Daily Loaf

I had a busy weekend. Three fuck-buddy applicants and not a single one qualified for the position.

Friday night I started out texting applicant 1.

“What are you doing later?”

“Staying home. Do you want to fuck tonight and then 2 times a week?”

At first I wasn’t sure if I was turned on or repelled by his directness. I haven’t had sex with this friend in 11 months, which is a long leave of absence for him to try and schedule twice a week sex. Having just got out of a serious relationship, this proposal sounded more like a boyfriend than a fuck-buddy. I wasn’t ready to commit to such a strenuous schedule. Besides, if I wanted to fuck this guy twice a week, I wouldn’t have avoided him for 11 months.

Saturday night’s applicant earned a one-on-one interview. After a year and a half of flirting, he finally decided he was ready to have sex with me. Of course, this too was part of the application process. I had to see if he was good in bed before he became an official fuck-buddy. Let me start by saying that oral sex is a big component of my fuck-buddy’s duties as a lover. When I invite someone into my bed, I want to drain him of all bodily fluids in any way possible, but I expect the same in return. So when I ask a potential fuck-buddy to go down on me, the correct answer is “sure,” or “fuck yeah,” not “I have to work up to that.“  The only time a lover should say “I have to work up to that,” is if he is on the floor and I’m on the bed.  I should have known better from the start. He had to get hard by jacking off instead of touching my pussy. If you’re not comfortable enough or prepared to touch my body in every sexual way possible, you have no business being my lover.

Sunday night’s applicant ruined a year’s worth of fantasies by saying, “I’m on a time frame.”  Did he think I was asking him over for gardening tips?  I wanted his dick, not his company.  Those four words took me from being super turned, to thinking, “lets hurry up and fuck so I can get on with my life.”

Needless to say the position of fuck-buddy is still vacant, and I’m still taking applications.

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