Blurbex

In honor of Chris Matthews’ 10 years hosting MSNBC’s Hardball (and the comments he made at the anniversary party), all items on today’s Short List will be SHOUTED!!!

• CRAIG BLOWS IT IN COURT, PUSHES ON IN THE SENATE ANYWAY!!!
• FRED THOMPSON HAS TO ASK AUDIENCES TO APPLAUD!!!
• THE LIGHTNING ROCK THE DEVILS IN THE NHL SEASON OPENER!!!
• RIAA SUES, WINS $220K FROM A SINGLE MOM IN MINNESOTA!!!
• EXPLODING iPODS!!!
• INVESTIGATIVE JOURNALIST GREG PALAST NEEDS MONEY!!!
• ANN COULTER IS A SELF-HATING BITCH!!!
• HALO 3 RAKES IN $300 MIL IN A WEEK!!!

Fact or fiction?

• Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, won’t get fooled again. The Trump Tower is back on.
• Ron Paul raised $5 million last quarter, causing the MSM to scratch its collective head, mutter “who?”
• That $5 million is about as much as Sen. John McCain raised in the same period. McCain, however, thinks the cash chase is overrated.
• You got to hand it to Bush: It takes super-sized balls to veto a bill that would have provided health care to four million poor kids. However, Bush is in favor of a bill confiscating all lollipops and having them delivered to the oval office.
• Jim Norman’s $40 million fantasy sports park, which PoHo wrote about last week, gets shelved by the county commission.
• Good news Bolts fans: Bright House is adding the NHL Network. How about adding the NFL Network next?
• Two California towns look to ban smoking in apartments and condos. Zombified residents eager to comply.
• Microsoft breaks out the new Zune. Warning: It’s still ugly as hell.

“And when he allied with Rocky, training the former champ for his rematch with Clubber Lang, Creed displayed a — what? Oops, sorry. Where am I again?”

• Hillary Clinton rakes in the dough.
• USF at #6! Watch out Florida Atlantic; the Bulls are coming for ya!
• How many dead monks does it take to fill a jungle? The leaders of the Myanmar’s military junta aren’t counting.
• Remember Rudy G. answering a call from his wife during a speech to the NRA? Turns out that wasn’t the first time … or the 30th.
• Head … going … to … explode: Rep. Jack Kingston (R – Ga.) introduced a resolution in the U.S. House of Representatives commending Rush Limbaugh.
• Smokin’! 2006 was a banner year for pot arrests.
• First look: The iTunes/Starbucks WiFi Music Store.
• Tired of recharging the laptop? How about a 30 year battery?

Here’s hoping West Virginia gets gored.

• Game Of The Year (So far): USF vs. West Virginia. Go Bulls!
• The Dan Rather vs. CBS lawsuit dishes some dirt. For example: Those “forged documents” proving Bush went AWOL are authentic; CBS systematically killed stories the administration wanted buried; and witnesses claim Bush didn’t do his Air National Guard service in 1972, instead spending his time “drinking, urinating on a car, screaming at police and trashing the apartment he had rented.” Hail to the chief, indeed.
• The Hard Rock Casino in Tampa prepares to unveil a new expansion … and to start dealing Blackjack.
• Remember that Seinfeld episode where Kramer and Newman stole a mail truck to transport bottles to Michigan for the 10-cent refund? So do these 10 new residents of the Detroit jail.
• Energy production goes back to the future as the nuclear power industry prepares for an expansion. The reasoning: It’s a partial solution to the climate crisis.
• Rush Limbaugh says the troops who come home from Iraq against the war are “phony soldiers.” One such “phony” is challenging Rush to an on-air debate over it. Breath-holding should be done at your own risk.
• Apple “bricks” some modified iPhones. Lawsuits are sure to follow.
• Harry Potter vs. Halo 3: What was the biggest entertainment launch ever?

“That’s nice kid, but I’ll bet my home theater bitch-slaps yours.”

• Mixed Messages: New home sales continue to crater, but the economy seems to be humming along anyway.
• There are reasons you don’t outsource a war — just ask the State Department.
• Bad new for everybody: All types of alcohol raise the risk of breast cancer in women. Male scientists said to be hard at work on a new, non-carcinogenic inhibitions inhibitor.
• Researchers at Northwestern University think Alzheimer’s disease may actually be “type-3 diabetes.” Yeah, they didn’t know there was a third type either.
• Beginning of the end for iTunes? The DRM dam breaks as Amazon opens its own online music store, selling all songs without copy protection and for as low as $.89.
• Halo 3 makes $170 million in 24 hours (the best debut by a video game ever), clobbering the opening-day haul of every Hollywood blockbuster ever released. Yes, even Spider-Man 3.
• Who do you call when the fire station is burning down?
• Twilight for Barry Bonds.

Channel 10 personality Holley Sinn interviews Ms. Loafie 2007 Ashle Smith and Loafie host Tim Wilkins as CL Senior Editor Eric Snider looks on, Cuban bread in hand. Photo by: Larry Biddle.

If you didn’t make it to this week’s 2007 Best of The Bay award show (aka The Loafies), you missed something special. A crowd of hundreds rocked the Tampa Theatre on Monday night, boisterously celebrating what Creative Loafing’s readers deemed the best in People & Politics, Food & Drink, Urban Exploring, Goods & Services and Arts & Entertainment. Along with pictures from the event, a complete list of Readers’ Poll winners is in this week’s Loaf, which is hitting paper boxes today.

If you can’t get to a paper box, or you’re just dying to know who did all the winning, click the “Read the rest of this entry” link below for the complete list of Readers’ Poll champions. (You can also click here for a complete list of our critics and staff picks.)

(more…)

Do you have anything of Washington D.C.?

• Is Al Gore waiting to collect his Nobel Prize before jumping into the 2008 presidential race? Christopher Hitchens considers it …
• WSJ to Rudy: Stop acting so weird!
• Loafie winner Sticks of Fire has some good links on Gov. Crist’s appointment of former Bucs middle linebacker Shelton Quarles to head the Tampa Bay Area Regional Transportation Authority. Quarles first order of business: Deciding whether to keep both “Area” and “Regional” in the title.
• Florida Power sees the light, decides to harness it for energy.
• A man walks into several Sarasota-area businesses pretending to be the guitar player from Creed. Do the patrons, a) play along but express doubts about the man’s true identity; b) buy the scam hook, line and sinker; or c) kick the shit out of the guy for being in such a lame-ass band?
• The vegetation is talking!
• Kiefer Sutherland runs afoul of the law … and wins the Award of Excellence from the Alliance of Canadian Cinema, Television and Radio Artists. Not a bad 24 hours.
• What is the Navy trying to tell us here?

I shall smite thee with my kick-ass legal filings.

• Tropical systems usually approach Florida from the east or west, sparking days of breathless coverage and riots at Home Depot. This one skipped the foreplay and formed right over our heads.
• The Tasering of America: California says to Florida, “we’ll see your obnoxious college kid and raise you one 15-year-old autistic boy running in traffic.”
• Anyone else following the Florida Personal Injury Protection auto insurance drama, the Oct. 1 deadline and the uncertainty of what happens if the coverage lapses? I didn’t think so. You’re probably too busy preparing to bend over.
• Kill the messenger? Wal-Mart goes after the lab that discovered lead and chromium in imported Chinese toys.
• Famed documentary filmmaker Ken Burns returns with a 15-hour documentary on World War II. If ever there was a subject that slipped through the cracks of the media spotlight and has been denied its fair share of exposure and celebration, it’s WWII.
• Things not to wear to the airport: A circuit board adorned with blinking lights and sprouting wires that are connected to a battery. Kneading Play-Doh while wearing the outfit is also discouraged.
• The worst way imaginable to avoid life in prison? Agree to castration in exchange for only 25 years behind bars.
• Two F.S.U. players (including their best starting linebacker) were arrested in Tallahassee this morning after participating in a bar fight. I remember when F.S.U. players physically dominated opponents on the field. Yeah, it’s been a while …

What’s so funny, Mitchell?

• Here’s why Bush won’t attack Iran … or maybe he will … but probably not … we think.
• Dan Rather battles Viacom for $70 million. It’s like a cockfight in the hen house on the eve of the last full moon before the fourth of July!
• “The Empty Can” continues to rattle wildly, this time declaring war on Pakistani leader Gen. Pervez Musharraf.
• What are you reading on the plane? Homeland Security is keeping track.
• Republican lawmakers stand up for their president and block a Senate bill that required military personnel to get as much time at home as they spent in Iraq before redeployment. Possible Republican reasoning: You sleep when you’re dead, which for some of these guys won’t be long now, anyway.
• Tampa lands another hottie on ABC’s The Bachelor.
• Everyone’s favorite Devil Ray is in the news again: Did Elijah Dukes abscond with his kids?
• Is that a choking noise I hear coming from New England?

M.I.A.: One noted local blogger. Last heard from: Aug. 30th. Whereabouts? Unknown.

• The UF Tasering — Day Three: The police claim that post-arrest, unruly student Andrew Meyer told them they did nothing wrong. Case closed, I guess.
• St. Petersblog has a funny post about the tasering, including a shot of the must-have T-shirt of 2007.
• Party like it’s 1994! O.J. faces a life behind bars. Again.
• St. Pete’s airport gets a new carrier offering nine flights a week. Is it Jetblue? Southwest? Nope. It’s Myrtle Beach Direct Air!
• Round two for Hillary and health care.
• Condi tells the International Atomic Energy Agency to butt-out of conversations about Iran’s quest for atomic energy. Because when it comes to rogue states and nuclear weapons, who you gonna believe: the Bush Administration or the I.A.E.A.?
• Racist of the Day: Jesse Jackson, who said Barack Obama’s response to a Louisiana case involving six black kids is tantamount to “acting like he’s white.” That Jesse; always acting like he’s black.
• *Rachel goes bye-bye. Again.

UPDATE: I failed to mention in my Jesse vs. Barack item that our sister publication in Sarasota ran a column by Amy Goodman on the case and the “Jena Six.” You can check that out here.

As at least four of you have probably noticed, the daily Short List has not appeared in this space since last Thursday. While I appreciate all the cards, flowers and well-wishing e-mails, I assure you that I am fine and have not taken ill with some terminal disease.

Instead, everyone at CL has been hard at work putting the finishing touches on both this year’s Best of the Bay issue, which hits the paper boxes starting tomorrow, and the Best of The Bay Awards Show (aka The Loafies) which will be held on Mon., Sept. 24 at 8 p.m. at the Tampa Theatre.

Check back tomorrow for more details on the issue and the show, and for the triumphant return of the Short List. In the meantime, feel free to talk among yourselves about tasered UF students, O.J., the declining dollar, Apple’s plans for the European iPhone, and whatever improbable thing Bush is doing now.

Happy New Year.

• Bigger, stronger, more crazy than ever: al-Qaeda is back.
• Anbar province has been hailed as a model of progress in Iraq. Bush just visited the area, meeting with Abdul Sittar Bezea al-Rishawi (the “desert warrior” who first organized Sunni tribes against al-Qaeda) and giving us all hope Iraq could be turning around. In other news: Abdul Sittar Bezea al-Rishawi got blowed-up real good by a roadside bomb today.
• Bush to address the nation tonight. Atlantic Free Press has a startling preview of his address.
• Did moveon.org get a sweetheart deal on that “Betray Us?” ad? The New York Times would never kiss and tell.
• Getting to know: Hillsborough County Commissioner Brian Blair.
• Kathy Griffin says “Suck it Jesus!” in her Emmy acceptance speech, causing outrage among Christian conservatives and leading the show’s producers to cut the segment from the live broadcast. Griffin was clearly in the wrong here. “Lick it Jesus!” would have been more anatomically correct.
• From the “Who Knew?” file: During his lifetime, Honeymooners star Jackie Gleason amassed a sizable library of occult books. The comedian’s collection is now on display at a Miami museum.
• The most amazing rationale for killing one’s parents I’ve ever heard.

If Mick and Keith can still do it, why not Robert and Jimmy?

• Vlad Putin dissolves the Russian government, and the Russian military tests a new bomb they claim is four times as powerful as the strongest U.S. conventional weapon. Bush has got to be jealous.
• In testimony to congress Gen. David Patraeus says he doesn’t know if the war in Iraq is making America safer. Wait, is that why we’re fighting this thing? I thought it was to find contraband WMD/eliminate Saddam/spread democracy/contain Iran/fight al-Qaeda/bring peace to the Middle East/Reduce the cost of gasoline.
• The price of crude oil: Up. The stockpile of gasoline: Down. Your wallet: Soon-to-be empty.
• More great news on the economy: You think I can get my paycheck in Euros?
• What’s wrong with this headline? #1: “Small tsunami follows powerful earthquake in Indonesia.”
• What’s wrong with this headline? #2: “Led Zepplin Rises Again.” (And no, it’s not that Bonham is still dead.)*
• Even more fun with headlines: “Disney violates Chinese labour laws: report.” China has labor laws? Who knew?
• Gee, I wonder why Bucs receiver David Boston passed out in his car?
• Jon Stewart’s back as Oscar host.

*-UPDATE: Pollstar has fixed the spelling of “Zeppelin” in their headline. I should have taken a screen capture. My bad, folks.

Un-happy anniversary.

• The city of New York struggles to find a balance between satisfying the requests of 9/11 victim’s families and keeping those family members safe from falling debris at an active construction site.
• 81% of people polled say 9/11 is the most most significant historical event of their lifetime. Yes, even more important that Nipplegate or Beckham coming to America.
• The St. Pete Times looks at how local businesses are remembering 9/11, and profiles a recently deceased Tampa man whose life was forever changed in those saddest of New York minutes.
• Bin Laden praises Noam Chomsky, talks about U.S. tax policy and takes the democrats to task. Maybe there is an al-Qaeda-Daily Kos connection after all.
• Checking in with: The 9/11 Truth movement.
• As seen on The 941: How do you teach 9/11 to kids who weren’t even an itch in their daddy’s pants in 2001?
• Paging George Orwell: The Department of Homeland Security is set to open the National Applications Office. Their mission: To spy on U.S. Americans such as in the United States.
• Do you have a left-wing brain or a right-wing brain?

Feel the buzz!

• Just in time for the anniversary of 9/11: He’s baaaaack!
• Two dudes get into a fight over a woman at Channelside. Someone gets stabbed; someone gets arrested. No cruise passengers were harmed in the making of this story.
• Comcast Cable starts cutting off Internet users who use “too much” bandwidth. How much is too much? Comcast won’t say. How do you monitor your usage? Comcast won’t say. Anyone else smell a lawsuit?
• The dollar just hit a 15-year low against other people’s money. Oh, and four straight years of month-to-month job growth ended last month. Add in the mortgage debacle and the health of the stock market — is anyone else worried about the “R” word?
• I tend to link to a lot of liberal/progressive sites, so here is an equal time moment: A list of conservative blogs that you should be reading regardless of party affiliation, direct from the good folks at the State of Sunshine blog.
• This is clearly not offensive at all. (Thanks whoever Dugg this!)
• Football is back … and man the Colts look good.
• Speaking of which: The Bucs unfurled a giant flag at One Buc Palace yesterday. Is someone trying to compensate for a rather diminutive winning percentage?

Who’s hungry?

• Fred takes the plunge.
• Israel and Syria, apparently jealous of all the death and destruction just over the horizon, start provoking each other with fly overs and warning shots.
• Sen. Larry Craig decides to stay on, further flushing Republican electoral chances down the toilet.
• China, man! Bush to attend the 2008 Summer Games in Beijing.
• Busch Gardens has Jungala fever.
• Prank of the week: A guy dressed as Osama bin Laden takes his motorcade through two police checkpoints and gets to within a few blocks of President Bush.
• If you just bought an iPhone, I’m sorry …
• R.I.P. Luciano Pavarotti.

How’s your iPod holding up? If you’ve been pondering an upgrade, listen up. Apple CEO/Guru Steve Jobs today unveiled a revamped line of the electronics maker’s flagship music player, including a new iteration: The iPod Touch.

The iPod Touch is Apple’s snazzy iPhone stripped of the phone and beefed up with double the storage. The Touch will be Wi-Fi enabled and have the Safari Web browser built in, allowing users to take advantage of another new offering: The iTunes Wi-Fi Music Store. Long clamored for by the Pod-People, this new iTunes will finally allow users to download songs directly to their iPods and later sync them with a computer.

Jobs also showed off custom ringtones for the iPhone, a revamped iPod Nano (now with video), the iPod Classic (Mr. old reliable, now with better battery life and huge storage), a new partnership with Starbucks (allowing users to download songs at the coffee behemoth’s bazillion locations worldwide by the end of 2008), and an iPhone price cut from $599 to $399. The man really knows how to pack in the announcements.

Still, it will be a few months before we know if the new iPods will live up to their aging siblings. Not all of today’s news was a home run. The iPod Touch could use a memory boost, Starbucks is the devil and where are those oft-rumored Beatles iPods and albums on iTunes already?

The bottom line: The Touch looks like an iPod lover’s dream come true. Expect a new wave of hype and a frenzy of buying before year’s end. Merry early-Christmas everyone!

Where in the world is … Steve Fossett?

• “Massive” and “imminent” terror plot foiled in Germany. Three evildoers taken into custody. Three? Really? A “Massive” attack by three guys? They’re one short of a round a golf for Christ’s sake.
• Larry Craig’s Home Waffle Kit: First, plead guilty to disorderly conduct. Wait three weeks, then proclaim your innocence and heterosexuality to anyone who will listen. Allow public outrage to rise to fever pitch, then resign from the Senate. Wait a few days, change your mind and try to get your guilty plea expunged. Watch public’s head explode.
• It’s Electric! Progress Energy and Teco announce rate cuts starting in January.
• School House Smackdown: 20 people brawled yesterday at Lakeland High School. The injured included “a minor who was stabbed and a pregnant woman who was hit with a blunt object.” One person even got hit by a car! Everyone’s alive, but detention looks to be crowded for a while.
• New, super-duper touchscreen iPods today?
• Checking in with: Tampa Rail Blog.
• Halle Berry is preggers. I bet the kid turns out to be good looking.
• Headline of the day: Jerry Lewis Apologises To Jesse The Illiterate Faggot. No points for spelling.

Lede-ing with our noses …

• “After a brief interruption of his New Hampshire vacation to meet President Bush in the family compound at Kenebunkport, Maine, French President Nicolas Sarkozy came away convinced his U.S. counterpart is serious about bombing Iran’s secret nuclear facilities.”
• “Hurricane Felix roared ashore early Tuesday as a fearsome Category 5 storm.”
• “The Chinese government has rejected accusations by the United States that its military hacked into the Pentagon’s computer network in June, labeling them ‘groundless’.”
• “A team of astronomers from the US and the UK has obtained some of the clearest pictures of space ever taken.”
• “This is the moment when Hollywood superstar Brad Pitt was attacked by a crazed female fan.”
• “A woozy Jerry Lewis went all Isaiah Washington on his telethon last night, calling someone — or something — an ‘illiterate faggot.’”
• “The dream of wireless networks bathing U.S. cities in free and pervasive internet access has come to an end, at least for now.”
• “Free agent linebacker Jeremiah Trotter, released abruptly by the Eagles last month, has agreed to terms on a contract with the Bucs, his agent said.”

Clearly not gay.

• Miami’s condo market goes bust.
• 1996 Olympic Park bomb hero Richard Jewell dies of natural causes … if “natural causes” include being accused of terrorism by an ill-informed mainstream media who beat the story like a pinata until you become a pariah/villain in a town that should be celebrating you as a hero.
• Republicans begin showing Congressional bathroom attendant Larry Craig the door.
• Speaking of the men’s room, here’s a hypothetical: You’re a dude hanging in a park when nature calls. You enter the bathroom and, while at the urinal, a stranger makes an unwanted pass at you. Do you a) laugh it off, b) say “no thanks” but make a hasty escape, c) go get a friend, come back and crack the guy’s skull open on the stall door before having him arrested? If you’re MSNBC’s Tucker Carlson, option c) is mighty enticing.
• Who profits from the Iraq war? Here’s the top 10.
• Crash of the Hogans: It looks like Daddy Hulk was not driving the Dodge racing baby Hulk right before baby Hulk totaled his car in Clearwater (leaving a passenger in critical condition).
• The Bush Administration’s latest target in the war on terror: California pot growers. Stoners have enough trouble getting off the couch to grab the Doritos, let alone hijacking a 757 and flying it up Bush’s ass. Can we please get some sanity in Washington?
• ’80s revival: Sony brings back the Walkman — and now it plays video.