rapid succession of blinks (as I’m known to give folks), don’t give up. Just say nice meeting you and take your ass on to the next person…

Lesson Learned: Fam, we are grown. Time to ditch the security blanket called your clique once we enter a social event. Hell, you never know who you might meet.

After reading an article about going dutch on the Frisky, it got me thinking about dating and gender roles. Women, we have ourselves to blame. Howman magazine articles tell us to ask a man out, buy him a drink and make the first move.

We’ve become the hunters, then we complain when the check comes and he doesn’t make a move for his wallet. If you asked him out, then you should expect to pay. End of discussion.

If you two were set up by a friend, said friend should’ve armed you both with gift cards or cash.

If your mama is so set on you getting married and giving her grandkids, she needs to hand over the credit card for dinner and a trip to Adam and Eve.

Dating isn’t hard, we make it difficult because we over think everything.

Until football season starts, there is not much to do. Or is there?

Try a picnic in one of Charlotte’s many parks. If you don’t want to cook, try one of the daily specials at Boudreauxs.

If you don’t want to sit outside and fight pollen, maybe you want head into a restaurant and make goo-goo eyes at your date over drinks. For $9.99, you can take a date to Macaroni Grill for a Mediterranean chicken grill. The location in University City offers a secluded feeling that will surely jumpstart the passion.

If you want to stay at home and cook dinner, check out the fresh fruits and veggies at the farmer’s markets around town. Don’t forget the seafood, oysters to kick up the sexual heat. There are a number of seafood markets in east Charlotte, along Central Avenue.

Monday can be a great date night, with or without football on TV.

To say we live in a button up banker town, Charlotte is full of freaks.

And that’s not a bad thing.

Sure we’re the buckle of the Bible Belt, but below the belt, Charlotte has a lot of secret societies and kinks that almost rival Nevada. Well, maybe that’s a bit of an overstatement.

One thing that I wonder about is why so much of Charlotte’s kinky side is hidden. Everyone knows there’s a swinger lifestyle here, but you almost have to sign your life away to be a part of it. Maybe that’s because we do live in a banker town and people are very judgmental.

A friend of mine opened up to me this weekend that she’s a member of a secret society of mostly women who meet, have dinner, drinks and sex with each other. Half of these women are married and of those women, not many let their husbands in on their secret.

With the killings from Craigslist that have generated a buzz on the news, maybe these groups are a safe way for people to express their hidden sexual desires. When you get a group of like-minded people together, fun and orgasms are sure to follow.

Are you a kinky Charlottean looking for a special group to join? Here are some links to point you in the right direction.

Adult Carolina

Carolina Friends

The Melting Pot (not the restaurant)

Carolina Bi Couples Swing

Nubian Carolina

Queen City Pleasure

Swinger Space (an adult version of MySpace)