By this point, I’m sure you heard about it. Thirty-six teams built would-be flying machines and ran them off a 30-foot high pier into the notoriously dirty ass Hillsborough River. One or more person piloted the aircraft  and took the plunge. Teammates typically jumped in the brown water after their apparatus for shits and giggles. I stood in the sun, cooking, cringing and losing faith in humanity, myself included.

I kept thinking of that old parental saying about if everyone else jumped off a cliff, would you? In Tampa, apparently that’s the case. Organizers expected a crowd of 50,000 to witness people place themselves in a flimsy contraption and then be willingly hurled into a body of water deemed not fit for swimming. More than 100,000 suckers, myself included, attended.

One of those participants was my coworker, London, the woman pictured working on building an aircraft out of newspaper. Good gawd. Creative Loafing entered the competition as the Bread Winners. Countless hours went into building what they billed as the Flying Cuban Sandwich. “We are closing in on the big day,” reads a message from “The Captain” posted on the Bread Winners’ website July 14. “We still have some work to do in order to make everything originally envisioned a reality, but in another evening we should be all but done.

“The pilot [London] and I spent another night getting some finishing details knocked out after work with a couple of cold beers. We had a mock assembly of our flying Cuban and it was quite a site to behold.”

The damn thing didn’t even have wings. Well, kinda, but they were about as wide as oars. From where I was perched Saturday afternoon it looked like a giant coffin and had me seriously worried that London would not emerge from it, or if she did it would be with some kinda severe spinal or brain injury. Or with a limb missing.

“You know it’s not too late to back out,” I told her about 20 minutes before she took the fall.

“I can’t,” she said, more than a hint of fear in her voice.

Our entourage of friends and coworkers then wormed our way through the obnoxious, all ages crowd — who brings newborns to Flugtag? — and thanks to our group largely consisting of young women, were able to land last-minute, front row, waterfront seats behind a concession tent.

A bunch of David Hasselhoff-worshiping gym and sun freaks dressed as lifeguards dubbed Tampa Baywatch kicked things off around 1 p.m. They attached a glider to the top of their contraption and, with a person inside, it sailed 100 feet. Impressive, I thought. But then flying machine after flying machine dropped straight down into the diarrhea-colored waters.

I did some research. Flying 100 feet is not so impressive. The winner in Nashville last year traveled 155 feet. Even more disconcerting was learning that there were actual engineering students who entered contraptions that fell off the pier like bovines being pushed off a cliff.

“We built it a little too nose-heavy,” reads a quote in the this morning’s Times. It’s attributed to a Max Hirsh of DeLand’s Embry-Riddle Aeronautical University. The University of Florida and Florida State also had their engineering students present, only to be bested by Team Baywatch. “His zealous teammates finished their skit and began to push the aircraft,” reads the explanation as to why the UF team tanked. “They forgot that [John] Bornberg needed a few seconds to remove bungee cords fastening the glider to the rest of the gear.” This says a lot about why NASA hasn’t accomplished anything substantial in my lifetime.

CL’s Flying Cuban Sandwich was the third contestant of the day and fell apart before it even hit the water. But that should be expected from an alt-weekly newspaper’s team. Especially one featuring a “world traveling bootlegger,” an “honorary Loafer based on her love of drinking and SOG cred,” and a woman “cool enough to party with Creed on their tour bus.”

It took what felt like about a half-hour in between each liftoff. We left when our booze supply ended, which occurred right when the concession stand we were practically sitting in ran out of beer. We didn’t miss much.  Baywatch won.

I have yet to speak to London since she braved life and limb for a cheap publicity stunt but did see her being pulled out of the dark waters and wave to us, so, y’know, she survived. But who knows about the whole brain damage thing. I’ll have to question her at the office Monday. And question my own sanity for attending such an event.

Cross-posted from TampaCalling.com.

2. Fourth of July fireworks fill the Friday night skies.

3. Music showcases on both sides of the Bay give area folks the chance to get acquainted (or re-acquainted) with a range of appealing local and regional acts. The Hot Dog Show 2 at Ybor City’s Crowbar features a cookout, hot dog eating contest, $5 liters, and sets by Très Bien, Liquid Limbs, Mumpsy, Hometeam and Matt Butcher & The Revolvers. CL in Concert stages Independence Fest at State Theatre in St. Petersburg, with $2 drinks, voter registration opportunities, a $50 gas card giveaway, and live music by Car Bomb Driver, Mouse Fire, Military Junior, and Have Gun, Will Travel.

4. Current students and alumni of the Pinellas County Center for the Arts at Gibbs High School stage a very limited run of Art – Yasmina Reza’s award-winning play about the subjectivity of art – at the Studio at 620 in St. Petersburg.

5. A variety of reality stars converge on Ybor City for the very first GaYbor Days.

In Miami last year, Langbehn was about to embark on a cruise with her partner of 18 years, Lisa Marie Pond, and three of their four adopted children, when Pond suffered a brain aneurysm and was taken to Jackson Memorial Hospital. According to a lawsuit filed Wednesday against the hospital, the staff “refused to accept information from Langbehn regarding Pond’s medical history, informing her that she was in an antigay city and state and that she could expect to receive no information or acknowledgment as family.” Langbehn and her children were denied access to Pond for nearly eight hours. When the family was finally allowed to see her, the priest was administering last rites. Langbehn, with the help of Lambda Legal, is now suing the hospital and staffers for “negligent infliction of emotional distress.”

What happened to Langbehn — a heartless, by-the-book bureaucratic foul-up if there ever was one — could become even more commonplace after November’s election. If demagogues convince Florida voters that a same-sex marriage ban, already a law, should also be enshrined in the state constitution, the same thing could happen to anyone in Florida who defines family as other than one man/ one woman in a state-approved union. Unmarried heterosexual couples, senior citizens living together as companions, committed same-sex partners raising a family in relationships lasting 10, 20, 50 years — all of them would be at risk of being treated the same way as Janice Langbehn was treated.

Only if Amendment 2 passes, it won’t be just boneheaded hospital staffers denying people their civil rights. It’ll be the Florida Constitution.

If for no other reason than to show the world that you don’t want that to happen, march in the Pride parade Saturday and show your support for a grand marshal who deserves all the support we can give.

Later this week, I’ll be posting my interview, captured on ImGay.TV, with Lambda Legal’s Beth Littrell, who’s handling Langbehn’s case. And on Saturday, look for Creative Loafing staffers, including myself, riding the Azalea fire truck in the parade and handing out copies of the Openly Gay Issue and special CL “branded” condoms — much better than “beeeeaaaads.” And check out CL’s booth at 25th & Central.

Is your favorite on our list of 50? Do you have some to add? Vote for your favorite waterfront bars and restaurants below. And if you don’t see your favorite, write it in the comments at the bottom of the ballot.

Think of it as your first chance to fire a salvo in this fall’s 2008 Best of the Bay battle. Because what’s better than a Best of the Bay winner that’s actually on the Bay (or the Gulf, the Hillsborough or the Intracoastal)?

(Photo by Marina Williams)

Voting ends May 28 – so get your ballots in soon!

[poll=2]

Remember Alan Snel?

He’s the bicycle enthusiast I profiled last August. Snel, a former Tampa Tribune reporter, is the director of the South West Florida Bicycle United Dealers (SWFBUD!).

This week, Snel was one of 500 bicycle activists attending the 2008 National Bike Summit in Washington D.C. to lobby Congress for pro-bicycle legislation. 500 bicycle lobbyists? That’s a lot of spandex!

Check out Snel’s report here.

Way to go, Alan. A good portion of Tampa Bay’s congestion problems could be solved if we used bikes, even if just for those small two-minute trips to grab a six-pack or lunch. St. Pete has already done a great job creating a bicycle-friendly city, but Tampa still has a long way to go.

What’s the biggest obstacle for bicyclists in Tampa?

(photo via LightMash on Flikr)

UPDATE: Another example of Pinellas County’s innovation.

Lee, the independent film pioneer and unofficial political activist, spoke at the Sun Dome Corral as part of USF’s lecture series. The immutable film nerd inside me jumped at the opportunity to see the man behind such indie staples as She’s Gotta Have It (1986), Malcolm X (1992) and Do The Right Thing (1989) – Lee’s masterpiece. Plus, the event was free to current students.

Besides the occasional anecdote concerning studio funding, however, Lee did not broach his film career. In light of the Texas and Ohio primaries (occurring as the filmmaker spoke), he was understandably preoccupied with politics. He opened his casual speech with a declaration that “we could all wake up in a new world tomorrow.” Of course, Lee was referring to the potential presidential nomination of Illinois Sen. Barack Obama — an obvious milestone in this ethnocentric superpower of a nation. He explained why nominating the first African-American presidential candidate means more than nominating the first female candidate. There are simply more sociological implications. In a way, Obama’s nomination is the only event that could successfully retire 400 years of slavery, Lee said. The filmmaker paced back and forth on the stage with a tangible mixture of hope and excitement. He suffered through an exhaustive Q & A that made me ashamed of my fellow students and starstruck Tampa residents. Excuse the cliche, but Spike Lee clearly had larger fish to fry – and his demeanor showed it.

Alas, we did not wake up to “a new world” on Wednesday morning. It was Sen. Hillary Clinton who triumphed in the delegate-heavy states of Texas and Ohio. She also nabbed Rhode Island. Obama was left with one victory in Vermont., as well as an unchanged delegate lead.

Lee, along with millions of nail-biting Americans, may be disappointed for now, but Obama is still ahead in this race. Meanwhile, Lee will have no choice but to return to a kick-ass film career.

File photo credit: Danny Norton

Michael Mendolusky with dancing baby Olivia and Nikki Ferraro (d’Visitors lead singer) come to see Jay Giroux beautify an old CL box.

The locale, however, was less than ideal. On Saturday night Channelside was the eye of a meat market hurricane — frat boys and hot chicks swirled about as funky models and out-of-place creative types descended on the downtown Tampa nightspot. It was hard to tell if people were there for the arts, or because Channelside was their usual game. Auditorium frontman (and fellow Creative Loafer) Joran Oppelt, a self-proclaimed “jaded, bitter musician,” played late in the evening and couldn’t argue with the good attendance numbers. “At least there were people there,” he said. “[It was] smarter than doing it at a theatre and no one showing up.” But if the bodies aren’t paying attention, is art really being saved?

After watching the fashion show by Aleka Phoenix, Ivanka Ska, and (2007 Best of the Bay’s best designer) Ben Chmura, I literally had to run to Tampa Theatre (well, you know, park then run) to catch the screening of Itty Bitty Titty Committee at the second-to-last night of the Tampa International Gay and Lesbian Film Festival (just renamed the Clip Film Festival, by the way; their new logo will be unveiled early next year). The screening brought out between 700-800 people, mostly women.

Itty Bitty Titty Committee (directed by Jamie Babbit) is the first production of Power Up, a professional organization that promotes the visibility and integration of gay women in entertainment, the arts and all forms of media. The film, which proved a good counterpoint to StA’s skinny-thigh-dominated fashion show, follows the CIA (Clits in Action) as they tag L.A. plastic surgery clinics with slogans such as, “Women come in all shapes.” Interesting, since in this Hollywood-produced film most of the leads are as bite-sized as their mainstream counterparts. The character’s MO is “reclaiming public space for women,” even if many of them are vaguely (or completely) unaware of the effects of the societal demands on women’s lives. But it’s the thought that counts … right?

Pass the celery stalks, please.

Channel 10 personality Holley Sinn interviews Ms. Loafie 2007 Ashle Smith and Loafie host Tim Wilkins as CL Senior Editor Eric Snider looks on, Cuban bread in hand. Photo by: Larry Biddle.

If you didn’t make it to this week’s 2007 Best of The Bay award show (aka The Loafies), you missed something special. A crowd of hundreds rocked the Tampa Theatre on Monday night, boisterously celebrating what Creative Loafing’s readers deemed the best in People & Politics, Food & Drink, Urban Exploring, Goods & Services and Arts & Entertainment. Along with pictures from the event, a complete list of Readers’ Poll winners is in this week’s Loaf, which is hitting paper boxes today.

If you can’t get to a paper box, or you’re just dying to know who did all the winning, click the “Read the rest of this entry” link below for the complete list of Readers’ Poll champions. (You can also click here for a complete list of our critics and staff picks.)

BEST OF THE BAY 2007
READERS’ POLL WINNERS

URBAN EXPLORING
Best Neighborhood: Hillsborough
Seminole Heights

Best Neighborhood: Pinellas
Old Northeast

Best Beach
Clearwater Beach

Best Party District
Ybor City

Best Sports Bar
Ferg’s Sports Bar and Grill

Best Dance Club
The Castle

Best Gay/Lesbian Bar
Georgie’s Alibi

Best Strip Club
Mons Venus

Best Blog
Sticks of Fire

Best Kept Secret
Kaleisia Tea Lounge

Best Thing to Show Off to Out-of-Town Guests
Beaches

ARTS & ENTERTAINMENT
Best Theater Troupe
American Stage

Best Local Actor
Richard Coppinger

Best Local Actress
Eileen Koteles

Best Visual Artist
Amanda Stiles

Best Art Gallery
Studio @ 620

Best Museum
The Salvador Dalí Museum

Best Standup Comedian
Steve Arik

Best Local Band
Giddy-Up, Helicopter!

Best Local Singer-Songwriter
Rebekah Pulley

Best Local Hip-Hop Act
The Stick Martin Show

Best Club DJ
DJ Ray

Best Concert Venue
Jannus Landing

Best Rock Club
State Theatre

Best Concert of the Past 12 Months
Vans Warped Tour

GOODS & SERVICES
Best New Store
Kohl’s

Best Tattoo/Piercing Parlor
Atomic Tattoos

Best Personal Trainer
Tim Ganley of Sculptured Bodies

Best Day Spa
Safety Harbor Spa & Resort

Best Men’s Clothing
Men’s Wearhouse

Best Women’s Clothing
Nordstrom

Best Vintage Clothing
La France

Best Bookstore
Barnes & Noble

Best Clothing Designer
Ben Chmura

Best Veterinarian
Dr. Don Morgan

Best Furniture Store
Rooms to Go

Best Gourmet Food Store
Fresh Market

FOOD & DRINK
Best New Restaurant
Fly

Best Splurge Restaurant
Bern`s

Best Bargain Restaurant
La Teresita

Best Barbecue Restaurant
Sonny’s Real Pit Bar-B-Q

Best Sushi Restaurant
Samurai Blue

Best Italian Restaurant
Carrabba’s Italian Grill

Best Asian Restaurant
Jasmine Thai

Best Mexican Restaurant
Vallarta’s Restaurante

Best Vegetarian Restaurant
Sweet Tomatoes

Best Cuban Sandwich
La Teresita

Best Soul Food
Atwater’s

Best Bakery
Alessi Bakery

Best Pizza
Cappy’s Pizzeria

Best Burger
Five Guys

Best Breakfast
First Watch

Best Wine Shop
Total Wine & More

PEOPLE & POLITICS
Best Local Politician
Mayor Pam Iorio

Worst Local Politician
Ronda Storms

Biggest Waste of Tax Money
(Tie) Riverwalk/ Tampa Museum of Art

Best Local Newspaper Reporter
Wayne Garcia, Creative Loafing

Best Local Columnist
Howard Troxler, St. Petersburg Times

Best Local TV Anchor
Gayle Sierens, WFLA NewsChannel 8

Best Local TV News Reporter
Charley Belcher, Fox13

Best Radio Station
WMNF 88.5 FM

Best Radio DJ
MJ (Todd Schnitt), WFLZ-FM

Best Bucs Player
Derrick Brooks

Best Devil Rays Player
Carl Crawford

Best Lightning Player
Vincent Lecavalier

Local Celebrity You Love to Hate
Ronda Storms

Local Celebrity You Hate to Love
Hollywood Hulk Hogan

Local Hero
Joe Redner

Local Zero
Jim Smith

Best Local Troublemaker
Joe Redner

As at least four of you have probably noticed, the daily Short List has not appeared in this space since last Thursday. While I appreciate all the cards, flowers and well-wishing e-mails, I assure you that I am fine and have not taken ill with some terminal disease.

Instead, everyone at CL has been hard at work putting the finishing touches on both this year’s Best of the Bay issue, which hits the paper boxes starting tomorrow, and the Best of The Bay Awards Show (aka The Loafies) which will be held on Mon., Sept. 24 at 8 p.m. at the Tampa Theatre.

Check back tomorrow for more details on the issue and the show, and for the triumphant return of the Short List. In the meantime, feel free to talk among yourselves about tasered UF students, O.J., the declining dollar, Apple’s plans for the European iPhone, and whatever improbable thing Bush is doing now.

On This Earth, tomorrow night at Ruth Eckerd Hall, will feature Bracewell, her cute wife Lexi Pierson, Rebekah Pulley and Geri X.

Pulley was a guest on my early Monday morning radio show on WMNF, which can be streamed until this Monday morning. My guest host for 7/30 is Flashpoint-er Brendan McLaughlin. (Yes, it’s already been recorded and no, Wayne Garcia was not allowed in the studio.)

Speaking of PoHo, he’ll be on Rob Lorei’s Florida This Week on WEDU tonight at 8:30 along with Patrick Manteiga, Mary Anne Stiles and Andrew Skerritt.

And if that’s not enough reporters in one room for you, stop by St. Pete’s Poynter Institute Saturday afternoon from 1-3 for a conversation with ABC News correspondent Martha Raddatz and Washington Post assistant managing editor Rajiv Chandrasekaran. Both have recently written books on the war in Iraq.