Daily Loaf

In Novosibirsk Russia, 42 year-old Tatiata Kozhevnikova broke her own Guinness Record by hefting a glass ball attached to 14-kgs (about 31 pounds) of weight with her vagina muscles. Kozhenikova’s success didn’t happen overnight, but through fifteen years of rigorously training her world class vagina.

“After I had a child, my intimate muscles got unbelievably weak,” she said via a bad Russian interpreter. “I read books on Dao and learned that ancient women used to deal with this problem using wooden balls. I looked around, saw a Murano glass ball and inserted it in my vagina. It took me ages to get it out!”

Tatiata now trains with exercise balls made custom for her fierce vagina. A string and hook are attached to the balls, allowing more weight to be added as her vagina becomes ever stronger.

Since her first record setting lift, Tatiana has championed vagina exercise as a way to improve your sex life.

“It’s enough to exercise your vagina five minutes a day, ladies, and in just one week you’ll be able to give yourself and your man unforgettable pleasure in bed.”

Most men agree; nothing is more pleasurable than having your weakling penis crushed by the titan force of your partner’s intimate lady muscles.

Tatiata will undoubtedly become the Chuck Norris of the vagina fitness world, inspiring a generation of women to exercise with her signature series vagina-weights and sexercise tapes. Along with the East German women’s swim team in the 1976 Olympics who wowed the world with their penis-sized steroid-clitorises, Tatiata’s achievements will likely go down in history as the first of many Communist triumphs over the U.S. in this post Cold War battle for world supremacy.

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