Blurbex

I’m moving this weekend, so yesterday afternoon I took some time to call and schedule my cable and power services to be transferred to my new address.

I started by calling Bright House Networks first, only because it was at the top of the list of customer service phone numbers I compiled a few days ago. The process of scheduling a technician to come out early next week to plug me into the World Wide Web and my digital cable only took about 10 minutes. Sweet. Moving on.

Next up, I called Progress Energy Florida. That call started out fine but ended really weird.

After going through the menu options to ensure that my call was transferred to the proper department, I placed the order with Kyle (a real person as far as could tell). Kyle took only a few minutes to set up the order and then he transferred me to Allconnect, a trusted Progress Energy partner, to confirm and complete my order.

Instead of speaking to an actual person, as I was foolishly expecting, I was assisted by a computer cleverly disguised as a real man who went over my order with me and took down my email address to send my confirmation number and some “valuable” coupons.

I was struck by how life-like he (it??) seemed. It was like talking to a real person who wasn’t reading from a script. It’s a very sophisticated system.

When I gave him (it) my email address I didn’t spell it out as instructed, but first spoke it out of habit. Nonetheless, he (it) got it right the first time. He (it) actually spelled it correctly when he (it) read it back to me, which was impressive because I have an underscore in my email address and when I give it to an actual person I usually have to explain what an underscore is and how to make one using a keyboard. This fellow (thing) was on top of it, which is more impressive from a voice-recognition aspect than a keyboard-using aspect since he (it) is a computer and likely has a keyboard as a part of his (its) body (plus, I heard typing as I was talking to him/it).

Then things got awkward.

After the business of confirming the transfer of my power service was completed he (it) asked if I wanted to go ahead and take care of getting my cable and phone service ordered. I told him (it) I wasn’t interested.

He (it) paused, and in a barely-concealed dejected tone, asked me why I wasn’t interested.

I told him (it) I don’t need phone service because I only use a cell phone and I had already called and placed an order to transfer my cable service.

He (it) tried again to convince me that he (it) would love to help me get my additional services connected, and all in one phone call at that.

I told him (it) again I was good. I had already called for what I needed transferred and wasn’t interested in obtaining any services I didn’t already have. I was about to explain that I got rid of my land-based phone service a couple years ago because it was costing me money I could no longer justify spending for an inferior service I never used. Now I only use a cell phone.

Then it hit me that I was talking to a damn computer. He (it) was so lifelike I didn’t initially realize I could hang up on him (it) and not feel like a rude prick. But the weird thing was that even after I realized this I still didn’t hang up.

After his (its) last feeble effort to help me with some additional services, he (it) ended the call by telling me to have a nice day.

“You too, man,” I replied before I could even stop myself.

Then I hung up feeling a little disturbed … and stupid.

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