Then, Isaac Hayes, dead of treadmilling.

Who will complete the trilogy of dead African American celebs? I asked my colleagues:

“Morgan Freeman was supposed to be the first one, but somehow escaped the grim reaper in his car crash.”

“Samuel L. Jackson, he was working on a project with Hayes and Mac.”

But the best answer:

“Robert Downey Jr.”

Venomous: As if Spider-Man 3 weren’t bad enough.

Does this mean the next Austin Powers won’t be shag-a-delic?

Mighty shield, yeah, sure: But who will wear that ridiculous costume?

The votes are in: Dark Knight is the greatest movie ever!

More to meet the eye: Superbabe Megan Fox ordered to gain weight for Transformers sequel.

Remember Pirates, that porn flick that gained local notoriety when reporters found out some of the scenes were shot at the St. Petersburg Pier? The groundbreaking 2005 Digital Playground film made history as the most expensive porn ever produced and is still one of the industry’s top selling movies.Well, Digital Playground will soon release a sequel — Pirates II: Stagnetti’s Revenge — in September and the online buzz is the movie will break the standard porn mold again.

According to press releases, producers spent nearly $10 million on the project and it features all sorts of CGI special effects. There’s also a long list of adult actors, including Pirates original cast member Jesse Jane and award-winning star Belladonna (these links aren’t safe for work).

Check out a preview here (oh, and this link is work-safe).

Meanwhile, Mulder and Scully are together again after a 10-year layoff in The X-Files: I Want to Believe. If the reviews on Rotten Tomatoes are any indication, this may be the last go-round for the FBI agents with a penchant for investigating the supernatural.

Part of the reason is Joss Whedon, the man behind Dr. Horrible’s Sing-Along Blog. Whedon — of Buffy, Firefly and Serenity fame — is known for snappy dialogue, engaging stories and a keen talent for creating fan buzz. Last week he released Dr. Horrible with little fanfare, posting three fifteen-minute episodes throughout the week. You could view them for free on the Dr. Horrible site, but only through last Sunday.

Now they’re $1.99 each on iTunes. And worth every penny.

There’s nothing new to this comic tale of a nascent super-villain trying to make it into the big leagues, but when that story is told with Whedon’s flair for dialogue, a half-dozen musical numbers and the comedy genius of Neil Patrick Harris in the starring role, it’s gold. Whedon regular Nathan Filion plays Captain Hammer — the doctor’s arch-nemesis — with oblivious, scene-eating verve and the entire production manages to be slick and humble at the same time.

That might be the ultimate appeal of Dr. Horrible. The countless home-made video blogs and shorts posted on Youtube and the like create an aura of low expectations for web films, making it easy for Whedon and crew to surpass the perceived potential at every step. The actors are better than the script, the script is better than the plot and the plot is good enough to generate some pathos and interest. Most of the laughs come from obvious slapstick or surprise — the head of the League of Evil is a villain called Bad Horse (the Thoroughbred of the Apocalypse), silently played by an actual horse in the show’s final scene — but they work.

Experience has trained all of us to know in our bones that 99% of online entertainment is pure crap. Maybe the real lesson in Dr. Horrible is that a skilled storyteller and some out-of-work production pros can turn those lowered expectations into honest-to-goodness blockbuster fun.

Joe’s Picks:
1. Batman Begins/The Dark Knight: The new kings of the comic-book castle. Begins sets the table, and then The Dark Knight redefines the genre for the 21st century. I don’t see how anyone — not even director Christopher Nolan and his team — will top Knight for a long, long time.
2. The Matrix: Though not based on original graphic novel source material, there is no denying that The Matrix set the standard for all the modern comic book/superhero franchises. There is no Dark Knight without Keanu and Co’s reality-bending excursion into virtual reality.
3. Die Hard: Sure, Die Hard might seem out of place on a list of flicks about guys dressed as insects and flying rodents. Still, how can a list of superhero movies not include NYC cop/terrorist-killer John McClaine? In the original Die Hard, Bruce Willis tries his best to make McClain an everyman, and winds up creating one of the quintessential superheroes of the 1980s.
4. Superman/Superman 2: Really more of one big movie than two individual films. Superman and Superman II were both the babies of Richard Donner (Lethal Weapon, Goonies). After Donner had completed Superman and was halfway through shooting Superman II, the studio replaced him with A Hard Day’s Night director Richard Lester, causing Superman II to suffer a bit from the lack of consistency at the helm. Still, I find the sequel more fun to watch than the original.
5. Iron Man: 2008’s other excellent comic-book movie, and the first one from Marvel’s new production company. Iron Man manages to combine a terrific performance by Robert Downey Jr. with a plot that carries weight in these over-militarized times. It’s also damn funny.
6. The Incredibles: A Pixar animated feature about a family of superheroes, The Incredibles manages the difficult task of satirizing the superhero flick while delivering an excellent take on the genre that appeals to the whole family. Can’t wait for the sequel.
7. Spider-Man 2: I was never a huge Spider-Man fan, though I do appreciate what director Sam Raimi brought to the web-crawling franchise. Spider-Man 2 is easily the best of the Spidey flicks, primarily because of the villainous Doc Ock and his amazing tentacles.
8. Batman: The Tim Burton/Michael Keaton original holds up today largely on the back of the amazing production design and Jack Nicholson’s inspired performance as The Joker. I’m partial to Batman Returns, actually, as I find it a much more entertaining experience than this brooding original, but I fear villagers with pitchforks might show up at the Loaf office if I rank Returns over Batman. So I won’t — but you’re all wrong!

Sal’s Picks

10. Batman (1989). Michael Keaton and Jack Nicholson square off in Tim Burton’s gothic take on DC Comic’s famed superhero. More than a bit silly at times and often draggy, it benefits from stylish production design, winning performances and Burton’s quirky sensibility.
9. X-Men: The Last Stand. More exciting than its predecessors, this entry, helmed by Brett Ratner, is disturbing (Jean Grey destroying Professor Xavier with her mind remains a chilling sequence), action-packed and loaded with colorful characters and snappy pacing.
8. Hulk (2003). Ang Lee’s version of the Big Green Guy’s story has been much maligned, but his poetic, character-driven film combines ingenious editing and slam-bang battle sequences with top-notch performances by Sam Elliott, Jennifer Connelly, Nick Nolte and Eric Bana.
7. Batman Begins. After suffering through the Joel Schumacher-directed debacles of the 1990s (Batman Forever, Batman & Robin), the Caped Crusader got the film he (and fans) truly deserved in 2005. Christian Bale stars in Christopher Nolan’s moody, very serious take on Batman’s origins and his attempts to thwart Gotham’s underworld. Not a whole lot of “fun” per se, but a fine character study with quality supporting work by Michael Caine, Morgan Freeman, Liam Neeson and Tom Wilkinson.
6. Superman II. Not as good as its predecessor, this sequel suffers from a few too many corny moments and the fact that Richard Lester had to reshoot a good portion of the film in order to receive director’s credit after Richard Donner was given his walking papers. Lester’s trademark comic touch is a little too evident, but he still manages to craft engagingly silly popcorn entertainment.
5. Spider-Man. I was a devoted reader of the Spidey comics as a kid, and Sam Raimi’s big-screen version didn’t disappoint. Doe-eyed Tobey MacGuire is perfectly cast as Peter Parker, the awkward teen who is bitten by a radioactive spider and gains super-human strength (and a way-cool costume, too).
4. The Incredibles. Brad Bird’s (Iron Giant, Ratatouille) witty, stylish animated feature is giddy fun from beginning to end and owes more than a little to the James Bond flicks of the 1960s. In fact, trailers for the film used John Barry’s score from On Her Majesty’s Secret Service.
3. Spider-Man II. In this, the best of the series, Spider-Man squares off against the formidable Doctor Octopus, and New York’s cityscape is much the worse for their battles.
2. The Dark Knight. Nolan’s sequel to Batman Begins is a thought-provoking, white-knuckled affair with thrilling action and, in Heath Ledger’s anarchic Joker, one of the most deeply frightening villains ever to appear on the big screen. Moral ambiguity has rarely been this compelling.
1. Superman. Cinema’s landmark superhero film is still the best and set the standard by which all others should be judged. Yes, critics everywhere are putting The Dark Knight at the top of their all-time lists, but let’s see how everything plays out in a few years. Richard Donner’s take on The Man of Steel is masterfully paced, epic entertainment, with an assured, star-making turn in the lead role by Christopher Reeve and stellar support by the entire cast, most notably Gene Hackman as the sarcastic but deadly Lex Luthor. Humor, Americana, spectacle and Donner’s devotion to “verisimilitude” blend to create the grandest superhero film of them all.

Based on some Internet surfing and my own personal preferences, here’s my list of the top 10 candidates for becoming a part of 007 trivia and lore:

In no particular order:

1. Chrissie Hynde (a personal favorite of mine, she performed a track for the 1987 Bond film, The Living Daylights, but it was not the title song (that honor belongs to A-ha)

2. David Bowie (How Bowie hasn’t recorded a Bond theme thus far is a mystery to me; his voice is tailor-made for it)

3. Scissor Sisters (came at the suggestion of a poster on commanderbond.net. After listening to a couple of their tracks, I can hear why).

4. The Killers

5. Gnarls Barkley (they probably don’t have chance, but it would be a bold choice)

6. Neko Case (yes, she specializes in gothic noir, but wouldn’t her dark, rich voice fit perfectly with this vengeance-based Bond entry?)

7. Coldplay

8. U2 (Bono and The Edge wrote the theme for Goldeneye, sung by Tina Turner)

9. Aimee Mann (she’s got the voice and the songwriting chops)

10. Goldfrapp

And here’s my top 10 list (again, in no particular order) of those who shouldn’t be allowed within the firing range of a Walther PPK to a Bond theme:

1. Neil Diamond (because he’s Neil Diamond)

2. Elton John (unless Disney is producing the film)

3. Any hair metal band

4. Frank Stallone

5. Kenny Loggins (unless the principal bad guy in Quantum of Solace is a gopher bent on world domination)

6. Phil Collins (see #2)

7. Fountain of Wayne (unless Tom Hanks replaces Daniel Craig as Bond)

8. Anyone from American Idol

9. Celine Dion

10. Randy Newman (see #’s 2 and 6)

Penelope: Cutie-pie Christina Ricci (The Addams Family, Buffalo 66, Speed Racer) is the title character in this modern-day fairy tale about a girl born with a porcine snout. Reese Witherspoon and James McAvoy (Wanted) costar.

One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest: Milos Forman’s 1975 classic gets the Blu-ray treatment. Jack Nicholson stars as a free spirit who enters an insane asylum to avoid prison work detail, butting heads with the icy Nurse Ratched (Louise Fletcher). Also stars Will Sampson, Brad Dourif and Danny DeVito.

That’s mostly true for Hollywood’s big-budget releases, but as Erik Lundegaard points out in making the case that we need movie critics, these arbiters of taste have a measurable effect on box-office receipts.

Using basic math and the compendium of critical reviews from Rottentomatoes, Lundegaard shows that across the board — from art-house flicks to major studio releases — better-reviewed films earn more on a per-screen average than movies that are panned. Of 234 films released in 2007 and reviewed on Rottentomatoes, Lundegaard discovers:

While there were fewer “fresh” films (i.e., movies that critics liked) and they showed on fewer screens and took in less overall box office, they tended to make almost $1,000 more per screen than “rotten” movies (i.e., movies critics didn’t like). So, on a per-screen-basis, more people are following critics into theaters than not.

With that in mind, here’s a link to my review for Hancock.