Daily Loaf

It’s a big week for me, with the premiere of New Moon and the season finale of Project Runway, so despite my sudden fever and inability to breathe through my nose, I am excited and ready for some recapping!

To catch you all up, we are in New York and it’s just a couple days before the show at Bryant Park and poor Carol Hannah is blorching in the bathroom at the hotel. Before we even begin, I, for the record, am on Team Carol Hannah for the win. I love the evening looks, the dresses, the classic style, the drama, the frufiness, I love it all. One of my BFFs, Amanda W, is on Team Althea. We have a bet, loser buys the other one a Starbucks drink. If Irina wins, we all lose, as a human race, for allowing such a crazy be-otch to hold the title of Project Runway Winner. That is my stance on that.

From what I can tell, the workroom was basically just a mess of chaos, alterations, annoyance and tears for two days. I can understand though, I want to cry for Carol Hannah, she is beyond sick, I cannot imagine working under that kind of pressure while being that ill, ugh! At least she has Logan to comfort her, someone Wikipedia that and tell me they ended up married … I really want that happy ending. In non-loving news, Althea and Irina seem to be sharing brain waves yet again with the makeup look, bringing Althea to tears, the third workroom-cry within the first 10 minutes of the show … I’m no expert but that might be a record.

When they finally got to the tents, the chaos went from yikes to redonkulous. I have never seen Tim Gunn as upset as he got backstage at the runway show. No one was ready and he was not the least bit pleased. He ALMOST YELLED!!!! I cannot believe it, but seriously, these girls are a mess, models aren’t dressed, hair isn’t done. Big. Huge. Mess.

After the jump find out who wins, who loses and who has to buy Starbucks, or if we just lose as a planet.

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Going to see The Twilight Saga: New Moon? If you aren’t already jumping out of your chair kind of excited, you should be, because we thought it was pretty much amazing…we being me, Nice Amanda and my BFF Mean Amanda. I mean, sure, we might be in our 20s and maybe this isn’t the coolest thing ever for us to love, but we do love it and you should too.

We had the distinct pleasure of checking out the sneak preview last night so if you are into random conversations about werewolves, vampires, “Star Wars for girls” and vampire dildos you should probably listen to the podcast below where the Amandas will educate you on the Twilight saga, what we thought of New Moon and what to look out for, including Jacob’s miraculous back muscles, Edward’s weird nipple, some actual funny scenes and we didn’t even mention the bad wigs! (run-on sentence? Yep, that’s how thrilled I am about this, I have lost all ability type like an adult).

Download the podcast here

And you can check out the real Creative Loafing review here: The Twilight Saga: New Moon: one Twifan’s stream-of-consciousness review

The Taylors (Swift and Lautner in front of their Barbie Dream House)

*It’s Twilight Series: New Moon week kiddies and we know you are all just as excited as we are, we being me and Franki and that is all, no one else at CL cares even a little….but that isn’t stopping me from telling YOU about the latest and greatest from the makers of Barbie, Ken and Skipper. Here is your first look at the Jacob doll (please hold all ooos, ahhhs, applause and cat calls til the end of this bullet point). You can’t put it in a Barbie bed with your Taylor Swift doll and then bust out that adorable little baby Kelly until it’s released in February, but at the bargain price of $24.95, you should probably pre-order this sculpted piece of plastic ASAP.

*Big news of what is not happening this week: Madonna is NOT going to meet Jesus’ mom. Ok, I am no “religion expert” but isn’t Madonna Jesus’ mom? Does anyone else think this is really effing weird? It’s like some sort of crazy thing that shouldn’t ever be said out loud because it causes my mind grapes to hurt.

*The smartest beauty queen in America, Carrie Prejean, seems to be really into a little homemade porn, but what beauty queen isn’t? She is reported to be in not one, two or even three sex tapes, but eight and that isn’t including the numerous times she “pulled a Vanessa Hudgens” and snapped naked pics of herself using a mirror. I tell you what, this girl is all class. (Kinda SFW pic after the jump)

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Finally, it’s almost time for Bryant Park! Before we can get back to New York City though, we have to visit the designers in their hometowns and deal with a few surprises along the way.

Carol Hannah moved to the suburbs of NY and is no longer living in her car, which is good.
She is inspired by Duke and the ethereal architecture of the campus. The architecture is evident in her collection and it really is quite beautiful. I am happy with her collection, very Carol Hannah. Tim’s activity with her family is my favorite of this show, making a traditional southern dinner with her adorable family. How cute is Tim in that apron!?!?! Loooove it, I think he has a future on Top Chef, who’s with me?
And then to bring the cuteness meter to an all-time Runway high…Oh my god, did you see her and Tim in the snow holding hands? They are too much, for serious. I want to hold hands with Tim and saunter through the snow. A girl can dream…

Irina is next on the list of home visits and she is living in NYC and shockingly, her dog is just as annoying as she is, fabulous. Her inspiration is Coney Island, which is special and weird and I am not sure if I get it. An then there is fur, ugh, I hate fur…I am not loving this collection. It’s very Real Housewives of New York. In typical NY style, her family time with Tim is at a restaurant and well, it’s a bit dull. Her mom is proud, her dad doesn’t approve, wah wah wah. Let’s allllll feel bad for Irina.

Althea has decided to create her collection in the bustling metropolis/fashion capital of the midwest of Dayton, Ohio. She has also chosen to work in a building with scariest elevator EVER, like Tower of Terror kind of fear flashed across Tim’s face. Oh yeah, we are here to see her collection, not Tim fall through an elevator shaft. So, I like what I’m seeing from Althea, it’s interesting but soooooo much, so much fabric and layering. What an adorable little midwestern family and her cute boyfriend it a Cosby sweater. Awwwww, I really want to see one of these small town girls make it in the big city.

We learn one last tidbit of info before heading off to the big city, Irina is using trademarked images from Coney Island for one of her pieces so she has to change it out. Hmmmmmm, interesting. Who’s stealing now be-otch!! Yeah, that’s what I thought.

Now, onto New York!!!!

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*Steven Tyler has apparently quit Aerosmith to focus on his solo career. The thing is, he’s like 900 years old and at this point, having a solo career kinda sorta isn’t an option. You don’t see Bob Barker starting his own game show, sans the Price is Right ladies, called the “Bob Barker Project” where they play Blinko, do you? No, you don’t (…but now that I think about it…hmmmmm).

*Christian Serratos, one of the cast members of Twilight and New Moon (in theatres November 20th!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OMFG! LOL! SQUEAL!), is the youngest and newest actress to get on the PETA bandwagon. I am beginning to feel like these naked PETA ads are just an outlet for actresses who want to be slutty but are past the point of doing Playboy. Also, does PETA know that they kill  A LOT of animals in Twilight? Seriously, the Cullens are sucking up Bambi blood like it’s nobody’s business.

*Nicolas Cage outbid Leonardo DiCaprio for a $276,000 dinosaur skull…of course he did. Because if I was tooooootally broke, that is the first thing I would buy. In all fairness, it probably has a treasure map engraved on the inside.

After the jump, Jeremy Piven is growing his own boobs, just in case girls stop letting him touch theirs, Eva Mendes covered in lace and wrapped up in some guy… and some more stuff.

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I think the editors have finally started to pay attention to this little blogger here in St. Pete, because we automatically start this week by learning that Althea and Irina aren’t speaking. Love it…finally Irina picked on the wrong girl. I have the feeling that Althea has a little trailer park in her and we all know, those girls can fight. Watch your back Meana Irina, watch. your. back.
Besides those two lovely ladies giving each other the silent treatment, Gordana, Carol Hannah and Christopher are the only designers around. And Chris looks soooooo lonely in that little apartment all by himself. Are the girls not allowed to move over there? Because I am pretty sure that would relieve some of the tension, thicker than Gordana’s accent, that is happening in Casa de la Girlies.

The challenge this week, the final challenge if you hadn’t gathered that from the 400 times they have said it, brings us to The Getty Center, which is apparently the heart of Los Angeles culture but seems mostly like a mish-mosh of art stuff. Whatever, I like it, it gives the designers some freedom to show their point of view. I like all the inspirations they have chosen from the Getty Center, but am a little concerned because so far they haven’t done awesome with that whole “get inspired” thing…I have faith in them though, except for Gordana. I have no faith in Gordana, ever.

I am really wishing I would have kept a log of how many negative things Irina said about people throughout this episode, because she is on it tonight, at least in the double digits. Did anyone else hear her call Carol Hannah a cute dog? That is not a compliment. I love a good Jack Russell terrier as much as the next girl but I do not ever want to be called one…just mean, so mean. Despite some messy looks and harsh critiques from Tim Gunn, everyone is keeping it together…untiiiiiiil the crazy Eastern European starts talking about her spiritual dress or some crap. Yep, we got our first cry of the show from your fave and mine, Gordana. Prepare yourself, because I don’t want to spoil anything but let’s just say the cry count is going up like the spaceship this week, straight to the moon (is it wrong that this makes me happy?).

The editing is really making it looks like every single designer gets torn apart on the runway. But do they??

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• With the premiere of New Moon just around the corner, this Team Taylor vs Team Rob thing is heating up and Miss Swift has picked her side. The half-Asian (she is half Asian right? Whatever, I don’t have time to Wikipedia it) Taylor Swift is getting cozy with Taylor Lautner. I couldn’t make it through this entire article but they are totally doing it, I am sure that is how it ends.

Heidi and Spencer as Jon and Kate Plus Eight.

• I recently participated in the Twitter trend “#PeopleYouWannaKillBecauseOfTheirFace” and chose Spencer Pratt. @SpencerPratt is now following me on Twitter. His possible removal from my hit list due to befriending is nullified by the following Halloween costume (pictured left). Two things I hate do not make a right.

• Just when I was starting to be okay with this whole Miley Cyrus thing (read “okay” as, “every time I hear Party in the USA I turn it up as loud as possible and sing my little heart out”),  the teens and tweens of America have turned against her! I am always behind what the kids are doing these days. Seriously, Crocs are still cool, right?

*EXCLUSIVE: Ex: A-Rod Had Portraits of Himself as Centaur Hanging Over His Bed
The only true tragedy with this story is that it does not include a photoshopped version of what this portrait probably looks like. Thank the Lord for my unmatched talents and my college education for my art skills, that I can fill this void in all our lives (my version of Alex Rodriguez in all his mythical glory, after the jump).

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It’s getting down to the wire now, with six designers left to duke it out for a spot at Bryant Park. They started the episode by facing away from the runway to get their challenge info, which kinda sorta makes them all look like they are in time out and Heidi is their disappointed teacher. But it’s all clear when their “winning looks” are on stage and they have to make a companion piece, another riveting challenge (insert sarcastic eyeroll here). Wait, most of their “winning looks.” Logan just has a random look up there, because he has never won a challenge, but when you look that good in real life, you don’t need to actually win a challenge, you just need to be there and smile pretty. He clearly lives in “the bubble” but I think the girls out there will agree when I say he can live in my bubble any day (Heyyo, see what I did there. Ok, I don’t totally get it either but shhhhh, its been a long week.)

Gordana…yikes.

The workroom is a little dullish but we do get a random backstory on Gordana, complete with stock photos of some kids in a third world country. Twenty bucks says that isn’t even her and another twenty says she is getting auf’ed. We also learn that Gordana is only 44. WOW, she needs to get some Oil of Olay in the worst way possible.

Meana Irina

Generally, I like to see the designers making nice but I am uncomfortable with the Althea-Irina friendship, joining forces in hating Logan for stealing a collar idea from Althea. I have thoughts on this,. The first one is that it was an ugly collar the first time, it is still pretty ugly, Althea needs to calm it down and keep inhaling those In-N-Out fries. Second, I would really like some of those In-N-Out fries. That’s it.

We did learn that the other designers have a little nickname for the resident beotch, Meana Irina. Living up to her name, it only took her about four and half seconds to back out of her alliance with Althea, accusing that little blonde bombshell of stealing the sweater idea. Irina is a one woman drama machine…I kinda never want her to leave, what would I write about?!

Okay, okay, I know that we are all on pins and needles so let’s do this. On to the runway and I am hoping for a cat fight, I saw it in the previews…don’t tease me Lifetime!

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*Creepier headlines than this are hard to come by, even with Halloween approaching: Amy Winehouse’s Dad: She and Her New Boobs Are ‘Fantastic’ …. Mmmmmmk, well first of all, this is a lie because I am a person and I know about things and I have eyes. Second, I did not realize that Joe Simpson was Amy Winehouse’s father. Small world.

*Mischa Barton has made a statement, which is basically the Hollywood equivalent of “Well, I didn’t want to be on your team anyway so I am taking my ball and going home” by telling the media “that whole world of network television, probably isn’t, for me, a good idea now. I need to start reading for more serious roles.” This news come just weeks after her ill-fated and awful CW series, The Beautiful Life, was pulled off the air.

*In Full House news, because that show will remain relevant for-e-ver,  Jodie Sweetin is releasing her memoir next month and as it turns out, the Olsen twins weren’t the only ones spending the majority of their New York Minute premiere in a bathroom stall. That was a bulimia joke. Get it? Cuz they are so thin? Okay, fine, it wasn’t that funny. This gets better, I promise.

After the jump: girl on girl for charity, people who are still the same as they were last week and a little Adam Lambert candy for the soul.

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We are officially Shirin-less this week aaaaaaand I like it. There is already a sense of peace and calm amongst the designers, take it in; it’s lovely isn’t it? Now that we have had a little moment of zen, it’s time to get extremely bored and then overly stressed. You ready? I am.

Even Michael Kors looks pissed he got this challenge.

Michael Kors is the big designer presenting them with the challenge, the inspiration challenge.  Choose a location and use it as your inspiration for your next garment, mmmmmk, that’s a bit dull but I suppose that compared to The Sultan of Sequins last week, nothing will ever be good enough. At least they could have to make a dress out of food or rocks or live animals, something! Nope, let’s see what they come up with when asked to design something inspired by the bustling metropolis of Santa Fe! (say that in a Price is Right voice, it’s way funnier)
Since this challenge is about as thrilling as watching Chris sew little pieces of leather onto a belt, lets take quick second to talk about something that has been bothering me for quite some time: Althea, she is the worst dresser EVER. She should stop shopping at the Rave, no one looks good in a metallic, flesh toned half-backless tank, no one.
My favorite little shit-talker, Irina, is in meany-mode yet again, which seems to be her new schtick. She also wins the quote of the week award while explaining her garment to Tim Gunn: “you know, it’s casual but it’s still dressed up.” We get it Irina, it’s like the mullet of the runway, right?. Way to keep it classy, beotch. Can you tell I reeeeeally dislike this girl? She would probably make me cry myself to sleep. I retract that statement, she would DEFINITELY make me cry myself to sleep.
Also, we have a breakthrough in the mental breakdown count, though we do not see it, Nicolas claims one so I am adding it to the list. Judging from this display of chaos on runway day, they should all be having breakdowns. This is looking desperate.

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Taylor Lautner in GQ.

*I loved the ABC crossover promos as much as everyone else, but the Lost plane crashing onto Desperate Housewives?! Sorry ABC, that is not going to make me watch Terri Hatcher’s skeletal frame neurotically wash dishes while some other woman my mom’s age bangs Hurley so that she officially can consider herself a cougar. Crossover FAIL.

*Twilight’s Taylor Lautner is having a hard time keeping his shirt on for photoshoots these days and women everywhere can be heard murmuring to themselves while flipping through the new issue of GQ: “He’s only 17. He’s only 17. He’s only 17…”

*Breaking News: John Stamos Admits Being Drunk on TV… in 2007. I am reeeeeeally glad that he finally cleared that up because the last two years have been torture for me, wondering whether or not Uncle Jesse had a few cocktails before he appeared on that Australian morning show. Finally, we can all rest easy knowing the truth. So yeah, you’re welcome.

*My hero, the hilarious Tina Fey, was on Letterman this week where she talked about losing her virginity at 24 due to her “homeliness” when she was younger and this got me thinking… What did Tina Fey look like in high school? Was her senior picture as bad as mine? Worse? Is there hope for nerdy girls everywhere? Thanks to the power of Google image search and the hard work of the investigative internet journalists who came before me, I have your answer after the jump…

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I am so excited to write this recap, I can hardly stand it. I may have stated multiple times during this episode that this was the best hour of Project Runway ever. Fashion icons, sequins, love, drama, bitchiness, feathers, stank looks … amazing.

Bob Mackie is the man behind the magic of this episode and that is thrilling to me. Most people may know Bob Mackie because he designs sparkling monstrosities for the tackiest stars in the universe, I know his name for a different reason. You see, every Christmas, my grandmother would get the FAO Schwartz Catalog and there was always a special edition Bob Mackie Barbie doll for the bargain price of around $200. I wanted one so badly, to display on my little white shelf between my pink fish tank and my Alice in Wonderland Tea set. Sadly, I never got a Bob Mackie Barbie doll but don’t feel bad for me, my childhood wasn’t totally ruined because of this…I got over it sometime in high school. Anywho, enough reminiscing about me because Mr. Mackie made quite the little fuss among the men of Runway, I was concerned that Nicolas may explode at some point, it was the like “The Feather Prince” meeting his King, “The Sultan of Sequins” for the very first time. He neared tears but held it together, probably in an effort to remain manly, because if you can’t tell, manliness is a huge deal for Nicolas (insert sarcastic look here). And if Bob Mackie isn’t enough to make a gay man shake with pure delight, they will be designing a stage costume for none other than Christina Aguilera. HOLY EFFING CRAP, the woman behind such hits as Genie in a Bottle and Dirrty!? Yes, THAT Christina Aguilera.

A challenge like this cannot be drama free and we got so so much of it, let’s start with the annoyingly talkative Shirin. Read the rest of this entry »

*I kinda missed the boat on this last week, but that is the beauty of having a time frame that ends in “-ish”…the freedom to extend my week. So, James Franco is joining the cast of General Hospital and explaining it by claiming it as “performance art.” No James, no it is not. It’s a soap opera, the same category of show my grandmother used to tape on VHS five days a week so she didn’t miss Rick Springfield and his evil twin with amnesia who probably had a serial killer for a wife. James has got to lay off the reefer.

*Did you hear Bristol Palin’s BabyDaddy (yes, that hunk of a man to the right) has agreed to pose for Playgirl? I, for one, had no idea Playgirl was still around but this might be subscription time for yours truly. Because there is nothing sexier than a teenager with no real ambition who impregnated a cheerleader … wait, I think we had that guy in my high school, I could probably get him to show me his “private areas” for way less than the $19.95 a month the website membership is gonna cost me.

*If there is anything I have learned from television this week (besides the obvious life lessons that one gathers from Project Runway, One Tree Hill and The Office) it’s that B-list semilebrities love pistachios way more than I do. And the National Pistachio Council (I have no idea if that’s a real thing) must have gotten a huge stimulus package to pay for all these big name endorsers.

After the jump, a Girls Next Door recap, exploding implants, Death Cab meets Twilight and more… Read the rest of this entry »

Tonight is a night of weddings on my television: I am going straight from the Jim & Pam wedding on The Office to Project Runway, Wedding Edition. The difference? Runway is a little less “Yay, Love!” and a little more “Boo, Men.” Good transition TV, though I feel all sorts of confused now.

So if you haven’t seen the episode, because you live under a rock or lack basic cable or have something cool to do on Thursday nights, the challenge was to take the wedding gowns of their divorcee clients and make them useful for their new husband-free lives. To add a little more stress, because apparently polyester, lace and satin aren’t enough, this is another one-dayer.

The only real “drama” this week came in the form of not one, but two cries. Gordana made the call home to the kids and burst into tears, which brings me back to my theory — either she is getting auf’ed or they are trying to make us like her more (only time will tell and ooooooh does it).

The second cry of the night belongs to Shirin (pictured left in a moment of depression that totally sums up this challenge) and it has nothing to do with her being accosted by another designer due to her incessant chatting and everything to do with her client wanting to look like a slutty, Cher-ish, peacock. I would cry too, cuz that is just real crazy.

Moment of the night: Tim’s reaction to acetate. Sheer disgust.

Now, the Runway, where things get … well, I said “oh….no, that’s bad” a lot.

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*Not one, not two, but a total of four Victoria’s Secret Angels are preggers. The makeup artists at the next runway show should probably start stocking up on Dermablend ASAP; those stretch marks are not going to cover themselves.

*Kristin Cavallari of The Hills/Laguna Beach told Ryan Seacrest that John Mayer has asked her out, but she “didn’t need to be a notch on his belt.” Because Kristin is definitely a classy lady, I can see why she wouldn’t want to be in the same company as some unsuccessful ho-bag like Jennifer Aniston.

*Also in news from the set of The Hills, Spencer Pratt is not having sex with Heidi because he is afraid she will go off birth control without telling him. Now that is a relationship built on love, trust and communication if I have ever seen one.

*Kristen Stewart, aka the lucky girl who gets bitten by Edward Cullen, is not pleased with the fame she is experiencing. Which makes sense, because I mean, c’mon, it’s not like she went to any auditions and tried to become an actress and be in huge movies that would make her a shit-ton of cash. She is just an innocent victim.

After the jump: Jon Gosselin, A Friends Movie and Adam Lambert’s new album…

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This week, the challenge is brought to us by Macy’s INC line and everything is blue … ok, welp, I like blue, I guess. It seems a little boring, but we are given another team challenge, which we all know are my favorites because people have even more chances to bicker and gripe and throw each other under the fashion bus at the first sign of trouble. Let the games begin.

I felt a little drama acomin’ when Althea picked Logan. They didn’t show it but in my mind Carol Hannah shot Althea a serious death look. She seems all sweet and innocent but I think a blonde dreamy designer can bring out the worst in her. I don’t think it’s out of the question to be patiently waiting for a bitchslap, if only a ‘lil one.

In non-blonde news, Louise is a hot mess this week, surely losing her little gothic mind. She misplaced her envelope of money in Mood, displays her bird-calling ability and blatantly tells us that she can’t handle the pressure. I hate to break it to her but she miiiiight be on the wrong show, maybe a reality show about non-competitive sewing techniques would be more her speed? With all this focus on her, my early prediction is that she is out of here tonight. Am I right? Am I wrong? Hmmmm, we won’t talk about it ’til after the jump.

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*New girl in school, Jenny Slate made a name for herself on SNL this week, when she let the f-word slip during a sketch. Everyone knows she totally did that on purpose! No one would know her name this week if she kept saying “freakin” like all those other Biker Chicks in the not-so-but-maybe-more-funny-than-I-thought-it-would-be season premiere Saturday night. Either she is the smartest person in that cast or she needs some soap in her mouth, A Christmas Story-style.

*In the most non-shocking news you will hear all week, or within the next five to ten minutes, Screech (I refuse to use his real name) released a portion of his “tell-all” about growing up on Saved By The Bell and things were ka-razy on set! Like, sometimes, there was smoke (that may have been drug-related) coming from the dressing rooms, Tiffany-Amber Thiessen miiiight have made out with Mark Paul Gosselar and wait for it, wait for it…Mario Lopez HIT ON GIRLS. Who would spend time reading something so ridiculous and terribly obvious?!**

*While perusing important world news, aka EOnline.com, I saw a bit of a trend this weekend: Wedding bells. I cannot imagine how the elite of Hollywood chose between the nuptials of these A-Listers. Let’s go down the list, shall we…: Read the rest of this entry »

Hooray for Hollywood, that something, something, something Hollywood…okay, yeah, I don’t know that song but you get the idea and if you don’t know where this is going, they did a movie challenge, because you know, Project Runway is in LA this season, if you hadn’t gathered that yet.

This is one of the cooler challenges I have seen in a while: Pick a genre, make up a character, dress her. That is basically what I did with my Barbie dolls every Saturday of my childhood, so I am fairly certain I could have aced this one as an 8 year old. Also, this is a one-dayer and the pressure. is. on.

And sometimes ladies, when we are under pressure we gravitate towards the comforting arms of the dreamy blonde who kinda sorta looks like Dr. Chase from House at the work table next door. You know what I am talking about don’t you? Mmmmhmmm, yep. A little Logan and Carol Hannah looooove connection. After that whole Mitchell and Ra’mon thing went to crap, I feel like I was burned by love in the workroom but I have hope in temporary reality TV happiness once again. How fab would that wedding be?! Anyhow, with the pressure also came a fantastic montage of people prancing around the workroom, my personal favorite though was my boy Nicolas, who not only chose to prance but also squeal. He captured the feel of a one-day challenge in that one moment of excitable terror.

Next up, the runway!

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*Patrick Swayze was the next victim of Death’s War on Hollywood 2009 Edition. This makes me sad because this one time I swam in the lake where they shot Dirty Dancing. So yeah, basically he was like a father to me and I am awaiting my flowers and sympathy cards. Sidenote: I like daisies.

*Jessica Simpson has lost the battle against the coyotes while searching for her poor little puppy, Daisy. You may remember Daisy from her supporting role in MTV’s Newlyweds, which also suffered a tragic death far too early in life. A sign of things to come for poor Daisy? Maybe…maybe.

*Avril Lavigne, (remember her, she had that hit like eight years ago and wears a tie with everything and cusses on the red carpet cuz she’s super bad-ass punk?) and husband Deryck Whibley (remember him, he was in that band and they had that hit like eight years ago and there were a bunch of kids skateboarding and he wears Dickies everything  and cusses on the red carpet cuz he’s a super bad-ass punk?) have decided to split. Shocking that it didn’t work out, they both seem so mature and content in their own unique identities.

*Kate Gosselin found mousse and the scrunching technique popularized in 1990. Does anyone care? At all? Hands? Ok, no one. Moving on.

After the jump, The Emmys, Zooey and Ben get married and Audrina Patridge does chores topless…

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The designers apartments may be getting a bit more empty but there are still a few who need to be auf’ed, ASAP. So let’s get rid of another one, shall we? It’s the newspaper challenge and this whole episode watches a lot like a bad gossip column: Sex, Lies and Bitchiness. Okay, no sex, but soooooo many lies it kinda makes up for it.

Poor Althea is confused about why they are at the LA Times. Listen Althea, blonde to blonde, you have GOT to amp up the intelligence factor, you are representing us now, the girls who spend hours with 40 volume on our roots every six weeks, just think before you speak. I have your back, I am talking you up to at least 8 to 12 people who read this recap. Be smart! Pretend you have seen this show before! Alright, that’s all Althea, make me proud. The good thing is, Althea is a rocket scientist when compared to Shirin. Finally, someone for everyone to mutually hate…and I like it! Oooooh, and a montage of stank looks, it’s like Christmas for reality TV fans. How many looks did she get?? Nine, aka, not enough. I want double digits; Bravo would have given me 12 stank looks, easy! Read the rest of this entry »

*Kate Gosselin has been offered $400,000 to pose for Playboy. I propose that Hugh take that money and offer it to Jon Gosselin to never speak in public ever again. I think it is time that Playboy does something good for the world and this is a win-win…because no one wants to see a mother of eight’s vajayjay — no one.

*Remember that neoprene number Ra’mon won with on Project Runway a couple weeks ago? (If not, you can check it out here.) According to Tim Gunn, who never lies or is wrong about anything ever so I totally believe him, the dress was dyed in the toilet at FIDM. Here is my question…is that dye or 2000 Flushes? I won’t judge but really, it’s a legit question.

*Megan Fox has opened her mouth again. Calling Michael Bay, the mastermind behind such films as The Rock, Armageddon and apparently Playboy Video Centerfold: Kerri Kendall (who knew?!), “Hitler” and a “nightmare.” His revenge? Read the rest of this entry »

With the Loafies on Tuesday, I am getting ready for a little awards show action. What better way to prepare for my acceptance speech (I’m winning a Loafie for something, right?) than to watch the MTV VMAs?

My favorite part of any awards show is the red carpet, generally…but this is the VMAs so I know the best is yet to come, so briefly, here are my thoughts on the red carpet arrivals:
• Lady Gaga is Phantoming it up in that mask. And I have to say I feel that Kermit has actually downgraded from Miss Piggy, as we are not certain that Gaga ( right) is technically a Lady.

• Shakira and Pink are in the same dress. This is a disaster, seriously, whose dress is that? Who let that happen? Some poor assistant at a New York fashion house is about to join the unemployment line.

• Alicia Keys looks adorable!  I am in love with that dress. That woman is the picture of sophistication lately.

• Now, onto the show where we will discuss Kanye’s diss, Gaga’s bleeding, Pink’s Boob and more…. Read the rest of this entry »

This week on Project Runway, the models are calling the shots. Shameless ploy to get us to watch Models of the Runway? Yes. Am I watching Models of the Runway? Yes. Mission accomplished, Lifetime, you have sucked me in.

I love that the models have all these grand ideas but a little part of me, okay, the majority of me, thinks they have absolutely no idea what on earth they are talking about. Example: Shirin’s girl wants a royal blue satin jumpsuit with gold rope accents.
Let me repeat that slowly and in caps:
A
ROYAL BLUE
SATIN
JUMPSUIT
WITH
GOLD ROPE
ACCENTS
Apparently she is confusing Shirin for her mother sewing a Halloween costume, or the challenge for “Who can look closest to a dominatrix Superwoman?” Read the rest of this entry »

*The Duggars are expecting their 19th child. If you do not know who they are, I want you to imagine Jon and Kate + 8 - The Douche + 11 x a whole lot of morals and a stance against birth control. Got it?  Good. In all seriousness, though, that woman’s uterus should be removed and ceremoniously burned. No one should have that many kids, not Albert Einstein, not Stephen Hawking, not Mother Teresa and most definitely not anyone named Jim Bob.**

*Disney acquired Marvel comics this week.  In a related story, Spiderman will now don a pair of 4-fingered white gloves.

*One of the best and most totally realistic medical dramas of all time is returning this fall and apparently Christina and Dr. McArmy (aka Owen) are going to work things out. Am I the only one who ISN’T stoked for this pairing?! If we have learned anything from this show, and we have learned a lot, it is that people who fall in love with main characters go crazy, die or get removed from the cast for being homophobic. Christina cannot handle that type of heartache and frankly, neither can I.

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Welcome to Project Runway, episode three. Finally we got to see some claws come out AND a Runway first in the elimination. This is the Project Runway we all know and love.

But let’s rewind, I can’t get ahead of myself, even though I want to, because there is a lot of ground to cover. Things start off innocently enough, California, beaches, surfer girls, Tim Gunn in a blazer on the beach…yes, he wears a blazer to the beach, that man is all class, all the time. Also, in case you forgot about their sponsor, who they showed every ten minutes for the first 2 episodes, Garnier is the most amazing hair product ever and you should probably go buy some right now so that you too can have luscious, model-like locks (insert hair flip and smile here).

Now, I looooove group challenges, but I really loooooove doubles challenges because there is no middle child to keep the peace. Seeing two people try and make nice while not knowing a damn thing about the other one and secretly resenting that person is my style of reality TV. Watching this episode was like watching an arranged marriage go down in flames, big, fluffy, satin and neoprene flames. Read the rest of this entry »

*Headline of the Week goes to USMagazine.com: “Brody Jenner Tasered After Brawl With Girls Gone Wild Honcho.” Of course that is what happened, because generally when I imagine hanging out with Joe Francis, the man behind the ground-breaking and classy video series Girls Gone Wild, I also picture Brody Jenner convulsing on the ground, electricity flowing through his body while his girlfriend hurls drinks across the bar. We made these people famous. Good job, America.

*Remember that guy in high school you always had a crush on, but he never knew you existed, like, at all? You know how you always had a glimmer of hope that he ended up fat, bald and working at Taco Bell? Bobby Campo, now of Final Destination semi-fame, was that guy in my high school. He is not fat or bald and he is not serving up Nachos Bell Grande with no tomatoes to my drunk ass at 3 a.m. Something went terribly wrong in my life.

Read the rest of this entry »

Let me begin by saying that, for maybe the third time in our relationship, my DVR let me down. How can we have plans every Thursday at 10 and yet it fails me the one time I don’t turn on my TV until 10:10pm?! I do not understand it, you have one job in life Mr. DVR. One! That said, I join you 10 minutes into this weeks episode of Project Runway. From what I have gathered, Rebecca Romijn is there, she is “with child” as they say in the Bible, and she wants a snazzy new look to flatter the large lump in her stomach that holds what is guaranteed to be a gorgeous set of twins.

The work room is kind of a hot mess this week, and not just because of those hormones. (Get it? Cuz they are making clothes for pregnant ladies!) Mitchell is throwing around shorts fit for the fat lady at the state fair as opposed to a fake-pregnant model, and Malvin has opted to wrap his belly in … gauze? I guess that’s convenient if the woman suddenly goes into labor, but that’s also real gross. Speaking of Malvin (who sounds oddly similar to Michael Jackson) … did you catch that look of death he gave Tim Gunn!? If Tim ends up dead in Brooklyn, beaten to death by hipster scarves, I think we all know who to blame.

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Eric Dane, aka McSteamy

*Video has surfaced that indicates Aerosmith’s Steven Tyler, may have been drunk when he fell off a stage and broke some stuff, and by stuff I mean bones.  I am beside myself.  This is about as shocking as the moment I realized Brett Michaels is kind of a skeezeball.

*Something about Michael Jackson and the doctors or homicide or pills or something.  I don’t know, I am sure they will blame someone else next week.  Moving on.

*We got to see McSteamy’s “anatomy” (Do you see what I did there? Hilarious, I know) in the sex tape leaked/released at an opportune time just before the fall premieres, of Seattle’s second hottest surgeon….But it doesn’t stop there folks.

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Before they graced our eyes, ears and hearts with a new season of Project Runway, the geniuses over at Lifetime made us sit through an extra two hours of commercial time, most of which promoted, you guessed it, Lifetime.  Sorry, but I am still not tuning into the Sherri Shepherd show.

Aaaaaanyway, when it comes to the contestants, these were not the best of the best, but then again, what reality show really brings in the best of the best for these “all star” reunions?  Other than the Real World/Road Rules Challenges, obviously.  They were fan faves, though, so I will accept the group (if they asked my opinion Christian would be on every single episode ever, but they did not).

*First off, I have to say what I know we are ALL thinking was glossed over by the producers: Jeffrey has left his babymomma?! For that wicked witch of the west looking girl?! And to sing in a shitty band and wear his self-promoting band shirt for the entire episode?! Cool factor, fail.

More recapping after the jump…

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I think Franki really put it best yesterday as she recapped the emotional rollercoaster that the last year has been for us Runway fans.  But alas, it happened and we get to experience a rollercoaster of tears and sewing needles with a whole new set of designers to love, hate, forget and quote.  So, without further ado, let’s bring on the crazy.

Right out of the gate, we learn that Ra’mon dropped out of med school?? Unbelievable, I need to see the paperwork on that.  Can someone provide me with his transcripts, please?  Thank you in advance. Ra’mon also logged the first cry of the season.  Congrats, Ra’mon, you just lost your man-card. (I have been informed by a male friend that he probably did not have one to begin with; he has a solid point.)
Then there is Nicolas, aka the “Feather Prince,” which is how I shall refer to him for the remainder of the season, who is winning me over already with his quote of the night, maybe the season…. Read the rest of this entry »

As Creative Loafing’s foremost authority on pop culture (I decided that myself and it does not represent the opinion of anyone who works for Creative Loafing), I will be doing a weekly-ish entertainment wrap-up.  Round One: Let’s do this.

* Adam Lambert told E! that he is very happy with his boyfriend.  In other news, Drake LaBry (the “boyfriend,” in photo at right) is missing and I have been named a “person of interest.”  I have no idea why.

* Speaking of Idol, everyone knows that Paula is out of the show, which is extremely disappointing but thank the Lord she will NOT be replaced by Victoria Beckham as was originally reported.  Since replacing Paula is clearly impossible, I vote for a revolving chair of guest judges who are equally entertaining, nonsensical and irrelevant, ie. a member of O-Town, Scott Stapp, Cher, any other Spice Girl. (Feel free to leave me more suggestions.)

* Heidi Montag of The Hills infamy posed for Playboy, and the pictures were released this week (see them all after the jump).  Talk about Modeling 101, girl needs a Tyra lesson ASAP.  ANTM fans know what I mean.  That little mouth open to look sexy? The dead eyes? Seriously, where is Mr. Jay when you need him?!  Oh, and she has fake boobs, like really fake, like bowling ball-style fake.

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When I’m not stalking former Idol contestants, I’m counting down the days, OK the hours, till the next season of Project Runway. With just a couple weeks to go before the long-overdue season premiere on Aug. 20, my Tim Gunn-themed Advent Calendar is getting a lot of use.

Even though I’m pretty upset about that whole “it’s on Lifetime now” stab in the heart, I decided I needed to find some dirt or at least info on the new contestants. Well, I was delighted to see that Lifetime has already posted contestant profiles!

So ladies (and a few gentlemen who dare to visit the Lifetime website to watch the videos and play along), let’s judge these designer hopefuls before we know anything concrete about them, shall we?

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As an American Idol Super-Fan, it is pretty shocking to even me that I had not attended the annual extravaganza of singing, dancing and sequins that is American Idols Live. But finally, I have been there, I have done that and it was worth the wait.

I won’t bore you with a play-by-play recap of the entire show, but here are the first-half highlights of the people worth mentioning.

Megan Joy: Sporting a baby bump — yep, start the rumor people, you heard it here first.

Anoop: That Anoop, he is adorable and as it turns out, he has family here. (Note to self: find the Desai family and stalk their holiday gatherings).
Scott: Still can’t see.

During the intermission, the anxiety started to build for me. Adam (pictured, all photos by Tracy May) was mere MINUTES from taking the stage.  What will he be wearing?  What is he going to sing?  Will he announce that he is really straight and looking for a blonde, amateur blogger who likes to bake cupcakes to make his wife? I don’t know, maybe…maybe. Read the rest of this entry »

Hi, my name is Amanda and I am an American Idol super-fan.

I can make a compelling argument for or against pretty much any contestant in the top ten, based upon singing ability, showmanship and marketability. I gasped in horror the first time Adam Lambert landed in the bottom three. I love Kelly Clarkson’s entire musical library, more than any self-respecting, 27-year-old woman should. Also, I have no musical talent whatsoever.

My younger sister Caitlin, on the other hand, can sing and has a dream of getting famous on a reality show, any reality show.

So, after some persuasion, which basically consisted of her telling me that there was a chance Ryan Seacrest would be there, I agreed to take a vacation day and see what my favorite reality show is really all about at the first round of American Idol auditions (insert excitable “Woo!” here). Creative Loafing gave us a video camera, we headed to Orlando, woke up well before dawn, smuggled said video camera into the arena and spent all day surrounded by people with one goal, to be the next Ruben Studdard, or something like that.

This is Caitlin’s American Idol story. Video after the jump: Read the rest of this entry »