Grammys 2010: Wha’ happened?
Monday, February 1st, 2010First off, why isn’t it spelled Grammies? Why does it get to flaunt the rules of pluralization? But that’s only the most innocuous of problems with this dinosaur of the music industry. Or maybe the music industry’s the dinosaur. Did I just blow your mind, man? Either way, below is a play-by-play of the excruciatingly banal, the terrifically bizarre, and the pleasantly surprising moments of last night’s awards. Also, Georgia musicians that done done good.
The telecast opened in the gayest way possible (and I don’t mean that in a bad way), with weirdo-flavor-of-the-moment Lady Gaga sitting across a creepy hand-laden piano from onetime Atlanta resident Sir Elton John. After Gaga delivered a medley of some of her hits (what is the deal with the medley, Grammys?), she sat down with Elton and growled, “I wanna be a staaaaaar!” Then they played together. It was off-putting and a little scary. Anyway, they both looked crazy, and it was sort of enjoyable. At the least, it was the most fitting collaboration of the night.
As much as I like Stephen Colbert, his niche-y brand of comedy always fails to go over well in front of a large audience. Anyone remember the White House Correspondents’ Dinner? So it was on Grammy night, as he whipped out his brand new iPad in a weird new style of ironic product placement. Meh, meh, meh.
Sidenote: What’s up with the one Jonas Brother who looks like a hipster? Is he going to break off from the rest of the pack and go record his gritty solo album with Steve Albini? I hope so, and not.
Now it was time for the award for Song of the Year, which Beyonce won for “Single Ladies (Put a Ring On It),” which was a big “duh.” If any of the others had taken it (Kings of Leon?) there would probably have been mass rioting. I guess the Great Kanye Debacle of 2009 has taught all awards shows that if Beyonce’s up for something, you’d better fucking give it to her, and how. Oh, but Beyonce was busy preparing for her big performance, and so the dudes who actually wrote the song — Atlantans Christopher “Tricky” Stewart and Terius “The Dream” Nash — went up to accept the award. I always forget that most of these folks don’t write their own songs. Music!
Green Day has a broadway musical coming out. Remember when they were a punk band? Yeah, me either.
Dr. Dre, AC/DC, the Bee Gees, and the big, purple annoyance known as Barney are just some of the acts whose music is used by the Feds to torture terrorism suspects, according to a story in yesterday’s 
