Daily Loaf

On many occasions I can be caught mumbling, “Man, I wish I was a guy.” This is accurate on most accounts. It sucks bleeding every month for days on end. Having a kid come out of your lower body looks pretty shitty. And, general upkeep is far more annoying.

But, when it comes to sex, I am MORE than happy to be a female.

I was having a bit of a roundtable discussion the other night with my male counterparts and one of them called the other, “Mr.Flaccid.” His face went red and we all pestered him until he revealed that after a year of not having sex, when the moment finally arrived a few nights prior, he lacked the ability to perform.

I immediately thanked my lucky vagina.

For women, it’s never a question of “Can we?” We can. We might not be attracted to you, we might not be “in the mood,” hell, we might even be asleep, but we can ALWAYS perform. Sure, sometimes it might require a little help from our friend KY, but we will never be found saying, “I’m sorry, I SWEAR, this never happens, my va-jay-jay never lets me down! I must have had too much to drink…. etc etc”

For me, it’s a huge disappointment. I am sure I would feel differently if I were in a “relationship,” but seeing as how I avoid those, usually your moment to “shine”, is the only moment you are going to get. Even if I were enrolling in the repeat offender membership, a missed opportunity is an automatic three strikes.

Still, I do feel sympathetic. I can’t imagine not being able to perform, especially when inebriated, which for me is especially when I feel up to it. For guys, it seems the opposite is true. Sure, they get drunk and horny like the rest of us, but alcohol makes their little buddy get all confused. First he wants to take a nap, then he wants to run a marathon, and two minutes later he is down for the count.

Does this do anything to harm the male ego? Or do men automatically laugh it off like it’s something that they can’t control? Are there other instances when this happens when there is something we can do about it? Do tell, my little occasionally  flaccid friends, do tell.

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