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They’re sex on the half-shell. The classic aphrodisiac. Just the thought of those glistening gobs of mollusk muscle sliding down your throat is enough to send a shudder through Pfizer. But can oysters be too sexy?

Well, sure. Just like with humans, an oyster’s unhealthy fixation on its own naughty bits are sure to bring chafing, hairy palms and STDs. “Oh, that’s just a cold sore!” Sure, you pretty little huitre plate, you keep telling yourself that.

According to Reuters, oyster herpes actually kills the little guys — to the tune of 40-100% in most French cultivating beds this year — instead of merely making them social outcasts whose only goal is to spread the disease through lies and casual sex. Apparently, the cause is simple – when the weather is warm and there’s plenty of food, oysters spend all their available energy pumping up their sexual organs at the expense of their immune systems. Hard to blame ‘em.

Brilliant reporting Reuters, by the way. No mention at all whether infected oysters can transfer their seaborne herpes to people who down them with a nice Sancerre and capable mignonette. Nobody’d be interested in that, I imagine.

Recently, Todd English (celeb chef and owner of about 1 metric bazillion restaurants) called Peruvian cuisine “the next big thing.” Bon Appetit’s new food blog quickly weighed in, declaring it a trend that needs an ambassador, and pointing to Peruvian celeb chef Gaston Acurio as — possibly — the face that could launch a thousand tiraditos.

I hate to say I told you so, but Sarasota chef Darwin Santa Maria of oft-lauded Selva Grill made the same prediction about Peruvian food almost a year ago right here in CL’s blogs. Sarasota is home to no less than four decent Peruvian joints. Only question is: what about the Bay area? Know any great places to grab some ceviche, causa and sauces laced with glorious aji pepper?

(Thanks to Grub Street.)

You shelled out a car payment for those high-end pots and pans I talk about in today’s Essential Kitchen Gear, so you better take steps to protect your investment. Although you might be tempted to grab the steel wool or belt sander the next time you have to remove a layer of solidified bacon grease or burned sugar from that formerly gleaming stainless steel, just put the power tools down. It doesn’t have to be that way.

For stainless steel cookware, typical dish soap and water will take care of daily use – and you can even throw most brands in the dishwasher — but you’ll want to have an abrasive cleanser on hand. Don’t scrub with anything metal and stay away from harsh powders and liquids like Comet or Soft Scrub; those will clean well enough but could scratch the surface of your beautiful pans. (more…)

Apparently, the culinary world does not stop when your CL Food Editor steps out for a little staycation. Here’s your guide to the wide world of food for the past 10 days.

How is it that a barely-funded series of web shorts produced during the writers’ strike manages to be better than just about everything aired on TV?

Part of the reason is Joss Whedon, the man behind Dr. Horrible’s Sing-Along Blog. Whedon — of Buffy, Firefly and Serenity fame — is known for snappy dialogue, engaging stories and a keen talent for creating fan buzz. Last week he released Dr. Horrible with little fanfare, posting three fifteen-minute episodes throughout the week. You could view them for free on the Dr. Horrible site, but only through last Sunday.

Now they’re $1.99 each on iTunes. And worth every penny.

There’s nothing new to this comic tale of a nascent super-villain trying to make it into the big leagues, but when that story is told with Whedon’s flair for dialogue, a half-dozen musical numbers and the comedy genius of Neil Patrick Harris in the starring role, it’s gold. Whedon regular Nathan Filion plays Captain Hammer — the doctor’s arch-nemesis — with oblivious, scene-eating verve and the entire production manages to be slick and humble at the same time.

That might be the ultimate appeal of Dr. Horrible. The countless home-made video blogs and shorts posted on Youtube and the like create an aura of low expectations for web films, making it easy for Whedon and crew to surpass the perceived potential at every step. The actors are better than the script, the script is better than the plot and the plot is good enough to generate some pathos and interest. Most of the laughs come from obvious slapstick or surprise — the head of the League of Evil is a villain called Bad Horse (the Thoroughbred of the Apocalypse), silently played by an actual horse in the show’s final scene — but they work.

Experience has trained all of us to know in our bones that 99% of online entertainment is pure crap. Maybe the real lesson in Dr. Horrible is that a skilled storyteller and some out-of-work production pros can turn those lowered expectations into honest-to-goodness blockbuster fun.

Now that the 3G iPhone is up and running (sort of), you can make use of it’s brand new, true GPS system to do more than just get directions and illegally track people. Why not use it to find some food?

It’s hard not to love the New Yorker’s Shouts & Murmurs — erudite humor that speaks to the, well, you know, the more-than-common man.

This week features a culinary guide to passive aggressive appetizers perfect for any gathering. Best snippet: “Have you ever noticed how sun-dried tomatoes and top-grade peyote look exactly the same? Not a suggestion, really. Just saying.”

Last week I laid some groundwork for this year’s World Series of Poker Main Event, how Harrah’s planned to halt play once they got down to the final table of nine people until November in order to jack up mainstream media interest and let ESPN’s not-so-live TV coverage catch up. Let the media frenzy begin.

The WSOP Main Event started July 3, with 6,844 people ponying up the $10,000 to participate, resulting in a prize pool of $64,333,600. Anyone who managed to beat out more than ten percent of the field managed to take home some dough, starting at $21,230 at 666th place. At 3:30 a.m. this morning, Michigan pro Dean Hamrick was in the uncomfortable position of being knocked out at 10th place, resulting in a booby prize of almost $600k.

The final nine received a payout of $900k — the minimum they will be winning once play resumes — and a 117 day vacation that they’ll likely spend negotiating endorsement deals, studying opponents and training, training, training. $900k is a lot, but 1st place will take home over $9 million, along with an easy, almost-guaranteed lifetime income as a sponsored pro. There are a few amateurs, a few pros, a mix of ages, and five different countries represented among the surviving few. All men, though, as the final female player was eliminated in 17th place.

Locally, our own former CL columnist (and current traitor) Jaden Hair got a little windfall from the WSOP. Her husband Scott (that’s him looking stern in the pic) — a good online poker player — managed to ride a short stack into the money for a cool $27k, finishing 466th when his pocket aces got two-outed by pocket queens. Bad beat, Scott. And Jaden, out of respect for you, I refrained from making a joke about “riding the short stack”.

Read over on Serious Eats that Starbucks will introduce a new line of “Vivannos” starting tomorrow. Don’t know what a Vivanno is? Time to add a word to your Starbucks lexicon of pseudo-Mediterranean new-speak: Vivanno = smoothie.

After years of not trying, those Seattle-ish coffee merchants are really scrambling, aren’t they? Heck, I’m all for it. Anything beats that left-in-the-oven-for-days flavor of the corporate giant’s burnt coffee.

Rocky Aoki, creator of the Benihana restaurant chain and the vaudevillean-style of American teppan-yaki cuisine, died last week. He led an amazing life that rivals anything Richard Branson might try. Check it out.

It’s too late for you to cash in on the more than $180 million dollars in prize money handed out by this year’s World Series of Poker, but for anyone who wants to follow the action online or catch the ESPN coverage starting July 22, here’s a primer on the richest event in “sports”.

The WSOP got its start in 1970 when poker player and casino entrepreneur Benny Binion hosted the event at his Binion’s Horseshoe Casino in downtown Las Vegas. For the first decade or so, only a handful of entrants ponied up the $5,000 (soon to rise to $10k) for the Main Event tournament. Winners were a short list of the most talented and storied gamblers of the time – Johnny Moss, “Amarillo Slim” Preston, Doyle Brunson – most of whom just attended the tournament for the juicy cash games that took place after hours.

Although the tournament grew steadily through the ‘80s and ‘90s, it wasn’t until the turn of the century that competitive poker exploded into the American psyche. Online poker sites started running satellite tournaments to the WSOP Main Event. Winners of those tournaments received the $10,000 entry fee and travel money. Then, in 2003, a miracle happened when an amateur poker player and internet qualifier with the unlikely name Chris Moneymaker won the tournament, parlaying a $39 online tournament into $2.5 million dollars and poker history.

What followed was an unprecedented boom at the WSOP. Participation doubled in 2004, when another internet poker hobbyist – “Fossilman” Greg Raymer – took home the Main Event title, then rose dramatically in 2005. By 2006, almost 9,000 people entered the WSOP Main Event, resulting in a prize pool of over $80 million dollars; first place took home $12 million. (more…)

From our man in Sarasota, Justin Richards:

Before some friends and I tried flavor tripping for the first time, I’ll admit I had some unrealistic expectations. I thought the newly popularized miracle fruit would make my palate go temporarily insane; olives would taste like licorice, rice would taste like pudding, soap would taste like marmalade. We’d be licking the ambrosial sweat from each other’s armpits!

This past weekend, a friend from Ft. Lauderdale bought berries (at $3 each) from a local horticulturist, and seven of us prepared a smorgasbord. We each chewed a berry, swished it around in our mouths for a minute, then began to taste.

First, we did lemons and limes. Some said they tasted like tangerines, but there was more to the flavor than that: essence-of-lime without the sourness. We sliced them up and squeezed them one after another into our mouths.

“It has buttery notes!” said the person next to me.

Heineken became very drinkable on the miracle fruit. Some of the tasters thought it evoked cream soda. One friend suggested writing a letter to the brewer: “Dear Heineken, we had to pay $3 to enjoy your beer.”

Ranch dressing tasted like custard.

Bordeaux tasted like Riesling.

Goat cheese tasted like cream cheese.

Dubliner cheese tasted like a milder cheese.

Tequila tasted like tequila. (Tequila will not be moved.)

As you can see, the flavor conversions weren’t as wild as I’d thought they’d be. (more…)

Have you ever seen Food Party? Uhm, just watch…

For more, head here.

It’s arguable that Marvel Comics’ Ultimates series — a modern re-tool of the classic Avengers team — is the biggest breadwinner the company has seen in years. Not the actual comic books, really, since we know that print comics still don’t enjoy mainstream success. These days, the money is all at the movies.

First came a series of successful animated DVDs. Then, when the company took over production of their officially licensed movies with Iron Man and Hulk (2008), it announced that most of the next 5 years of big-screen comic features will be devoted to the slate of characters on the Ultimates team, with another Iron Man movie, a Captain America feature and a blow-out movie featuring the entire Avengers line-up. And, considering the quality of the first few Ultimates comics series — and the box-office success of Iron Man and the Hulk — it was a good move. Samuel Jackson as Nick Fury? That’s how he was drawn in the Ultimates years before these movies were mentioned.

But then why would you kill the goose that laid the golden egg? I’m not saying that Marvel is canceling the Ultimates comic. On the contrary, I wish they would. (more…)

Fireworks? Barbecue? Boston Pops? A celebration of independence? Bah!

As far as I’m concerned, the Fourth of July begins and ends on Coney Island, at the Nathan’s Famous World Hot Dog Eating Contest. For 93 years, people have been lining up to see this freakish intersection of speed and gluttony, fascinated and appalled by the enormous capacity of today’s competitive eaters. Last year, professional gurgitator Joey Chestnut performed a feat reminiscent of the Miracle On Ice, defeating six-time world champ and seemingly unstoppable force Takeru Kobayashi. Not only did Chestnut soundly beat the diminutive Japanese competitor, he set a new world record by eating 66 dogs and buns in just 12 minutes, 11 more than the previous top score.

Don’t think you can just show up and join the fun; these days you have to win a qualifying contest to enter the Nathan’s Championship. Go to the International Federation of Competitive Eating to check out other upcoming events, and get tips on how the pros do their grotesque thing.

St. Pete’s own Dairy Inn will also hold their, much more relaxed competition on July 4th, starting at 11:30 a.m. Stop by the restaurant to pick up an entry form, along with a great burger and a shake.

You can also read my piece on competitive eating to get a little more background, as well as a glimpse into my own mercifully brief foray into the stomach-stretching arts.

Scared to send your child out of the house for hours at a time to run off their summer vacation energy? Now you’ve got something else to fear.

According to a NYT article, kindergarten and 1st grade kids put on body mass two to three times faster during the summer, compared to the school year. Some of that has to do with the lack of scheduled eating and activity enforced by schools, some has to do with sitting around watching TV and playing video games. Sadly, kids who need to gain weight also did better during the school year, putting on more mass, likely thanks to the almost-guaranteed offer of two-to-three squares a day from the government.

School cafeteria food may not be ideal, but Sarasota has the right attitude to help kids with nutrition. Pinellas and Hillsborough are a little behind the curve.

The Florida Sun-Sentinel has a truly awe-inspiring series of retro cereal box photos posted on their website. Sure, there’s Quisp and and Mr. T cereal, but there are also many I’ve never heard of. Cap’n Crunch’s Punch Crunch. Grins & Smiles & Giggles & Laughs. And, perhaps my very favorite, Crunchy Loggs.

Makes me want to go out and buy whatever movie tie-in cereal is currently available. Maybe Indy’s Crunchy Skulls, or Get Smart Shoe Puffs, or Love Guru Fruity Genitalia. Mmm, artificially-flavored corn-puff penises.

If that’s not enough, here’s another good resource for retro cereal packaging, and another, and this one that’s a tad too high concept to be useful, but interesting nonetheless.

Hogs are running wild in 37 states. Florida is one of them, with the second largest population of wild porkers in the country. Why worry about a few feral pigs? They eat just about anything and can clear the ground of native plant and animal species at an alarming rate, wrecking the ecosystems of acres of protected land in a very short time. More development just means a higher density of hogs on undeveloped land. And they’re mean som’ bitches.

Check out these stats that show how Sarasota deals with its porcine problem. Yep, 2 trappers bag over 1,000 hogs every year, just in the SRQ. That might be a drop in the bucket of Florida’s pork population, but it sure is some tasty huntin’.

Thanks to reader Erica comes news of this local “natural” wonder from Tate Brothers Pizza on Davis Island. No word yet if it will be included in alongside modern monuments like the Eiffel Tower or the Golden Gate Bridge, but we’ll see. Better yet, you can own it for approximately pocket change.

Best part of the description -

“This continent is flavored with a mild wing sauce and has been frozen in carbonite to protect its value.”

Second best part -

“We DO NOT Reccomend eating this. It’s for display purposes only.”

Yeah, I don’t recommend eating these things even when they aren’t shaped like Africa and shipped cross-country.

Can demonstration cooking sell-out a stadium? Probably not, but considering how much people shelled out for Food Network’s old lady, uhm, Grande Dame last week, Top Chef’s tour of 20 cities might generate a little buzz. I think it’ll depend on who the “four cheftestants” turn out to be. Anyone buying a ticket — Sept. 20, here in Tampa — for a Lisa, Mark, Nimma and Nikki cook-a-long? Me neither.