Daily Loaf

Some like to be dominated. Others are turned on by feet. Fantasies and fetishes are distinctly different, but a fantasy can include a fetish. After writing the article, Sex Outside the Box, I starting thinking about fantasies and fetishes. A sexual fantasy begins as a thought and is an event or act that isn’t normally played out in the bedroom. If you’re lucky you may be able to act upon this fantasy. A fetish can be an object or an act that isn’t considered outright sexual in nature. Either way a person can’t get off without incorporating their fetish.

I have thought about different “common” fantasies that women have and whether or not they apply to me. For example, I don’t dream of being swept off my feet by my prince charming and thrown down in the barn like a heroine in a cheesy romance novel. I have fantasies about different people (sometimes other than my boyfriend). Sometimes I even have fantasies about having sex at a specific time and place. For me, spontaneity is the key to keeping the sexual sparks alive. The proposition of spontaneous sex, then finding the location, and passionately giving into each other, knowing someone could hear or see you at any moment, is a huge turn on. I’ve had sex in a few semi-public locations and the possibility of getting caught is enough to turn me from zero to 60 immediately.

Other fantasies remain fantasy because I don’t have the courage to try them, at least not yet. Threesomes appeal to me, but I’m still uncertain about the side effects: jealousy, the awkwardness of the morning after, and how to initiate such an event. This is something I admittedly have never done, but I’m always willing to try anything once.

Other fantasies I’ve thought about include costumes and being dominated–but not hardcore BDSM type dominating; that just scares me. I visualize someone muscular, tall, and strong saying all the right things at all the right moments, similar to a very detailed, reoccurring sex dream of mine.

But, I have to wonder, will acting out certain fantasies improve or ultimately ruin your sex life?

At the other end of the spectrum are fetishes. I haven’t found my fetish yet, but I find them very interesting. Madonna (pictured left) has an entire coffee table book titled Sex, about her sexcapades and fetishes. Talking with fellow Creative Loafing Sex and Love contributors, I thought up a short list of very real, and often odd (at least for me), fetishes:

Feet: a person who is aroused by the sight, touch, or interaction with a person’s foot/feet.

Watersports/Scat: your partner enjoys watching you piss or shit, or enjoys watching you do any variation of these acts on him/her.

Plushies/Furries: one who gets turned on by the thought or act of having sex with a stuffed animal or toy, or someone dressed as a stuffed animal.

Squashing: one who gets turned on by the thought or the act of having sex when an overweight/obese woman who applies the bulk of her body weight onto her partner.

Men wearing women’s underwear: men who get turned on by wearing a female’s underwear or seeing another male wearing women’s underwear.

Some may ask why anyone would be turned on by these fetishes, but perhaps a better questions is why we view fetishes as strange? My favorite sex scientist, Sigmund Freud, believed that fetishes stem from a person’s childhood (what doesn’t, right?). A study from the International Journal of Psychoanalysis found that actions, behavior, and traumatic experiences in a person’s childhood are linked to their present-day fetish and provide a detailed description of the psychological ontogenesis of the fetish. In fact, many doctors believe that people with fetishes should be medicated and seek psychiatric care. I think that’s a bit extreme, even if you do enjoy being gagged and dominated every now and again.

Fetishes and fantasies are a very sensitive topic for many. If you think one of your fetishes received an unfair description, or if you disagree with one of my definitions, please feel free to share your thoughts in the comments section below. Also, please share any fantasy or fetish you have, or know of, that challenges the norm.

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