Bang Town

“Life is short, have an affair” — that’s the tag line of the Ashley Madison Agency.

For those who don’t know, Ashley Madison is a dating Web site for married people (or otherwise attached folks) interested in having a fling. Granted, anyone logging on to Ashley Madison has probably been thinking about having an affair for awhile. With 4.8 million members, Ashley Madison is obviously filling a need.

Noel Biderman, president of the site, recently spoke with Creative Loafing about the popular, and obviously controversial, Internet destination.

Creative Loafing: What is the difference between your Web site and a typical dating Web site?
Noel Biderman: I built Ashley Madison because I came across some research that 30 percent of people that go on Web sites that are for single people are attached. I said “Wow, would these people just prefer a place where they can just say, ‘Hey I’m attached and this is all that I’m looking for?’” So that’s how Ashley Madison was born. And 4.8 million members later, I guess I was right.

You’ve taken some flack for the site.
That’s an understatement.

What do you say to critics who say you’re encouraging bad behavior?
That’s not fair. We don’t know what the justification for an affair is — we just perceive it as someone is doing something wrong. But we don’t know what’s going on in their lives, and for the most part, adults decide what they want to do. A lot of times these people don’t want to leave, they have extenuating circumstances. They have extended family, financial issues and so they can’t just leave.

People who come to your Web site know what they sign up for, right? They aren’t looking for a serious relationship.
There are people here self-publishing, this is what I want and this is why I’m here. There are people that are in sexless relationships, and they’re not happy any more and they are there for that purpose only. They’re not here looking to trade up. There are some people there who are looking for cyber relationships. But the vast majority of people there are looking for intimacy.

Have you been threatened with a lawsuit by the spouse of any of your members? North Carolina has alienation of affection laws on the books.
I don’t know that I know exactly how that law reads. People have to understand what the law really is and sometimes there are archaic laws on the books. Is it the same thing if someone watches pornography and they’re not with their partner? Can they sue then? We decided a long time ago to stop making people wear a scarlet letter. You’re not going to tether people together when their interests diverge.

Here’s a peek at a banned Ashley Madison TV commercial:

North Carolina is one of the few states that still has alienation of affection laws on the books.

According to Carolinafamilylaw.com:

Alienation of Affection is a legal action (a tort) based on willful and malicious interference with marriage relations by a third party. In a divorce matter, Alienation of Affection actions are often brought along with Criminal Conversations actions.

For a plaintiff spouse to recover for Alienation of Affection, the following elements are required:

• the parties to the marriage were happily married and genuine love and affection existed between them;
• such love and affection was alienated and destroyed; and
• the wrongful and malicious acts of the defendant brought about the loss and alienation of such love and affection.

But if someone can come in and ruin your marriage, is it worth it to go after them in court? Moreover, will it bring your spouse back?

I asked a few random people on the street if they would use this law to get “revenge” on the other woman/man.

Divorced woman said, “Hell no. Yes, my ex cheated on me. But when he left me for her, I thought I should’ve given her a check. My marriage was bad and in the three years since the divorce, my life has been great.”

Single man said, “After I beat the hell out of him for cracking on my woman, I might be the one in court. Seriously, a person can’t steal your woman if she doesn’t want to go. We have free will.”

A newlywed couple said:

He: “If it was someone that I know and that I have talked to about how great my wife is, then yes, I would sue him for stealing her away. But most of the people I know are broke and I wouldn’t get anything in the end.”

She: “That would never happen to us. But if it did, I don’t see how a lawsuit would make it better. All I’d want back is my husband and if he’s been with some slut who stole him away, I’d probably not want to be with him again. He’d have her cooties.”

Maybe we should just accept that a relationship is over and leave the legal wrangling for divorce court.

But in our fair state:

North Carolina juries have handed out big awards in Alienation of Affection cases. In 2001, a Greensboro jury awarded $2 million to the Plaintiff.  Another jury awarded $1.2 million in 1997 in a Forsyth County case.  Other awards include $1 million to an Alamance County woman, $243,000 to a Wake County man, and $40,000 to a Durham County man whose wife allegedly ran off with another man.

And they say money can’t buy you love.

One side note, with popular websites like Adult Friend Finder and Ashley Madison, how long will it be before scorned lovers sue them because their exes logged on and found outside booty?

Ashley Madison, the Web site for people who are married but looking got a lifetime ban from the NFL.

You’d think they were Pacman Jones.

The Web site, which has the tagline, “Life is short, have an affair,” wanted to buy some expensive ad time during the Super Bowl, but was turned down. I guess the NFL is recession proof.

The Super Bowl recently determined that some things go beyond the pale of acceptable advertisements. Ashley Madison, a matchmaking service for people seeking extramarital affairs, was informed that, not only was it not permitted to advertise in the Super Bowl program, but it would not be allowed to advertise in any NFL game program, ever.

Is the NFL afraid that its fans have never heard of married people shagging someone else? Or, that its players and employees haven’t cheated before.

It’s odd that the NFL would say no to Ashley Madison since 90 percent of the most famous Super Bowl commercials have half naked women in them.

People are going to cheat whether they see an ad during the Super Bowl or not. And by the NFL telling Ashley Madison no, they’ve given them the best kind of advertising: free!

Every news outlet is going to talk about this between now and the Super Bowl. Wait until the Inauguration is over; this is going to be the next big story.