I grew up in suburban New York, and having subsequently met folks in my age group from all around the States, it’s clear that we did not all share the same vernacular. 

When I first came to Florida after finishing college in upstate New York, I didn’t fit in too well with the social cliques in St. Pete. Some of it was a language barrier. I couldn’t stand to hear someone say “y’all,” let alone say it myself. “Y’all” was pretty common down here at the time; I don’t hear it as much anymore.

One word I brought down from up north was “pisser,” or, more accurately, “pissa.”

“Did you go to Alvo’s party? It was a pissa, man.” “That Alvo, he’s a pissa.” For us, pissa = good, fun.

But it wasn’t a good word to use in Tampa Bay in the mid 1970s. “A what?” I’d hear when “pissa” slipped from my mouth (by the way, I had very little New York accent, so it really was the word and not the way I said it, which was more like “pissuh.”)

I found out that saying pissuh was an immediate deal-breaker with chicks, and just about anybody else, so I quickly vanquished it from my lexicon. In the decades since, I’ve never missed using the word pissuh.

I do, however, miss “ball” as a verb for the sex act. “I was ballin’ this chick.” D’ju ball ’er?” These were very common sayings among our group of male friends.

To ball was strictly a male act. A chick could not ball a guy; she let him ball her (although it was doubtful that most of the girls we knew would put it that way; they seemed to prefer euphemisms like “sleep with” or [yech] “make love.” ) I’ll never forget when, a few years after college, I was scolded by a young lady for using “make love.” Sheesh, she said, we’re not making love.” Thanks for curing me of that, whoever you were.

Lastly, “dude” is not just a post-Spicoli construct or a 19th Century term that meant a city-slicker in the country. We used it in high school, but not in the multi-faceted way it evolved post-Valleyspeak. “Duuuuuude.” “Dude?!” (like in the beer commercial) and many other iterations.

Our “dude” was said almost strictly as another noun for guy, without a lot of inflection. “He’s a good dude.” “That dude drives like a maniac.” But never “Dude, you comin’ over tonight?” or “Dude can really run his mouth.”

I try not to use “dude” anymore. It doesn’t seem to befit my age, plus don’t you think the term is tired?

You have to hand it to Gotvmail; these are sure to get a ton of play across the Web in the next few days. And for all that publicity, I’m sure they only had to shell out an 8-ball or two.

Well, they’re sure acting like Canadians: Paul McCartney to give free concert; apparently “free” isn’t good enough for Quebec sovereigntists.

Time heals all wounds? Former Beatles drummer Pete Best to release first solo album, chronicling his dismissal from the band over 40 years ago.

Just know this, Benny: Pierce Brosnan was never in ABBA.

They’ve got an Axl to grind: Chinese Democracy track to be featured in Rock Band 2

While the start of Bucs training camp is still 11 days away, it’s never too early to begin strategerizing for Fantasy Football season. This year, a few good sports from CL’s editorial department are itching to take on you, the reader, in our first annual Fantasy Football Challenge. Do you have what it takes to do statistical gridiron battle with us this fall? I doubt it. (Let’s face it: you’re weak and you don’t know your football from your pinball.) But if you are one of the brave souls ready to face the virtual ass-whoopin’ of a lifetime, let me know. Send an e-mail with the subject line “Fantasy Football” to joe.bardi@creativeloafing.com, and I’ll forward you all the details.

There are no prizes, of course. That would be gambling, and we all know gambling is very wrong. (Except when done on sacred Native-American land, cruise ships, foreign countries, or in Nevada, New Jersey, Connecticut, Mississippi, etc.) However, we will be featuring breathless coverage of the league on the CL Blogs and at tampa.creativeloafing.com. This is your chance at fantasy gridiron greatness. Don’t screw it up rookie!

(Photo Credit: Nightthree)

The WSOP Main Event started July 3, with 6,844 people ponying up the $10,000 to participate, resulting in a prize pool of $64,333,600. Anyone who managed to beat out more than ten percent of the field managed to take home some dough, starting at $21,230 at 666th place. At 3:30 a.m. this morning, Michigan pro Dean Hamrick was in the uncomfortable position of being knocked out at 10th place, resulting in a booby prize of almost $600k.

The final nine received a payout of $900k — the minimum they will be winning once play resumes — and a 117 day vacation that they’ll likely spend negotiating endorsement deals, studying opponents and training, training, training. $900k is a lot, but 1st place will take home over $9 million, along with an easy, almost-guaranteed lifetime income as a sponsored pro. There are a few amateurs, a few pros, a mix of ages, and five different countries represented among the surviving few. All men, though, as the final female player was eliminated in 17th place.

Locally, our own former CL columnist (and current traitor) Jaden Hair got a little windfall from the WSOP. Her husband Scott (that’s him looking stern in the pic) — a good online poker player — managed to ride a short stack into the money for a cool $27k, finishing 466th when his pocket aces got two-outed by pocket queens. Bad beat, Scott. And Jaden, out of respect for you, I refrained from making a joke about “riding the short stack”.

We’re the state that has it all!

Author Michael Grunwald allows that the winters are nice, and has a conversation with Gov. Crist that brightens his outlook a bit, comparing the guv to “human Prozac.” But the overall tone is grim, ending with the  point that Florida may know how to grow, but has yet to learn how to grow up.

For the moment, those of us manning the CL 4000 Weather Center advise you to stay out of the Home Depot, as we have not yet issued our “Buy plywood or die!” advisory notice. However, you should stay tuned to this blog for extremely late-breaking weather news and last rites.

And run for you lives!

(Sorry, the excitement of hurricane season is already getting the better of us.)

In keeping with the nautical theme, Beach Theatre is screening Jaws twice today as part of its 1970s weekend.

So that’s why John Kerry lost in 2004: A New York Times op-ed explains why we’re so gullible.

Because you love profanity-laced video-game reviews: It’s the latest Zero Punctuation!

Are you Baracktose Intolerant?