Daily Loaf

People underestimate the power of relationships. Some bonds are never broken and then some were never meant to exist at all. It takes two strong people willing to compromise to keep themselves and their partners happy. The ebb and flow of a relationship is natural, but sometimes I wonder if the two wavelengths will ever be in sync.

In July I will be in a relationship for four years. There’s no doubt I love my boyfriend and am happy. The grass is greener cliché has never applied to my situation until recently. I got to thinking: Are humans meant to be with one person forever? Moreover, how do you know when that person is “the one?” You could answer that question one million different ways and never know which is right.

So let’s hypothetically say I’m meant to be with my boyfriend. How can I be sure? If I were born and raised in a different state would things be different? Yes. We both agree that there’s not just one person for everyone. If that was the case then there would be no divorces or second marriages. What I’m getting at is, when was it established that humans are monogamous?

Researchers at the Karolinska Institute in Stockholm, Sweden studied the various forms of gene coding in the vasopressin receptor to determine if men have commitment phobia or are committed until the end. They found that men can have none, one, or two copies of the particular strand. Those men who possessed the gene in higher numbers were associated with little “pair bonding.” The one flaw in this study is that it wasn’t able to determine if the men with the gene in a relationship or marriage had ever been unfaithful.

Plenty of other mammals are monogamous: otters, wolves, some bats and foxes. But, studies have found that even the most faithful of mammals still had an occasional side fling. The only conclusion as to why scientific tests cannot determine if humans are meant to be monogamous is our ability to feel.

A person in a marriage has to deal with more feelings and emotional rollercoasters than otters. It can be argued that these mammals don’t have the ability to think and make decisions based on feelings. I know that I’m a mind-based decision-maker; I think with my head more than my heart. In relationships, I plan out every possible scenario and how it would affect me. I like to be prepared. Is that a bad thing? Regardless, talking with a close friend last night who thinks with his heart, I realized that mind or heart-driven, humans have the ability to make that conscious choice.

If people in serious relationships or marriages have these straying thoughts (we are human and we all have at one point), then what will it take to make monogamy work? Is it true that if you love someone let them go, and if it’s meant to be you’ll reunite? Telling your partner to explore their curiosity could be dangerous, especially because many people wouldn’t be waiting for their return at the end of their journey.

Do you think monogamy is meant for humans, and if so, how can we make it work?

Follow Emmalee on Twitter at twitter.com/emmaleeschmidt

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