Daily Loaf

As today is my last here at the Loaf, (you can reach me at anthonyjohn71@yahoo.com) this may well be my final Reel Projections (I know, boo fucking hoo, the end of an era). But rather than cry in my beer (which I really don’t like to drink these days, anyway, and after Benjamin Button, I’ve pretty much dried out my tear ducts), I’ll go out with the shiny, happy enthusiasm that made men admire me and women want me.

So let’s get this might-be-a-farewell party started with the hands-down best trailer I saw last night before the screening of The Curious Case of Benjamin Button (did I mention you should bring your hankies?). OK, that’s not saying much, since most of the other 29 trailers were, how do you say, fucking horrible. But The Proposal, yet another rom-com starring the rom-commiest of actresses, Sandra Bullock, was a breath of fresh, frothy air. See if you agree:

At long last, 2008 has gone the way of the dodo. So to honor the changing of the calendar, it’s time to look ahead. No more best-of, worst-of lists. The future may not be now, but it’ll be here soon enough, and we need to be prepared.

Thankfully, Rope of Silicon has already done the heavy lifting and put out its list of the 15 Most Anticipated Movies of 2009. Not to be outdone, I’ll go out on a limb and prognosticate that 2009 will be The Year of the Bale. Cape and cowl-wearer Christian Bale stars in two would-be blockbusters: Terminator: Salvation, as resistance leader John Connor, and in Michael Mann’s crime drama, Public Enemies, starring as Melvin Purvis to Johnny Depp’s John Dillinger. He’s truly become the go-to actor for brooding with an American accent.

Side bet: Can Public Enemies hold off Sherlock Holmes, starring Jude Law and Robert Downey Jr., for the title of Most Hunky Man-Meat Duo in a period piece?

I’ll go out on an even longer, flimsier limb and predict that The Taking of Pelham 1-2-3 will be a critical and box-office bomb of mushroom-cloud proportions. The 1974 original is a masterpiece of suspense. So why am I so sure this needless remake will suck donkey balls? One simple reason: Tony Scott, the director who never met a camera he didn’t want to shake like a fucking hummingbird. Scott, in case you didn’t know, is the younger brother of Ridley Scott. Ridley clearly got all the talent, while Tony got a penchant for dipping his film stock in grime. OK, he’s got a few watchable films in his oeuvre: Top Gun, Crimson Tide, Spy Games, maybe Days of Thunder. Then there’s Beverly Hills Cop II. And The Last Boy Scout. And The Fan. And Domino. And Man on Fire, which manages the singular feat of combining every annoying Tony Scott fetish into one film: absurd close-ups, actors half-hidden in shadows, rapid-fire cutting, and that strobe-effect thingy. What would a film shot in A.D.D.-O-Vision look like? I give you Man on Fire:

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