H1N1? Swine flu? Is the media’s new menace keeping you from squealing in the bedroom? (Poll)
May 6, 2009 at 8:40 pm by Rabid Nick Refer
A "Mexican Kiss"
The media is having a field day hypnotizing Americans with fear over the impending Porkacolypse, but is this newest incarnation of doomsday actually keeping us from getting laid?
I realize everyone is tired of the Swine Flu. All my friends roll their eyes at its mere mention. I get it. But trends around my college campus are beginning to shift, and I’m starting to worry. I mean the slutty chicks are still willing to lay any wookie, but the marginally wild women who drink apple martinis on barstools while their thongs creep out the top of their business skirts are becoming even more inaccessible. They are sitting on barstools with their legs crossed, like ladies for God’s sake. My boy Shawn who NEVER has a problem landing a lady had two drinks he bought for prospective partners sent back with a “No thanks.” The girls are turning down free booze now? He’s lucky I like girly drinks.
(READER POLE AFTER THE JUMP)
Since I have no problem being rejected (that’s a lie) and I have an excuse to talk to women about sex (thanks for reading BTW) I got to the bottom of this possible sexedemic. I asked two blonds who were way out of “Rabid” territory, if their sex habits had changed with all the craziness in the news. They confirmed my worst fears.
From what I can make of it, when the economy took a face plant the ladies were all about free drinks and promiscuity (”If the world is going to hell, I might as well get laid”). But health scares are a whole different monkey (”If a guy is only sort of cute in a not obvious way I’m not willing to risk the plague for his shaggy ass”). I thought that was a tad extreme but I’m sure she’ll have a great career working for Fox News one day.
So readers, you tell me. How much does the risk of sickness keep you from rattling the windows? Most men I know couldn’t care less if their potential sex partner has a cold or the red death for that matter. We just want to get laid. I say keep screwing America. Because if the Swine Flu doesn’t get you, the Zombies will.
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