Girls just wanna have fun: AEW criticize criticism
Thursday, August 27th, 2009“All warfare is based on deception. Hence, when able to attack, we must seem unable; when using our forces, we must seem inactive; when we are near, we must make the enemy believe we are far away; when far away, we must make him believe we are near. Hold out baits to entice the enemy. Feign disorder, and crush him.”
- Sun Tzu, the Art of War
In every war there comes a time to call a truce, and when the members of Attractive Eighties Women declared war on me after giving their latest CD, The Ancient Cry of the Tyrannosaur, a measly 1 out of 5 stars, it was time to meet face-to-face on a battlefield of their choosing. Guitarist Christie Brinkley and frontman Phoebe Cates chose Octane Coffee. In the past I have described AEW as being equal parts Lenny Bruce impious humor-made-local, and the power-trash jams of the Replacements circa ‘83, but the first part isn’t quite right. These guys are more like Andy Kaufman meets the Mats at the dog end of a three-day amphetamine-fueled performance art bender. They don’t mind speaking their minds about their disdain for rock critics, communists and worst of all pandas.
Chad Radford: Thank you for meeting me today.
Christie Brinkley: Thank you. I brought you this statue of a King-Fu Master out of respect for what you do, and for meeting us here today. It’s a gift from us as a gesture of respect for you meeting us. But I also cut of his left hand as a warning and to remind you of our disapproval of the album review that you wrote of our new record.
Phoebe Cates: We do that for critics who give us bad reviews. We even wrote a song about the coward Jeff Clark, but it’s not a nice song. You made the right decision to come and speak with us today. I looked at your review of our new record online and it had 17 comments. The only other thing that had any comments was something about Dallas Austin, and he only had two comments. That’s a pretty accurate percentage of how much more popular we are than Dallas Austin, which if you do the math it works out to about 13,000% more popular. So as you see we are a band that gets people talking and that gets people excited.
Chad Radford: I heard your song about Jeff Clark …
PC: You mean “the coward Jeff Clark” of Stomp & Stammer?
CR: What did he do to you?
Attractive Eighties Women is a band you have to see live to appreciate. It’s hard to hate on a group whose mission is to have fun playing deranged, cartoon rock about things that annoy them. But when removed from the atmosphere of a bar, the jokes are good for one listen at best. “Surfing or AIDS (I’ll Take Surfing)” is a pointlessly offensive attempt at Dead Milkmen-style shtick. It’s certainly no Beelzebubba, but it’s not all bad. When vocalist Phoebe Cates rants “Bluetooth black eye/hang up or die,” you feel his angst. “Sock Man” rules because it’s about the Sock Man. But seriously, spare yourself the cost of the CD and spend it on the show. You will be less disappointed. (Self-released) 1 star out of 5
We’ve come to expect a little bodily fluid when attending a live show in Atlanta, but nothing kills a performance quicker than unwelcome bleeding from the band’s lead.