‘The Bachelorette’ has returned, looking for love, but shouldn’t she be looking for some damn good sex? (video)
May 20, 2009 at 9:42 am by Rabid Nick Refer
If you are anything like the master of sexual disaster, Rabid Nick, your boob tube was on 24 watching Jack Bauer kick ass last night. However, undoubtedly many of you were watching terror threats of a different variety: the premiere of the latest season of The Bachelorette. Having been jilted on a previous season of The Bachelor, Jillian Harris has not given up on finding her knight in prime time television armor. Her claim to fame is that she can figure out a man simply by analyzing the toppings he puts on his hot dogs. Wow. Don’t worry, if you watched, none of us will judge you for being vapid.
(Video and More after the jump)
I’ll admit to being a fan of mindless reality television, but I’m a firm believer that the “looking for true love” variety has emptied its already shallow well. The premise is flawed to begin with, I mean, who just happens to find the love of their life on a TV show they are being paid for to find said love? Convenient. Not to mention how many of these supposed romantics return a season later to do it all over again, hopelessly pining for their real true love: ratings. This is not love, nor the proper equation to solve its absence.
I think a golden opportunity is being criminally ignored here and I hope the television execs in my audience are reading. Screw looking for true love. Lets exploit someone looking for red hot sex! Think about it. Look at the treasure trove of strippers, playmates, and baby mama/daddies they book on the torrid shows. There are enough dirty secrets and communicable diseases in their crotchless panties to fill a sex Smithsonian. They love doing ridiculous competitions and whatnot. Fine, bring on the “Keep Your Bret Michaels Wig on During an Orgy” contest. Just cut all the BS (and there is plenty to cut) and just have these classless attention seeking whores * bounce from each crazy contestant to the next.
As it turns out our new Bachelorette was in fact a little kinky. Financial analyst Tanner P, now known as “the foot fetish guy”, took sexual creepiness to a whole new level. At least he was up front that his main concern is not our heroine’s heart, but her “unmangled” shoe holders. That’s what I’m talking about. If they’re gonna call it reality TV, you might as well be real and show how horny and sex-crazed most people are. Now then, where is my rose?
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