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That’s the doomsday message in a current Time magazine article entitled, ominously, “Is Florida the Sunset State?” (sunshine, sunset, ha) and subheaded with a litany of the state’s troubles: “Water Crisis, Mortgage Fraud, Political Dysfunction, Algae Polluted Beaches, Declining Crops, Failing Public Schools, Foreclosures.”

We’re the state that has it all!

Author Michael Grunwald allows that the winters are nice, and has a conversation with Gov. Crist that brightens his outlook a bit, comparing the guv to “human Prozac.” But the overall tone is grim, ending with the  point that Florida may know how to grow, but has yet to learn how to grow up.

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Tyson Gay, Olympic sprinter, has a problematic last name — at least for the anti-gay American Family Association, whose practice of replacing “gay” with   “homosexual” in news reports has led to some big fun. The ramifications of AFA’s filter problems are detailed on the Poynter Institute’s E-Media Tidbits blog, the Sleuth blog at washingtonpost.com and Jock Talk at outsports.com. As Poynter points out, be sure to read the comments.

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That word comes up a lot in my interview with Beth Littrell, the Lambda Legal attorney who is representing Janice Langbehn in her suit against a Miami hospital. As I mentioned in a previous post, Jackson Memorial Hospital denied Langbehn access to her dying partner, Lisa Marie Pond, because Langbehn was not a “family member” — even though she and Pond were in an 18-year relationship, were raising four kids together and had the paperwork to prove it. The fine folks at ImGay.TV taped my conversation with Littrell during the opening-night reception for last week’s St. Pete Pride weekend. Besides proving once and for all that stripes aren’t slimming (on me, at least), the tape offers useful detail, as explained by the articulate Ms. Littrell, about the background and status of the case. See if you don’t agree with both of us that what happened to Langbehn was “outrageous.”

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The St. Pete-based theater troupe formerly known as Quirky White Chick Productions has announced it is changing its name to Economic Stimulus Productions, because, they announced in a press release today, “Producers Julie Rowe and T. Scott Wooten decided against buying plasma-screen-HD-television-sets and instead pooled their tax rebate checks together to produce live theatre.” The result, they are proud to announce, is “performance art fully funded by the United States Government.”

It’s W’s worst nightmare! But EcStim isn’t talking about performance art à la Karen Finley, she who rubbed foodstuffs all over herself and caused an NEA ruckus some years back. What EcStim is doing is cabaret, but cabaret with a subversive twist: it’s a revue of songs by the master of the sardonic song lyric, Tom Lehrer. From “Poisoning Pigeons in the Park” to “The Vatican Rag” to “The Masochism Tango,” Lehrer’s songs still pack a satirical wallop even though they date back to the 1960s. Come to think of it, George might like old Tom even less than Karen and her comestibles.

EcStim’s An Evening Wasted with the Songs of Tom Lehrer will be performed July 23-26 at 11 p.m. at American Stage in downtown St. Petersburg. It’s a pay-what-you-can arrangement, so it’s up to you how much of your rebate check you want to spend on live theater.

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The St. Pete Pride weekend kicked off last night with A Taste of Pride, a reception at Nova 535, where I got a chance to talk with Janice Langbehn, the grand marshal of Saturday’s parade. Langbehn seems a bit abashed by the lofty title, but her story needs to be told, and the Pride organizers made a brilliant political decision in helping to draw renewed attention to that story this week.

In Miami last year, Langbehn was about to embark on a cruise with her partner of 18 years, Lisa Marie Pond, and three of their four adopted children, when Pond suffered a brain aneurysm and was taken to Jackson Memorial Hospital. According to a lawsuit filed Wednesday against the hospital, the staff “refused to accept information from Langbehn regarding Pond’s medical history, informing her that she was in an antigay city and state and that she could expect to receive no information or acknowledgment as family.” Langbehn and her children were denied access to Pond for nearly eight hours. When the family was finally allowed to see her, the priest was administering last rites. Langbehn, with the help of Lambda Legal, is now suing the hospital and staffers for “negligent infliction of emotional distress.”

What happened to Langbehn — a heartless, by-the-book bureaucratic foul-up if there ever was one — could become even more commonplace after November’s election. If demagogues convince Florida voters that a same-sex marriage ban, already a law, should also be enshrined in the state constitution, the same thing could happen to anyone in Florida who defines family as other than one man/ one woman in a state-approved union. Unmarried heterosexual couples, senior citizens living together as companions, committed same-sex partners raising a family in relationships lasting 10, 20, 50 years — all of them would be at risk of being treated the same way as Janice Langbehn was treated.

Only if Amendment 2 passes, it won’t be just boneheaded hospital staffers denying people their civil rights. It’ll be the Florida Constitution.

If for no other reason than to show the world that you don’t want that to happen, march in the Pride parade Saturday and show your support for a grand marshal who deserves all the support we can give.

Later this week, I’ll be posting my interview, captured on ImGay.TV, with Lambda Legal’s Beth Littrell, who’s handling Langbehn’s case. And on Saturday, look for Creative Loafing staffers, including myself, riding the Azalea fire truck in the parade and handing out copies of the Openly Gay Issue and special CL “branded” condoms — much better than “beeeeaaaads.” And check out CL’s booth at 25th & Central.

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My father lives in Brewster, Massachusetts, and just celebrated his 90th birthday. As you might expect, he’s a big Red Sox fan. But even up in Red Sox Nation, the Rays are raising eyebrows. Here’s my father’s take (sent to me via email) on a recent Rays/ Marlins blowout:
“Rays scored almost as many runs as there were fans in the stands last night. I wonder if your area deserves such a fine team? Will the attendance improve next week when the Red Sox come to town?”
Um, yes. Because the stands, sadly, will be filled with Red Sox fans.

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Creative Loafing edit staffers came away with five prizes on Saturday in the 2008 Sunshine State Awards, the statewide journalism competition sponsored by the South Florida Pro chapter of the Society of Professional Journalists. Political Editor Wayne Garcia won three awards: first place in election reporting for his series “The Next President“; second place in serious column writing/ commentary for three installments of his column “Political Whore“; and third place in local political/ government reporting for “The Athletic Supporter.” Staff Writer Alex Pickett took second place in serious feature reporting for “Second Life“; and Food Editor Brian Ries took third in food/beverage writing for “The Food Stamp Diet.” SPJ reports that more than 1,000 entries were submitted this year from print, broadcast and online journalists; the Miami Herald took the most prizes, with the Tampa Tribune coming in second. The St. Pete Times’ Eric Deggans took the top prize in criticism for his writings about media.

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Friendly Fisherman’s still in the lead, so if you’re a FoFF (Friend of Friendly Fisherman), get in there and seal the deal with your final votes. But if you want to see another waterfront spot get its due, now’s your chance: Voting closes at the end of the day today, May 28. Find your ballot here.

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Emily Gould, blog diva supreme, late of Gawker, appeared on the cover of the NY Times mag this weekend in a come-hither glam pose that may have been intended ironically, but nonetheless seemed to undercut her professed disenchantment with exposing herself online. Still, she’d probably cop to the contradiction, if this passage is any indication:

The will to blog is a complicated thing, somewhere between inspiration and compulsion. It can feel almost like a biological impulse. You see something, or an idea occurs to you, and you have to share it with the Internet as soon as possible. What I didn’t realize was that those ideas and that urgency — and the sense of self-importance that made me think anyone would be interested in hearing what went on in my head — could just disappear.

But that passage made me wonder: Is this what makes a successful blog click with readers? The sense of spontaneity, of observations recorded on the fly, particularly if they reveal something personal about the blogger? Do the same requirements apply to a news blog? Where some reflection (or at least some research) would seem to be required? Or is the quickest route to massive hits a recipe of snark, gossip, self-revelation and impassioned opinion? And if so, what’s any of that got to do with news?

Just some questions I’m pondering as we make a concerted effort (have you noticed?) to post more on our respective CL blogs. Emily, by the way, drew 1216 comments, last count, on the NYTimes site.

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Tried to find the SI issue with the much-hyped cartoon-style cover yesterday, but the clerk at the South Pasadena CVS told me they’d long ago sold out — and that customers had told her they couldn’t find a copy anywhere in Pinellas. Anyone actually own a copy of this about-to-be-a-collector’s item? And does this mean Tampa Bay is actually beginning to (gasp) care? Even though Monday’s crowd was the lowest in the majors?

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Anyone else DVR Am Idol tonight and have the recording end - with utterly laughable bad timing - exactly at the moment that Seafoam was about to announce the name of the winner?

Not that you missed much. I watched Fox News (!) to find out who won, and caught an excerpt of the song which Cook was forced to perform as the new Idol. Snooze. But how could anyone have topped George Michael channeling his inner Christopher Walken? Donna Summer channeling her inner drag queen? And…. ZZ Top??? (Actually, kind of liked ZZ Top. Evander Preston, you’ve still go it!)

Speaking of Fox News, what’s the deal with seat-counting at the Barack Obama rally? Fox reported that the 20,000 seats at the Forum were full. CL’s Wayne Garcia and ABC Action News’ Brendan McLaughlin reported 15,000.

For truly interesting numbers, you have to go back to Am Idol.

The number of votes cast was 97.5 million, which means it’s official: America, you’ve got too much time on your hands.

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A woman can win. Even if her opponent is a wildly popular dashingly handsome tall African-American man.

OK, it’s just Dancing with the Stars, and the woman is a former Olympics figure skater (Kristi Yamaguchi) and the man is a professional football player (Jason Taylor).

But what do you wanna bet Hillary will take it as a sign?

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OK, got a nice comment on Undertow - but still just 1 % after more than a thousand votes? And no love for Oystercatchers? Swigwam? Crazy Conch? The Hurricane? Beach bums, get in there and vote, or your favorite hangouts will never get the respect they deserve!

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The friends of Friendly Fisherman in John’s Pass are voting up a storm in our Best Waterfront Bar/ Restaurant race. Frenchy’s Rockaway Grill and Rick’s on the River are putting up a fight, too. But no fans for Oystercatchers? Cafe Dufrain? Sloppy Joe’s? Fresco’s? To vote for your favorites, scroll down or click here.

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(Above: Honda Grand Prix winner Graham Rahal, the author’s grandsons David and Sam - the latter a little miffed because his brother, not he, had just caught one of Rahal’s autographed caps - and an unidentified fan, also hoping for souvenirs. All photos by David Biddle.)

If you’re a complete ignoramus when it comes to auto racing, it helps to have with you as your guide and your photographer a complete racing freak. My partner’s son David is just such a freak, and my first experience at the Honda Grand Prix (gotta get those brand names in – the Grand Prix is nothing if not an intensely branded event) benefited immeasurably by having him on hand to interpret.
After our edifying encounter with Gene Simmons, we spent the next day at the Acura Sports Car Challenge, part of the American Le Mans Series, or ALMS (“Alms! Alms! Alms for the poor!”). Though essentially just the pre-show to the main event on Sunday, the ALMS race proved useful as a way for me, racing dumbass, to pick the brain of David, racing connoisseur. He showed me a lot, and also took pictures of it.
Some of these pictures were of merely prurient interest (for me, not for David) Like this one (below) of Penske driver Ryan Briscoe, who makes a good argument for orange jumpsuits. Which brings me to an important point for all potential race-car fans of the female or gay persuasion: The eye-candy factor. Between the drivers and the firemen and the weekend jocks, well, you need to attend more races, honey, I’m tellin’ you.
But David, being knowledgeable, was also able to spot some historic moments which had no (well, only a little) prurient interest, like this meeting (below) of race-car royalty: Michael Andretti, his son Marco and racing godfather Roger Penske.

(more…)

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Doesn’t sound like such a great idea since that Celebrity Apprentice thing, does it? But that’s what we got the other night in St. Pete. Or rather, that’s what my 10-year-old grandson David got.

On Friday night, Grand Prix Eve, we were on the verge of getting a table for six at St. Pete hotspot Parkshore Grill when the hostess told us, “I’m so sorry. Gene Simmons just took your table.” It was kind of an honor, in a perverse way, to have your table swiped out from under you by a quasi-celebrity, and since Gene Simmons was apparently the only quasi-celebrity other than the drivers to show up for race weekend (no Dempsey, no Letterman), this qualified as a brush with semi-greatness.
But David, the grandson, wanted more than just a brush. An aspiring rock star, he took it upon himself to ask the long-tongued one for some gen-yoo-wine rock-star counsel.
After we’d been seated at our own table for six, David went in search of Simmons’ table and proceeded to interview him.
“Excuse me, Mr. Simmons, I don’t mean to interrupt your dinner, but I just got my first electric guitar and I have my own band called Lack of Focus, and do you have any tips?”
Simmons, in his sans-KISS-makeup, bushy-black-hair, reality-TV persona, paused for a few seconds and answered, politely, “First off, change the name of the band to L.O.F., because Lack of Focus is really kind of long, and when you’re signing papers, you don’t want it to be long.” Then he asked, “How many people are in your band?” David told him four, not including himself.
“OK,” he said. “That’s a good amount. What kind of music are you going to play?”
“Kind of like your kind of music,” David replied.
“Aerosmith…. Classic rock,” Simmons offered.
“Yeah, yeah.”
And then Simmons said, “Remember this: It doesn’t matter how many bad choices or good choices that you make because you have so much time ahead of you to make up for it.”
Then he autographed David’s napkin.
Autograph? $XX on EBay. Career advice from a man who knows how to stretch out a career beyond all reason? Priceless.

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And Musto — that would be Michael Musto — has nothing on, either. In a brilliant, um, takeoff on the notorious Lohan-as-Monroe nudie shoot for New York magazine, the Village Voice columnist struck a similar pose for his publication, blonde wig, rosy pink butt and all.

“The slinky Lindsay said she did 250 crunches the night before her shoot,” he writes. “Well, I did 250 Nestlé Crunches.”

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I’m usually a Letterman-over-Leno fan, but I have to say that in their first late-night faceoff since going back to work, Leno was the winner. Letterman’s material was tired, and so was he, whereas Leno was definitely on top of his game. And Huckabee — well, it was clear why he’s winning hearts, if not minds. Like an Iowan told Ben Montgomery in today’s Times, “He has that charm in front of people that makes him look human.” A reasonable facsimile of a human! Perfect!

But something’s bugging me about Huckabee (besides his insane flat-tax talk and his belief that rampaging Pakistanis are pouring through our borders). He reminds me of someone, and I can’t settle on who it is. I know there’s some Nixon in there someplace, but it’s more Nixon crossed with… Jack Lemmon? Kevin Spacey? The guy who played Bosley on Charlie’s Angels? Anyone else have a suggestion?

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For a good overview of press and community reaction around the country to CL’s purchase of venerable alt-weeklies the Chicago Reader and the Washington City Paper, check out Wayne Garcia’s blog, thepoliticalwhore.com, and Max Linsky’s roundup for CL Sarasota’s blog, The 941.

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Last year, Creative Loafing (then Weekly Planet) dared to sum up Tampa Bay in 100 bullet points with “The Must-Do List: 100 Things You Gotta Do to Be a True Resident of Tampa Bay.”
We received lots of praise for that story, but also lots of letters, emails, and questions — questions like, “Why wasn’t such-and-such on the list?” and “How could you have missed so-and-so?” and “Did you know that Must-Do Item #XX has closed down?”
So, though we know many of you have not yet checked off enough items to make it from Hermit (21-40 items) to Homeowner (41-60), let alone to True Local (100), we decided it was time to refresh the list.
And we’ve got just the right guys to do it. Brian Reed and Ted Scheinman are two complete newbies to Florida, here for a summer internship before they return for their last semester at Yale. They’ve already traveled across the country, writing about the people they’ve met and places they’ve been for something they call the American Backyard project. But they didn’t make it to Florida – till now.
Introducing our newest blog: “Must-Do II: The Hundred Things You Gotta Do When You’re New To Tampa Bay.”

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