Daily Loaf

Cheating: to practice fraud or deceit; or informally to be sexually unfaithful.

Although this definition seems clear-cut, what constitutes cheating in a relationship is often ambiguous. For some, cheating includes intercourse but not oral sex. Some count French kissing but not closed mouth kisses. But what about holding hands or snuggling — physical acts that are more associated with emotional connections than physical acts of passion? To take it a step further, can you cheat without physically touching someone else? Is fantasizing about someone else during sex cheating? What about flirting online? Believe it or not, Wikipedia actually has a page for this subject, describing it as an affair of the heart.

I’m very flirtatious and touchy-feely with people I’m extremely comfortable around. I have several close male friends who I talk with openly about everything from sex to relationships. For some, the act of sharing intimate information with friends of the opposite sex would be considered cheating. For me it isn’t. My point is that the parameters for emotional cheating are far more blurred than those for physical cheating.

I believe emotional cheating occurs when feelings blossom between friends, and these feelings are either a known fact or are vocalized. Again, this definition may seem straightforward, but things get tricky in practice. Here is where the gray area sets in. Consider electronic relationships. Is it emotional cheating when you correspond with a crush via e-mail or Facebook? If all you’re exchanging is words, what’s the harm? Many people develop a strong emotional bond with a co-worker of the opposite sex, or work-spouses, sharing lunches and intimate conversations. Is this considered cheating? Is emotional cheating just as bad as the old-fashioned cheating or worse? Perhaps the exchanging of words doesn’t rock the relationship at all.

A 2004 University of Pennsylvania study found that men are more disturbed by sexual infidelity than women. However, the results showed that “both genders were more upset, hurt, and angrier about sexual [rather] than emotional transgressions.” I don’t believe that having more of a physical reaction to sexual cheating makes emotional cheating less severe, but if Webster is right, what exactly constitutes emotional infidelity?

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