Daily Loaf

“Sex is always the answer. It’s never a question. And the answer is yes. Yes. YES!” –Nickelback.

Sex is a great answer to most every relationship problem, unless you’re with someone who’s never in the mood or uses sex as a punishment. So you had a fight. Nothing resolves the issue or rekindles your lust for one another like a passionate bout of makeup sex.  Doctors have long preached the health benefits of a good sex life–relieves stress, strengthens the heart, and improves breathing–but it’s also a great way to maintain a healthy relationship.

A few years ago I had a conversation with a female friend about how she had a “cold bed” because of a recent fight with her boyfriend. When I asked why, she said he needed to make the first move. This is an awful reason to deny sex. Men want to know it’s okay to make that move. We aren’t as intuitive as women. We need clear signals. When I explained this, she responded with the most shocking thing I’d ever heard.

“Well, if he gets sex, he’ll just think everything is okay.”

“So, in essence, you want to punish him?” I asked.

“Oh, no,” she said. “I just don’t want him to think what he did was okay.”

In the meantime she cried on my shoulder about her own needs and how she felt so frustrated. She even asked me to help her out sexually. Although tempted, I couldn’t get involved. She had become the mother in the relationship. To her, denying sex was a kind of punishment for her boyfriend’s bad behavior.  These two “friends” could have had sex and still dealt with the problem. In fact, sex would have helped them overcome their differences and realize how much they still felt for each other.

After post-argument sex, my ex-wife used to say I acted like nothing was wrong. Maybe I was just happier and could deal with my problems better if this primal urge was met. She never saw it my way. We always needed a “cooling off” period. I called it a sexual time-out.

Perhaps as women, particulalrly mothers, get older, they become more parental even toward their husbands.  Or maybe men really don’t care about what we were arguging about before sex. Either way, “Sex is ALWAYS the answer. It’s never a question.”

Posted in Sex and Love, Uncategorized | Leave a comment