Daily Loaf

The raunchy cosmetics brand Urban Decay — which already sells  highly pigmented eye shadows with grimy names like Baked, Roach and Asphyxia — has launched Pocket Rockets, a line of colorful lip glosses.

Pocket Rockets come in eight colors; they’re shiny and pretty and tastes good … blah, blah, blah. What’s so different about these creme-brulee-scented glosses is that they incorporate holographic images of sexy men in the packaging. Yes, the handle of your lip gloss has a picture of a buff man dressed in stylish clothes, from formal to preppy.

If you buy David, a mauve-toned gloss, you get a 30-something, corporate cutie in a suit. If you choose Jesse, a sheer — sparkly blackberry gloss — you get a hipster with long, scraggly hair. If your the type of girl who digs boys that are taken, you’ll probably grab Julio, the young father with a chunky baby girl on his hip.

But wait! (In my best Billy Mayes voice) There’s MORE!!!!  What’s a hologram without an alternative view? When you tilt this product just a little; David, Doug, Eric, James, Jesse, Julio, Kirk, and Timothy lose the clothes and stand statuesque in their skivvies. Is that a Pocket Rocket in your pocket, or are you just … Well, you get it.

These glosses retail for $19, and can be found at sephora.com.

This isn’t the first time cosmetics brands have shamelessly used sexuality to sell, sell, sell. For five years Nars’ Orgasm blush has been Sephora’s top-selling blush . Regarded as a cult favorite, this peachy pink blusher was just upgraded to Super Orgasm status with the release of a more pigmented version this year, and the product is labeled Multiple Orgasm when this color is packaged in a creamy-textured swivel stick. Last year, conservative cosmetics line Prescriptives launched their Good in Bed moisturizer, and Benefit’s Dr. Feelgood face balm has been a staple in pros’ makeup bags for years.

Urban Decay takes the cake, however, when it comes to cosmetic names with an edge; including not only sexy boys’ names for lip gloss, but drug paraphernalia tags for their eye shadows. Take a hit of their Get Baked Eyeshadow palette, Big Fatty mascara, Smoke Out eyeliner, or virtual bong of shadows for recreational users including Blunt, Half Baked, X, Toasted, Speed, and Mary Jane.

Subtlety is not their strong point, obviously, and co-founder Sandy Lerner doesn’t want it to be. She calls  Urban Decay “a little twisted, but never prissy. Makeup for individuals, not those who want to blend in.”

Edgy gals want quality makeup too, and it’s understandable that the grungy rocker chick needed a makeup line that would suit her needs. We makeup artists used to have to warm up a black kohl eyeliner between our fingers and smudge it on eyelids for that severe Alice Cooper look before innovations like M.A.C’s paint pot in Blackground, and Urban Decay’s Asphalt gave us the option of high quality, creamy black pigment with staying power.

With true-to-brand edgy packaging, Urban Decay’s new lipg loss has got me wanting to sing “Mambo Italiano” with a twist. “A little bit of Jesse in my life, a little bit of Timothy by my side…” Good thing there’s no audio. Believe me.

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