Daily Loaf

I don’t totally agree with the notion that most swingers are in the lifestyle primarily for friendship; maybe “friends with benefits” is a better description. Being a swinger is about sex, and if the friendship part follows its all the better. According to dictionary.com, the term swinger is defined as:

1. a person who indulges in promiscuous sex
2. a person who engages in the exchanging of spouses for sexual activities

How do relationships work when you are swinging and friends? Sometimes this type of relationship is great, and other times it can be quite awkward. I have several friends who are swinger – some I have had sex with, and some I have not. The difficulty comes when sex has occurred and it wasn’t any good or the attraction no longer exists.

Saturday evening I spent with such friends having drinks and discussing swinging. The group consisted of three couples: I will call them “the Infinities”, “the Joses” (I let them pick their own goofy names) and Soccer Mom and Dad (my husband and I). We met the Infinites many years ago at a ‘party house’ somewhere near Sarasota. The house was hosting a party for a group of people who were advertised as a self-proclaimed ‘secret society’ and stated that all were “height and weight proportionate, attractive couples”. This was actually not a true fact (that might sound a bit arrogant, but swinging is based on attraction). Being open-minded to that the fact that everyone is attracted to different things, we hung out at the house for a bit and were lucky to meet the Infinities. I must revisit the notion that selecting someone to hook up with is about attraction. It doesn’t matter what you do for a living, if you are funny, or if you like the same type of music; it comes down to, simply stated, ”are you doable?”. You don’t need to be “doable” to be my friend, but if you want to have sex with me, you must be what I am attracted to.

Since meeting the Infinities we have had sex on many occasions and become close friends. We met the Joses through the Infinities, but have decided to remain platonic. This decision was based on the fact that sometimes sex and friendship is difficult. It is a strange triangle of friendship, sex, and whatever lies in between. The benefit of having lifestyle friends is the ability to be open and completely yourself at all times. The worst scenario is addressing a problem with the sex: the consequential decision of sharing the problematic issue, or pretending it didn’t happen and skirting around the subject indefinitely. Being uncomfortable is not fun. This issue happened to us several years ago and the friendship ended up falling away. This is not saying any of the three couples have issues, just a point that friendship and swinging can have the potential to be a complicated situation or a great relationship.

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