Culture Surfing

THE TWILIGHT SAGA: NEW MOON: Thrill-seeking Bella (Kristen Stewart) receives warmth and support from Jacob (Taylor Lautner) after a failed cliff-jumping encounter.

GENRE: Supernatural teenage drama

THE PITCH: To prevent a frenzy for Bella’s (Kristen Stewart) blood, the Cullens, including her soulmate Edward (Robert Pattinson), cut all ties and leave Forks, Wash. Devastated Bella eventually turns to longtime friend Jacob Black (Taylor Lautner) to mend her broken heart, unintentionally stoking Jacob’s fiery passion for her and uncovering his true nature. Unable to forget her first love, Bella sets off a reckless chain of events that ultimately sends her on a mission to save a lovelorn Edward.

MONEY SHOTS: Jacob’s lycanthropic nature is revealed when he morphs into his wolven form to protect Bella from an attack by friend and packmate Paul (Alex Meraz). A savage, snarly, teeth-gnarling fight ensues between the two werewolves.

BEST LINES: Almost anything from classmate Jessica (Anna Kendrick) when talking to dazed Bella during a girl’s night out. As Jessica compares zombies to lepers, she notes, “My cousin had leprosy, so it’s not funny.” Best friend Alice Cullen (Ashley Greene) declares, “I have never known anyone more prone to life-threatening idiocy” when she comes to check up on Bella after a tragic prophetic vision.

Continue Reading “Hollywood Product: The Twilight Saga: New Moon“

(Photo Courtesy Summit Entertainment)

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THE FOURTH KIND: Dr. Abigail Tyler (Milla Jovovich) recalls in detail her alien abduction experience under hypnosis.

GENRE: Supernatural docudrama

THE PITCH: Director Olatunde Osunsanmi reenacts a mysterious tale of alien abduction told by Dr. Abigail Tyler through interviews and recorded footage of close encounters in Nome, Alaska. Shot as a hybrid between a documentary and a feature film, viewers follow Tyler’s (Milla Jovovich) desperate search to uncover the truth about strange coincidences occurring to her family and the residents of Nome.

MONEY SHOTS: Dr. Tyler and her colleague Dr. Campos (Elias Koteas) reluctantly hypnotize her patient Scott Stracinsky (Enzo Cilenti) again in his bedroom after he starts to exhibit abnormal behavior. As he begins to retrace what happened to him, he springs forward, sitting straight up before hovering over the bed and speaking in ancient Sumerian.

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(Photo Courtesy of Universal Pictures)

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HUMBUG DEEZ: Ghost of Christmas Present (from left, performed by Jim Carrey) chides his charge Ebenezer Scrooge (also performed by Carrey) in A Christmas Carol.

GENRE: CGI holiday drama

THE PITCH: Disney gives Charles Dickens’ classic holiday tale an animated makeover. Miserly Ebenezer Scrooge (Jim Carrey) is visited by ghosts who show him glimpses of his past, present and future in efforts to save his soul before Christmas.

MONEY SHOTS: It’s hard to pull away from the visual effects each of the ghosts utilize to show Scrooge various moments in time. Ghost of Christmas Past (Carrey) uses slingshot-ish flight sequences to take Scrooge to parts of his past. Ghost of Christmas Present (Carrey, again) hurls luminescent golden beads that turn the floor and walls translucent for he and Scrooge to spy on the present. The Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come (yup, you guessed it … Carrey) uses ebon shadows to transport and frighten Scrooge back on to a righteous path.

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(Photo Courtesy Walt Disney Pictures)

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ASTRO BOY: Tobio (Freddie Highmore) tests his newly discovered flying abilities in David Bowers' Astro Boy.

GENRE: CGI sci-fi adventure

THE PITCH: When Dr. Tenma’s (Nicolas Cage) son Tobio (Freddie Highmore) meets an unfortunate end, the grief-stricken scientist creates a robotic boy in his son’s image powered by an experimental power source — blue-core energy. Tobio soon learns he’ll never replace his flesh-and-blood predecessor and flees when facing deactivation from his father and war-mongering General Stone (Donald Sutherland). His escape takes the young robot on an action-packed journey where his destiny is ultimately revealed.

MONEY SHOTS: Newly created Tobio accidentally learns he has the ability to fly when he falls out of a window. After he quickly masters his jet-propelled legs, Tobio embarks on an acrobatic flight around and above Metro City in a scene reminiscent of the space ballet between Wall-E and Eva in Pixar’s Wall-E.

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(Photo Courtesy Summit Entertainment)

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GENRE: Revenge thriller

THE PITCH: After home invaders kill his wife and daughter, “tinkerer” Clyde Shelton (Gerard Butler) exacts revenge on Philadelphia’s criminal justice system, particularly district attorney Nick Rice (Jamie Foxx), who cut a deal to give a sleazy killer a light sentence. Clyde turns out to be more like the Joker in The Dark Knight than Charles Bronson in Death Wish.

MONEY SHOTS: Clyde uses a booby-trapped handgun to outfox an enemy. Clyde not only subjects a bad guy to a “Dexter”-ous punishment, but also sends a recording to Rice’s upper-class home. A remote-controlled robot wreaks havoc at a cemetery. One authority figure dies with such an out-of-nowhere surprise, I can’t possibly say any more.

Continue Reading “Hollywood Product: Law Abiding Citizen“

(Photo Courtesy John Baer/Overture Films)

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NATURAL BORN KILLERS: Columbus (Jesse Eisenberg, from left) and Tallahassee (Woody Harrelson)

GENRE: Ultraviolent zombie comedy

THE PITCH: In zombie-ravaged America, four mismatched survivors nicknamed Columbus (Adventureland’s Jesse Eisenberg), Tallahassee (Woody Harrelson), Wichita (Superbad’s Emma Stone) and Little Rock (Little Miss Sunshine’s Abigail Breslin) try to get along while killing the undead and road-tripping to a California amusement park. By the way, it’s a comedy.

MONEY SHOTS: The spectacular opening credits show slow-motion zombie attacks in incongruous places like a three-legged race. Little girl zombies in princess outfits swarm a soccer mom, who drives off, crashes her car and flies through the windshield — so buckle up! Our heroes enjoy the catharsis of trashing a gift shop of Native American knick-knacks. Amusement park rides like rollercoasters and tilt-a-whirls facilitate elaborate “kills” in the final action sequence.

BEST LINE: “I may seem an unlikely survivor, with all my phobias and irritable bowel syndrome,” says meek Columbus before enumerating his obsessive but hilarious rules of survival.

BEST BAD LINE: “Time to nut up or shut up” is pretty much the “It’s my way or the highway” of 2009.

Continue reading “Hollywood Product: Zombieland“

(Image © 2009 Columbia Pictures Industries, Inc.)

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MAN-EATER: Jennifer (Megan Fox) is on the prowl for a snack in Jennifer's Body.

GENRE: Horrors at high school

THE PITCH: A hot, slightly bitchy high schooler (Megan Fox) turns into a hotter, bitchier, boy-eating cannibal when a satanic ceremony goes wrong. A mousy teen nicknamed “Needy” (Mamma Mia!’s Amanda Seyfried) tries to stop her former BFF in the sophomore script from Diablo Cody, Oscar-winner for Juno.

MONEY SHOTS: Jennifer’s big grin with bloodstained face and teeth when she returns from a fateful date. Jennifer’s nude swim across a lake. The crosscutting between Jennifer’s evil seduction and Needy’s awkward but tender deflowering with her nice-guy boyfriend (Johnny Simmons), which subverts the horror flick cliché that heroes have to be virgins. A lengthy girl-on-girl kiss in extreme close-up. (Hey, I’m not made of stone.)

BEST DIABLO CODY-ISM: “He listens to maggot rock and wears eyeliner. My dick is bigger than his,” Jennifer says of a goth classmate. I wonder if Cody coined the term “manscara.”

WORST DIABLO CODY-ISM: There are so many. Jennifer and Needy greet each other with lines such as, “What’s up, Vagisil?” Needy’s mother (Amy Sedaris) says, “I’m a hard-ass, Ford tough mama bear.” Needy’s boyfriend remarks, “Those jeans are hella low. I can almost see your front butt.”

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(Image by Doane Gregory)

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DROP ZONE: Sam Sparks (Anna Faris, left) and Flint Lockwood (Bill Hader)

GENRE: Sci-fi foodie adventure

THE PITCH: Young crackpot inventor Flint Lockwood (voiced by Bill Hader) accidentally revitalizes his struggling hometown with a gizmo that causes “food weather” to fall from the sky. When greed and pride cause ginormous menu items to wreak havoc, it’s like a Roland Emmerich disaster film combined with an all-you-can eat buffet.

MONEY SHOTS: The big moments of weather food all look great, including the initial, manna-like rain of cheeseburgers and a snowfall of ice cream. Disaster weather includes a terrifying yet delicious-looking spaghetti tornado and a tidal wave following a burst dam of massive “leftovers.” At the finale, Flint’s food machine defends itself with flying pizza slices and huge, ravenous roast chickens.

BEST BAD PUN: “You may have seen a meteor shower, but you’ve never seen a shower meatier than this!” declares Flint’s love interest, weather channel intern Sam Sparks (Anna Faris).

Continue reading “Hollywood Product: Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs“

(Image ©2009 Columbia TriStar Marketing Group, Inc.)

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PANDEMONIUM: 6 (voiced by Crispin Glover) is beset by visions in 9.

GENRE: CGI sci-fi adventure

THE PITCH: In a post-apocalyptic city, robotic ragdolls (called “stitchpunks” in the production notes), including inquisitive 9 (voiced by Elijah Wood), find remnants of the war machines that destroyed humanity. It’s like Pinocchio vs. Terminator.

MONEY SHOTS: The film’s basically built around a series of set pieces of the stitchpunks fighting mechanical monsters, including the Cat Beast, which resembles a bionic feline skeleton; the hypnotic serpentine Seamstress; and the Fabrication Machine, which looks like a jerry-rigged version of one of the Sentinels from the Matrix movies. They’re cool, even though the action scenes prove somewhat repetitive, and feature two jumping-from-the-fireball clichés.

BEST LINE: “I don’t mind having just one eye. It allows me to concentrate on one thing at a time,” remarks mild-mannered 5 (John C. Reilly). Most of the other dialogue is too bland for me to remember.

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(Image courtesy Focus Features)

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SCENT OF A WOMAN: Jason Bateman (left) and Mila Kunis in Extract

GENRE: Workplace comedy

THE PITCH: “Arrested Development’s” Jason Bateman plays Joel, owner of a beverage company called Reynold’s Extract, who juggles a corporate buyout, a personal injury lawsuit, a sexually disinterested wife (Kristen Wiig), a manipulative hottie (Mila Kunis), and the occasional horse tranquilizer. The latest likely cult comedy from writer/director Mike Judge (Office Space, Idiocracy).

MONEY SHOTS: On the bottling floor, a chain reaction of laziness and incompetence results in would-be floor manager Step’s (Clifton Collins Jr.) testicular injury. J.K. Simmons mouths “Oh my God!” at the sight of Kunis’ pulchritude. A dimwitted landscaper-turned-gigolo (Dustin Milligan) offers a soft-focus flashback to a poolside seduction. Joel coughs through a monster bong hit in an attempt to unwind. Wiig snaps and gives a relentlessly gabby neighbor (David Koechner) his just desserts.

FUNNIEST LINE: “Kind of makes you think of how fragile we all are … especially our balls,” reflects Joel following the on-the-job injury.

MOST CHARACTERISTIC LINE: “If they’re not going to do their job, I’m not going to do mine! I’m just gonna sit here!” declares a factory employee whose work ethic is no better than Office Space’s white-collar drudges.

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(Image courtesy Sam Urdank/Miramax Film Corp.)

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POO POO PLATTER: Roommates Leo (Jonah Hill, left) and Mark (Jason Sschwartzman) kiss up to George (Adam Sandler)

GENRE: Bittersweet bromance

THE PITCH: Stand-up comic-turned-movie megastar George Simmons (Adam Sandler as a fictionalized version of himself) mentors aspiring comedian Ira Wright (Seth Rogen) after being diagnosed with a rare disease. Will George’s self-assessment inspire him to reconnect with his former fiancée Laura (Leslie Mann)?

MONEY SHOTS: The film’s best jokes are George’s horrible-looking fake movie hits such as the Splash-like Merman and the magic baby comedy Re-Do. Ira blubbers hilariously while meeting George at a diner. Laura proves to be a terrible liar at a dinner with George and her husband Clarke (Eric Bana). Clarke chases George around a yard when tempers fray.

BEST LINE: “She’s mousy — like a mouse you want to stick your dick in,” remarks Ira’s roommate Leo (Jonah Hill). The film’s comedians joke about almost nothing but genitalia, which indicates their emotional immaturity.

Continue reading “Hollywood Product: Funny People“

(Image by Tracy Bennett/© 2009 Universal Studios)

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GENRE: The penultimate visit to Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry

THE PITCH: The romantic misadventures of Harry (Daniel Radcliffe) and his pals Ron and Hermione (Rupert Grint and Emma Watson) distract them from the secret plans of Professor Dumbledore (Michael Gambon) and Draco Malfoy (Tom Felton) to respectively hinder and help the malevolent Lord Voldemort.

MONEY SHOTS: Voldemort’s henchmen begin the film with a spectacular disaster-porn attack on a London bridge, and mark the midpoint by striking at some of Harry’s allies. Ron’s showy performance in a Quidditch game. (Surely you remember Quidditch?) In the magical flashback scenes, buildings billow down from above — the film’s signature special effect. Harry and Dumbledore risk their lives in a terrifying mission near an underground lake.

BEST LINE: “He’s covered in blood again. Why is he always covered in blood?” wonders one of Harry’s female admirers.

Continue reading “Hollywood Product: Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince“

(Image courtesy Warner Bros. Pictures)

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GENRE: Cops-and-robbers period piece

THE PITCH: In 1933, celebrity outlaw John Dillinger (Johnny Depp) robs banks and eludes the pursuit of the FBI’s Melvin Purvis (Christian Bale), who grows disenchanted with the investigative techniques championed by an oily J. Edgar Hoover (Billy Crudup).

MONEY SHOTS: Director Michael Mann doesn’t shortchange audiences hoping for bravura action scenes. Dillinger and his gang blast their way out of prison in the opening set piece. Purvis’ sharp-shooting brings down Pretty Boy Floyd in a gorgeous apple orchard. Dillinger makes an even more thrilling jailbreak at the film’s half-way point. Tommyguns blaze after the feds ambush and chase Dillinger and Baby Face Nelson (Stephen Graham). At a movie theater, everyone in the audience — except Dillinger — looks right, then left, to see if Public Enemy No. 1 is in its midst.

BEST LINE: When one of Dillinger’s gang asks, “Who cares what the public thinks?” Dillinger replies, “I do — I hide out among ’em.” The film broaches the idea of violent criminals as folk heroes, but doesn’t do much with it.

Continue reading: “Hollywood Product: Public Enemies“

(Image courtesy Peter Mountain/© 2009 Universal Studios)

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Director Michael Bay’s concerns (elaborated in a famously misspelled email) that Paramount under-promoted Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen turn out to have been misplaced. The film’s opening broke records and it’s five-day gross comes second only to The Dark Knight —- and the Batman movie had the advantage of not totally sucking. At any rate, Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen begs many questions, some of which are probably explained if you know the two decades of Transformers lore.

1. The Internet Movie Database “goofs” page for the film already lists dozens of continuity mistakes and factual errors for the film — but most movies have those, no matter how good or bad they are. However, one sticks out so blatantly that most reviews I’ve seen have mentioned it:

When Jetfire is reactivated at the Steven F. Udvar-Hazy Center in Virginia, he blasts open a hangar door and steps outside, the exterior shot showing him and the other protagonists being in the “boneyard” at Davis-Monthan Air Force Base in Arizona – the opposite end of the country.

Having taken such pains to establish the characters in the Washington, D.C. area, it’s a blatant disregard for continuity (sort of like the way night falls in a matter of seconds in X-Men: The Last Stand). Can this be explained consistently within the movie? Does the Center even have airplanes out front? In the movies alternate version of America with alien space robots, could the layout be a little different? Jetfire has teleportation powers, as shown by the subsequent scene, but when he uses them he makes the humans violently ill, so that probably wouldn’t explain it.

Continue reading “Spoiler questions, now that we’ve seen Transformers” »

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