Daily Loaf

I can’t explain (much like I can’t explain my perverse love of plaid) why I love accents SO much. Of course I’m just as happy to talk to any interesting male… but when that male hails from somewhere beyond North America’s lovely shores, I’m all the more happy to do so.

Asia has been like one big accent filled, audio orgy. For a lot of people this will seem confusing as it stands to reason that hearing r’s and l’s, or p’s and f’s, or b’s and v’s used in the completely wrong context would be painful. It is. I’m instead referring to the ex-patriot population that exists in Asia.

The dream-like visual for me is much like the candy valley scene in Willy Wonka (the old one damn it!). All different kinds of delicious accents and I can simply take my pick… want to hear a British man discuss the weather? (or sing Chumbawumba) Done. Want to hear an Australian talk about Dingoes? (because really why else would you talk to one) Also, done. Want to get an Irish man drunk just to see if you can still understand a word he says? Done and done.

Much like beer goggles, there are accent goggles. Accents can be dangerous; one must proceed with an accented gentleman with extreme caution. Request that they not speak for a moment so you can take it all in before the inevitable nonsense words like, “jumper” and “bloody” intoxicate your poor little ear drums.

I’m not the only one attracted to accents. The majority of people I’ve broached the subject with, also claim accents have seductive powers. How is it that a simple auditory impulse can take what would normally be an average guy (or female) and turn him into Jude Law?

For far too long have these men been allowed to jump up a few levels in attractiveness unchecked. There are women spending $5000 on a new set of chest twins in the hopes of jumping half as many levels as these average Joe’s … or Rupert’s… or whatever other silly names they have in other places with stupid, stupid delicious accents. ::drool::

NO! This can not, this will not stand!

I’m writing this for all the men and women who have suffered from falling deeply in love with someone based on voice alone. We have to stand up to the Colin Firth’s and the Liam Neeson’s of the world and declare once and for all, “Though our accents might not do a damn thing sexually for YOU, I will NOT sleep with you based on yours alone! Not even after a whiskey drink, a vodka drink, a lager drink OR a cider drink!”

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