Crib Notes

Hip-hop heads are often baffled by rock acts and all that “crazy rocker shit” they do, like supposedly eating bat heads, pissing on stage, writing songs about Yellow Submarines, romancing dead boys, shooting up heroin, and moving to Berlin.

Perhaps because people accept the harsh reality put forth in many rap songs and the behavior of these weird dudes who can’t get jobs as the rule rather than the exception, they neglect how psychotic and insane most rappers are.

As I write this, I am trying to bypass shock and just try to look at abnormal behavior for what it is. I grew up in the ’90s and early 2000s and pretty much still have plenty growing to do, but as a result of living in these times I have come to accept a lot of ridiculous things as normal so forgive me if I overlook anyone.

Here are some of the strangest artists around and brief explanations as to why I’m so weirded out by them.

Bizzy Bone
DRUNK THUG ANGEL

He was the most controversial member of Bone Thugz N Harmony — possibly the strangest and highest selling rap group ever. They had strong Christian undertones yet dark horror film imagery (grim reaperesque wraiths wielding scythes were featured prominently in their artwork) and the structure of their names resembled the seven dwarfs (Sleepy, Dopey, Grumpy, Layzie, Krayzie, etc).

He claims to come from a background of “thugism” (whatever the hell that means) and was even abducted as child and featured as an adult on an episode of “America’s Most Wanted,” telling the story of his childhood abduction. He was kicked out of Bone Thugs over money disputes, but his expulsion from the group also seemed to coincide with a strange explosion of his already overly-religious tendencies.

Now he rolls around with weird Mortal Kombat henchmen (as seen in this video), gets more effeminate by the day, and seems to have no problem reconciling his reckless alcohol use with his love for Jesus. He’s integral to the foundations of the tongue-twisting style of rapping but now he tongue twists in tongues!!!

Bjork
SHE IS NOT AFRAID OF YOU AND WILL BEAT YOUR ASS

(more…)

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From MTV.com:

The verdict is in. On the second day of deliberation, the jury in R. Kelly’s child-pornography trial has reached a decision: not guilty on all counts.

Kelly was indicted just over six years ago for videotaping himself engaged in sexual acts with a then-underage girl, his goddaughter. A copy of a videotape was delivered to the Chicago Sun-Times in February 2002, which reporter Jim DeRogatis then handed over to the police. Kelly denied he was the man on the tape, claiming it must be a forgery. The jury agreed, after hearing testimony and evidence that still left a reasonable doubt as to the identities of both parties on the tape.

Somewhere, Dave Chapelle is shaking his head in disbelief.

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After a warm-up date in nearby Columbus, R. Kelly kicked off the first date of his national tour at Philips Arena last night. An anonymous singer performed the national anthem, and then R. Kelly was led through the crowd, like a prize-winning boxer, to a stage that was temporarily set up as a boxing ring. “The champ is here!” screamed a voice over the loudspeakers as all the girls in the audience squealed.

R. Kelly performed most of his radio hits, remixes and guest spots for other artists, from Jay-Z’s “Fiesta” to Bow Wow’s “I’m a Flirt.” But what the ladies wanted to hear were the baby-making songs. He got the biggest response for “Your Body’s Calling” from his classic second album 12 Play, and you could hear the nearly sell-out audience singing along to every word. Then he flipped it, and began riffing angrily, “After all of these years, these motherfuckers still calling on me,” apparently alluding to his ongoing court case for allegedly having sex with underage girls. Then he twisted that line, too, and sang sweetly, “Don’t it feel good, yeah, when motherfuckers still calling on you,” referring to the way his fans still support him regardless of those legal problems.

At one point, Kells announced, “I’m going to sing a song … it’s something I just wrote two weeks ago before I went out on tour.” He dedicated it to all the big-booty girls in the audience. “I’ll do something for the small-booty girls next time.” He proceeded to sing this ridiculously pompous number about a woman’s gluteus maximus. “All right, I’ll stop playing with them,” he said, and went into “Feelin’ On You Booty.”

Needless to say, R. Kelly is something of a freak, but he’s also a great performer, and his two-hour show entertainingly switched moods throughout, from overtly sexual to jokey and familial. There were still a lot of dumbasses who bolted after the first hour and a half — probably so they could get to the “official afterparty” (at Compound, Opera, E.S.S.O. or some other lame superclub). But that said much more about his fans than it did about him.

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