Bang Town

If you live in Charlotte, you probably think a good man is hard to find. Although I think a hard man is good to find, I digress.

Guys who have their shit together are few and far between in Charlotte. Those guys who have no drama,  are disease free and childless — know they are in high demand.

Therefore, they are exploring their options. Who can blame them?

But if you don’t want to be someone’s option or a cookie in his package, then follow these steps.

1. Be up front about what you want.

2. Trust what he says about what he wants.

3. Explore your own options. Just because you sleep with a hot guy, it doesn’t mean you want him to be your boyfriend.

4. If you want a serious relationship, say so up front before you get your feelings hurt.

5. Don’t do what you’re not comfortable with. If you don’t want to share, you don’t have to.

Men like variety, as all of my male friends who have cheated or are cheaters keep telling me. Women can experience it too.

Charlotte radio personality Alysse Stewart is back once again with a new episode of On Air With Alysse Stewart — her new Web-based relationship show.

This week Alysse rolls with a show titled “Understanding Men.”

Take a listen to the show by clicking the “play” button on the player below:

Charlotte radio personality Alysse Stewart is back once again with a new episode of On Air With Alysse Stewart — her new Web-based relationship show.

This week Alysse rolls with a show titled “Just Friends.”

Take a listen to the show by clicking the “play” button on the player below:

Charlotte radio personality Alysse Stewart is back once again with a new episode of On Air With Alysse Stewart — her new Web-based relationship show.

This week Alysse comes forward with a show titled “Don’t call me again …”

Take a listen to the show by clicking the “play” button on the player below:

One man. Twenty one kids. Minimum wage job. Eleven baby mamas.

I’m sure most of you have heard or read about this ridiculous story about the 29-year-old man in Tennessee with 21 kids. And if you haven’t … then I need you to read the newspaper, turn on the TV or something!

This foolishness combined with listening to folks whining, kicking and screaming about their baby daddies, baby mamas and ex-boos is killing me. It boils down to one damn thing in my book: Did you do your research before deciding to lie down with that person?

Clearly, somewhere along the line, the process of weeding out folks is missing from today’s dating world.

I am an advocate for this — screening your potential baby daddy/mama/boo/jumpoff or whatever before you proceed in any type of relationship.

“What you mean ‘Meik?”

Let’s hone in on an example: Girl meets boy. Booty call relationship takes off within just a few days. A couple months later, boy decides he doesn’t want to be bothered with girl and throws her the deuces. Oops, girl finds out she is pregnant and then finds out boy has three or four other kids and no job.

Now had said girl screened his ass, she would have known all this information BEFORE she pro-created with him.

The same idea applies to people who are just getting to know each other and are thinking about taking it to the next level.

How do you go about screening folks? You know I love making lists, so here we go:

1. The Internet is the ish plain and simple. Need directions: simply type in the person’s name in a search engine and see what comes up. You may find out that person has been involved in the news in some old “Set it Off” type of ish.

2. Look them up on Facebook, Myspace, or any other social networking Web site … if their page isn’t set to private … pay attention to the types of folks they are friends with and the stuff posted on the page … you can learn a lot and pick up on any red flags.

3. Ya’ll know the Queen City has just a few degrees of separation. Someone is bound to know someone that knows someone. Open your mouth and just ask.

4. There’s nothing wrong with doing a little background check to find out what you could be laying up with. Just like employers do background checks to see who they are employing, think about who you are letting in your personal space and get busy being nosy!

5. Simply taking the time to talk to each other and being honest is one of the best ways to find out what you need to know.

Lesson Learned: A lot of drama can be eliminated if you just take the time to do your research. Screening folks doesn’t take up much time. Dealing with a triflin’ mofo after you decide to take it to the next level is what will eat up time, sweat, blood, tears and make you have bad nerves or even worse … make me put you on blast in mofochronicles (shameless plug).

Whatever happened to the good ole days?

The days where boy meets girl … boy asks girl out … boy calls and confirms date with girl … boy picks girl up … they go out … boy takes girl home … and the cycle repeats until the next step is taken and, well, we’re all grown. Figure it out.

The official art of courtship … is now “dead and gone” — just like T.I. and Justin Timberlake’s song.

Recent events over the past few months (hell, make that years) during my stay in the Q.C. has forced my hand to write this blog.

Something clearly is missing in the lives of the men in our generation, and I’m not pointing fingers. But I’m guessing its either how they were raised, their environment or simply put, it’s the crew they hang around.

Or if we dig a little deepe,r it’s actually part of the fact that this generation has lost the art of the “follow through” — aka “do what you say you are going to damn do.”

What does that mean Meik?

Lemme break it down a little further for those on the slow bus: These days this is how it goes: Boy meets girl … boy talks a good game and even makes plans with girl … boy fails to call to cancel or reschedule and girl is left looking like boo boo the damn fool.

Don’t get me wrong, it definitely goes both ways, but this is my blog so we’re focusing on the men today.

I don’t know if we need to blame the triflin’ chicks who ENABLE this behavior and pat these fellows on the back, and then reward them with the peach cobbler. (And I ain’t referring to the dessert.) But some of us have standards and this ish just CANNOT fly.

You wouldn’t do that ish in a professional setting so why in your personal life?

It’s really quite simple how to handle things:

1. If you don’t like a person, TELL THEM (well, in a nice way of course). How hard can it be to be up front and honest and tell someone you just aren’t feeling them?

2. If you have been asked to go on a date and you don’t wanna go, don’t agree to the ish; that eliminates the lies that I oh so despise.

3. If you just aren’t interested in anything but a booty call SAY IT. You can fix your mouth to say other ish. Don’t be scared now. Man-up and be up front.

4. All that rescheduling ish — and you know damn well you had no plans to go to begin with — why? Why waste folks time? Again, just tell the person that you just really aren’t feeling them.

5. If you’re sitting back waiting on a better offer, hell, do that then. But just have the common courtesy to let the other person know you dont want to be bothered because you waiting on your dream jumpoff to call.

Lesson Learned: Communication is key and without it, all you have is a bunch of misunderstandings, hurt feelings and if you’re lucky enough to pick the right crazy fool, you may end up with a few flat tires. My advice: Stop stringing folks along if you aren’t interested and put forth an effort in the ones you are interested in.

After reading an article about going dutch on the Frisky, it got me thinking about dating and gender roles. Women, we have ourselves to blame. Howman magazine articles tell us to ask a man out, buy him a drink and make the first move.

We’ve become the hunters, then we complain when the check comes and he doesn’t make a move for his wallet. If you asked him out, then you should expect to pay. End of discussion.

If you two were set up by a friend, said friend should’ve armed you both with gift cards or cash.

If your mama is so set on you getting married and giving her grandkids, she needs to hand over the credit card for dinner and a trip to Adam and Eve.

Dating isn’t hard, we make it difficult because we over think everything.

Over the years, dating experts and daters have said going to the movies on a first date isn’t a good thing to do. And that’s true if you go to a picture on opening weekend. It’s going to be crowded and people around you will frown on you and your date talking (or doing something else) during the movie.

But you can make a movie date work for you. First, make sure the person you’re dating isn’t a movie buff. Dating someone who thinks silence is really golden at the cineplex will ruin the fun.

Next, pick a movie that everyone has already watched or a film that no one wants to see. You and your date will more than likely be alone in the dark. Popcorn is optional. If the movie theater is empty, take a seat at the top of the theater. Then you can talk, kiss, stroke or do whatever without worry that you’ll get caught. Of course this only works in stadium seating.

You may not remember what movie you and your date saw, but will get a chance to act like a kid again and what can be better than that?

And if you want to save money, go to the movies during the day then hit up a park afterwards to continue the conversation or whatever.

It’s almost Valentine’s Day and if you want to take your date out and don’t want to wait hours and hours for dinner or pay a lot of money, here are five everyday places where you won’t find a wait on Saturday.

1. McDonald’s.

I bet you’re thinking, Sally, you’ve lost your damned mind. Maybe. But you can make a date at McDonald’s sweet. Remind your love of the times you two used to meet there when you were younger, that is if you’re in a long time relationship. If your relationship is newer, tell your partner that you wanted to keep today simple and sweet. Order a milkshake or a sundae and share it. After leaving McDonald’s (weather permitting) head to a park for a walk.

2. The lake at University Place.

If the beautiful weather we’ve been having holds out, a nice stroll along the lake is a great way to connect on Valentine’s Day. You and your partner can talk and destress. Exercise also releases pheromones.

3. Center of the Earth Art Gallery.

Walking around an art gallery and pointing at the different works of art will give you a glimpse inside your partner’s mind. Center of the Earth in NoDa has loads of different types of art. It’s going to be a fun time.

4. Check out the erotica section in a local book store.

This is self-explainatory. After reading some steamy passages in these books, you and your mate will be rushing home to rip each other’s clothes off.

5. Get some street meat.

Head into Uptown late Valentine’s night and share a hot dog with your sweetie. Uptown Charlotte at night is a totally different place and watching your woman (or man) eat a hot dog, might cause your nature to rise in an unexpected way.

The economy is so far in the tank that Ford didn’t produce a Mustang commercial last night during the Super Bowl.

So, that got me thinking: How do you still date in a recession? (If it seems like a big jump, just know that everything always goes back to getting some.)

Every date can’t be sitting on your sofa watching TV. That’s going to cause your dearest to consider playing the field again.

An MSN article has a few suggestions. The sexiest one is:

Just have coffee and dessert. “It’s romantic to share your food, and women love to linger over chocolate while gazing into their lovers’ eyes,” says relationship coach Kathy Stafford. Of course, the tricky part about this is how one goes about scheduling a coffee-and-dessert date without actually having dinner. Since neither of you will want to clean the dishes after dating tip #1, above, this may be a good way to a) avoid your responsibilities and b) show that you still have some folding money.

Also, you can help a struggling coffee company **cough** Starbucks**cough** stay open in your quest to get some booty without looking cheap.

Ben McCoy of 236.com, has even better tips.

When it comes to drinking on dates, and saving money, I have a few suggestions. First of all, let’s go for the Keira Knightley approach. No one gets more intoxicated quicker then a skinny bitch. So I suggest skipping breakfast and dinner, and just heading straight to the drinking on your date. Your partner will mistake your hunger for wide-eyed attentiveness.

And then there is this gem:

Another tip is to simply go out earlier. Happy hour is a great way to double up on the drinking without exaggerating the price. When it comes to dating however, no body likes a Scrimpy McScrimperstein, or Ebenezer Scrooge. So practice your skills in fiction and say that your schedule has been so trying lately, or that you have an important audition/meeting with an editor/photoshoot to do the next day and can’t stay out too late, but still wanted to spend time with your date. Not only will you sound more accomplished and like you actually have a job and a life, but you’ll do less damage to your bank account without seeming so blatantly cheap.

Keeping your date short in a recession saves money and builds desire, according to the folks at Datingonline.org.

Keep Her Wanting More – Whether you’re having a great time or a disastrous first date, make sure the date doesn’t stretch out too long. Less is more. It’s better to leave your date wanting more. If you’re having a horrible first date, it’s better you just tell her that the two of you obviously aren’t made for each other, and why not just call off the date. It’s cheaper, but you also let her off the hook and retain your dignity. She’ll respect you for that much, at least. If she’s been rude, insulting or obviously disinterested, then there’s no reason for you to waste anymore or your time and money. Things won’t get better. If things are going well, ending the date a little early retains the mystery. Mention to her you enjoyed her company – end bad dates quick – cut your losses – don’t mess around – if she’s rude, insulting or disinterested, just call it of.

So, where do you take your date in the Q.C.? Let’s face it, Uptown was pricey before.

First thing, find spots that are on the light rail line. Riding Lynx at night can be romantic and sexy. Just realize that there are cameras watching you. No need to make a sex tape you can’t watch.

Explore NoDa during a gallery crawl. Even if you don’t like art, you will look cultured and many galleries have free wine and cheese. SouthEnd, which is on the train line, also has gallery crawl.

Go the the museum. The Charlotte Museum has free days and you can add more fun by finding a spot to have a PDA. The trick is not to get caught or carried away.

Want a cheap, but interesting meal? Hit a taco stand on the corner of just about any Charlotte street. Better get there before 9 p.m. though.

And after you do all of that, then you can say you need a massage or offer to give one. Before you know it, everyone’s naked and having sex.