Daily Loaf

This weekend is college football’s calm before the storm, so if you need to get some yard work done, this is the weekend to do it. Unless of course, you’re a Michigan or Ohio State fan. The three kings, Florida, Alabama and Texas, all have two regular season games, then a conference championship to determine who will play for the BCS title. This week, those three are such huge favorites against Florida International, Kansas and UT-Chattanooga that Las Vegas doesn’t even have a point spread in the ‘Bama-UTC game. Perhaps the Mocs are hoping Terrell Owens will once again suit up for his alma mater. The Buffalo Bills might secretly be hoping the same thing. In the NFL, Super Bowl contenders are starting to separate themselves from the early draftees, but that doesn’t mean we don’t have a few choice matchups to watch. One includes an undefeated team as a road underdog and two other conference games that could determine who gets into the playoffs and who stays out.

(10) OSU at Michigan – (Saturday, 12:00 pm – ABC – OSU minus 12)

Let’s face it. A Rose Bowl berth doesn’t mean anything to Ohio State if they don’t beat they’re arch rival. Losses in this series get coaches fired. Just ask John Cooper. (I probably just lost three Buckeyes readers for merely mentioning Cooper’s name.) Speaking from personal experience, the only thing more enjoyable than watching college football’s most storied rivalry with a drunken Buckeye fan is hearing him or her explain in excruciating detail how this is college football’s most storied rivalry. So they have that going for them… which is nice. Whoops, just lost three more Buckeye readers. Michigan is 1-6 in the Big Ten this year and Jimmy T has never lost to Michigan, so the Buckeyes have nothing to worry about this year, right?

(11) Oregon at Arizona – (Saturday, 8:00 pm – ABC – ORE minus 6)

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Sport has its array of thrilling moments. Major League Baseball has its game-saving catches and walk-off home runs. The NFL has its big hits and its hail maries. But there’s something about an NBA slam dunk that lifts fans out of their seats.

Right now, the Association boasts a number of athletes that can jump clear out of the gym. So for those of you who don’t have the good fortune of watching basketball highlights with Sportschump-like regularity, I’d like to present three dunkalicious reasons to love this game.

Ladies and gentlemen, I hereby give you Carmelo Anthony, Dwyane Wade and 5’11” Ty Lawson rudely introducing themselves to Paul Milsap, Anderson Varejao and DJ Mbenga: Read the rest of this entry »

I’m a sports snob. I strongly believe there’s only a handful of truly great sports movies. It’s just too difficult for filmmakers to recreate the drama that takes place on the field. So when the Creative Loafers asked me to review The Blind Side, a sports movie I would never see starring an actress I really don’t like, I was skeptical.

I fell into my comfy leather chair at the Cobb Theater Cinebistro in Wesley Chapel, fully expecting to pan everything about the movie. Then a strange thing happened. The film turned out to be pretty good.

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What makes a successful head coach? Or perhaps a better question is… what makes a once successful head coach suddenly forget how to coach?

Last week, the New Orleans Hornets announced that the services of their head coach and former NBA coach of the year, Byron Scott, would no longer be needed. The Hornets had gotten off to a less than satisfactory 3-6 start and someone had to be held accountable. It certainly couldn’t be ownership.

Scott has since been replaced by Jeff Bower, the team’s general manager. Tim Floyd, who coached the Hornets to a 41-41 record in 2003-4, has also been added back to the staff.

The Bower-Floyd combo hasn’t fared much better since taking over for Scott. In their home debut, the Hornets lost to Portland by 12. In that game, they lost their superstar Chris Paul for two-four weeks with a sprained ankle. In their first Paul-less game of the season, the Hornets lost to the Atlanta Hawks by 23.

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As my friends continue to prove unable to handle their liquor, this hopes to become a series of helpful hints and amusing anecdotes which more experienced party-goers can use to ridicule friends who ill-advisedly drink beyond their means. It also sets up some pretty good photography. Here’s hoping they’ll still hang out with me.

A while back at our weekly poker game, one of our regulars decided to partake in a little Smirnoff 100. For those of you who haven’t ever had the misfortune of drinking this godforsaken beverage, Smirnoff 100 is just like regular vodka… except stronger. It is 100 proof rather than 80 proof, hence the name. Making it 20, carry the two, 10% more alcohol. I was told there would be no math.

At the beginning of the evening, I distinctly told my colleague to go easy drinking that stuff, as it would surely catch up with him. And it did.

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Wanna bet?

Las Vegas sports books have been taking a bath lately and I don’t mean comfortably inside a lavish Bellagio hot tub. Weeks ago, Vegas reported its biggest losses in years. The reason? The disparity between the haves and the have-nots in the NFL is so broad that when these teams play each other, bookmakers can’t set the lines big enough for gamblers to bet on the underdogs.

In the NFL, a 14-17 point spread generally indicates one team is significantly better the other. But even with lines that high, the stronger team has still been covering the number.

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A-Rod redeemed: How to win a World Series in ten days

Okay… deep breath. Congratulations to the New York Yankees for knocking off the Phillies en route to their 27th World Series title. There… I said it. Now Red Sox hat placed firmly back on my head.

A particular congratulations to Alex Rodriguez who proved us all wrong by showing he could become part of a championship team. He hit .365 this post-season with 6 home runs and 18 RBI. Nice numbers if you can get ‘em.

The media’s been hard on A-Rod over the years but the golden boy is now having the last laugh. His 2009 Yankees were confident, relaxed and businesslike, even more so as the season progressed. They proved without a doubt they were the best team in the majors by out-hitting, out-pitching and out-fielding the Philadelphia Phillies. Read the rest of this entry »

It’s rare that we at SportsChump.net are blessed with a photo that needs no doctoring or no explanation. It stands alone on its own freakish merit.

Such is the case this week.

Most of the major names surrounding baseball’s steroid scandal, i.e. Barry Bonds, Roger Clemens, Rafael Palmeiro, have disappeared into obscurity… until recently, when sports fans were shocked to see the emergence of a new-look Sammy Sosa.

Yes, ladies and gentlemen, that’s him.

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The curtain is closing on college football’s regular season. The top three teams in the nation are all double-digit road favorites (Florida at South Carolina, Alabama at Mississippi State, Texas at Baylor), but they are slowly running out of opportunities to stumble. Nobody expects them to lose but stranger things have happened. The NFL is starting to provide fans with a little separation between the playoff-bound and the also-rans. This Sunday, we’ll witness a key clash between the top two teams in the NFL’s best division as well as two legendary quarterbacks squaring off once again.

(25) West Virginia at (5) Cincinnati – (Friday, 8:00 pm – ESPN – Cincy minus 9)

Cincinnati just might do it. With three games left, they might make it through a perfect season. Pittsburgh might have something to say about that on December 5, but so will Noel Devine and West Virginia this Friday. Devine is second in the Big East in rushing, averaging over 112 yards a game. Zach Collaros has filled in admirably for the injured Tony Pike. Collaros will start but Pike is expected to see some playing time after being out a month. Cincinnati hasn’t lost at home in two years. The last team to beat them there? The Mountaineers.

(10) Iowa at (11) Ohio State – (Saturday, 3:30 pm – ABC – OSU minus 16.5)

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Remember those sharply dressed fellows in last week’s What to Watch? You know … the ones desperately trying to gain entry into that South Beach BCS night club? Their names were Iowa, TCU, Cincinnati, Boise State and LSU. Well, the lights are coming on and last call is rapidly approaching. This weekend, one of those teams has the opportunity to finagle its way to the front of the line. The others must continue to sit back and watch, hoping the BCS voters who work the door look favorably upon them, which is unlikely if Florida, Texas and Alabama continue to handle their business. The NFL doesn’t rely on doormen, but its season is no less exciting. This Sunday, the NFL reaches its midseason. As one avid SportsChump reader pointed out, we have six games pitting over-.500 teams against each other this weekend, a rarity for this late in the season. Sounds like a separation Sunday worth watching. Read the rest of this entry »

With college football’s home stretch slowly coming into view, this Saturday offers fans another batch of important games that will lead us closer to clarity. Two national championship contenders hit the road against ranked teams while several other hopefuls remain locked outside the top of the BCS like single guys waiting fruitlessly to get into an exclusive South Beach nightclub. The NFL also has several key division matchups as well the league’s most surprising undefeated team looking to stay perfect on the road.

And there’s also a little thing called the World Series going on, so make sure your cable bill is up to date.

Georgia at (1) Florida (Jacksonville, Fl.) – (Saturday, 3:30 pm – CBS – UF minus 15)

Don’t call it the World’s Largest Outdoor Cocktail Party anymore. The powers that be don’t like the image it portrays. As if the 75,000 fans that pile into the Gator Bowl this Saturday won’t be imbibing their favorite brand of bourbon. On the bright side, that’s more fans than have seen a Jaguars home game all season. While still undefeated, Florida is a far cry from the offensive powerhouse it’s been in years past, particularly in the red zone. The Gators have scored only 16 touchdowns in 36 red zone attempts this season, not exactly reminiscent of their national championship runs. The good news for Florida is that they’re still controlling time of possession and their defense ranks among the best in the nation in most categories. A Gator victory could seal the SEC East but the Bulldogs won’t roll over, even though they’ve lost 16 of the last 19 meetings. Most Gator fans remember the Georgia’s end zone celebration two years ago. Florida exacted its revenge by winning 49-10 the following year, calling two timeouts in the final seconds to rub it in. Look for Urban Meyer to give Tim Tebow very chance to break Herschel Walker’s all-time conference rushing record against the school he played for.

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I recently wrote a ‘five overrated movies’ post that garnered a fair amount of attention. I prefaced the piece by stating that film is largely a matter of personal preference and I was just sharing my opinion. I received so much response, both positive and negative, that many suggested a follow-up article. So, at the risk of offending even more readers, here goes….

I love women. And I love film. But far too often in movies, the role of the villain is written specifically for the male. When given the opportunity, however, some women have embraced the villainous role and ran with it, giving us chilling performances that have often defined their careers.

After watching Saturday Night Fever the other night, I was reminded how much I couldn’t stand Stephanie Modano, brilliantly portrayed by one-hit wonder Karen Lynn Gorney. Throughout the movie, Modano belittled John Travolta, transmitting the abuse she received from others all day directly onto him. I squirmed every time she was on screen. Travolta was no saint, but he certainly didn’t deserve her hatefulness.

That got me thinking about the most detested female characters in film, because for me, she definitely ranks. Accordingly, here’s a list of eight women who instilled us with everlasting images that left us with a sheer hatred, if not fear, for their characters. Where do they rank on your list?

Demi Moore – Indecent Proposal (1993)

Character: Diana Murphy

Famous Quote: “The dress is for sale. I’m not.”

I know what you’re going to say. This one’s on Woody Harrelson. He’s the one who ultimately allowed, if not encouraged, his wife to sleep with Robert Redford. He could have nixed that offer in a heartbeat or simply knocked Redford’s block off as soon as it was suggested. But he didn’t and he ultimately paid the price. The movie asked whether a couple’s self-respect and marital vows could be bought. The scene in which Harrelson shouted from the rooftop, begging his wife to return as Moore and Redford flew off in his helicopter, made even the least jealous man cringe. Despite trying to put the events of that evening behind them, in the end Moore lost respect for Harrelson and ended up with Redford. While Moore may not have been entirely in the wrong in this film, she was still contemptible, torn between two lovers and ultimately ending up with neither. Read the rest of this entry »

This Saturday’s college slate gives us a quick breather from the top-ranked, head-to-head matchups we’ve seen so much of lately. The weekend features only one contest between ranked teams and a number of distinct favorites squaring off against theoretically lesser opponents. That doesn’t mean we won’t see our fair share of surprises. It does mean that if you like betting money lines, you stand to make a nice chunk of change if your underdogs hit. In the NFL, the three remaining unbeatens all hit the road, two of whom will be playing in very hostile environments.

Once again, here’s what you should be watching….

Clemson at Miami (10) – (Saturday, 3:30 pm – ABC – UM minus 4.5)

If you like speed, this could be the game to watch. At 3-3, Clemson still has a chance to win the ACC’s Atlantic Division but any effort the school put into hyping CJ Spiller as a Heisman candidate could have been better invested in junk bonds. Spiller has only scored three touchdowns this season. The Tigers face a Miami team which is ranked 10th in the BCS but 4th in their own division. Go figure. Clemson has yet to win a road game and Miami has yet to lose at home this season which means the Hurricanes should definitely win this game, right?

Tennessee at (2) Alabama – (Saturday, 3:30 pm – CBS – Bama minus 14.5)

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The NFL has a lot of bad teams. Entering Week Six, nine teams, the Bills, Lions, Panthers, Bucs, Rams, Browns, Titans, Raiders and Chiefs all had a combined five wins, and some of those teams had played each other. Any NFL preview of those teams at the beginning of the season turned out to be a tremendous waste of ink and cyberspace.

In the spirit of conservation and outright decency, sportschump.net’s NBA preview has decided to spare you the wannabes. We have chosen only to highlight those teams that have a legitimate chance to win the O’Brien Trophy. As is the case every year, the NBA will showcase a bunch of solid contenders. Unfortunately, they’ll also parade out there a bunch of teams taking up arena space until real entertainment comes to town.

Note the odds of each team winning an NBA title are listed in parentheses.

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My company recently sent me to attend a three-day work conference. I won’t elaborate as to which city hosted the conference as I’d hate to incriminate this fine town for its legal and moral shortcomings. Suffice it to say, the city boasts casinos, and prostitution is against the law… I think.

As I sat in front of my video poker machine, feeding it crisp twenty dollar bills with regularity and relishing in the fact that bourbon was free, I was eventually accosted by two young ladies and a gentleman. It was late at night (i.e., early in the morning) and it clearly seemed at first glance, even in my somewhat intoxicated state, that these two women could be “ladies of the evening.” They featured many characteristics often associated with the common call girl: short skirt, low-cut shirt, knee-high boots, heavy make-up, doused in perfume, toting a small purse, chewing bubble gum…

Aside from the fact that I was suddenly being solicited by two call girls in a country where prostitution is still illegal, there was something else askew with this picture. What was up with the guy they were with? He couldn’t be their pimp, could he? Read the rest of this entry »

For decades, athletes from Walt Frazier and Joe Namath to Derek Jeter and Dwyane Wade have graced us with a sense of style and pizzazz off the field. Due to uniform restrictions in most professional sports, it is much more difficult for athletes to fashionably express their individuality on the field. Some athletes, however, have still managed to find a style uniquely their own, simply by using their heads. From hats to facemasks, eye black to visors, these 12 have established their own personal trademarks by sporting headgear that makes them utterly recognizable. Where do they rank on your list?

12 ) Brett Favre’s Stained Baseball Cap – Nothing screams John Deere quite like a Brett Favre press conference. The on-again, off-again, gun-slinging, formerly retired quarterback of the Green Bay Packers…. I mean New York Jets…. wait, no, the Minnesota Vikings made a lot of press lately with his most recent return to the NFL. When Minnesota officially announced his latest comeback, Favre looked like he had just gotten off his riding lawnmower. A slave to fashion he’s never been, but don’t tell that to the marketing brass at Wrangler jeans. Favre has a style all his own, no matter how tired we all are of seeing it. What other Hall of Fame athlete could get away with wearing a torn, oil-slicked baseball cap while announcing he was about to earn $12 million at the age of 40?

11) LeBron James’s Headband – LeBron James has made the sweatband fashionable again in the NBA. Never before has a man wearing a headband been so intimidating. Only King James could rock the headband and make it look cool. Well, he and John McEnroe back in the day, but LBJ has considerably less hair. You go ahead and tell the league’s brightest talent that headbands are lame. Just be careful he’s not dunking over you in the meantime. Read the rest of this entry »

If you thought last weekend featured the only big-time tussle in the bayou, think again. While this weekend’s college slate might at first glance pale in comparison to Florida-LSU, don’t be fooled. Three of the top-five teams in the nation square off against ranked opponents. If they’re not careful, they can easily be knocked from their perch. While the NFL powers-that-be separate themselves from the dregs of the league, two unbeatens go head-to-head in yet another bayou battle for supremacy.

(20) Oklahoma at (3) Texas – (Saturday, 12:00 pm – ABC – UT minus 3.5)

After one bum shoulder and two Sooner losses, the Red River rivalry might not hold the anticipation it was supposed to at season’s beginning, but don’t tell that to the school’s alumni. With losses to Miami and BYU, any Oklahoma hopes of returning to the BCS title game are pretty much out the window, but they can still win their conference and dehorn Texas whose championship hopes are alive and well. On the other hand, an undefeated season would earn Texas a first class ticket to Los Angeles in January. Texas won this matchup last year, but lost to Michael Crabtree and Texas Tech, denying them a title shot and opening the door back up for Oklahoma. Even though Bradford and Colt McCoy are the best of friends, the revenge factor in this game is big. Expect nothing but fierce competition and quality quarterback play at high noon on Saturday.

(11) Iowa at Wisconsin – (Saturday, 12:00 pm – ESPN – Wisc minus 1.5) Read the rest of this entry »

We now take a brief break from the world of sports to discuss cinema.

Movies are a matter of personal preference. A film that I may love, someone else may think is total garbage and vice versa. For example, critics acclaim Citizen Kane as one of the greatest films of all time. Personally, I think it’s unwatchable. I guess it’s a generational thing. I’m sure years down the road, people will see modern classics like Pulp Fiction or Crash in whatever technological format they’re available in at the time and think they’re pieces of crap. Or maybe they’ll stand the test of time. Who knows?

There are, however, more recent movies that I’ve sat through and wondered how people could have dubbed them cult classics. What am I missing? Again, cinema is a matter of taste. I won’t hold it against someone who thinks Titanic is the best movie of all time (it’s not, by the way), but I certainly won’t sit with them and watch it. I think I have a pretty good feel for what’s good and what’s not, but for the five movies I’m about to mention … I just don’t get it.

Do they make your overrated list? If not, feel free to throw your hands angrily in the air and tell me I don’t know what the heck I’m talking about. Convince me to sit through them again and I promise to give them a fair shake … while wincing uncomfortably on my sofa. Also please feel free to comment on any movies I may have forgotten. I’m sure there are plenty.

Okay, here goes….

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I was playing poker with the usual cast of characters the other night when someone said something aloud that I’m sure we’ve all heard at the poker table before.

The guys I’ve been playing with lately are a pretty vocal group, particularly when it comes to the hands they play. As for me, I’m generally too concerned about my table image and how anything I say might tip someone off to my playing habits. I’m no shark but over the years, I’ve definitely won more than I’ve lost. My game is pretty standard. Tight, conservative play peppered with selective aggressiveness when the timing is right to keep opponents on their toes.

One thing I definitely do not do at the poker table, however, is play “favorite hands.” There’s no two cards I can be dealt, other than aces, kings or queens, that I feel compelled to play simply because it’s my “lucky hand” or because I’ve won with them in the past.

For example, I’ve played with guys that love to play 6-9 just because of the sexual innuendo. Never mind that it’s likely a loser against any serious hands.

I have another friend, an animal lover, who refuses to lay down K-9. With king-nine, you’re behind against pretty much any decent pre-flop hand, as in K-10, K-J, K-Q, K-K and A-K, not to mention Ace-anything or any pair. That’s a lot of opportunity to lose money. Yet people still play their ‘lucky hands’ because they’ve won with them in the past or because the hands supposedly mean something.

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What have we learned in the first four weeks of this NFL season, other than we’re damn glad football is finally back? We know there are a number of quality teams that are playing some really good football. Then there are those teams you wouldn’t bring home to mother.

Picking a Super Bowl winner at this point is near impossible. For example, football odds list the Ravens, Colts, Vikings, Patriots, Saints, Giants, Eagles, Steelers and Chargers all between five- and 10-to one to win. It’s uncommon to see that many teams all bunched together at the top of the pack of NFL betting, but the league wanted parity and that’s what it got.

In addition to those nine, there are a number of middle of the pack teams that still have time to make a push. And then there are the teams we can make fun of.

Ladies and gentlemen, sportschump.net hereby presents … the Good, the Bad and the Fugly: Read the rest of this entry »

It’s always a spectacle in the south when football kicks into full gear, but this weekend is particularly big. And by big, I mean huge: The three conference powers all grace the gridiron, including a highly anticipated game between two unbeatens. It’s also an important weekend in the Big Ten as the top four teams confront one another. The NFL slate has six of its best going head-to-head as well as a crucial Monday matchup between two division rivals. For those of you who don’t dig on pigskin, baseball playoffs have officially commenced as well.

Georgia at Tennessee – (Saturday, 12:20 pm – ESPN – UT minus 1.5)

Athens is still bitter over last week’s controversial loss that may have been swayed by a late excessive celebration whistle. This week, Georgia looks for redemption in the land of the Kiffins: Knoxville, TN. Lane and company are still adjusting to life in the Southeastern Conference, awaiting their first win. While Tennessee is likely out of the SEC East race, Georgia can keep its hopes alive with a win this weekend along with a victory over Florida on Halloween. The UGA-UT matchup, which is always a great game, serves as an appetizer for the other two more crucial conference matchups later that day.

(3) Alabama at (20) Ole Miss – (Saturday, 3:30 pm – CBS – Bama minus 5.5)

It wasn’t long ago that both these teams were ranked in the Top Five but a Thursday night loss at South Carolina two weeks ago knocked Ole Miss back to reality. A victory over Alabama is a must if they want to keep their SEC West hopes alive. Meanwhile, the Crimson Tide, who have beaten Ole Miss five straight times, continue to pile up votes as many think they’re the best team in the country. They have yet to be challenged this season, averaging an un-Alabamalike but very Nick Saban-like 40 points per game. If Jevan Snead wants to prove he’s the best quarterback in the SEC like Steve Spurrier voted, Saturday would be the day to start making his case.

Wisconsin at (9) Ohio State – (Saturday, 3:30 pm – ABC – OSU minus 16.5) Read the rest of this entry »

Poker, specifically No Limit Texas Hold ‘Em, is a craze that is currently sweeping the nation. With the constant television coverage of the World Series of Poker and its rise in popularity, everyone and their mother has suddenly become a poker player. Phil Hellmuth, Daniel Negreanu and Doyle Brunson are becoming household names. Poker rooms continue to pop up in casinos, dog tracks and jai alai frontons around Florida and local poker games are becoming easier and easier to find.

But hosting a poker night is not as easy as it sounds. Establishing a well thought out poker night, requires dedication, commitment, the proper equipment, a good core of friends and a variety of other intangibles. Any one can have people over to play some cards, but in order to set up a steady batch of players, it is crucial to do it right if you want it to become a regular gig.

Accordingly, here’s a beginner’s guide to setting up a happy and healthy poker night. Oh, and may you always be dealt aces.

Rules: Read the rest of this entry »

“Celebrate good times, come on!”

-Kool and the Gang

Congratulations! You just received that promotion you’ve been anticipating. You closed a huge sale, finished that lingering household project or lost the weight you’ve been trying for months to lose. It’s time to celebrate. After all, who could hold back emotion after such an accomplishment? Wouldn’t you immediately pat yourself on the back, phone a friend or rejoice with your family? After all, you deserve it.

Well, be thankful you don’t play college football, for in that venue, showing any sort of emotion is a violation of the rules. Such an outburst costs you fifteen yards of field position and possibly a shot at a national title. It might even grant your opponent a chance they otherwise would not have earned.

Such was the case this Saturday. Read the rest of this entry »

Last week, college football fans saw four top ten teams (Ole Miss, Penn State, Cal and Miami) lose in disheartening fashion. While the upsets this weekend will likely not be as poll-shattering, Saturday’s slate features three crucial contests between ranked teams that will continue to add pieces to the puzzle that is college football. Likewise, the NFL features several intriguing matchups, including a grizzled veteran facing his former team for the first time and the league’s best offense squaring off against one of the best defenses. If you only get regional coverage, this is definitely a Sunday where you’ll want to visit your local sports pub to catch the action.

(22) Michigan at Michigan State – (Saturday, 12:00pm – Big Ten Network – Mich St minus 2.5)

Freshman quarterback Tate Forcier is quickly becoming the most popular kid in Michigan. The only thing that could make him more popular would be bailing out the state’s failing automobile industry. Forcier added to his growing Wolverine legend by staging another last minute comeback, this time against Indiana, but he injured his shoulder in the process. According to coach Rich Rodriguez, Forcier should be ready to go by game time. This will be Michigan’s first road game of the season and the first time Rodriguez will visit East Lansing as Wolverine head coach. Michigan State (1-3) has struggled so far this season but has only lost its three games by a combined thirteen points. Michigan best not be caught looking past the Spartans to next weekend’s difficult road test at Iowa. Read the rest of this entry »

Thanksgiving is a special time of year. It’s a holiday when family and friends gather round the dinner table and give thanks for everything they have. Back in the day, I used to dread that time of year for it meant the annual meeting between Florida and Florida State.

Now all is good. Florida has beaten Florida State soundly the last five times they’ve played by a combined score of 165-61. But back in the 1990s when the Gators were trying to solidify themselves as a national power, they would be brought back down to earth with a swift, tomahawk chop. Warrick Dunn, Charlie Ward, Derrick Brooks, Deion Sanders, Tamarack Vanover wore the garnet and gold with pride. They were bad ass.

Florida went nearly twenty years without a win in Tallahassee. Steve Spurrier never won there in six tries.

In 1994, perhaps the most painful Gator “loss” of them all, Florida State came back from a four touchdown deficit in the 4th quarter to tie the game 31-31. We watched that game in disbelief, knowing all along the outcome was inevitable. After the game, Bowden was asked why he didn’t go for the two-point conversion and the win. Bowden smirked at the reporter and responded confidently in his southern drawl that his boys had played too hard to risk losing the game. Everybody knew the Seminoles had won that day despite what the scoreboard said.

Sure, Florida got its occasional victory, including the biggest game played between the two, the 1997 Sugar Bowl, but wins were few and far between.

Simply put, Florida State owned Florida. Not so much anymore.

Which brings us to present-day Bobby Bowden. Read the rest of this entry »

Other than the occasional Family Guy rerun, my television rarely strays from ESPN. While watching Sportscenter the other night, I happened upon some Yankees highlights and had a most interesting revelation.

After a called third strike to Alex Rodriguez that appeared just off the plate, Yankee manager Joe Girardi rushed out of the dugout to argue the call. After some healthy debating back and forth and likely a few testaments as to the others’ uselessness, the umpire didn’t like something Girardi said and immediately tossed him from the game. That just angered Girardi further. He channeled his best Billy Martin, taking off his cap and slamming it to the ground. He started screaming at the top of his lungs, going nose to nose with the ump, until he eventually had to be restrained.

Recently, Dave Trembley, manager of the Baltimore Orioles, did nearly the same thing. Trembley and an umpire went face to face, spit globule to spit globule. And all this time we thought umpires wore face masks to protect them from tipped foul balls.

This got me thinking. Where else other than Congress, the MTV Video Music awards and the US Open can we witness human beings lose their composure in such fashion? Read the rest of this entry »

This week in college and professional football might finally shed some light on who’s good and who’s not, putting some distance between the contenders and the pretenders. Below are some of the games you should be watching.

South Florida at (18) Florida State – (Saturday, 12:00 pm – ESPN – FSU minus 14)

Once upon a time, three mighty giants ruled the sunshine state. Their names were Miami, Florida and Florida State. These three football powers accounted for 10 national championships in 26 years. It was nearly impossible for any smaller state schools to compete with these programs, both on the field and on the recruiting trail. But that’s exactly what the University of South Florida is trying to do. They’ll get their chance this weekend as they travel to Tallahassee to take on the Seminoles. FSU is coming off an emotional road win over 7th ranked BYU and looking to get their program back to national prominence. So is USF, who suffered an unfortunate setback when they lost senior quarterback Matt Grothe for the season to a torn left ACL last week. Grothe, who was well on his way to another successful season, will be replaced by freshman B.J. Daniels who hails from, you guessed it… Tallahassee. Don’t expect the Seminoles to throw him a welcome home party.

Iowa at (5) Penn State – (Saturday, 8:00 pm – ABC – Penn State minus 9.5)

Revenge is a dish best served Nittany. The Iowa Hawkeyes spoiled Penn State’s run at a national championship last year by stunning them 24-23 in Iowa City. Joe Paterno’s Penn State Nittany Lions will try to keep their 2009 hopes alive in this conference opener for both teams. Iowa is on a seven-game winning streak but will have to play in front off 110,000 angry fans who are still bitter over last year’s defeat. Neither team has yet to be challenged this year, beating their six opponents by a combined 113 points. With Ohio State’s loss to USC who then lost to Washington, Penn State may not only need an undefeated season, but also some style points in these Big Ten conference games to get a BCS title shot.

(9) Miami at (11) Virginia Tech – (Saturday, 3:30 pm – ABC – Miami minus 2.5) Read the rest of this entry »

The road trip to Gainesville had been planned for months. 

Just as both Florida and Tennessee had earmarked September 19 on their calendar, my friends and I had done so as well. Although we didn’t have Lane Kiffin’s off-season comments posted as bulletin board material, some of us did have our own personal message for the Vols’ head coach displayed for all to see.

After an all-night poker session at Mr. C’s Lake City palace on the eve of the big game, the Saturday sun came early for us vampires. After freshening up, we threw on our sunglasses and hit 75 South to Gainesville. Read the rest of this entry »

Back by popular demand, sportschump.net has once again decided to preview the weekend’s most important match-ups. For those of you who don’t eat, drink and sleep SportsCenter, here’s what you should be watching this weekend.

(10) Boise State at Fresno State – (Friday, 9:00 pm – ESPN – BSU minus 7.5)

The Boise State Broncos leave the friendly confines of their blue turf and travel to Fresno to face their division rival Friday in prime time. Fresno State, who is coming off a heartbreaking-loss at Wisconsin, hosts a stingy Boise State team that has only allowed 8 points in two games. While this will be one of the more difficult road tests for Boise State, many expect them to roll through their schedule unblemished on their way to a BCS berth. That means style points could be important. The Broncos have won their last three against Fresno State and six of their last eight. The Bulldogs have lost their last nine games against ranked opponents. All this does not bode well for Fresno State but then again, that’s why they play the games.

Tennessee at (1) Florida – (Saturday, 3:30 pm – CBS – Florida minus 29.5)

Remember growing up when you mouthed off to your father and he’d turn around and wallop you right in the kisser, reminding you who was boss. That’s exactly what could happen in the Swamp on Saturday. Upon being hired this off-season, Lane Kiffin added fuel to an already heated rivalry when he accused Urban Meyer of cheating and proclaimed Tennessee would sing “Rocky Top” all night long when they beat the Gators. Well, he’s finally going to get his chance. This date has been circled on both team’s calendars since those comments. Since losing to Ole Miss last year, Florida has covered every point spread but one. They’re favored by more than four touchdowns. Vol fans, who are more nervous than Buckeye fans before the USC game, hope that trend does not continue. Florida will be going for a school record 13 consecutive victories while Kiffin and company try to make their bold prediction come true. Expect a raucous Swamp filled with Gator fans who can smell blood.

(19) Nebraska at (13) Virginia Tech – (Saturday, 3:30 pm – ABC – Va Tech minus 5) Read the rest of this entry »

Since the inception of sportschump.net in April of 2009, I’ve written countless narratives about the world of sports. Yet the one piece that people remember most was not my detailed breakdown of the NBA Finals, the wild card races or my football season previews, but rather the fact that, when I go to the deli, I order a third of a pound of cold cuts. In that particular chumpdate, I went on to explain that, for me “a half a pound is too much, a quarter pound is never enough. Like the baby bear’s bed to Goldilocks, a third of a pound is just right.”

Well, I hereby introduce more Chumpservations, some sports related, some not so much. At the risk of sounding too much like Steven Wright, Andy Rooney and Jerry Seinfeld all rolled into one, here goes….

Working out in dress socks: Fashion faux pas? Apparently not.

I strolled into my local YMCA the other afternoon, bopping to some Tribe on my iPod. It was just after four in the afternoon. The gentleman checking in just in front of me appeared eager to work out as well. He walked into the gym with his workout clothes already on… with one glaring exception. He was wearing dress socks. Read the rest of this entry »

Can you smell that, sports fans? The freshly cut grass? The grill at the tailgate loaded up with low-sodium, turkey kielbasa? The stumbling guy with matching hat and jersey who has had way too much to drink hours before tip-off? That’s right. It’s that time of year again and we are all ready for some football.

That means we can hunker down in front of the tube this weekend and enjoy, enjoy, enjoy. Here’s what you should be watching.

(3) USC at (8) Ohio State (Saturday, 8:00 pm – ESPN – USC minus 7)

If you’re going to watch only one football game this weekend, make sure this is the one. Never has a meaningless game been so meaningful, at least in Columbus, Ohio. The loser of this game can still win their conference and even conceivably play for a national championship. But after last year’s 35-3 beat down, many feel Ohio State needs to exact revenge against Southern Cal, not only for its program but for its conference. Can Ohio State stop USC’s ground game? Can they put pressure on freshman QB Matt Barkley? Can Ohio State’s Terrelle Pryor will his team to victory? If you’re not fortunate enough to attend this game in person, turn up the volume on your television sets. The Horseshoe should be rockin’.

Troy at (1) Florida – (Saturday, 12:00 pm – ESPN – UF minus 36.5)

Read the rest of this entry »

We have all been there.

If you’re a college football fan and you bleed your school’s colors, you’ve experienced it. You’ve painted your face. You’ve worn your lucky shirt, shorts and undergarments on game day. Your superstitions have become routine. You’ve tailgated from daybreak to sundown and beyond. You have eaten and drank excessively in celebration. You have hugged and high-fived your friends with every score. You have lived and died with your team. Your allegiance is unquestioned and unparalleled. You’ve celebrated the thrill of victory with your team so passionately, it was as if you were on the field in uniform.

And then it happens, sometimes when you least expect it. Everything is going great and then, suddenly… your team loses. What? How can this be? How could they do this? Gloom sets in. It overwhelms you. Your day, your week or perhaps even your entire season is ruined. There’s always next year.

You’ve given so much of your time and dedication, only to be let down like when that girl never called you back after you bought her dinner. What the heck? You even opened the car door and splurged for the tiramisu. How could they do this after all you’ve been through together? It doesn’t make any sense. You’ve waited all week for Saturday to roll around and this is how they treat you? You swear to yourself, you’ll never get so emotionally involved about a game again, but you know you’re just lying. Resistance is most definitely futile.

Whatever your allegiance, you’ve experienced defeat. It’s inevitable. But that doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt. It always hurts. And the better your team is, the more painful the losses tend to be. Nobody’s perfect and everyone has a bad day. Read the rest of this entry »

Woe is the Buccaneers fan. Let me preface this by saying I love the Bucs. They’re my NFL team and always will be. I’m not looking to switch allegiances and I never will.

But the 2009 Buccaneers are in trouble. While other NFL teams are already executing their game plans with near playoff-like precision, the Bucs are still miles away from establishing any sort of identity. Heading into the regular season, Tampa Bay’s coaching staff is no closer to answering crucial questions than it was four preseason games ago.

They start quarterback Byron Leftwich, who’s already been cut from several NFL rosters. Byron’s own family wouldn’t start him on their fantasy team. Citing directional differences, the Bucs fired their offensive coordinator, Jeff Jagodzinksi, days before the start of the season. They have no clear-cut, number one running back. They have no go-to wide receiver. In the off-season, they lost one of the greatest defensive minds in football. They’ve had off-the-field personnel issues. And their schedule is brutal. They play the NFC East this year, one of the toughest divisions in football, meaning before they even play a team in their own division, they will face Washington, Dallas, Philadelphia and the New York Giants, all Super Bowl contenders.

In the preseason, Tampa Bay went 1-3. Read the rest of this entry »

Proving once again that reality television is bad for you, San Diego Charger linebacker Shawne Merriman was arrested for allegedly restraining and choking his girlfriend, former reality television star, Tila Tequila. Tequila hasn’t done this much damage to someone on the west coast since my last trip to Tijuana. Tequila charged Merriman with battery and false imprisonment, while Merriman claims he was only trying to stop her from driving under the influence. Several witnesses back up his claim. Neither the Chargers, nor the NFL, will take any action against Merriman until all the details of the case have come to light.

A carpenter is slowly constructing his team’s path to the playoffs. St Louis Cardinal ace and probable NL Cy Young Award winner, Chris Carpenter, has earned himself a 16-3 record and a miserly 2.16 ERA. He ranks second in the NL in wins (16), second in WHIP (0.97), third in complete games (3) and first in both ERA and winning percentage (84%). Carpenter has been nails lately, winning his last eleven decisions, going no less than six strong in each of those outings. Last time he took the mound, he one-hit the Brewers and they’re one of the best hitting teams in baseball. Someone please give this carpenter his hardware already.

Some top drafted quarterbacks have been brought along slowly, having the luxury to learn from a more experienced mentor. Others have been thrown to the Lions immediately. Chalk Matthew Stafford up among the latter. The Detroit Lions have pegged the former Georgia Bulldog as their opening day starter, edging out Daunte Culpepper. The bright side for Stafford is that the Lions can do no worse than last year’s dreadfully imperfect 0-16. Their first win this season might just bring about a parade, or at least the traditional rioting Detroit is used to when celebrating their sports victories. If Stafford learns to get in sync with future superstar, wide receiver Calvin Johnson, that celebration might come sooner than people expect.

Read the rest of this entry »

Tim Tebow was wrong.

Believe it or not, college football’s poster boy actually made a mistake.

During last year’s famous pledge to play harder than anyone else in the country, Tebow actually misspoke. After a 31-30 loss to Ole Miss, he apologized for not producing Florida’s first undefeated season.

Actually, the Gators have had an undefeated season. Read the rest of this entry »

I’m a huge basketball fan. I think that much has been established.

Despite my unhealthy obsession with the hardwood, I had never before purchased a copy of Slam magazine, a publication dedicated entirely to basketball. After seeing Michael Jordan on the cover a few weeks ago, I decided to give Slam a whirl. In their August issue, Slam’s editors offered up their end-all, be-all list of the 50 greatest basketball players of all time. The NBA did the same thing several years ago in celebration of its 50th anniversary. As the game has changed dramatically since then, Slam decided to update the list with a flair of their own.

As expected, their compilation is a veritable who’s who of basketball legends: Jordan, Wilt, Russell, Bird, Magic, the Big O, Kareem, the Logo. Yet the number four player on their all-time list came as a big surprise. A very big surprise.

After apparently much deliberation and debate, Slam ranked Shaquille O’Neal as the fourth greatest NBA player ever, behind only Michael Jordan, Wilt Chamberlain and Bill Russell, who would likely crack any fan’s top three. But Shaq fourth? Really? Read the rest of this entry »

I was sitting at a local watering hole when the gentleman beside me started going on and on about his fantasy football team — like I had nothing else better to do than listen to him discuss how he drafted the Redskins defense in the 7th round.

For those of you still unfamiliar with fantasy football, welcome to planet earth. Sports fans (mostly men who think they are perfectly capable of running a professional sports franchise) gather once a year to draft football players at each position and field their own team. Normally wings, beer and bad jokes are served, while guys who are too short, too slow and too uncoordinated to play the game draft players they think will garner them enough yards, receptions and touchdowns to crown them Fantasy Football king.

Now, if this guy annoyed me, a football fan, after only a few brief minutes of hearing him talk about his third string wide receiver, it got me thinking how the wives, women and girlfriends of millions of men around the country cope with these very same conversations.

So, for those girlfriends out there who have had enough of their man’s childhood fixation with running his own rotisserie team, sportschump.net has come up with some valuable advice to help you make it through the season with a smile: Read the rest of this entry »

Memo to those vacationing in New York: leave your piece at home. Former New York Giant wide receiver and Super Bowl champion Plaxico Burress was sentenced to two years in prison after pleading guilty to possession of an unlicensed firearm. He’ll likely serve at least 20 of those 24 months. The penalty may seem excessive when compared to Michael Vick, who served two years for running an illegal dog ring, and Donte Stallworth, who was imprisoned 24 days for killing someone while drunken driving, but New York’s gun laws are the strictest in the union. Mayor Michael Bloomberg was adamant that the state not make an exception for Burress simply because he won them a Super Bowl. With the Vick, Burress and Stallworth cases finally reaching resolution, Commissioner Roger Goodell likely can’t wait for the season to start so we can discuss final scores instead of final verdicts. Commissioner, neither can we.

The aptly named Usain Bolt has done it again. He’s breaking records at a Phelpsian pace and doing so without the bong photos. In Berlin this week, on the same track where Jesse Owens represented the US in the 1936 Olympic Games, Jamaican-born sprinter shattered the 200 meter world record, finishing in 19.19 seconds and breaking his own world record by .11 seconds. Days earlier, he set the world record in the 100m, finishing in 9.58 seconds. To put things in perspective, Owens ran the 100 meter dash in Read the rest of this entry »

Narcissism is defined as having an excessive love or admiration for oneself. The word comes from the mythological Narcissus who fell in love with his own reflection in a pool of water and then drowned after staring at it so much. Good lesson to be learned, huh?

The modern, professional athlete is a special breed, one whose superhuman skills bring not only riches but also the nonstop attention of the paparazzi. Many athletes handle the attention modestly and with class. Tim Duncan comes to mind. Brandon Roy scored 50 points in a game last season, then credited his teammates for his performance.

But several athletes take it to another level. They can’t get enough face time. They crave the attention. They become standoffish, arrogant and do more to turn people away rather than gain new fans.

So get your popcorn ready. Here’s a countdown of the five most arrogant, narcissistic athletes playing professional sports today: Read the rest of this entry »

Every week we ask for your best/funniest/snarliest comment related to a sports figure in the news. The winning caption will receive a fabulous prize. May the most imaginative entry win. You can respond here in the comments or by sending a Tweet with #caption and a link to this post.

One of the more interesting sports debates of all time is: What is the greatest sports movie ever made? Hoosiers, The Longest Yard, Rocky, Raging Bull, Cinderella Man, The Natural, Field of Dreams, Caddyshack, Slapshot and yes, even Talladega Nights all have their merit.

But what makes a great sports movie? Is it the plot? A hero’s plight against insurmountable odds? Which is better, a depiction of actual events or fictional story-telling? In many sports films, one individual is often relied upon to extract the most out of his team. It is often these key characters within the film that determine its greatness and longevity.

Sportschump.net has chosen to celebrate the greatest coaches in sports film history. The list is based not only on the quality of the movie and the acting therein, but also how the character — with the odds stacked against him — did so much with so little. After all, that’s the definition of a coach, isn’t it? To teach and maximize his athletes’ potential?

Well, these five did just that. By doing so, these actors not only made their film more memorable, but blessed us with acting performances for the ages.

Read the rest of this entry »

Rivalries are not born overnight. They must be genuine and not artificially created. The greatest historical sports rivalries like Red Sox/Yankees, Ohio State/Michigan and Duke/North Carolina are built upon decades of competition and hatred. Memorable victories and devastating losses.

While mutual respect exists among rivals, a healthy resentment still brews. The players don’t like each other. The fans despise one another. The mere sight of an opposing team’s emblem evokes queasiness. An Auburn fan wouldn’t be caught dead cheering for Alabama and vice versa. Never has a friendly word been shared between Jets and Dolphins fans on Sundays between 1 and 4 pm.

That being said, even though it’s new, the Boston Red Sox and Tampa Bay Rays have developed themselves a healthy little rivalry. I should know. I experienced it in person once again this week. Read the rest of this entry »

Brett Favre has retired yet again and this time he means it… we think. Then again, Friday the 13^th: The Final Chapter was supposed to be the final Jason movie. No word whether ESPN will shorten their SportsCenter broadcasts to 30 minutes with lack of new Favre material to cover. The Favre Will He/Won’t He reality series could be out soon. Favre not joining the Vikes was not even the worst news they received this week. Quarterback Tarvaris Jackson suffered a minor MCL sprain when a lineman rolled over his leg in practice. First Favre, now this. Viking quarterbacks are dropping like flies. Perhaps they should just snap the ball directly to either Adrian Peterson or Percy Harvin. Then again, Michael Vick is still available.

Speaking of Mike Vick, the nation and PETA protestors alike wait with bated breath to find out which NFL team will give Vick a shot at redemption. As the NFL season rapidly approaches, a franchise has yet to announce they’ll sign him. In fact, the only person to back Vick is Tony Dungy. Unfortunately for Vick, Dungy is no longer a head coach in the league. Dungy’s support, along with Vick’s contrition after meeting Commissioner Goodell, was a major reason Vick was allowed back into the league. With my bad credit, I’m wondering if Coach Dungy can accompany me to the closest bank for a loan. Read the rest of this entry »

“The banishment for life of Pete Rose from baseball is the sad end of a sorry episode. One of the game’s greatest players has engaged in a variety of acts which have stained the game, and he must now live with the consequences of those acts. By choosing not to come to a hearing before me, and by choosing not to proffer any testimony or evidence contrary to the evidence and information contained in the report of the Special Counsel to the Commissioner, Mr. Rose has accepted baseball’s ultimate sanction, lifetime ineligibility.”

Statement by then Commissioner
of Baseball, A. Bartlett Giamatti,
August 24, 1989

It’s been twenty years since the late baseball Commissioner Giamatti uttered those fateful words, and during that period, few sports stories have drawn as much media attention or polarized a fan base as much as the Pete Rose gambling scandal. Hardcore Cincinnati Reds or Pete Rose fans will have you believe that Rose, because of his performance on the field as a player, should be allowed admittance into the Hall of Fame. Rose was undoubtedly one of the greatest hitters of his generation. He holds countless major league records.His on-field legacy is undeniable and no one can take that away from him. Those opposing his induction argue that Rose, as a major league manager, wagered on the outcome of baseball games, including those he was involved in, and thus violated the most basic and ethical rules of the sport. As it stands right now, Rose is still banished from the sport and, despite recent rumors, there are no indications he will be invited back any time soon.

The Rose story first broke in 1989 Read the rest of this entry »

In Lake Tahoe, a casino waitress alleges that a two-time Super Bowl champion quarterback forced himself on her in a hotel room. In another hotel room elsewhere in the country, someone sneaks a video camera through a keyhole to record a female sportscaster as she strolls around her room. In Alabama, a reporter asks a former Heisman trophy winner about his sexual behavior. In Kansas City, a well-respected journalist faults a female tennis champion for being too fat.

Somewhere we have crossed the line.

In this country, as in many others around the world, we deify the modern athlete, often to a fault. Read the rest of this entry »

Fishing is a sport. Like golf, it is also a popular, leisure activity here in the sunshine state. I have a good number of friends who over the years, have consistently invited me to go fishing with them, although I’ve never really gotten into it for reasons about to be discussed.

I respect fishing and those who enjoy it.  I have several friends with boats who love to fish. My former boss used to actively compete for sailfish and fare pretty well for himself. He even had one of his prize catches hanging in the office. ESPN airs that fishing show every Sunday morning that I suffer through until The Sports Reporters, on those rare weekend mornings that I’m actually out of bed.

My patented response when people ask me to go fishing is that I can buy my fish at the local supermarket.  In those nice little display cases, they have tuna, salmon, grouper, whatever I want, and I don’t have to gut or scale the darned things. My friends have explained repeatedly that fishing is about camaraderie and competition and drinking and getting away from things and more drinking, and I’m all for that.  Fishing just has never floated my boat. No pun intended.

Here’s why:

Read the rest of this entry »

I’m thinking about starting up my own cutting edge, fantasy league.  It will be a year-round event that will incorporate all major sports into one giant competition.

How am I constructing this league, you ask?  How will I determine whether a home run holds more value than a touchdown or a triple-double?  The answer is simple, my friends.

Athletes will no longer be judged by their statistics on the field but rather by their performance off of it.

I’m calling my new league the Misdemeanor/Felony Fantasy League or the M.F.L.  It’s bound to attract thousands of participants nationwide so get in while you can.  I’m still working on an effective scoring system, but here’s what I’ve come up with so far.  Suggestions, as always, are welcome: Read the rest of this entry »

St Louis hosted this year’s All-Star Game, a contest which the American League won 4-3. This marks the twelfth straight time the AL has won the Midsummer Classic. Can you say domination? I knew that you could. Tampa Bay’s Carl Crawford won the MVP award for his game-saving catch of Brad Hawpe’s near home run in the seventh inning. It was the first time a position player had won the award without an RBI since Willie Mays did so over forty years ago. Not bad company to keep.

Speaking of the Say Hey Kid keeping good company, Willie Mays rode to this year’s All-Star game in style: on Air Force One with President Barack Obama. Sporting his Chicago White Sox warm-up jacket, President Obama threw out the first pitch of Tuesday night’s ballgame. Prior to the game, he visited both American and National League dugouts, meeting players and signing autographs. Most players were noticeably awestruck, except of course for Derek Jeter who ranks slightly higher on the cool scale. After all, Obama never caused Mariah Carey to gain 100 pounds after dumping her.

And people think I have commitment issues. San Antonio Spur Richard Jefferson recently called off his wedding to former New Jersey Nets dancer, Kesha Ni’Cole Nichols, a mere days before the ceremony. Unaware of RJ’s cold feet, invited guests showed up at his Manhattan wedding only to find out he was having second thoughts. Guess his playing with the Spurs is a conflict of interest. Jefferson was cordial enough to leave a credit card behind and treat his guests to whatever they liked. Unfortunately for Nichols, the card wouldn’t cover a new husband.

Like those of us at sportschump.net, Antoine Walker is in dire need of a stimulus package… Read the rest of this entry »

I coached youth sports a few years back. I was living in Orlando and decided to volunteer some of my spare time at the downtown YMCA. I coached boys 11-13 years old and can say without hesitation it was one of the most rewarding experiences of my life.

I’ll spare you the details of how my team ended up winning the championship or how I wrote a letter to the school headmaster asking to allow our team captain to play in the championship game or about how I called several last-minute full-court presses in the title game to create turnovers and uncontested layups to win us the title or how I fought back the tears as I announced each of my players by name during the trophy ceremony. Good screenplay, huh? Read the rest of this entry »

“Tito Puente’s gonna be dead one day, and you’re gonna say, ‘Oh, I’ve been listening to him for years, and I think he’s fabulous.’”

- Bill Murray in “Stripes”

I was sitting at my local pool hall, tipping back a few. I know, too many of my stories begin that way.

It was a few weeks ago and the Stanley Cup Finals were in full effect, as much as hockey can be in full effect in the South. The gentleman sitting next to me was avidly rooting for the Detroit Red Wings, who happened to be losing that game.

As I know very little about ice hockey, I asked him what other sports, and teams, he followed. (After all, sportschump.net is a study in sports and all things otherwise.)

He went on to tell me that aside from being a Red Wings fan (Detroit), he was also a Packers fan (Green Bay) and a Yankees fan (New York). I asked where he was from — turned out he was from the Midwest, which explained the Detroit and Green Bay allegiances, but the Yankees?

Understandably nobody roots for the Lions unless they’re wearing a paper bag over their head. Rooting for them is like rooting for an illness. But what about the Tigers? Or Brewers? Or Twins? Read the rest of this entry »

Michael Phelps recently set the world record for the 100 meter butterfly at the US Swimming National Championships.  On a related note, scientists have now found that marijuana can serve as both a depressant and a stimulant.

In a recent Nike-sponsored pick-up game, LeBron James was allegedly dunked upon by Xavier’s Jordan Crawford.  Nike immediately confiscated all video of the event, saying it is against company policy for the media to record such practice sessions.  Similarly, sportschump.net has been caught on video in compromising positions.  Most of these recordings have also been destroyed.  The others can likely be found at the eBay.com bargain bin. Read the rest of this entry »

Next week marks the mid-point of the major league baseball season, to be celebrated on Tuesday with the 80th annual All-Star Game in all its regalia.

Traditionally, baseball’s All-Star Game was strictly an exhibition game between the most popular athletes the American and National League had to offer. That all changed in 2002 when the All-Star Game was declared a 7-7 draw after 11 innings. Fans went into an uproar, asking how such a disaster could come to pass.  Commissioner Bud Selig took the brunt of the blame.

That off-season, Selig decided to shake things up a bit.  The Commissioner proposed that the outcome of the All-Star Game (from here on out, there would be an outcome) would determine home-field advantage in the World Series.  The proposal was discussed in the 2002-2003 off-season and team owners voted unanimously to approve Selig’s suggestion.

Selig has received considerable heat for this controversial change to the Midsummer classic. Baseball purists continue to question why an exhibition game, played between players who might not play in the post-season and managed by managers who will not manage in the post-season, should have any bearing on who gets an extra October home game.

Consider the alternative, however. Read the rest of this entry »

The Lakers announced they were for trading Trevor Ariza to the Houston Rockets for Ron Artest. In a recent Sportscenter interview, Artest told ESPN he thinks L.A. “can definitely win a championship.” Someone may want to inform Artest the Lakers just won the NBA Finals only a few weeks ago, so if they don’t repeat, the man who will forever try to shake the image of the Malice at the Palace might just be considered the weak link.

Allen Iverson recently stated he “would like to play for the Memphis Grizzlies,” marking the first time in league history those words have ever been uttered. After failed experiments in both Denver and Detroit, Iverson has proven what many of us feared all along: he’s still difficult to build a team around. It is safe to say his market value has dropped considerably in these, the waning years of his career. At least he’ll keep the fans of Memphis entertained. If they do sign him, you may want to pick him up for your fantasy team as he should go back to scoring thirty a night. Someone on that team has to.

In an interview with ESPN’s Pedro Gomez, a somewhat dejected Rafael Palmeiro admitted that he “didn’t really understand what he was taking” and that “whatever he took was tainted” in regards to his alleged steroid use. He also predicted that his name would not be found on the infamous list of 104 baseball players who tested positive for steroids. Congratulations to Rafi for inventing yet another distortion of the truth baseball fans have not yet heard.

Upon Manny Ramirez’ return to the Dodgers’ lineup after a 50-day suspension for steroid use, L.A. Times sportswriter Bill Plaschke described the fans at Chavez Ravine as so animated, it was as if they

Read the rest of this entry »

I spent one glorious summer in Rio de Janeiro many years ago. While still in graduate school, I was fortunate enough to have been awarded a scholarship to study Portuguese overseas. Mine was the typical exchange program where you live with a host family and take classes at a local university. Technically, I was there to conduct thesis research, and I did, as most of the summer was spent ‘familiarizing myself’ with Brazilian culture.

My timing could not have been more perfect. The year was 1994 and the country was smack dab in the middle of World Cup fever. As most of us know, Brazilians eat, sleep and breathe soccer. The game is so ingrained into their culture that at certain times of the year, nothing else matters. Not the economy, not poverty, not pollution. Soccer unites their nation.

Packers, Eagles and Giants fans? Do you think you’re religious about your team? Guess again. You Gator, Sooner, Buckeye and Notre Dame fans out there think you hold a candle? Nuh uh. The entire nation of Brazil gathers together when World Cup rolls around. I was lucky enough to experience that first hand.

Read the rest of this entry »

Soon after moving from Gainesville to Tampa only months ago, I began my search for a local poker game. Such illicit activity is not always easy to find.

My old Gainesville poker circuit was pretty robust. There was the Wednesday night game at Damion 2.0’s, Thursday nights at JD’s place and Friday’s at Brother Bill’s, not to mention Mr. C’s debaucherous, bimonthly 17-hour poker binges.

Damion 2.0 Wednesday’s were $20 buy-in cash games with re-buys allowed as long as you had money in your wallet. Things would start around 7 pm, with people coming and going all night long. It was a game characterized by über-aggressive play. With blinds holding steady at $0.25-$0.50, it was rare to see a flop for anything less than $3.25. It was not uncommon to see someone win or lose up to $400 in a single night.

Thursday nights were my original house game at JD’s place, where the liquor was always free-flowing. We’d generally start the night with quarter games, i.e., Five Card Draw, Follow the Queen, In-Between or Screw Your Neighbor. Years back, we’d play tournament style but that slowly made its way to a cash game. A lot of the old school guys dropped out when things got too cutthroat, but the game also gained people as it got more competitive.

Friday nights at Brother Bill’s were much more casual. With as many as 18 players on any given night, Bill’s game was strictly tournament play. A gracious host, Bill’s open bar always kept people animated on a Friday.

I played at all three of these venues for well over a year. The environs were comfortable. Every seat, every table, every format, every friend.

Enter the new house game: Read the rest of this entry »

For those of us whose channel never leaves the Worldwide Leader in Sports (unless it’s to see what’s on ESPNews or ESPN Classic), I think I speak for all of us when I earnestly request removal of that ridiculously annoying Castrol Oil commercial. For those of you who haven’t yet had the displeasure of seeing this advertisement, simply tune to ESPN at any given moment in time, then wait about five minutes as it’s on virtually every commercial break. It’s enough to make a guy switch over to Lifetime. See for yourself: Read the rest of this entry »

After a rain-delayed tournament, Lucas Glover of Clemson University held on to win golf’s U.S. Open Monday afternoon. It was the first major victory of his career. Glover, who landed a $1,350,000 paycheck, had only one previous tour win since turning pro in 2005. Phil Mickelson, and the resurgent David Duval, both placed second while Tiger Woods ended up tied for sixth. Only five golfers finished under par for the tournament.

After getting beaten soundly by both Brazil and Italy, US Soccer miraculously advanced to the FIFA Confederations Cup semifinals by beating Egypt 3-0. In order to advance, an unlikely series of events needed to occur, including beating Egypt by 3 goals, outscoring Italy by 3 on Sunday, having Brazil beat Italy by 3, and then beating Italy in a goals scored tie-breaker which they did 4-3. The U.S. will play top-ranked Spain on Wednesday.

Donald Fehr is stepping down as Executive Director of Major League Baseball Player’s Association. Fehr, the players’ chief negotiator, held this position since 1985. He represented the players union during the World Series cancellation in 1994 and was largely responsible for average annual salaries increasing tenfold over the past twenty-five. Buster Olney called it correctly when saying Fehr leaves behind a “mixed legacy.”
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I was in a deep slumber last week when my phone rang. It was about 10 a.m. and I was resting comfortably on my couch, trying to pretend the Orlando Magic meltdown the night before never happened.

The Commish was on the other end of the phone. He had landed tickets to a special Buccaneers function and invited me to attend. New head coach Raheem Morris would be speaking and the event would certainly be worth writing about. Little did I know there would also be cheerleaders there.

Chalk Talk with the Tampa Bay Buccaneers is an annual luncheon held by the team which gives fans a chance to meet players and personnel. It’s kind of like the team’s State of the Union address. This year’s function was held at the Hyatt Downtown.

With all the off-season moves and acquisitions, a buzz surrounds these Buccaneers, as evidenced by the turnout. There were several hundred media members, fans, businesspeople and elected officials in attendance. Oh, and did I mention there were cheerleaders? Read the rest of this entry »

SAY IT AIN’T SOSA – The New York Times recently reported that former National League MVP Sammy Sosa failed a drug test in 2003. Surprise! I’ve never failed a drug test before… but I’m pretty sure my employer wouldn’t wait six years to tell me that I had. Sosa’s name was on the same infamous, and supposedly anonymous, list of 104 names that also outed Alex Rodriguez. Sosa allegedly told reporters in perfect English that he still looks forward to his Hall of Fame induction.

FAVRE FROM RETIRED – In an HBO interview, Brett Favre once again graced viewers with a “Maybe” when asked whether he would play next season. ESPN reported that the Minnesota Vikings sent a team trainer to Mississippi to check on Favre’s health after recent shoulder surgery. What’s a little plane fare when compared to the future of your franchise? Vikings fans are probably more excited about screwing over Packer faithful than they are looking forward to winning a Super Bowl.

DONTE PUT AWAY (FOR A MONTH) – Donte Stallworth was sentenced to 30 days in jail after pleading guilty to DUI manslaughter stemming from an horrific incident where he struck and killed a pedestrian earlier this year. Stallworth faces a lifetime drivers license suspension and must perform 1,000 hours of community service. An undisclosed financial settlement was reached with the family of the deceased. Shortly after that decision was handed down, the NFL suspended Stallworth indefinitely. Looks like the NFL is a little more in tune with justice than our legal system.

FREE HEDO – One day after the Orlando Magic lost the NBA Finals, small forward Hedo Turkoglu announced he would Read the rest of this entry »

Congratulations to the Los Angeles Lakers on their 15th NBA championship. They remain the winningest professional sports franchise by percentage over the last 40 years. If you don’t believe me, look it up.

Despite what might be remembered as a competitive series, the Lakers were simply better than Orlando. In the end, inconsistent shooting and a lack of experience sealed the Magic fate. One factor cannot be overlooked: the ineffective play of Dwight Howard. Read the rest of this entry »

An old high school buddy of mine recently e-mailed me and asked that I “please write something about what a prick Brett Favre is and why he needs to go away.”  So Kid Sheraton, this one’s for you:

I generally don’t like to write about Favre, mostly because there’s never anything other than pure speculation to write about.  Coverage of him must be sexy though, since his recent surgery is all that’s ever reported on the four-letter.  I hear ESPN is starting an all-Favre network soon which makes sense since on their Sunday night broadcast, the Favre surgery actually preceded Tiger’s Sunday round of 65 at the Memorial and Roger Federer’s victory at the French Open.  Perhaps a weekly Favre update will drive sportschump.net traffic through the roof.  Video: Read the rest of this entry »

The Louvre and Smithsonian both feature priceless works of art. After last night, so does my DVR.

Game Three of the NBA Finals between the Lakers and Magic bordered on flawless. One team, the Orlando Magic, shot 75% for the first half, making 24 of their first 32 shots. To put things into perspective, that had never happened before, and the NBA’s been around for a while. The other team, the Lakers, behind their superstar scowler Kobe Bryant, were also en fuego. They took every body blow the Magic threw their way in perfect stride. Despite Orlando’s fiery first half, Bryant answered with 17 points of his own, all within a five minute stretch. It was a heavyweight fight of epic proportions and one of the most efficient games ever played.

Bryant’s hot streaks serve as a constant reminder that Orlando has to do everything possible (and sometimes impossible) to best Los Angeles. This begs the question: Is the glass half empty or half full for Magic fans?

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Major League Baseball is about to face yet another controversy involving one of its biggest names and the use of banned substances.

Only one month ago, Manny Ramirez tested positive for a female fertility drug. He was subsequently suspended for 50 games. While that penalty might seem excessive, in an effort to clean up the sport in 2005, Commissioner Bud Selig enacted stricter punishments for drug users. The first offense garners a 50-game suspension, the second a 100-game suspension. A third offense results in banishment from baseball and an honorary seat next to Pete Rose and Shoeless Joe.

Prior to being suspended last month, Ramirez played in 27 games. He had hit six home runs and was batting .348, fourth in the league if you don’t count minimum plate appearances.

While the Dodgers are still in first place despite Manny’s absence, they were 19-8 with him in the lineup, boasting two different week-long winning streaks. His contributions from the batters box are among the best in the game and have been for fifteen years. He is sixth among active players in career batting average (.315) and fourth in active home run leaders (533).

But as the All-Star Game approaches, baseball must once again question its own integrity.

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What a fabulous week.

It’s not often you get to visit your old town, have your pops treat you to a delicious P.F. Chang’s dinner, then finish it off by seeing your favorite basketball team inch one step closer to the NBA Finals. It’s even more rewarding when your team beats the greatest player on the planet to do so.

Living only an hour or so from Amway Arena, I could not pass up the opportunity to see Orlando’s playoff run in person. My father and I had planned on going to the game together but as he started a new job the following morning, it was time to go solo. He was sorry he missed this one as it was a game worth quitting over.

Prior to game time and after leaving dad, I stopped off at my old watering hole, Wally’s, one of the last great dive bars in Florida. At Wally’s, you’ll hear the jukebox play everything from Prince to Patsy Cline, from Johnny Cash to Jay-Z. It’s the kind of place where everybody knows your name… likely because they’ve had to call your ass a cab as you stumbled out of there. Read the rest of this entry »

If you’re already a basketball fan, you can stop reading now. Or you can continue on to get your fix. This post is directed toward the fringe fan.

Although it may sound like it, this is not a public service announcement from the National Basketball Association. It’s merely a gesture of respect and admiration from a self-admitted, basketball junkie. It is Christmas in May and the Association has gifted us with some phenomenal basketball. So gather ‘round the flat screen with some pizza and beer and enjoy! You’ll be glad you did.

If it’s drama you want, the first four games of the Conference Finals so far have been decided by a total of seven points! The remaining games promise to be just as exciting. This is the ultimate reality television.

What’s intriguing about this final four (Denver, Los Angeles, Orlando and Cleveland) is that three of the teams, three of the four head coaches, and three of the four megastars have yet to win a championship. Kobe Bryant, LeBron James, Carmelo Anthony and Dwight Howard are all heavyweights who want a title BAD. Whoever wins will cement his legacy among the NBA’s elite.

So for those of you who don’t already have the back of their basketball cards memorized, here’s a brief explanation of why you should tune in: Read the rest of this entry »

Richard Pryor hosted Saturday Night Live in its flagship season of 1975.  The interesting thing about that broadcast is that it wasn’t actually live.  Pryor’s comedy was so cutting edge and profane at the time that NBC used a delay, as they were uncertain what he might say next.
ESPN may want to consider borrowing that delay this season as Monday Night Football has announced the addition of Jon Gruden to its broadcast booth.  Gruden will replace Tony Kornheiser who no longer wanted to deal with the constant traveling.  Gruden joins Brian Billick, Mike Holmgren and Bill Cowher as Super Bowl winning coaches who have traded their headsets for earpieces.  They are all likely candidates to eventually return to the sidelines.

Gruden is a rare breed though.  After he replaced the beloved Tony Dungy as the Tampa Bay Buccaneers head coach in 2002, former Buc Derrick Brooks was asked to describe the difference between the two men.  Without hesitation, Brooks replied “Coach Gruden curses a lot.”

Gruden’s presence in the MNF booth could give new meaning to the term “color commentary.”  Don’t get me wrong, I’m a big fan of profanity.

Read the rest of this entry »

The Cleveland Cavaliers have it easy. For that sake, so do the Los Angeles Lakers, Denver Nuggets and Boston Celtics. The difference between those teams and the Orlando Magic is so clear cut, it smacks you in the face like a playoff game you should have won, then inexplicably lost.

Cleveland has a leader. Make no bones about it, that is LeBron James‘ team. Their head coach Mike Brown, who won the 2008-9 Coach of the Year award, has been around. While only in his fourth year in Cleveland, he’s already taken them to one Finals appearance. He also coached under Gregg Popovich on the Spurs 2003 championship team.

The Los Angeles Lakers are led by Kobe Bryant, who’s won three titles, and head coach Phil Jackson, who’s won nine. The Denver Nuggets are a totally different team since they landed Chauncey Billups, a point guard, floor general and former Finals MVP. Denver also has the well-respected George Karl as their head coach. The Boston Celtics, last year’s NBA champions, are coached by Doc Rivers and have an established motivator in Kevin Garnett, even though he’s playing that role from the bench as he’s currently injured.

The Orlando Magic have none of this, and it shows. While the series against Boston is not over, Orlando is down three games to two when they already could have easily advanced.

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