Daily Loaf

As today is my last here at the Loaf, (you can reach me at anthonyjohn71@yahoo.com) this may well be my final Reel Projections (I know, boo fucking hoo, the end of an era). But rather than cry in my beer (which I really don’t like to drink these days, anyway, and after Benjamin Button, I’ve pretty much dried out my tear ducts), I’ll go out with the shiny, happy enthusiasm that made men admire me and women want me.

So let’s get this might-be-a-farewell party started with the hands-down best trailer I saw last night before the screening of The Curious Case of Benjamin Button (did I mention you should bring your hankies?). OK, that’s not saying much, since most of the other 29 trailers were, how do you say, fucking horrible. But The Proposal, yet another rom-com starring the rom-commiest of actresses, Sandra Bullock, was a breath of fresh, frothy air. See if you agree:

Read the rest of this entry »

The wait is over. Joe and I return to the studio for our fourth Reel Projections podcast, 20 minutes of windbagging about the best films of the year (most of which we didn’t see), the biggest moneymakers and my utter lack of preparation for the show. Special Listener Bonus: another appearance by singer/songwriter Clint Eastwood.

Don’t call it a comeback: Tired of hearing about Mickey Rourke’s return to form in critics’ darling The Wrestler? Well, you’ve got company, ’cause apparently so is Mickey.

Read the rest of this entry »

The New York Times is reporting that 20th Century Fox will try to delay the release of Watchmen. Deadline Hollywood Daily has a statement from Warner Bros. on the lawsuit.

This week’s DVD releases: Rope of Silicon runs down Paramount’s new Blu-Ray titles, including the Patrick Swayze stupid-face fest, Ghost; Tom Cruise going vroom vroom with Nicole Kidman in Days of Thunder; Event Horizon and The Truman Show.

Q: Who’s the most reviled movie critic? A: Ben Lyons. He’s so hated (and with good reason), that CriticWatch’s Erik Childress has a blog dedicated to using Lyons’s own words against him:

Is it possible that New York publicists have a poster of Ben Lyons in their office with the slogan that reads “Put critics in a theater full of people laughing with free tickets and one of them may laugh too?” What if the Bedtime Stories crowd was laughing at Ben Lyons laughing? Or just Ben Lyons? I guarantee he’s produced more unintentional laugh lines than Sandler & Co. did this year. Take for example:

Read the rest of this entry »

The Seattle Times plans to freeze the pensions of its nonunion employees, effective Feb. 6. This comes only days after announcing that those same nonunion workers must also take an unpaid week of leave to save the company money.

Andrea James of the Seattle Post-Intelligencer covers the cutbacks, and includes this rather distressing bit of news to illustrate just how badly the economy has tanked:

The McClatchy Co. owns a 49.5 percent stake in The Times Co. That stake has lost most of its carrying value and is now worth $7.94 million, compared with $102.2 million in 2006, according to filings with the Securities and Exchange Commission.

Behind the times: For newspapers that thought they could get well by selling off their buildings, that time appears to have passed. The Associated Press reports:

At least half a dozen newspaper companies have said this year they plan to sell their buildings, some with the intention of leasing back space for their news operations. Others are moving to smaller offices to save money as staffs dwindle and the era of commanding downtown newspaper buildings appears near an end.

The newspapers could hardly have picked a worse time to put their buildings on the block, with the value of commercial real estate deals plummeting from just a year ago.

The rest of the article lists a number of newspapers feeling the real-estate crunch, and is worth your time.

I had every intention of seeing Valkyrie at the Regal Park Place Stadium 16 last night, but the 7:50 show was sold out. Although Valkyrie has received middling reviews, I still want to see it, a desire I can attribute to three reasons:

1. Tom Cruise (so intense, so watchable,)

2. It was directed by Bryan Singer (X-Men, The Usual Suspects)

3. (And most important) The poster for Valkyrie has the balls to make Nazis look like the antihero studs of Reservoir Dogs.

Watchmen ruling: Now what? If you read Wednesday’s Reel Projections, you know that a federal judge ruled that Fox Studios owns the distribution rights to Watchmen, putting its March 6 release by Warner Bros. in serious jeopardy. Over at Slashfilm, Peter Sciretta offers a few scenarios that could play out between the two studios, ranging from a co-distribution deal to the film not being released at all.

Every Friday, Reel Projections welcomes the Cranky (Because He’s Soon to Be Unemployed) Copy Editor into the screening room to review one trailer for an upcoming film. Take it away, CCE: Read the rest of this entry »

Merry Christmas! Let’s see what Santa has in his sack for you, hmm …

Tron is back! Bruce Boxleitner, the original Tron, has been added to the cast of Tron 2.

The Eddie Murphy-as-Riddler story will not go away. Why? Because U.K. Sun reporter Gordon Smart, who delivered this inconceivable bit of casting news, has now come forward to defend his inside info. The Guardian film blog also throws in this mind-bending bit of nothing to keep tongues wagging:

Off the record, Smart revealed his precise source, and if we are to believe him, it would appear a pretty reliable one. It follows, then, that the rest of yesterday’s story might also be falsehood-free.

That should clear things up.

Best. Movie. Ever. Take a deep breath and make sure you have a soft place to land, because your mind is about to be blown. The Expendables, Sylvester Stallone’s action flick about a band of mercenaries, has lined up the following cast: Jet Li, Dolph Lundgren, Jason Statham and Forest Whitaker. Add Mickey Rourke to the cast, pump “Sex Panther” through the air ducts, and theaters everywhere will enjoy a full-tilt boogie of testosterone the likes of which the world hasn’t seen since The Dirty Dozen.

Just sit right back, and you’ll hear the tale: Gilligan’s Island is headed for the big screen. Hear that? It’s the sound of people who remember Gilligan’s Island not giving a shit.

Roger Ebert isn’t feeling the Christmas Spirit: In fact, he lays the smack down pretty hard on Frank Miller’s comic-book adaptation.

The New York Times is reporting that a federal judge in Los Angeles has ruled in favor of 20th Century Fox’s claim to the rights to Watchmen, which is a Warner Bros. production.

This is big news, as Watchmen has been one of the most eagerly awaited movies of 2009. With the film scheduled to arrive in theaters March 6, it seems the two studios will now have to work out a deal fairly quickly.

A commenter on this blog tipped me off to GateHouse Media’s lawsuit against the New York Times Company for what amounts to copyright infringement — taking headlines and ledes verbatim from GateHouse’s Wicked Local sites and publishing them on Boston.com’s Your Town sites. (The New York Times owns The Boston Globe and Boston.com.)

Well, just a couple of hours ago, Ellyn Michele Angelotti of the Poynter Institute reported (via The Boston Globe) that a judge has denied GateHouse’s request for an injunction against the New York Times and would only consider one after Jan. 5, when a jury trial is scheduled to begin.

Not surprisingly, the implications of the lawsuit have free speech and fair use advocates burning up their keyboards, perhaps with good reason. In a blog post on Journalistopia, Danny Sanchez writes: Read the rest of this entry »

The Washington Post and Baltimore Sun are dealing with their smaller newsrooms by pooling resources and sharing coverage. This is significant, because they are using their respective staffs to do the actual news gathering and reporting, not just aggregation. It’s part of an increasingly popular trend:

In the last few months, papers around the country have struck several content-sharing agreements of varying degrees, including The Miami Herald, The Palm Beach Post and The Sun-Sentinel of Fort Lauderdale; The Dallas Morning News and Star-Telegram of Fort Worth; and a group of eight major papers in Ohio.

“This is something that, as recently as two years ago, you really wouldn’t have seen papers doing at all,” said Rick Edmonds, a media business analyst at the Poynter Institute, a nonprofit school for journalists that owns the St. Petersburg Times. “In the current climate where there’s such urgency to get savings to keep pace with the falling ad revenue, I think this is snowballing from one place to another.”

As St. Pete Times media critic Eric Deggans noted recently, year-end top 10 lists are an easy way for columnists to fill space while also allowing them to take another shot at films they disliked and praise those worthy of the honor. If you’ve been following Reel Projections for the past few weeks, you know that every few days, another critics’ organization has issued its best-of picks for 2008.

Not me. Instead, I thought I’d give a tip of the cap to those critics who toiled in darkened theaters and saved me my hard-earned money by warning me off a slew of films I had been at least somewhat interested in seeing.

When I want to gauge the overall critical reaction to a new film, the first place I head is Rotten Tomatoes, which provides a useful consensus, expressed as a number (anything below 60 is considered bad).

Here then, are the Top 8 of 2008 I initially wanted to see before the critics cut them down to size, along with some of the pithiest, nastiest comments by reviewers:

Read the rest of this entry »

Eat me, baby! Megan Fox to star as a flesh-munching cheerleader in Diablo Cody’s Jennifer’s Body. Which is great news, because that means I get to post a gratuitous pic of Megan Fox. (For the last time, she’s the hot girl from Transformers.)

Four more critics’ picks: Slumdog Millionaire (now playing in the Tampa Bay area) tops two more best-of lists (including Florida), while The Dark Knight and Frost/Nixon each get the number one spot by other tastemakers.

Tim-mah! Tim Robbins reported to play Iron Man’s dad. Discuss.

Hot stuff: David Fincher is cooking up something with Keanu Reeves. Seriously, the title is Chef.

Dredd-ful: A new Judge Dredd film is on the way. I wish I were kidding.

The Final Frontier: Majel Barrett-Roddenberry passes away at 76.

A hot chick totally wants to do me, and I’ve got an angel of a wife at home – score! Take one part Fatal Attraction, one part The Temp, add the ending of Pacific Heights, mix with a dash of Jungle Fever and voila! – Obsessed, yet another brain-dead male fantasy film masquerading as a lurid thriller.

Every Friday, Reel Projections welcomes the Cranky Copy Editor to review one trailer from an upcoming film. Take it away, CCE:

This week’s trailer is for Powder Blue, which appears to have aspirations of a (ugh) Big Artistic Statement. The BAS in this case seems to be that we’re all connected in mysterious, deeply meaningful ways, putting it in league with solemn snooze-fests like Crash, Babel and Magnolia. This is only a guess, however, since the trailer plays like one of those mind-bending avant collages projected onto the wall of a rave club while a DJ spins ambient-techno washes that remind you just how lonely and alienated you are from the rest of humanity. But I digress…

You can practically taste the indie ennui coming off the screen, so I’ll go out on a limb and predict Powder Blue will be recognized during awards season. In fact, I’m personally awarding Ray Liotta with Best Existential Crisis While Wading in the Ocean, and Forest Whitaker with Best Angsty Swan Dive Off a Building While Wearing a Santa Suit. Nice two-fer, Powder Blue! Almost as nice as the film’s main attraction…

Read the rest of this entry »

Austin Film Critics have picked their best of 2008, and guess who cleaned up in the Best Picture, Director, Adapted Screenplay and Supporting Actor categories? JUST TAKE A WILD GUESS. That’s right. The Dark Knight. Fellow Texans the Dallas-Ft. Worth Film Critics Association gave Best Picture to Slumdog Millionaire, as well as Best Director to Danny Boyle for the same flick. Oh, and they also rewarded Heath Ledger with Best Supporting Actor. Read the rest of the winners here.

Meanwhile, the Toronto Film Critics Association, in an obvious cry for attention, have bestowed their Best Picture honor on Wendy and Lucy, which I wrote about in the Dec. 16 Reel Projections. They also gave that film’s Michelle Williams the nod for Best Actress and rewarded Jonathan Demme with Best Director for Rachel Getting Married. And Best Supporting Actor went to Williams’ former boyfriend, and father of her daughter, Heath Ledger. Here’s the rest of the TFCA winners.

Disney has released the first photo of an upcoming Bruce Willis sci-fi film. Behold this mysterious production still from Surrogates. What’s he looking at so intensely off-screen? Could it be one of the surrogate robots? A couch where he can sit down and watch those monitors in comfort? HANS FUCKING GRUBER???!!!

It’s the “I don’t care but somebody out there must” link of the day: Twilight sequel New Moon has a release date. Hoo. Rah.

SPOILER ALERT! Some guy at Chud.com saw the first 22 minutes of Watchmen in Austin, and now he’s spilling his guts all over the interwebs. You’ve been warned. And remember that lawsuit Fox brought against Warner Bros.? An L.A. federal judge has set a Watchmen trial date of January 20, 2009.

Here it is, true believers: episode three of the Reel Projections podcast. Joe and I kick things off by talking about the Golden Globes nominations (including Clint Eastwood’s from-beyond-the-grave performance of Gran Torino’s title song, and then we chat with CL Editor David Warner about his review of Milk, in which he praised both Sean Penn and Josh Brolin for their performances.

Download.

First things first: Shakespeare didn’t know what the fuck he was talking about. Tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow may have crept along in a petty pace back in the Bard’s day when everybody spoke in impenetrable soliloquies, but no more. Not if you strap into your computer chair armed with a hoagie and obsess over every single bit of minutiae about upcoming movies. More specifically, big-budget movies that need years of post-production because all the advanced special-effects technology in the world still requires 300 programmers slaving 21-hour days to complete about 20 seconds of screen time. Take the Star Wars prequels as an example: Those films were released in 1999, 2002 and 2005. And how did this geek (along with millions of others) fill each three-year gap? By visiting sites like Countingdown.com every blessed day to get my fix of the latest production still or plot rumor or spoiler. Time didn’t just fly, into went to hyperdrive, and before I knew it: Presto! Another SW film to insult my childhood memories.

And that brings me to Tron 2, which has cast its first two female leads. That’s just the tip of the proverbial iceberg of what will be many updates, rumors and speculation about Tron 2 for the next year, because even though it’s supposed to be shooting in the spring, it won’t be released until 2010. And that means a lot of fanboys huddled close to a warm computer monitor, x-ing out the days on the calendar.

Harrison Ford has signed on to the comedy Morning Glory, apparently to kill some time before the next big-budget movie where he gets to make his patented super-serious Harrison Ford Face.

Rob Zombie is making a sequel to Halloween. Actually, to his remake of Halloween. Big news, I know. So let’s let the cinematic auteur speak for himself:

“I was so burned out. (But) I took a long break, made a record and I got excited again. Now, we’ll be hauling ass, and that’s the problem making a movie called ‘Halloween’: If you come out Nov. 1 or after, nobody cares. If it was called anything else, I’d be fine.”

Yes, if only he were directing the third installment of Bridget Jones’ Diary, Rob could take his sweet time eliciting a winning performance from Renee Zellweger. But you degenerates just have to have your fucking Halloween …

Read the rest of this entry »

New on DVD/Blu-ray: Mamma Mia!, The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor, The Third Man.

Cinemablend has a cool little interview with Mickey Rourke talking about his new film, The Wrestler.

The Horror! Stephen King’s 10 best movies of 2008. It’s a pretty respectable list, with the exception of Tropic Thunder, which would have been total shit save for Robert Downey Jr.’s performance.

AFI has also released its top 10 films of the year, with all the usual suspects accounted for. However, one surprise was Wendy and Lucy, which I hadn’t heard of ’til now. I dutifully found the trailer and can attest that it looks like a seriously heartbreaking piece of filmmaking. A check of the film’s official website doesn’t have it coming to Florida (at least not through March 26). Which kinda pisses me off, because if I’m going to watch a Depressing Important Film, it sure would be nice to see it on the big screen with a bunch of other people to share my tears with instead of alone, in my room, wearing my pj’s and feeling like an emotional basket case. One more thing: The dog better not fucking die. (Trailer follows the jump.)

Read the rest of this entry »

First things first: The Guardian lists its top 8 most ridiculous plots of 2008. A fun read, and you should have quite a chuckle at numbers 1 and 2.

It’s a tie! Boston Society of Film Critics puss out and give Best Picture honors to both Wall-E and Slumdog Millionaire. Read the rest of the winners here.

First trailer for X-Men Origins: Wolverine: After watching it, you can head over to your favorite message board and write things like, “Cool! I can’t wait for this movie! Wolverine RULEZ!!”

Read the rest of this entry »

The X-Man marks his spot: Super-hunk Hugh Jackman (and reigning sexiest man alive) has been confirmed as the host of the 2009 Oscars, which will be telecast Feb. 22. After I announced this juicy nugget to anyone within earshot, expecting to hear reluctant grunts of manly approval, music critic Wade Tatangelo expressed his displeasure over the cubicle wall. Among the kinder words he had to say were, “He’s a hack.” And “He kinda looks like [fellow Australian and country music star] Keith Urban.” Ouch.

Senior Account Executive Anthony Carbone, our self-styled sartorialist who’s like a moth to the flame when he hears the word “handsome,” seconded that emotion, “He’s just kinda sorry. I have no feeling for him.” And “He’s a clown.” Double ouch.

Puzzled by this antipathy toward our foremost portrayer of grizzled comic-book heroes (Wolverine, Van Helsing) I endeavored to seek out a female perspective (and hopefully a voice of sanity in a wilderness of macho repression and denial). Our heroine: Editorial Assistant Franki Weddington, who gave the most reasoned assessment: “Not only is he a good actor and really fucking hot, he’s on Broadway.”

Vindication is mine.

First things first: Pinup girl Bettie Page dies at 85.

Just imagine how good the movie will be: Feast your sore eyes on the ass-tastic poster for the upcoming The Unborn, which was written and directed by David S. Goyer, whose writing credits include The Dark Knight, Batman Begins, the Blade trilogy and Jumper. I could say a few dissertation-worthy things about this poster as an example of our culture’s ambivalent feelings toward female sexuality and evil. But why get all serious on a flick that features Gary Oldman as a Rabbi performing an exorcism and a character whose last name is Hardigan, which, if you ask me, is truth in advertising right there. “Evil will do anything to live.” And I want to be bad. So very, very bad.

Sounds great! Majel Barrett-Roddenberry, widow of Star Trek creator Gene Roddenberry, will voice the computer of the Enterprise in the upcoming Star Trek film. Which I found of interest only because it permits me to include a Star Trek update in this post.

How did the Hollywood glitterati react to the Golden Globes nominations? Variety has their thoughts here.

ScreenRant rants about the Dark Knight snub at the Golden Globes and Cinema Blend chides awards givers about overlooking the Batman. (Money quote: The Golden Globes are “a vague entity run by a strange and mysterious European shadow organization.”)

Speaking of Dark Knight: It’s breaking more records.

Read the rest of this entry »

Boy howdy, it’s the second Reel Projections podcast, which has part two of my talk with Watchmen artist Dave Gibbons. And never you mind what the player text says, Joe didn’t ask Dave Gibbons a damn thing — it was all me. Me! Me! Me! (Not to put too fine a point on it.) However, Joe acquits himself nicely the rest of the show, leading our conversation on upcoming holiday releases, both on the big-screen and on DVD, whilst I try to get a word in edgewise. It’s not easy, folks. This man could swim the English Channel twice over, he’s got that much lung power. Hey-O! You’ll also notice Joe tossing in little in-jokes (like the one about the fake New York Times cover) that I laugh politely at and might have understood if, like Joe, I obsessively monitored Google News feed (I’ve got film sites to obsess over). That gripe aside, I think we established our rapport in this episode, so be sure to save it for posterity.

Out this week: Milk, which our very own Editor David Warner reviews here. Also new in theaters is The Day the Earth Stood Still, starring Keanu Reeves as the alien sent on an excellent adventure to inform humans that their time is up. How nice for the holidays. Now go read the review, Earthlings.

Read the rest of this entry »

The 2009 Golden Globes nominees have been announced. Tell us who you think will win/ shouldn’t have been nominated/ was looked over.

BEST MOTION PICTURE – DRAMA
The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
Frost/Nixon
The Reader
Revolutionary Road
Slumdog Millionaire

BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTRESS IN A MOTION PICTURE – DRAMA
Anne Hathaway, Rachel Getting Married
Angelina Jolie, Changeling
Meryl Streep, Doubt
Kristin Scott Thomas, I’ve Loved You So Long
Kate Winslet, Revolutionary Road

BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTOR IN A MOTION PICTURE – DRAMA
Leonardio DiCaprio, Revolutionary Road
Frank Langella, Frost/Nixon
Sean Penn, Milk
Brad Pitt, The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
Mickey Rourke, The Wrestler

Read the rest of this entry »

Behind its Art Deco façade, the Beach Theatre projects a lot of quality onto its lone screen. Much of the credit for that has to go to Hollywood screenwriter and owner Michael France, (right), who stocks the movie house he’s owned since 2007 with a little something for everyone: first-run mainstream films (The Curious Case of Benjamin Button arrives Dec. 25), cult flicks (The Big Lebowski), indie releases, kids’ Saturday matinees (Miracle on 34th Street and A Christmas Story are on the December schedule) and blasts from the past (Superman and Jaws). Gift this: Visit the website or theater to order a personalized gift certificate. Specifies the admission price the giftee would need ($5 for seniors, students, military and children or $7 for adults) and then the amount of admissions they would like. 315 Corey Ave., St. Pete Beach, 727-360-6697, beach-theater.com.
See other stops on CL’s Indie Holiday Shopping Spree here.

Consider it a Christmas miracle: I was resigned to putting up the trailer for Dragonball: Evolution, until I finally came across a Terminator Salvation trailer that I could embed in this post. (And no, I won’t even link to the Dragonball trailer. If you want to burn your retinas, search for it yourself.)

Los Angeles Film Critics have Wall-E and Dark Knight at 1 and 2 for Best Picture of the year. Read the rest of their picks here.

Brad Pitt to star in Lost City of Z, about British explorer Percy Fawcett, who was one of the inspirations for Indiana Jones.

Keanu Reeves goes samurai in 47 Ronin

First things first: It’s that time of year when movie critics issue their best-ofs, and here’s three of them. Time magazine has published its Top 10 films of 2008, and it’s a doozy. Over at the nation’s capital, D.C. Area Film Critics announce their best of 2008. And, not to be outdone, Roger Ebert has his top 20 of 2008.

New on DVD/Blu-ray today: Horton Hears a Who, Man on Wire, and the film we’ve all been waiting for: The Dark Knight, whose Blu-Ray edition will feature, live, interactive commentary from director Christopher Nolan.

Back to the Waters edge: John Waters has written a treatment for Hairspray 2.

More sucking: Tween vampire flick Twilight sequel will have a new director for New Moon.

Boll-ed over: Director (and I use that term very liberally) Uwe Boll, whose films consistently get awful reviews, lands Luke Perry and Lauren Holly for his latest piece of garbage.

Ripley, believe it or not: Sigourney Weaver and Ridley Scott have been talking about another Alien film. But without the Alien.

Dead as the dinosaurs: Jurassic Park 4 is a no-go.

And the winners are: National Board of Review announced this year’s best in film. Slumdog Millionaire — Best Pic, David Fincher — Best Director (The Curious Case of Benjamin Button, Clint Eastwood — Best Actor (Gran Torino), Anne Hathaway — Best Actress (Rachel Getting Married). Read the rest of the winners here.

Frank Miller says Sin City 2 is written and may start filming in April.

Big Man Japan: It’s kinda like Hancock. But Japanese. And way weirder.

Speaking of Hancock: Will Smith there’s going to be a sequel. His mission: Make a film that doesn’t suck as bad as the first one.

Welcome to hell. Remake hell. First, Russell Brand in Arthur.

And Romancing the Stone:

And John Carpenter’s They Live:

Warner Bros. to re-release Dark Knight in late January.

Man from Atlantis: Len Wiseman (Underworld, Live Free or Die Hard) to direct Atlantis Rising: So when it turns out to be a shitty film, you’ll know why.

Stepping into Hula Hula is a bit like going back in time, albeit a hip, pleasingly kitschy time. The quaint shop owned by former Hawaii residents Stephen Ross and wife Annette Vedsegaard-Ross is packed with all manner of Floridiana and Hawaiian-themed pieces, from knick-knacks, linens and posters to retro pin-ups, signs, antiques and other assorted island decor that you’ll be hard-pressed to find elsewhere. Definitely the kind of place where you’ll want to spend some time browsing and pick up something for yourself as well. Gift this: A personalized resort sign, (or choose from over 400 vintage designs in a range of categories, including doctors, piano teachers and photographers). Prices start at $76. 2902 Beach Blvd. S. Gulfport, 727-321-8454, hula-hula.biz, call ahead for business hours.
See other stops on CL’s Indie Holiday Shopping Spree here.

 

Every Friday, Reel Projections welcomes the Cranky Copy Editor to review one trailer from an upcoming film. Take it away, CCE …

This week’s movie is Last Chance Harvey, starring Emma Thompson and, as best I can tell, k.d. lang. OK, it’s really Dustin Hoffman, but looking rather taut at 71. Anyway, the only other actor of note in the trailer was James Brolin (Hotel, Pensacola: Wings of Gold)

Right out of the gate, Harvey is hurrying to an airport backed by some peppy “Mr. Blue Sky”-esque music. I say “esque” because after a few stabs of the piano keys, it becomes clear we’re the victim of an unforgivable bait-and-switch: You don’t tease your audience with an ELOish song and not at least give them a few bona fide bars. Is it too much to ask for “Sun is shining in the sky, there ain’t a cloud in sight?” Horribly cliché? You bet. Perfectly suited to a light, frothy rom-com? Absolutely.

Read the rest of this entry »

Two guys with mutton chops in a staring contest (and other pics) from X-Men Origins: Wolverine.

Steven Soderbergh + Catherine Zeta Jones + Guided by Voices = a Cleopatra musical.

The Curious Case of Benjamin Button’s Director: Is David Fincher an asshole? Paramount apparently thinks so.

Over at Slashfilm, Peter Sciretta lists the movies he’s looking forward to at the 2009 Sundance Film Festival, while Variety has the complete list of contenders.

No time to bask in the afterglow of my film feature on Watchmen artist Dave Gibbons or the inaugural Reel Projections podcast. But before we get back down to business, let me give a hearty “Hello, how are you?” to all the fine people at the Regions bank on West Kennedy. No less than three (might have been four) employees greeted me the moment I walked through the door this morning. This wasn’t a new experience; they’ve done this to me at least the past half dozen times I’ve come in to make a deposit, and it never fails to both please and unnerve me.

You’re gonna learn how to fly (again): Producers of Fame remake have signed Debbie Allen, Kelsey Grammer, Charles Dutton and sex kitten Bebe Neuwirth. Noteworthy if only for the curious and distracting decision to reunite Frasier Crane with Dr. Lilith Sternin).

Shia LaBeouf to star in John Grisham’s The Associate. Kudos to I Watch Stuff for doing justice to this casting coup:

Be it cell phone, alien skull, AllSpark, or the modest briefcase, there is nothing Shia LaBeouf can’t run around holding while shouting. He’s truly our most versatile holding things and yelling young actor. When he steps into a legal thriller courtroom, the jury is going to be so awed at how he holds his briefcase and shouts objections, all with the charisma of a young Tom Hanks.

Kristen Stewart (the sleepy-eyed temptress from vampire flick Twilight) will play Joan Jett in rock ‘n’ roll biopic The Runaways.

Watchmen gets shorter running time: However, two director’s cuts are significantly longer.

Way beyond Thunderdome: Mel Gibson says “no” to Mad Max 4 script.

It’s the trophy that says “Bad Motherfucker”: Samuel L. Jackson honored with American Cinematheque Award.

Download.

Today marks the inaugural episode of the Reel Projections podcast, hosted by yours truly and fellow movie lover/CL Associate Editor Joe Bardi. Featured is the first part of my recent interview with comic-book artist Dave Gibbons, who talks about his new book, Watching the Watchmen, as well as the upcoming film based on his seminal graphic novel he helped to create with writer Alan Moore, Watchmen.

First things first: Today marks the inaugural episode of the Reel Projections podcast, hosted by yours truly and fellow movie lover/CL Associate Editor Joe Bardi. Featured is the first part of my recent interview with comic-book artist Dave Gibbons, who talks about his new book, Watching the Watchmen, as well as the upcoming film based on his seminal graphic novel he helped to create with writer Alan Moore, Watchmen.

You can also read my feature story about Gibbons, his book and the upcoming Watchmen film here.

New info on the plot for Tron 2 (confess, 30-somethings — you know you’re geeked for this one).

Brian Grazer explains Russell Crowe’s dual roles in Ridley Scott’s Nottingham.

Just in case you give a damn (I know I don’t), Latino Review has plot details for Beverly Hills Cop 4.

MST3K fans rejoice: Cinematic Titanic.

Out on DVD today: The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian; Wanted; Step Brothers

Rick Reilly is lucky I’m not his editor. Fo’ real. Because if he had turned in this piece of garbage across my desk, he’d be wearing it, along with my lunchtime plate of linguini.

Exhibit A:

If you look at Collins’ face this week, you’ll see a big cut on his nose. He was deer hunting, saw a six-pointer loping by, didn’t have time to get a good rifle rest on his shoulder, fired anyway and the recoil nailed him. But he got the deer.

Figures. He never did like to pass the buck.

If you didn’t already believe in the innate goodness of human nature, consider this: Kerry Collins, the subject of the article, had to have read these last lines and somehow resisted the urge to mount Reilly’s head in his trophy room.

Read the rest of this entry »

Let’s dispense with the gripping opening paragraph and cut to the chase, shall we? This is the text message that greeted me this otherwise lovely Saturday morning:

“I had a dream about you.”

That’s a good start. I like me them kind of text messages.

“You were mean to me in it.”

Fuck.

“You shouldn’t be mean to me in my dreams. I don’t like it.”

Well, now.

Read the rest of this entry »

I had a feeling today would be a slow movie news day the moment I got on the Howard Frankland and started blowing by everyone else in my ‘85 Merc. Usually, 80 mph isn’t nearly enough to keep up with the other caffeinated leadfoots eager to send themselves (and the rest of us) to an early grave. But this morning, you’d have thought I was sporting a Universal Studios FastPass as I blew by all the poor souls who O.D.’d on tryptophan and were dreading being the only assholes at work while the rest of the world did its Christmas shopping for 25 percent off.

Fuckin’ A, why can’t EVERY DAY be like Black Friday — California has truck-only lanes; the Frankland needs to have a lane specifically for copy editors to get to work as quickly as possible so we can have that first coffee and cigarette of the day before stewing at our desks over all the fucking work we have to do. Like copy edit. And write headlines. And blog shit like this. Find a blackboard, Shelton Quarles, and make it so.

Sure enough, the choice tidbits are few and far between, but duty, as they say, calls. And my post-Thanksgiving gift to you: No Star Trek or Watchmen updates.

Black Friday, indeed: Steve Guttenberg says sequels to Police Academy and Three Men and a Baby are in the works. Ha, ha, good one, Steve. Seriously, stop kidding around. No, really. Shut the fuck up.

Joss Whedon ready to bring Buffy the Vampire Slayer back to the big screen.

Hold on to your hormones, ladies: Johnny Depp and Christian Bale are respective adversaries John Dillinger and Melvin Purvis in Michael Mann’s Public Enemies, a Cream Team pairing sure to keep theater ushers everywhere on “moist-seat alert.” Have your canisters of talcum powder ready, boys!

Tom Tykwer’s The International is set to open next year’s 59th Annual Berlin Film Festival. Normally I wouldn’t post this kind of Eurocentric fare, but Tykwer’s Run Lola Run is one of my favorite films, and with Clive Owen and Naomi Watts starring, I can’t wait to get a look at this. (Unless, of course, the buzz is really bad, in which case I’ll slam the film sight unseen.)

And finally, some strong Oscar buzz is swirling around Clint Eastwood’s performance in the upcoming Gran Torino.

See, I told you there’d be no Star Trek or Watchmen. Have a great weekend.

Let’s dispense with the news (save that for Friday) and just recap some of the things we have to be thankful for in the world of cinema this year:

The career resurgence of Robert Downey Jr. (see Iron Man, Tropic Thunder and the currently filming Sherlock Holmes).

What looks to be a major comeback by Mickey Rourke:

The Dark Knight wasn’t just the best superhero film of the year (and possibly all time). It was a piece of magnificent filmmaking that transcended its genre.

The Man in the Hat was back. OK, not everybody thought the movie was so hot, but Harrison Ford in a fedora brings a tear to my eye.

That when I’m at work, I’m within a 10-minute drive of Tampa Theatre, and when I’m home, it’s just over 10 minutes to the Beach Theatre, the two movie-house jewels of the Bay area.

Speaking of Beach Theatre: Its screening of Blade Runner: The Final Cut.

Speaking of Tampa Theatre: Its screening of the sing-along The Little Mermaid.

That I get to come to work and blog about movies.

And one sappy, non-movie-related note of gratitude: That I got to hang out for eight months with Emily Reddy, frequent contributor to WMNF and the new associate producer for WPSU in State College, Pa. I’d say “Go Nittany Lions,” but I can’t.

Happy Thanksgiving, everybody.

Which movie posters do you find most memorable? Which ones do you consider among the best?

Film critic TC Candler tries to answer those questions with his list of the 100 greatest movie posters of all time. He’s included a lot of great, iconic posters, including those for Chinatown, Pulp Fiction and Casablanca. While reading Candler’s justifications below each of his selections, I started to consider the criteria for what makes a poster great: beauty, evocation of a movie’s themes, memorability and originality, among others. On on that basis, I think Candler made a glaring omission by not including the one-sheet for Raging Bull. The large, framed black-and-white rendering of Robert De Niro as Jake LaMotta is so beautifully visceral, arrestingly primordial. It manages to be faithful to the aesthetic of Martin Scorsese’s film while also functioning as a stand-alone piece of art.

Read the rest of this entry »

First things first: A review of the 2-disc Blu-ray edition of The Dark Knight.

New on DVD or Blu-ray today: Hancock, A Colbert Christmas: The Greatest Gift of All, Fred Claus

Variety reviews The Curious Case of Benjamin Button, starring Brad Pitt and directed by David Fincher. Spoiler: They like it.

William Shatner gives his two cents on the design of the new USS Enterprise. Spoiler: He likes it.

Sarah Jessica Parker reveals that Sex and the City 2 has a story and may be released in 2010. Oh joy, another reason for girls loopy on Cosmos to tell male movie critics to eat shit.

Tim Blake Nelson talks about becoming villain The Leader in an Incredible Hulk sequel. Which doesn’t even have a script yet.

Twilight of Bond: Tween vampire flick overtakes Quantum of Solace at the box office. Hit movies based on young adult novels about girls infatuated with pretty boys who drink blood must surely be a sign of the apocalypse.

25.5-0. With the point spread, that was Detroit’s lead over the Bucs in the first quarter of Sunday’s game. And yours truly was feeling like the smartest guy in the world for having taken the Lions in his pick ‘em league, as if I’d asked out a girl I was supposed to have no chance with and scored.

By halftime, I wasn’t so smart.

True, Detroit still held a four-and-a-half-point advantage with the spread, but I knew that wouldn’t last long. And it didn’t.

The Lions didn’t merely implode. They got sucked into a black hole of incompetence from which nothing positive could escape. The final score of 38-20 doesn’t do the collapse justice. But having seen the game with my own eyes, I now understand why that team is 0-11 and well on its way to 0-16. And I honestly don’t know how head coach Rod Marinelli keeps his job by season’s end. To be honest, I don’t know how any of the coaches or players keep their jobs — if ever a team needed an enema, it’s the Detroit Lions. Take it from one player quoted in the Detroit Free Press after the game:

“I don’t think we know how to deal with the lead,” defensive tackle Shaun Cody said. “Obviously it showed. One thing goes bad, and I think guys start thinking, ‘Oh, no. Here we go again.’ You kind of get that feeling.

Lord, give me the strength to lay off the Lions and the points for the rest of the season.

Headline I wish I could have used (but might have been too obscure): “Hello, Sheba neighba” (for Brian Ries’ review of Abol Bunna). Make-believe bonus points for anyone who gets the reference.

Word that doesn’t get used nearly enough: Skeevy. It means exactly what it sounds and looks like. Just typing it makes me want to take a hot shower.

Just last night, a friend of mine asked what she should get someone as a birthday present, as she doesn’t have a lot of time to spend contemplating potential gifts, and the date is fast approaching.

Her predicament reminded of the quandary most or us are in during the holiday season. I usually think of the perfect gift long after the occasion has come and gone.

So to help you avoid spending your hard-earned cash on an item that will likely gather dust in a darkened corner of the closet or find its way into a garage sale — and assuming you don’t already have that “just right” gift in mind — here are a few ideas that I’ve based on what I would want and what I assume many others would as well:

Read the rest of this entry »

Comin’ at ya: Disney’s Beauty and the Beast to be re-released in 2010 in 3-D.

Stiller the one: New photos from the set of the sequel to Night at the Museum. Plus shots of Amy Adams as Amelia Earhart.

Shaking and stirring Bond: Quantum of Solace producers talk about bringing 007 back to his roots, casting Daniel Craig as the iconic spy and the meaning of the new James Bond title.

A Marvel-ous assignment: Chronicles of Narnia screenwriters are in talks to pen the upcoming Captain America.

Drop outs: Directors of Jonah Hex, an adaptation of the D.C. comic-book, have moved on.

Barbie-skewered: Aussie critics have their first crack at Baz Luhrmann’s epic, Australia. Read Variety’s full review.

Young gun: The OC, Gossip Girl creator to write X-Men: First Class.

The Butler did it: Jennifer Aniston and Gerard Butler to costar in Goree Girls.

Sneak preview: Slashfilm saw a 20-minute screening of the new Star Trek and has a detailed assessment.

It bites: Ropeofsilicon reviews the teenage vampire flick Twilight.

First things first: I have an interview scheduled with Watchmen artist Dave Gibbons this Wednesday at 11 a.m. He’s promoting his book Watching the Watchmen, which recounts the making of the outstanding graphic novel he created with writer Alan Moore. Wish me luck, and let me know if there are any questions you’d like to have answered. (You can be sure we’ll be talking about the upcoming movie adaptation.)

The sweet Hereafter? Maybe, since two movie titans are teaming up for this thriller, which has been penned by British screenwriter Peter Morgan. It will be directed by Clint Eastwood and produced by Steven Spielberg’s Dreamworks studio.

Bond is gold: Quantum of Solace posts the best opening ever for 007 in the U.S.

This film goes to 11: Rockers Jimmy Page and Jack White to be featured in a documentary about the electric guitar. No word on whether Nigel Tufnel has been asked to participate.

No-strings-attached deal: Guillermo del Toro (Hellboy, Pan’s Labyrinth) teaming up with the Jim Henson Co. to produce a stop-motion Pinocchio.

You’ll have a gay old time: Sacha Baron Cohen, better known to most as Borat, has hired gay porn stars for his new movie, Bruno.

Here’s the first official trailer to JJ Abrams’ Star Trek. I’m not terribly impressed by it, as it reminds me of a host of other action-movie trailers, but judge for yourself.

By now, you’ve probably surmised that I’ve been looking forward to Watchmen more than any other upcoming release. So I was over the moon when I saw the latest trailer today, which, quite simply, is the best of the teasers yet released.

You think this is a game?! Ridley Scott to direct Monopoly. You read that right: The man who brought us Blade Runner is helming a movie based on a board game. Now accepting suggestions for who should play Uncle Pennybags. And can films based on “Mastermind” and “Chutes and Ladders” be far behind?

Speaking of Ridley Scott, he explains how Russell Crowe will portray both Robin Hood and the Sheriff of Nottingham.

Then and now: New pic of the Starship Enterprise from JJ Abrams’ upcoming Star Trek.

Just a little Moore: Roger Moore says James Bond has become too violent.

Guillermo del Toro talks The Hobbit.

Button-ed up Brad: Early buzz and a trailer for Brad Pitt starrer The Curious Case of Benjamin Button.

Michael Moore’s next documentary to address current world economy.

Jerry-rigged: Biopic on Grateful Dead’s Jerry Garcia in the works.

Blunder from Down Under? With its world premiere only days away, Baz Luhrmann’s Australia still not ready.

New Watchmen trailer to debut online at 5 p.m. Pacific time. Do the math. Then Google it.

Source: Sarasota/Manatee Farmworker Supporters

What’s the value of a single human life? Under the Bush administration, writes Rebecca Clarren, about a million dollars less than it used to be worth.

Call it the dark side of “small government” that conservatives champion, an anti-regulatory stance designed to save dollars at the expense of lives.

Clarren, writing for Salon.com, details how little-known governmental offices led by Bush appointees have undermined the Environmental Protection Agency’s ability to protect our nation’s citizens by giving non-health industries and agencies input on which chemicals are assessed and the ability to comment on scientific findings (comments that, oh by the way, are not for public view).

Read the rest of this entry »

Not your average Joe: Captain America has a director — Joe Johnston, whose pedigree includes Star Wars, Jurassic Park and Raiders of the Lost Ark.

Russell Crowe takes role slated for Heath Ledger in Australian film Dirt Music.

Concept art for Terminator Salvation.

Billion-dollar Batman: The Dark Knight nears $1 billion in box office.

Like father, like son: Will Smith’s kid Jaden to star in Karate Kid redo.

Six new Watchmen posters dedicated to each of the major characters.

Today’s DVD releases: Hellboy II, Kung Fu Panda, Clone Wars, more.

Please let this be true: Ennio Morricone rumored to be scoring Tarantino’s Inglourious Basterds. Morricone is one of the silver screen’s most legendary composers. Check out his stirring work in this classic scene featuring Eli Wallach in Sergio Leone’s The Good, The Bad and the Ugly:

Given an infinite amount of time, a monkey banging away at a typewriter could produce the works of Shakespeare. Perhaps given the same amount of time, the New Orleans Saints could eventually win a Super Bowl.
But are you willing to wait for that day? And if/when it arrived, would you even care?
It’s not NFL parity or mediocrity per se that upsets me. It’s what that parity breeds: a chance for teams no one really cares about to compete for a championship that no one will want to watch.
So I’m hereby proposing the NFL separate the wheat from the chaff and cut its current roster of teams to eliminate those that have forfeit their window of opportunity. Those teams for which a Super Bowl win would be either anticlimactic or the equivalent of a tree falling in the forest when no one is around.

To speed along the process, I’ve already done the dirty work, selectively mixing objective criteria with my infinite wisdom. In the immortal words of former Falcons coach Jerry Glanville, “This the NFL, which stands for ‘Not For Long.’”

Read the rest of this entry »

Here are 10 horrible puns I’m glad I didn’t have to write as headlines after our president-elect secured the Oval Office (though I probably would have used the first one).

1. Barack to the future

2. Obamanation

3. Baracking the vote

4. Obamania

5. Barack Star

6. Obamawesome

7. Barack and roll

8. Obama-lama-ding-dong

9. Barack hard

10. Baracky Mountain High

Silk stalking: Behind-the-scenes Watchmen production video dedicated to the very sexy Silk Spectre II.

Trick or treat? Sequel to Rob Zombie’s Halloween in the works.

Jurassic Park author Michael Crichton died at 66.

Rays of light: Ray Winstone and Ray Liotta sign on for 13, joining Jason Statham, Mickey Rourke and 50 Cent.

New photos from Frank Miller’s The Spirit.

The day after Barack Obama became our president-elect and delivered a moving, eloquent speech in Chicago, I decided get myself all riled up and read some right-wing rants. It worked:

After Obama’s big night, conservative pundit Michelle Malkin was her usual bitter self.

This jerk is predicting everything but doomsday under Obama (including a smug prophecy that there will be another terrorist attack on the U.S.)

McCain supporters at his Arizona rally already think the sky is falling.

And even though McCain lost, you gotta figure Rush Limbaugh must be feeling pretty darn good right about now.

Here on planet Earth, today’s big election pits Obama v. McCain. But the stakes are much higher in a galaxy far, far away: Calrissian v. Palpatine

Farrelly Brothers to direct Three Stooges film

New pics from Transporter 3 and Frank Miller’s The Spirit.

Screen Rant has parts 2 and 3 of an interview with Watchmen co-creator Dave Gibbons. Plus, you can buy the Owl ship!

Superman on Superman: Brandon Routh says he’s quite dark enough, thank you.

Even though it’s Heart Attack Monday, I’m having a hard time finding something — anything — to be cranky about. This weekend I ate my son’s Halloween candy (especially the Nestle Crunch and Butterfinger bars). I got eight much-needed hours of sleep last night, and then woke up with some rather attractive bed head that no one’s ragged me about (yet). The Bucs won. My beloved Dolphins won, too, and are now 4-4 on the season. We’ve finished the paper well ahead of schedule, and later tonight I’ll head over to Dubliner with my football-shaped glass to watch the Monday Night game between the Steelers and Redskins. Wade has been too busy to bust my balls, and there are two bags of candy in my filing cabinet from last Friday’s Halloween festivities at the Loaf office.

On the downside, I fell asleep late Saturday night about halfway through one of the most awesomely bad movies ever, Planet of the Apes (the 2001 Tim Burton version). Whatever heavy-handed social message this film pretends to have on its tiny little mind is secondary to a ridiculously over-the-top Tim Roth as General Thade— “Extremism in defense of apes is no vice” — and Michael Clarke Duncan as a hulking gorilla soldier. And if there is such a thing as “reverse star power,” Mark Wahlberg has it, and it’s mesmerizing to watch.

In today’s St. Pete Times, columnist Robyn Blumner tears John McCain a new one for his last-gasp effort to brand Barack Obama as our next “Redistributionist-in-Chief.” Here’s one key passage:

Redistributing wealth is what all nations do to one degree or another. In fact, there is no other way to describe the recent $700-billion rescue of the nation’s financial sector. Here, with McCain’s support, we have redistributed wealth upwards from average Americans to the institutions that employ a big chunk of the nation’s multimillionaires.

It’s halftime, and the Bucs are getting their asses handed to them by the 1-6 Chiefs, 24-13. In today’s St. Pete Times, Stephen F. Holder confidently picked the Bucs to win 20-10. Oops. The Chiefs’ offense has been very successful, running all over the Bucs’ fifth-ranked defense. And to add insult to injury, they burned Tampa Bay’s secondary for a touchdown out of the Wildcat formation. The Bucs were supposed to feast on QB Tyler Thigpen, who is making only his second straight start this year, but he’s getting the job done and showing considerable poise.

Meanwhile, Tampa Bay’s offense has looked shaky, and Jeff Garcia has already thrown a pick. On the bright side, Clifton Smith returned a kickoff 97 yards for a touchdown and Matt Bryant added a field goal just before the end of the half. Will it be enough to spark a comeback? Stay tuned…

Keystone Krazies: Central Pennsylvania says Boo! to Obama.

Thanks for nothing: A few endorsements Obama and McCain could probably do without.

Step away from the mic: Trailing in the polls, McCain abandons the town hall format.

What’s in a name? Quantum of Solace, the awkwardly titled new James Bond flick, sets a box office record in the U.K.

Pain in the campaign: Now comes word that Obama’s aunt may have been living in the U.S. illegally

So long, Studs: Author Studs Terkel dies at 96.

The “King” is dead: Fox cancels Mike Judge’s King of the Hill.

Hey kids, it’s Halloween. So guess what I’m dressed up as? Go ahead, take a wild freakin’ guess. Why, I’m a Cranky Copy Editor, which means I’m wearing my standard-issue jeans, button-down shirt and bad attitude. Why not something more imaginative, you ask? Well, because we here at the Loaf were apprised of today’s Halloween costume contest and festivities on Monday.

Monday.

I don’t know about you, but four days is not nearly enough time for me to think of and put together a quality outfit, like “the head of John the Baptist with a side order of fries.” Not by a long shot. Especially since I was expecting another knife-wielding pumpkin-carving contest and didn’t give a single thought to dressing up. I feel bad about not partaking in the Halloween esprit de corps, but then again, I’m not alone, as only a handful of people in the office bothered to play dress-up. And I guess I should be grateful no one decided to come to work as a “Sexy Cat.” Or Sarah Palin.

Candy corn. Do you like lots of sugar? And Carnauba wax? And cavities? And zits? Well then you’ll love candy corn, the single most disgusting, cheap-ass Halloween cop-out ever conceived. You know those scenes in prisoner and war movies where they slop gruel onto a tray? That’s what you’re doing when you hand out candy corn.

Cranky Movie of the Day: The Thing. Kurt Russell + Wilford “Quaker Oats/Liberty Medical” Brimley + John Carpenter + gross-out effects = Pure horror gold.

That’s it. I’m all Cranked-out. Have a safe and happy Halloween.

Last night I caught Jobsite’s production of horror-meister Clive Barker’s History of the Devil at TBPAC. While I can’t say I caught every nuance or meaning of this dark, often chilling play, which tracks Satan’s actions throughout the course of history as he is put on trial for the right to re-enter Heaven, I can say it was a highly entertaining, thought-provoking evening, particularly on the issues of the responsibility for evil and the existence of morality. At its core is some very fine acting, particularly from Steve Garland as Lucifer, Chris Rutherford in multiple roles (including Jesus and Dante) and Shawn Paonessa as the lawyer summoned to defend the Devil in court. From David M. Jenkins’ fine direction to Brian Smallheer’s minimalist but ominous red-and-black set, the Jobsite crew should be proud of itself for tackling what seems to be a difficult text and pulling it off. It’s far from a perfect play, leaving many ideas undeveloped, but well worth your time. One small quibble — if you’re sitting in the lower section of the Shimberg Playhouse, it’s very difficult to see the action when an actor is lying on the stage. While this wasn’t a problem for the bulk of the play, I felt a bit cheated that I couldn’t see the Devil writhing on Earth after being banished from Heaven. That quibble aside, I highly recommend the show, which runs through November 16.

Schenectady, Synecdoche: Charlie Kaufman (Adaptation, Being John Malkovich) discusses his directorial debut, Synecdoche, New York.

Silent Bob speaks: Kevin Smith talks Zack and Miri, his next film, and his new role as a tastemaker.

Super, man: Mark Millar outlines his epic vision for a Superman trilogy.

Last-minute movie-character Halloween costume idea: Kirk Lazarus as Sgt. Osiris.

Sam’s the man: Sam Mendes (American Beauty, Road to Perdition) attached to direct adaptation of comic-book Preacher.

Fortified diet: Robert Downey Jr. agrees to much more Iron Man, plus info on the next two franchise films and Avengers.

Hold Still: Five-minute trailer for The Day the Earth Stood Still.

Raising hell. Again. Pascal Laugier to relaunch (redo? remake?) Hellraiser.

The Phoenix flames out: Joaquin Phoenix says he is retiring.

Great Scot! Meanwhile, could Sean Connery be unretiring?

Damn, Holmes! New photos from Guy Ritchie’s Sherlock Holmes.

Mike-d up: Mike Nichols (The Graduate, The Birdcage) to remake Akira Kurosawa’s High and Low.

It’s a very special Hump Day edition of crankiness: CL music scribe/office wife/bon vivant Wade Tatangelo just gave me a Cranky Copy Editor mixtape. I’m rather touched by his offering and will keep it mind if I ever go postal.

Wade earns a Cranky reprieve. This week.

“Angry Young Man” — Billy Joel

“Excitable Boy” — Warren Zevon

“Welcome to My Nightmare” — Alice Cooper

“Drive Me Crazy” — Dolly Parton

“Nobody Told Me” — John Lennon

“Under Pressure” — Queen/David Bowie

“Tired of Bein’ Johnny B. Goode” — Hank Williams Jr.

“Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap” — AC/DC

“Pardon Me I’ve Got Someone to Kill” — Johnny Paycheck

“Psycho Killer” — Talking Heads

“Iron Man” — Black Sabbath

“Stop the World (And Let Me Off)” — Waylon Jennings

“Goodbye Cruel World” — Pink Floyd

Morgan Meis of Drexel University’s “The Smart Set” offers an eloquent defense of David Foster Wallace and his critique of irony:

He [Wallace] watched his literary forefathers, writers like Pynchon and Gaddis, get caught up in the game of ironic distancing that itself had already been mastered by the cultural mainstream they were trying to critique. That was one side of Wallace’s critique of irony. He was suspicious of an irony that pretends it has the answers and confronts the world in the basic mood of paranoia and mockery. There is no real outside, he realized. There is no place above it all from which literature can speak to the world.

Click on the link above to read the rest of this worthwhile article.

First things first: Four pictures from the prequel to Dan Brown’s The Da Vinci Code, Angels and Demons.

Pine-ing away: The new Kirk, Chris Pine, talks about JJ Abrams’ Star Trek.

Another Zac attack: Remake of Footloose cuts a rug with High School Musical 3 star Zac Efron.

Speaking of Disney heartthrobs: The Jonas Brothers to star in their first big-screen film. Eek!

Today’s last-minute movie-character Halloween costume idea: Irina Spalko. I do believe there’s one person at the Loaf office who could really pull this one off.

Gus drinks the Kool-Aid: Gus Van Sant to direct adaptation of Tom Wolfe’s The Electric Kool-Aid Acid Test.

Keep this in mind for Netflix: Swedes + Vampires = Let the Right One In. You’ve got to love a movie with that title.

Finally, the new trailer for Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince:

They say good things come in threes. Apparently, so do bad things. To wit:

Rocco DiSpirito, the self-absorbed tool who used his elderly mom like a pack mule to make meatballs on the NBC/Bravo reality series The Restaurant, crawls out from under his rock to star in Rocco Gets Real on A&E.  “There’s nothing I love more than helping people find their place at the table,” he says. Wrong. There’s nothing Rocco loves more than Rocco.

Jon Gruden. Your team’s down by four points with less than a minute to play, and the Cowboys were favored by 2.5. Kick the field goal. Forget going for the win — I needed your team to kick the field goal. Next time, just cover the spread and take your loss like a man, m’kay?

Patti LaBelle. For being yet another diva who turned the National Anthem into a interminable ordeal of hubris and inappropriate vocal acrobatics. If you’re gonna croon a slow, soulful version of “The Star Spangled Banner,” you’ve got to be good. Like Marvin Gaye before the 1983 NBA All-Star game good. Not only was Patti not good, she even sang the wrong words: “perilous LIGHT”?! And to add insult to aural injury, she also added words, repeating “free” three excruciating times. Sitting through the National Anthem is usually an anxiety-inducing experience, fearing for the person charged with singing a difficult song that dares you to hit “the rocket’s red glare” without cracking off key. This just made me cringe.

Since the mid-1980s, I’ve owned Electric Football, which is little more than a vibrating metal board painted to look like a football field. Switch it on, and watch in dismay as your little plastic running back nudges forward a half inch before doing an about-face and flutters toward his own endzone. Good times.

While surfing the Internet to learn more about this classic boyhood game, I came across this video, which I hope will lighten your mood this NFL Sunday as you fall farther behind in your fantasy and pick ‘em leagues.

What could I possibly have to bellyache about today? It’s my day off, I’m hanging out with my son, and I saw Los Lonely Boys at Jannus Landing last night. Well, in the words of Anakin Skywalker, “you underestimate my power.”

I can’t be there to witness the near-mutiny when (and if) Leilani starts today’s dance party. Or at least a slowly building chant of “We want Sal! We want Sal!”

I can’t be there to annoy Franki with my stealth salutations. Two words Franki: Scrabble Rousers.

I can’t bellyache to Joe about all the delinquent copy. (And no, this post doesn’t count. It’s one thing for me to calmly type into the computer and then have you read it with the safety of distance; it’s quite another when I’m at my post, screaming as if I’m the Colonel Nathan Jessup of copy editors.

That Wade Tatangelo managed to turn a preview of tonight’s Neil Diamond concert into another free advertisement for his vices. Like here, in his recap of Beer Fest. And here in his review of AC/DC’s latest, wherein he equates good times with booze and blow. (Though I’m totally down with the three-way fucking part. Good call.) But I have to hand it to him: He manages to turn a mark of shame into a badge of honor every time. Damn you, Tatangelo!

Gary Shelton’s lede grafs. I’ve been reading the St. Petersburg Times sports columnist for many years now, so I guess I should be used to the fact that his introductory paragraphs frequently read like Zen koans. But they still bug the hell out of me.

Feast your eyes: The latest Watchmen teaser poster and a new, awesome-looking trailer.

Oldie but a goodie: A look at the poster for Clint Eastwood’s upcoming Gran Torino.

Nowhere fast: DC’s The Flash at a standstill

Kick-Ass review: Firstshowing has a script review of Matthew Vaughn’s Kick-Ass. Vaughn made the stylish Layer Cake with Daniel Craig, and is now helming this comic-book adaptation, costarring Nicolas Cage.

A glimpse into the future: Director McG blogs about post-production work on Terminator Salvation.

From Tropic to Trial? Ben Stiller in talks to direct the Spielberg/Dreamworks project, Trial of the Chicago 7.

After a victory by the Bronx Bombers, Yankee Stadium pumps “New York, New York” through its loudspeakers. Red Sox fans croon “Sweet Caroline” at Fenway in the eighth inning. Catchy songs you know by heart (well, at least the choruses). Tunes you can hum.

So what does the front office for our beloved Rays give their adoring fans? “Feel the Heat Rays, ” an abominable Dirk Diggler of a song, if it can even be called that. While the Rays piled on top of one another following their ALCS Game 7 win on Sunday night, I cringed with embarrassment as this guitar-driven imitation of angry cats fighting outside your window at 3 a.m. was broadcast to millions of homes and sports bars all over the U.S. Not only should it not be our theme song, it should not be played anywhere. Ever. I mean no offense to Darren Moore of Living Under Venus, who wrote and recorded the song, and who I’m sure is very proud of it. But not every song you write can be a winner. And the moment lines like the ones below hit the page, it’s time to make like Jack Torrance and slide a fresh white sheet into the ol’ typewriter:

“Fueled by the sun and we’re ready
In control of the game.
Watch em sweat, hitting heavy.
Make em remember the name
Rays!
We hit a rocket to the Skyway.
Rise to your feet and chant with faith.”

Enuff Z’nuff on their worst day could have done better.

So to be consistent with the team’s name, which now refers to beams of sunshine (as opposed to inedible fish), here are my proposals for songs that are much more deserving of being blasted throughout the Trop, including a few that have nothing to do with the sun, but everything to do with rocking out and good times:

1. Walking on Sunshine — Katrina and the Waves (Key line you love to sing: “Waayy-O!”

2. Here Comes the Sun — The Beatles (Key line you love to sing: “Doo-doo-do-do.”)

3. Walking on the Sun — Smash Mouth (Key line you love to sing: “Because fashion is smashin’ the true meaning of it.”)

4. I Can See Clearly Now — Johnny Nash (Key line you love to sing: “It’s gonna be a bright, bright, sunshiney day.”)

5. The Heat Is On — Glenn Frey (Key line you love to sing: “Oh, wo ho, Oh, wo ho.”)

6. Turn on Your Heartlight: — Neil Diamond (Key line you love to sing: “Don’t wake me up too soon; gonna take a ride across the moon, you and me.”)

7. I Get Knocked Down — Chumbawamba (Key line you love to sing: “He drinks a whisky drink, he drinks a vodka drink, he drinks a lager drink, he drinks a cider drink.”)

8. The Living Years — Mike + the Mechanics (Key line you love to sing: “Say it loud, say it clear…”)

9. Feel My Heat — Dirk Diggler and Reed Rothchild (Key line you love to sing: “All day, all night, you feel my heat. Feel, feel, feel, feel, feel — feel my heat.”

10. You Got the Touch — Dirk Diggler (Key line you love to sing: “You’re a winner!”)

Spoilers alert! io9 has the latest scoop on Watchmen, Star Trek and Transformers 2.

Nazi-killer looks: Brad Pitt as the rugged lead in Quentin Tarantino’s WWII flick, Inglourious Basterds (yes, it’s really spelled that way).

Bond doesn’t do Norse code: Daniel Craig says he turned down the lead in the upcoming Marvel Comics flick, Thor.

Samuel L. Jackson gets more Fury-ous: Jackson’s character Nick Fury, who appeared at the end of Iron Man, will reportedly have a larger role in Iron Man 2.

More bucks for Chuck: Chuck Palahniuk’s novel Haunted is heading to the big screen; gets a director.

How can I possibly be cranky today? Especially with our beloved hometown Rays having just banished the almighty Red Sox to a winter of what-ifs and might-have-beens. Well, there’s one reason …

I didn’t get to taste the post-game salty tears of Red Sox fan and CL Online Editor Max Linsky*, who recently wrote about his newfound embrace of the Bosox as villains. I must confess, Max — it was rather satisfying watching Youk, Tek and Big Papi get beaten by a younger, hungrier club. Kind of reminds me of 2003. Remember that year, Max? Aaron Boone. Tim Wakefield. Game Seven. Ring any bells? After that glorious night, it seemed the Yanks were destined to roll over the Florida Marlins in a World Series that was shaping up to be an anti-climax to the ALCS. But after falling behind in the series on their home turf, the Marlins decided weren’t buying into that Yankees mystique and used their pitching and speed (and the fact that Alfonso Soriano never met an outside pitch he didn’t want to flail away at) to beat the Bronx Bombers three straight, including the final game in the House That Ruth Built. Was I heartbroken? Sure. But at least the Yanks didn’t show any signs of life after game four. Unlike your Bosox of this year, who had the poor form to stage a miraculous comeback at Fenway and then gut out a win at the Trop. In the end, Boston’s demise was all the sweeter because they had given Red Sox Nation hope.

*I’ll admit, Max, my hatred for the Red Sox is thoroughly irrational. Although your team is an AL East rival, Sox fans don’t seem to be any more obnoxious and arrogant than the worst Yankees fans. And I’m sure you and the rest of Red Sox Nation view the Yankees as cold-blooded mercenaries who lack the ragged, “for the love of the game” bullshit charm of that “bunch of idiots” who ended 86 years of futility in 2004. But the thing is, I know my hatred is irrational. And I’m OK with that. So fuck you guys and we’ll see you next spring.

A Frost-y reception: Ron Howard’s Nixon/Frost gets mixed reviews at the London Film Festival. Or does it?

Bastards! Quentin Tarantino’s WWII flick gets a name change.

Boldly go: Very cool pics from J.J. Abrams’ Star Trek.

and here’s an in-depth preview of the new film.

Touch of Grey: Porn star Sasha Grey cast as lead in Steven Soderbergh’s The Girlfriend Experience.

Great Scott: Ridley Scott (Blade Runner, Alien) to direct big-screen version of sci-fi novel The Forever War.

It feels so good to vent. And it’s so nice to have you wonderful people to vent to. So with no further ado:

Madonna divorcing Guy Ritchie. Because if those two kids can’t make it in this crazy world …

Tonight’s final presidential debate. Does it even matter at this point? A while back I was going to write a screed about my lack of faith in the American voter’s ability to choose an umbrella when it’s raining, but it seems that Obama, after all, will win. I’ll watch it, out of some misguided sense of my duty as a citizen. But I don’t have to like it.

People who diss Britney Spears. She may not be an artiste with arteestic integrity like that indie band you plunk down $15 to see every time they play your local watering hole all-ages venue, but that’s not what she’s selling, is it? And that art-for-art’s-sake ethos you abide by is as much a commodity your heroes want you to pay for as is the charisma and sex appeal that are Ms. Spears’ selling points. Don’t believe me? Check out your iPod playlist. Or your MySpace friends list. Or that doofus hipster T-shirt of your favorite band that you’re wearing. Britney’s just another option on pop culture’s television. Don’t like it? Change the channel.

This Sunday’s slate of NFL games. Up is down, and black is white, as those of us participating in Creative Loafing’s pro football office pool have learned this NFL season. Which Giants team will show up against the Niners: the one that got blown out by the lowly Browns, or the one that took apart the Cards and Seahawks? Is San Diego back on track after crushing the Pats, or will they fold up like a cheap suit in Buffalo? Should I put my faith in a resurgent Indy squad at Green Bay, or did they simply take advantage of an overrated Ravens team last week? Ouch. My head hurts …

Boston Red Sox fans who cheer during a hopeless game. I couldn’t believe my eyes when, down by 10 to our beloved Rays, they unironically roared and high-fived when their Bosox scored a run to make it 11-2. This is great cause for concern, because if Red Sox Nation is capable of cheering when the ship is sinking, who knows what other evils they may unleash upon society? You know, besides Bloody Socks. And 2004.

Cast Iron: Don Cheadle replaces Terrence Howard for Iron Man 2.

Yep, he’s too old for this shit: Mel Gibson turns down Lethal Weapon 5.

Looking good: Here are a few production photos of Robert Downey Jr. as the intrepid detective in Guy Ritchie’s Sherlock Holmes.

Love the Gekko! 20th Century Fox is making a sequel to Wall Street.

And finally, in honor of Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull arriving on DVD today, I bring you the most ridiculous, out-there scene ever in an Indy film. Enjoy.

It’s an all-sports edition of crankiness, so here’s what’s pissing me off today:

Nobody beats the Whis. Except maybe the Whis.

Ken Whisenhunt, head coach of the St. Louis Arizona Cardinals. With Dallas trailing by three and less than 25 seconds left in the game, Cowboys QB Tony Romo completed a long pass to the Cardinals’ 40 yard line. As the offense hurried to the line to spike the ball and stop the clock, an injured Cardinals player upfield didn’t make it off the field in time, and thus Dallas got another five yards because of the offsides call. The Cowboys were going to kill the clock anyway and try a game-tying field goal, so why didn’t Whisenhunt or one of his coaches just call time out and keep Dallas from getting an extra five yards?! It’s not like they would have had time for a Hail Mary before lining up for the field goal. By doing nothing, Whisenhunt allowed the Cowboys to attempt a 52-yard field goal instead of a 57-yarder. Big difference.

Whisenhunt appeared to receive redemption when the Cards blocked the attempt by kicker Nick Folk. Except they technically didn’t, because the Whis called timeout before the snap in an attempt to “ice” the kicker. Of course, Folk made the do-over, sending the game into overtime. Luckily for the Cards and their about-to-be-suicidal fans, they won in overtime. But if there were any justice in the NFL, this would go as a loss in the standings, as Whisenhunt nearly fucked his team out of a win twice.

Turn in your "evil genius" card, please

Bill Belichick. I used to have a grudging respect for Belichick as the loathsome, win-at-all-costs, cheating sonofabitch head coach of the Patriots. But after last night’s debacle before a national audience, I find him to be a despicable fraud. Because “fraudulent” is the only term that fits someone who, having worn the mantle of “evil genius,” leads New England in a prime-time game and loses badly to a team led by career hack Norv Turner. And no, having to put up with Matt Cassel as your quarterback isn’t an excuse. You could’ve taken the field with the cast of Murderball and spotted the Chargers 10 points, and I still would have expected you to win by at least two touchdowns. Those three Super Bowl victories on your resume? Meaningless.

Dustin Pedroia. Yeech. From the moment I saw this punk’s slack-jawed “what kind of bullshit is that” look after Rays pitcher Grant Balfour hit J.D. Drew in the shoulder blade with a pitch in game one of the ALCS, I lost the ability to articulate but two words: “fuck” and “you.” You, Senor Pedroia, had no business being on national television making that face, and don’t you dare shift blame to the cameraman or producer: Knowing the cameras would be zeroing in on the Red Sox dugout, you should have made like you were foraging for another bag of sunflower seeds. Or maybe a Gillette razor to fix that horrifying patch of facial hair. Who the fuck do you think you are: Big Papi? Kevin Millar? You wanna be part of the 2004 Bosox? Hop in a time machine, asshole. At least that roster owned their look as the anti-Yankees, a bunch of smelly, unkempt Cowboy-Uppers with a golden horseshoe up their collective ass. You, on the other hand, just look like a douche. And I don’t give a fuck if you were the 2007 AL Rookie of the Year: You have no business being in a ballpark for any reason other than to pound back beers while perched in the nosebleeds. And yet, somehow, a 5-foot-nothing troll like you owns a World Series ring. Congratulations Red Sox Nation: You have your very own David Eckstein. At the very least, I guess we can thank him for answering the burning question: What if Giovanni Ribisi had been cast as Wolverine?

Maybe it’s the beautiful weather. Or that, even in these trying times, I’m inclined to see the glass as half-full rather than half-empty. Whatever it is, I just can’t bring myself to be cranky today. Sarah Palin could walk in the office right now and I’d probably give her a wink and a hug and tell her to keep her formidable chin up. So rather than pick nits and force out an insincerely cranky post, here are a few reasons why I’m in such a good mood today:

I had a blueberry bagel this morning. Blueberries on their own are quite good. Mix them in bagel batter, and they’re fabulous! (So long as you cook the batter).

How can I be cranky when Megan's around?

Megan Fox. Just looking at her makes me happy. Really happy. I mean, really happy.

The slumping economy. Sure, the news is all bad right now, but has there ever been a better time to buy?

Carbon emissions don't matter when you've got one of these on your car.

A Hello Kitty exhaust pipe. How can you look at this and not feel all warm inside? It could be installed on the back of a Hummer and I’d still get all doe-eyed and want to kiss the driver on the lips.

Wade Tatangelo getting torn a new one in the comments section of his latest Bar Tab. Which is good because this will help Wade grow as a writer (if not in physical stature).

It’s Friday. And that means Friday Dance Party. Which I’ve taken great care in assembling to make my co-workers as cheerful as I am! I love you guys, you ROCK!

Have a great weekend everybody!

A hard Hobbit to break: Guillermo del Toro talks The Hobbit

If it ain’t broke… M. Night Shyamalan is considering a sequel to Unbreakable.

Will Gosling go Green? Ryan Gosling tapped to play Green Lantern.

Variety reviews Oliver Stone’s W.

Foxx-y casting: Jamie Foxx close to signing on for Frank Darabont’s Law Abiding Citizen.

Dark Knight sequel? Not so fast, says scriptwriter David Goyer.

The Ritch is back: Guy Ritchie’s touted return to form, RockNRolla, is getting mixed reviews.

Thumbs up: Folklore character Tom Thumb to hit the silver screen.

Open wide: Rose McGowan signs on to play porn actress and Deep Throat star Linda Lovelace.

I didn’t think I’d have anything to be angry about today, what with last night’s live blogging of the presidential debate being such a resounding triumph, with over 600 comments. But, yet again, I underestimated the depths of my bile and vitriol.

So here’s what I’m pissed off about today:

That some asshole with a weed whacker interrupted my blissful slumber around 7:30 this a.m. You know who doesn’t like to get up before 8 a.m.? Me.

The breathy voiceovers for the McCain and Obama commercials that make their campaign ads sound like a campfire ghost story.

Joe’s not here ’cause he gets to screen a Zack and Miri Make a Porno. Nice work if you can get it, huh?

My plans to join Wayne at King Corona for a cigar and coffee this afternoon have been put on hold. Duty calls, as they say.

First things first: I can’t say that I was a big fan of Tron when it came out in 1982. But it holds a fond place in my heart for sheer nostalgia value, and over the years has become a cult classic (and one that I rather enjoy). So the recent news that Disney is making Tron 2, with original star Jeff Bridges, made my heart skip a beat. Any chance Bruce Boxleitner will return as the title character? Probably not …

Thank heaven for buxom babes: The title track might suck ass, but at least the opening credit sequence for Quantum of Solace will feature the return of hot, naked girls.

You knew this was coming: Steve Carell signs on for Get Smart 2.

Arent’ they too old for this shit? Mel Gibson and Danny Glover to return in Lethal Weapon 5.

Another Crash landing: Looks like Kevin Costner, Tim Robbins and Susan Sarandon are reuniting for a sequel to Bull Durham.

Anne does Alice: Cutey-pie Anne Hathaway joins Tim Burton’s Alice in Wonderland.

Cover your heart! And your eyes! Harrison Ford says that George Lucas is at work on a fifth Indiana Jones.

And for all you comic-book geeks: Captain America: The First Avenger to be set during World War II.

What I’m pissed off about this morning today:

That it’s Heart Attack Monday. Which means I feel like I’m having a nine-hour-long heart attack. And that I couldn’t get this post up sooner.

How the tables have turned: Remember a few years back when old-guard journalists dismissed bloggers as “guys in pajamas,” i.e., cranky assholes with an ax to grind against the liberal media? I do, because I was attending grad school around that time at USF St. Pete’s Department of Journalism.
Fast forward four years: I’m sitting in my pajamas as I type this. In fact, with our “digital or die” dictate from on high, a good portion of my weekends are spent in my pj’s, working ahead on blog posts or figuring out how to keep feeding the beast. Hmm, maybe this isn’t so bad after all …

The insufferably cutesy Point After by Gary Shelton and John Romano.

ESPN writers not named Gregg Easterbrook or Bill Simmons who think they can write funny.

That the Cowboys couldn’t cover the spread against the Bengals.

What I’m pissed off about today:

That it’s a busy-ass Friday. And we’re shorthanded. Again.

Katy Perry. Her smirky, smug lyrics. The offensive self-commodification of her toy line. The knowing, ironic, hyper-girly facial expressions that say, despite being so damn beautiful, she’s just one of the boys. While looking like a blow-up fuckdoll. The winking, atrocious fashion sense that I’m sure has a deep social significance that’s already been addressed in some undergraduate student’s thesis. Allow me: “Perry simultaneously subverts traditional female gender roles while empowering her own femininity by appropriating vintage, retro pinup kitsch as filtered through a candy-coated Technicolor dream world.” And a Japanese anime wet dream. Lisa Loeb, you’ve officially been out-Hello Kitty’d.

The weekly appearance of “myriad” in at least one piece of copy that crosses my desk. Not since Brian Ries squeezed the life out of “preternaturally” a couple years back has a word been so overused and abused.

Requests to add songs to the Friday Dance Party after I’ve already started playing it. Can’t do it. So don’t ask.

The fact that there’s a Saw V coming out. And that there are sick assholes out there who get off on a movie series that revels in finding new ways of gruesomely offing people.

Orlando Cabrera’s bush-league move of kicking dirt toward Rays pitcher Grant Balfour just because he didn’t lob him a meatball over the fat part of the plate.

This headline on MLB.com: “First foray into playoffs a win for Rays.” OK, I get it: Yoda now writes for Major League Baseball.

First things first: Fanboys, prepare to salivate. Roughly 30 minutes of comic-book opus Watchmen was officially shown to the press in Hollywood, and according to at least one report, which I’ve linked to below, the film is destined to cure cancer, solve our economic crisis and ensure that McCain/Palin never get within a hockey mom’s slapshot of the White House.

Bobby and Marty, together again: This news just warms my Italian heart. Robert De Niro and Martin Scorcese to reunite for another mob flick, a screen adaptation of I Heard You Paint Houses.

Hey, Jude: Guy Ritchie’s Sherlock Holmes set to begin filming, with Dr. Watson played by Jude Law.

A big-screen pic-a-nic basket: Yogi Bear and Boo Boo are coming to a multiplex near you.

And the comic-book movies just keep on coming: Green Lantern gets green lit

Nearly a half hour of Watchmen footage released to press

I can be snide, as my co-workers will most certainly attest. Not always. Maybe not even usually. I tend to pick my spots, releasing a smidgen of vinegar and spite to alleviate the stress of impatiently waiting on copy to edit (hence the job title) so I can push it through to my immediate supervisor (that would be you, Joe) whom I’m hell-bent on reintroducing to the pleasures of nicotine so I don’t have to suffer in this world all alone. Besides, how much do I have to be bitter about? I’ve got a great job. I work with great people. It’s not like we’re in Chapter 11 or anything…

Anyway, here’s what I’m pissed off about this morning:

The endless, politically charged fawning over Tina Fey’s Sarah Palin imitation. At the risk of sounding like Tommy DeVito talking about Sammy Davis Jr., I get it: Fey is very talented and does a damn fine job of capturing the voice, mannerisms and obtuseness of the terribly unqualified vice presidential candidate from Alaska. But it’s no match for the blood-chilling real thing.

Faux-hawks. Follicular homicide won’t help you hit or field a baseball. Rally monkeys might.

No juicy “Amanda vs. Amanda” columns in nearly a month. What, you’re all in a happy place out there?

That we’re only four games into the NFL season and two coaches have already lost their jobs, with more pink slips looming on the horizon. Not that I pity the coaches. They’re getting paid. No, I sympathize with the fans who must contend with article after article of speculation about who’s on the hot seat and when his time might be up and blah, blah, blah. The NFL.com might as well have set up “The Lane Kiffin Death Watch” for all its relentless speculation about when he would get shit-canned by Raiders owner Al Davis. Well, Kiffin and Rams coach Scott Linehan were given their walking papers this week. Time to move on to Herm Edwards, you vultures.

First things first: Take the link below to the prospects of a sequel to Blade Runner with a grain of salt. Considering the revered status of Ridley Scott’s sci-fi classic, this sounds like something that will get written, shared among friends at swank Hollywood dinner parties, and then stuffed in a desk drawer (or jump drive), never to be seen again. Hopefully. And kudos to TCM for its upcoming slate of classic Paul Newman movies. If memory serves, TCM shows films in letterbox format, so Sunday, Oct. 12 should be a day well-spent in front of the tube.

Turner Classic Movies devotes Sunday, October 12 to Paul Newman Tribute

Hammer of the studio gods: Kenneth Branagh in talks to direct Marvel Studio’s Thor.

Blade Runner 2??

Russell Crowe in da Hood: Aussie actor to play both Sheriff of Nottingham and Robin Hood in Ridley Scott’s upcoming Nottingham.

Kirsten Dunst to return as Mary Jane Watson for Spider-Man 4 and 5.

Pirates of the Lone Ranger: Johnny Depp is back as Jack Sparrow and — Tonto?!

Child’s play: Spielberg to direct another kid’s sci-fi flick.

License to thrill: The Sun reviews Quantum of Solace.

Keeping watch: The latest on the Watchmen lawsuit between Fox and Warner Bros.

Rachel McAdams to cozy up to Sherlock Holmes?

An offer you can’t refuse: Restored Godfather movies released today on DVD.

A whale of a remake: Wanted director Timur Bekmambetov to helm new Moby Dick.

Speaking of remakes: Kurosawa’s Rashomon is getting an unnecessary do-over.

Let’s be brief, Mr. Bond: Quantum of Solace will have shortest running time of any James Bond film.

Just in the Nic of medieval time: Nicolas Cage gets his own knight’s tale.

No, the air hasn’t turned refreshingly crisp, and when the leaves finally change color, it will be to an unsightly crispy brown before falling dead to earth (at least here in Florida).

But make no mistake, fall season is upon us. Your television says so.

To recognize this annual inauguration of doomed pilots and faddish series, Gregg Easterbrook, who writes ESPN’s Tuesday Morning Quarterback, recently offered his own fall lineup for the TMQ channel. Here are some of the best:

Read the rest of this entry »

Last night, a small group of us from Creative Loafing (well, three, and an honorary member) attended Tampa Theatre’s Sing-a-Long Little Mermaid. While staff writer Alex Pickett and I were enthused about the event, our excitement was exceeded by that of our female companions, Editorial Assistant Franki Weddington and WMNF contributor Emily Reddy, both of whom know every song in the film by heart.

As we had expected, most of those in attendance were parents and their small children, many of whom had dressed up for the special occasion as their favorite character. But our mini-entourage, having fond memories of seeing the film when we were, uh, younger, was also giddy for the chance to croon — without fear of reproach — some of the best songs in any Disney film.

Read the rest of this entry »

The new trailer for the latest Bond, Quantum of Solace, is up. By all indications, this is shaping up to be even grimmer than 2006’s Casino Royale.

Get over it, Trekkers: Shatner’s not in the new Star Trek and here’s why.

Holy Bat-hype! Depp as the Riddler, Philip Seymour Hoffman as the Penguin? Sounds like Hoffman’s ready to waddle.

Rock-in’ Mary Poppins: Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson and Julie Andrews team up for the Tooth Fairy.

Who ya gonna call? Writers/producers for The Office are reportedly at work on a sequel to Ghostbusters

Tarantino’s WWII drama Inglorious Bastards is already stirring up controversy.

Looks like he’s walking: De Niro leaves Mel Gibson starrer, Edge of Darkness

Check out the trailer for Kevin Smith’s Zack and Miri Make a Porno

It’s baaack! MGM working on a Poltergeist remake.

Todd Solondz is penning a sequel to Happiness.

Meanwhile, West Wing scribe Aaron Sorkin is conducting research for a film about Facebook.

Coens get burned: Burn After Reading fails to impress at the Venice Film Fest.

In a world without The Voice: Don LaFontaine passes on to the great movie trailer in the sky.

Pop quiz, hotshot: It’s your birthday, Keanu Reeves. What do you do? What DO YOU DO?!

Elementary, Dr. Watson? Crowe may join Downey Jr. for Guy Ritchie’s Sherlock Holmes.

The battle over Watchmen continues

Blast from the past: Will Ferrell stars in next summer’s big-screen Land of the Lost.

RopeofSilicon wonders: Who is the most overrated director?

Babylon A.D. Director: I hate my movie. And Fox Studios.

Coen Brothers’ Burn After Reading opens the Venice Film Festival today.

First Batman, now Superman: It looks like Warner Bros. has taken a cue from the blockbuster success of The Dark Knight and will reintroduce the Man of Steel in his next big-screen outing, in what is commonly referred to as a “reboot.”

Just as Christopher Nolan brought the Caped Crusader back to his origins in Batman Begins, so too will Warner Bros. and DC Comics start from scratch with Superman, going for a darker tone more in keeping with Nolan’s blockbuster sequel.

In an interview with the Wall Street Journal, Warner Bros. Group President Jeff Robinov addressed the new philosophy: Read the rest of this entry »

Because of my mad ABBA love, CL Events Editor Leilani Polk helped me procure free tickets to last night’s opening of Mamma Mia! at the Tampa Bay Performing Arts Center.

I was duly excited to hear the classics I’d grown to love both as a child and in my adulthood via the stellar CD ABBA Gold: “S.O.S.,” “Dancing Queen,” “Knowing Me, Knowing You,” “The Winner Takes It All” and on and on. And going in with those expectations turned out to be to my advantage, because as drama, Mamma Mia! doesn’t work. But going to Mamma Mia! for anything other than the songs is missing the point. Read the rest of this entry »

It’s been a few weeks since I was sitting bewildered in the Baywalk Muvico as I viewed the trailer for Watchmen. Since then, I’ve been reading a co-worker’s copy of Alan Moore’s graphic novel, and my interest in the movie has gone up considerably. But recent legal squabbles have given the film’s ubiquitous tagline a rather somber twist. Who watches the Watchmen? Possibly none of us.

Sam Raimi may be bringing Jack Ryan back to the big screen. Could James Franco follow in the footsteps of Harrison Ford, Alec Baldwin and Ben Affleck as the intrepid CIA analyst?

Robert Downey Jr. prepares for his turn as Sherlock Holmes.

Lord of the Hellboy: Peter Jackson and Guillermo del Toro to cowrite The Hobbit.

Russell Crowe may portray legendary comedian Bill Hicks.

Here’s a crossover with potential: Iron Man tells the Dark Knight to go fuck himself.