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1. Clip Film Series — a program offered by the Tampa International Gay and Lesbian Film Festival – presents its July selections: the Chad Allen drama, Save Me, followed by two episodes of the new LOGO series Sordid Lives, which is based on the indie film by Del Shores. (Pictured at right: Allen and co-star Robert Gant.)

2. It’s another Wednesday evening fundraiser for the nonprofit Abilities Foundation, this one a six-course Spanish Wine Dinner hosted by La Fogata Churrascaria and featuring Montecillo and Osborne wine pairings by Osborne U.S. Associate Pablo Pelaez.

3. American Stage kicks off a four-night run of An Evening Wasted with the Songs of Tom Lehrer, which is produced by Julie Rowe and T. Scott Wooten, aka, Economic Stimulus Productions.

4. The Zappa Plays Zappa tour – featuring Dweezil Zappa, a lineup of talented musicians and special guest Ray White – plays in Orlando. Definitely worth the drive if you’re a Zappa fan.

5. Side Splitters Comedy Club welcomes Got Jokes?, a new local improv troupe that claims it has a “fresh, hip and innovative approach” to improv comedy.

1. Two much-anticipated new albums hit stores today: Dr. Dog’s fifth, Fate (streaming in its entirety here); and the U.S. release of Paul Weller’s ninth, the double-disc 22 Dreams. Support independent music stores and purchase your copy at Vinyl Fever or Mojo Records.

2. Bust out the Aquanet and spandex – Poison takes the stage at Ford Amphitheatre tonight! Hair metal co-horts Sebastian Bach and Dokken provide support, and Poison frontman Bret Michaels appears for a post-show meet-and-greet party with fans at Floyd’s at Seminole Hard Rock Hotel & Casino.3. M3 Tuesdays at Whiskey North is a “Meet-Mix-Mingle” event featuring old school hip-hop, R&B and house spins by DJ Silence until 8 p.m. followed by live jazz by City Groove from 8 to 10 p.m.

4. Tanya & Matt’s Ice Creamiest celebrates National Ice Cream Month with free scoops from noon to 6 p.m. at both of the Tampa locations.

5. Dash Rip Rock brings their fun cow punk back to Skipper’s Smokehouse.

1. Singer/songwriter Melanie Martel and fiancé/producer/Poison drummer Rikki Rockett (both pictured) play an acoustic show at Country Legends in Dunedin. 9 p.m., 1568 Main St., Dunedin, $25.

2. Sunscreen Film Festival presents the American premiere screening of The Grind, a thriller about a grifter (C. Thomas Howell) who must figure out a way to pay back a debt he owes to the Mexican mob; Tom Sizemore also stars. St. Petersburg native and The Grind producer Robert Enriquez is on hand for a Q&A immediately following the film. Mon., July 21, 7 p.m., Reeves Theater-Vaughn Center, University of Tampa, 401 W. Kennedy Blvd., Tampa, free admission.

3. More than 50 local companies converge to recruit new employees during the Tampa Bay Job Fair. 9 a.m.-3 p.m., St. Pete Times Forum, 401 Channelside Drive, downtown Tampa.

4. As a part of its current film and photo exhibition, Coming Into Focus, Nova 535 Art Lounge hosts a series of related Monday evening film events. Tonight, filmmaker/new media artist/UT associate professor Dana Plays hosts a screening of her own film works as well as works by UT students and alumni. 7:30 p.m., 535 Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. St. N., St. Petersburg, free admission.

5. Tampa Bay Rays kicks off the first of three-nights worth of home games against the Oakland Athletics tonight at Tropicana Field.

1. USF Dance Professor Jeanne Travers and the USF Dance Troupe (pictured) premiere Dance Fuzion, a program of original choreographic works created by Travers and encompassing multicultural themes, images and world music. The program will be performed at several festivals and concerts in Tunisia, Africa, this July and August. Admission to this Friday evening’s HCC-Ybor presentation is free.

2. Sample more than 150 microbrews from around the world, enjoy fun beer-related seminars and much more at the St. Petersburg Craft Beer Expo.

3. At this Saturday’s Red Bull Flugtag – “flugtag” being German for “flying day” – 40 teams of five members each launch homemade, human-powered flying crafts off a 30-foot deck to see who can soar the farthest over the waters of Garrison Channel. See Creative Loafing’s team, The Breadwinners, compete with our very own (pressed) Cuban sandwich glider.

4. Col. Bruce Hampton brings his current outfit, The Quark Alliance, to Skipper’s Smokehouse; Blueground Undergrass with Rev. Jeff Mosier, provides support.

5. The TRA’shion Fashion Show features original designs by several area talents, among them, Blackbird & Raven, Kina Kouture, Taylor Adair, Chateau De Curb Gear and Katy Alderman.

 
1. Comedian John Witherspoon – Ice Cube’s gaseous, cantankerous, dog-catcher dad in the Friday films (and pictured at right) – kicks off a four-night run of stand up this evening at the Tampa Improv.

2. Michael Ian Black “hosts” Reality Bites Back, a new unscripted Comedy Central series that has several not-so-famous comics competing against each other to see who can come up with the most outrageous parodies of popular reality shows and contestants. Reality Bites Back premieres tonight.

3. University of Tampa Sculpture Professor and artist Kendra Frorup presents a new exhibit, Recent Work: Prints and Sculpture, at the HCC-Ybor Art Gallery.

4. Shelby Lynn plays Tampa Theatre.

5. IMAX offers midnight screenings of The Dark Knight.

1. Nashville indie cutie Brooke Waggoner (pictured) brings her piano-driven pop and husky sweet vocals to Orpheum tonight; electro-pop purveyors Paper Route – also from Nashville – provide support. 8 p.m., 1902 Avenida Republica de Cuba, Ybor City, $10, 813-248-9500.

2. The Abilities Foundation – a Clearwater nonprofit that provides services to people with disabilities – hosts another culinary fundraiser, this one a five-course Pine Ridge Winery Dinner at Parkshore Grill with Executive Chef Tyson Grant. 6:30 p.m., 300 Beach Drive, downtown St. Petersburg, $79, 727-538-7370.

3. Web-TV talk show The Combination hosts its July edition of Wide aWoke Wednesdays, a series of monthly forums held to discuss, encourage and embrace new ways to rebuild the African-American community. The topic is “Are We Ready for Barack Obama to Be Our President?”; participating panelists include Tampa Organization of Black Affairs Political Education Chairperson Jeffrey L. Rhodes, Angelette C. Avilés of Americas Marketing & Graphics, and Michelle Clower, Corporate Operations and Sales Manager at Preferable Staffing. Attendees also enjoy video presentations, a business expo, giveaways and refreshments. 7:30 p.m., USF Alumni Center-Traditions Hall,  4202 E. Fowler Ave., Tampa, $5 general admission/free for students with I.D., 813-951-0794.

4. American Stage kicks off the first of two preview presentations of its new production, Souvenir: A Fantasia on the Life of Florence Foster Jenkins. 7:30 p.m., 211 Third St. S., St. Petersburg, $22, 727-823-7529.

5. Tom Petty & the Heartbreakers and Steve Winwood play the St. Pete Times Forum. 7:30 p.m., 401 Channelside Drive, Tampa, $29.50-$55, 813-301-6500.

1. Every Day Gourmet is a series of cooking classes offered by Let Them Eat Cake and taught by Chef Jason Lucas. Tonight’s focus is “Summer Salads.” 6:30-9:30 p.m., 3805 S. West Shore Blvd., Tampa, $40 per person, 813-480-5466.

2. St. Petersburg Free Clinic – which provides temporary assistance for families and individuals in need of food, shelter, health care, limited financial assistance and referral information – offers a volunteer orientation session every third Tuesday of the month (today) at 3:30 p.m. The clinic seeks volunteer physicians and ARNPs for its Health Center as well as maintenance volunteers, and individuals to answer the phones and help serve food at the community kitchen. For more info, call Rebecca Russell-Gootee at 727-821-1200, ext. 114, or e-mail her at rrgspfc@yahoo.com.

3. Linda Taylor signs copies of her book, Great Women Exploring Nature: How Wild Florida Influenced Their Lives, at Nature’s Food Patch today. Attendees also enjoy organic wine and cheese. 4-7 p.m., 1225 Cleveland St., Clearwater.

4. Stageworks Theater presents a staged reading of Texas, Religion and Murder: A Contemporary Tall Tale. The new play – about a Dallas minister with amnesia – is by 2007 Florida Longjohns Playwriting Competition winner Ed Stevens. 7:30 p.m., Shimberg Playhouse-Tampa Bay Performing Arts Center, 1010 N. MacInnes Place, downtown Tampa, $5 (cash only).

5. MLB’s 2008 All-Star Game, the 79th Midsummer Classic, airs live at 8 p.m. on Fox.–Summer salad photo courtesy of toastforbrekkie.

1. Every Monday evening in July, SID’s Lounge at Side Splitters hosts Poker Night with WPT’s Amateur Poker League. Locals enjoy free games of tournament-style Texas Hold ‘Em (7 and 9 p.m.), with the chance to win prizes and move on to a nation-wide poker tournament.

2. More than 30 of the world’s leading graffiti artists present canvas works at Elements of Skill, the latest show at Pale Horse Gallery and Design Studio.

3. Enjoy a free pitcher of Miller Light with the purchase of a plate of wings until 5 p.m. at Ka’Tiki on Sunset Beach, then enjoy an open blues jam with guitarist Kent Pearson and Friends from 7 to 11 p.m.

4. ESPN presents a live broadcast of the Home Run Derby at Yankee Stadium. During the pre-All Star Game event, MLB’s best sluggers compete to see who can score the most home runs. Among the eight competitors are the Tampa Bay Rays’ own third baseman, Evan Longoria, four-time Derby competitor and Houston Astros switch-hitting outfielder/first baseman Lance Berkman, and left fielder Ryan Braun of the Milwaukee Brewers. The game starts at 8 p.m. A presentation of the All-Star Legends and Celebrity Game follows at 10 p.m. and features Billy Crystal, Chris Rock, Spike Lee, Wade Boggs, Ernie Banks, James Denton and several others in a friendly exhibition.

5. Read the start of the Washington Post’s year-long investigation, “Who Killed Chandra Levy?” Spoiler Alert: They don’t find out.

Art Garfunkel has a ravenous appetite for literature and apparently he also has way too much time on his hands as he’s been keeping track of every single book he’s read for the past 40 years. Ego demands that he share this with the rest of us, so he’s set up a library listing of all these books, including a special section featuring all 135 of his favorites, and all are sorted by date.

1. St. Pete-based alt-pop rock band Talk to Mark hosts and performs at A Benefit for Ryleigh and Reece Russo. The benefit concert is held to raise funds for the escalating medical expenses of two St. Petersburg children: 2-year-old Ryleigh (right, reading the paper) was recently diagnosed with leukemia and while she was undergoing chemotherapy at All Children’s Hospital, her appendix ruptured and had to be removed; newborn Reece (left, with dad) came into the world shortly after and suffering from persistent pulmonary hypertension, a disorder that limits blood flow to the lungs. Parents Dennis and Teresa Russo are struggling – breadwinner Teresa was just laid off from her high-salary job and Dennis is a Gibbs High School teacher with a teacher’s diminutive income. All proceeds raised at the concert go directly to the family. Fri., July 11, 7-11 p.m., Nova 535 Art Lounge, 535 Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. St. N., St. Petersburg, $10 suggested donation. For more info, call 727-385-1529.

2. Vans Warped Tour brings Against Me! and 50 or so other alt rock acts to Vinoy Park today.

3. The Warlocks and The Black Angels play Crowbar Saturday night.

4. Rome, New York and Tampa academic scholars from a range of disciplines delve into the cultures, identities and perspectives of Sicilian and Italian Americans during a weekend symposium, “Sicilians in Tampa – Unfolding the Journey,” which is hosted by the Ybor City Museum Society.

5. Two local theaters present productions of Forever Plaid.

We’ve probably all thought at one time or another how hilarious it would be to dose a police officer. Okay, maybe not, but the idea is pretty funny in a Flirting with Disaster sort of way. Not so much to 18-year-old Texan Christian V. Phillips, who is currently being accused of delivering baskets of drug-laced cookies to a dozen or so police departments in the Dallas-Fort Worth area, according to police who charged him Tuesday with LSD possession. At least three officers have “gotten sick.” (Translation: they lost their shit for about an hour, began questioning their existence as law enforcement representatives and as human beings in general, and eventually parked themselves in front of the television and stayed up all night laughing at infomercials.)

Cookie Monster could not be reached for comment.

UPDATE: Turns out Phillips was wrongly accused; apparently, lab tests by the Tarrant County medical examiner show that there was, in fact, NO traces of any controlled substances in the cookies. (The cops were going by “field traces” and apprently the ones who claimed sickness simply didn’t enjoy the cookies.)

1. Tarpon Springs Performing Arts Center hosts an opening night party for its new production of Rodgers and Hammerstein’s The King and I. Guests enjoy free refreshments, prizes and a meet-and-greet with the cast (pictured) following the show.

2. WMNF continues its Live Jazz Series with former Bay area resident turned current Manhattan School of Music scholar, bassist Billy Norris. Norris plays at ‘MNF’s live broadcast studios tonight at 7:30 p.m. with LaRue Nickelson (guitar), Alex LoRe (sax) and Michael W. Davis (drums).

3. Creative Loafing’s Best of the Bay polls are up; vote on your favorites here.

4. Terry Tappouni talks about and signs copies of her new book, The Promise: Revealing the Purpose of Your Soul, at Inkwood Books.

5. Stageworks opens its last production of the season, Noel Coward’s 1930 comedy standard, Private Lives.

1. St. Pete for Peace continues its Wednesday series of thought-provoking film screenings with the Amy Goodman-narrated Big Bucks, Big Pharma – Marketing Drugs & Pushing Disease, a documentary focusing on the ways that pharmaceutical companies use, manipulate and in some cases create illnesses to make greater profits; presented at Café Bohemia.

2. Carol King brings her “Living Room Tour” to Ruth Eckerd Hall.

3. Cute Is What We Aim For plays State Theatre. Ace Enders and a Million Different People, Danger Radio and Powerspace provide support.

4. Comedian Steve Johnson takes the stage tonight through Saturday at Coconuts Comedy Club in St. Pete Beach.

5. Dave Matthews Band draws legions of adoring fans to Ford Amphitheatre tonight.

1. Beck (at right) releases his new album, Modern Guilt, on DGC Records today. Listen to the first three tracks on his MySpace page; then pick up, order, or download a copy from iTunes.

2. The Ybor City Chamber of Commerce presents its biannual Summer Business Expo at the Columbia Restaurant.

3. Tampa Bay Fishing Guide and outdoor writer Captain Fred Everson for a three-hour Inshore Fishing School at Skipper’s Smokehouse.

4. Hip Expressions welcomes Lacey and Florida Tribal Dance for a performance in its weekly Arabian Nights Belly Dance Show at Saint Petersburg Nights.

5. ABC kicks off the latest edition of Primetime: The Outsiders, a series that spotlights individuals living outside the so-called norm. The first installment airs tonight and focuses on a retired schoolteacher who literally lives among Alaska’s black bears and grizzlies.

1. An all-new season of Anthony Bourdain: No Reservations premieres tonight at 10 p.m. on the Travel Channel. The culinary adventurer’s first stop? Laos.

2. Rock songstress Pat Benatar (pictured) takes the stage at Ruth Eckerd Hall with hubbie/producer/lead guitarist Neil Giraldo.

3. Tampa Theatre continues screenings of Roman de Gare, a Hitchcockian French film starring Fanny Ardant as a famed writer who’s accused of committing the perfect crime.

4. Comedian Louis Ramey performs at Floyd’s at Seminole Hard Rock Hotel & Casino.

5. The Tampa Bay Rays play the last of a four-game stand against the Kansas City Royals. 

Anthony Bourdain

1. Museum of Fine Arts unveils Ansel Adams and the American West, which includes more than 60 works by the black-and-white master, his contemporaries, and those who followed in his creative footsteps. (Pictured at right: “Grass in Rain, Glacier Bay National Monument, Alaska,” by Ansel Adams, 1948. ©The Trustees of The Ansel Adams Publishing Rights Trust. All Rights Reserved.)

2. Fourth of July fireworks fill the Friday night skies.

3. Music showcases on both sides of the Bay give area folks the chance to get acquainted (or re-acquainted) with a range of appealing local and regional acts. The Hot Dog Show 2 at Ybor City’s Crowbar features a cookout, hot dog eating contest, $5 liters, and sets by Très Bien, Liquid Limbs, Mumpsy, Hometeam and Matt Butcher & The Revolvers. CL in Concert stages Independence Fest at State Theatre in St. Petersburg, with $2 drinks, voter registration opportunities, a $50 gas card giveaway, and live music by Car Bomb Driver, Mouse Fire, Military Junior, and Have Gun, Will Travel.

4. Current students and alumni of the Pinellas County Center for the Arts at Gibbs High School stage a very limited run of Art – Yasmina Reza’s award-winning play about the subjectivity of art – at the Studio at 620 in St. Petersburg.

5. A variety of reality stars converge on Ybor City for the very first GaYbor Days.

Wanna wipe your butt with the U.S. Constitution? We suggest U.S. Constitution Toilet Paper, a brand spanking new ”product” that you can own for the ultral low price of $8 a roll.

Here’s the hilarious sales pitch:

Don’t just tell people that America’s leaders are wiping their butts with the Constitution, hand them a roll of US Constitution Toilet Paper! This custom designed TP looks like the US Constitution, but the words have been updated to reflect the actual modus operandi of our modern government. Highlights include a revised Presidential Oath of Office, tricameral Congress, and Bill of Privileges.

For many people, seeing the Constitution on a roll of TP is sobering. Wiping with the Constitution can be a very emotional experience. US Constitution Toilet Paper causes many people to ponder what our Founders wanted, what America has become, and whether we have lived up to our ideals.

The toilet paper itself is fairly plush. It is printed using soy ink which is organic and biodegradable. This is fully-functional, usable TP! Each roll is individually shrink wrapped for protection during transit.

…Federal Budget Toilet Paper coming soon!

1. Ringo Starr (pictured at right) brings his All-Starr Band to Ruth Eckerd Hall tonight.

2. Ritz Theater presents Bathhouse: The Musical, an all-male musical revue about four archetypal gay men and their misadventures in a bathhouse. The show runs at the Ritz through July 6 – 8 p.m. Wed.-Thurs., and 9:30 p.m. Sat., with special dinner theater performances at Streetcar Charlie’s (1811 N. 15th St., Tampa) at 8 and 10 p.m. Fri., July 4.

3. Comedian Chris Rock kicks off a two-night run at Tampa Bay Performing Arts Center.

4. Indy Film Café – a screening series of socially-conscious documentary films – continues at St. Petersburg’s Studio at 620. This month’s selections are Granny D Goes to Washington, a film about Doris Haddock (pictured at left), an 89-year-old woman who marches 3,200 miles across America to draw attention to campaign finance reform; and Can Mr. Smith Get to Washington Anymore?, a political underdog story that focuses on fearless young candidate Jeff Smith and his 2004 Missouri Democratic primary run for the Congressional seat of retiring House Majority Leader Dick Gephardt.

5. Another film screening, Vietnam – America’s Holocaust, is hosted by St. Pete for Peace at Café Bohemia.

1. Adult Swim has turned its animated series, Metalocalypse – about the exploits of Dethklok, a virtual death metal band (pictured) – into a national tour. In an interview with Ultimate Guitar, Brendon Small (the real-life producer of Dethklok’s music) said that the Dethklok show will be like that of the Gorillaz, with animated characters but also featuring Small’s ensemble of live musicians performing visibly. The tour stops at Jannus Landing tonight.

2. Beach Theatre hosts 7 and 10 p.m. sneak preview screenings of Hancock, Will Smith’s new summer blockbuster where he plays a hard drinking superhero who hires a PR man (played by Jason Bateman) to help him clean up his public image.

3. Dreamers Against Drugs is a program that’s sponsored by the City of Tampa Parks and Recreation Department and features a theatrical production “by kids, for kids, and about kids” ages 10-16. The 30-minute show incorporates acting, music and dance and outlines the dangers of drugs, illegal and otherwise. The kids perform the piece today in Tampa at George Bartholomew North Tampa Center (8608 N. 12th St.) at 1:30 p.m.; other performances occur over the next few weeks.

4. Inkwood Books takes part in the nationwide observance of Independents Week, a salute to locally-owned independent businesses, and celebrates being “IndieBound” with some July specials. Locals who shop at the store beginning today through July 7 get a 20 percent discount on all indie bestsellers, and throughout the month of July, customers who mention the Tampa Independent Business Alliance (TIBA) receive an overall 10 percent discount on their purchases.  

5. Free Networking International offers a workshop and networking event at Perkins in Palm Harbor from 6:30 to 9 p.m.

1. Albuquerque’s screamo/crunkified dance music purveyors Brokencyde (pictured) and punkified pop music makers Karate High School of San Francisco bring their “We Make It Rain” tour to Crowbar tonight. Thoreau and The Fight at the Show provide support.

2. Indie Fest continues at Beach Theatre.

3. “A Concert for Nelson Mandela” – which was held in London’s Hyde Park in honor of Mandela’s 90th birthday and to raise funds for his HIV/AIDS charity – is aired on VH1 tonight at 9 p.m. The program includes performances by Amy Winehouse, Leona Lewis, Annie Lennox, Simple Minds and many others as well as presentations by a variety of African artists.

4. The Tampa Bay Rays return to Tropicana Field for a three-night stand of home games against the Boston Red Sox. The action begins at 7 p.m.

5. Last day to see the textile works featured in Lilly Marsh: A Shimmering Surface at Craftsmen House Gallery.