Daily Loaf

Don’t fuck your best friend. This rule seems obvious enough, and yet I couldn’t help testing it.

We were best friends since high school, but ever since we had sex, we barely talk anymore. I’m uncomfortable around him, and being around me hurts him. I don’t want to have sex with him and he still wants to have sex with me. Sex has put a huge strain on our friendship and his sanity. I keep thinking of the recent news story about the male best friend who kidnapped, tied up, and took naked photos of his female best friend in hopes of blackmailing her into having sex with him once a week. Not a good way to get sex. Read the rest of this entry »

I had so much fun in Key West for Fantasy Fest it should be illegal (though I’m sure some of it was, or very damn close).  The boat ride on the Key West Express was well worth it. We got there in a fraction of the time and my friend Melissa and I got a head start on the festivities by sucking down White Russians and talking to Fantasy Fest veterans and fellow virgins. My favorite old pros were Bob and Rita who gave us a heads up on the freaky crazy fun of swinger groups who meet in Key West just to have sex with one another and go to kink parties. We quickly realized how true their anecdote was when we stepped off the boat and were promptly offered a free room by some NYC cops. Unfortunately they were a bit vague as to the terms of their offer.

The best word to describe what I saw in Key West is WOW!! I knew I was going to see some weird shit at Fantasy Fest but no amount of preparation or pictures can ready a person for the real thing: a celebration of parades, naked people, drunken stupors, and casual sex. Read the rest of this entry »

An inquisitive reader emailed me asking my opinion on retro-sexing, ex-sex, & re-fucking an old flame. Read the rest of this entry »

I don’t know how many of you are aware of the week long debauchery party that takes place in Key West every year: AKA Fantasy Fest. This year they’re celebrating 30 years of parades, painted naked people, drunken stupors, and casual sex. Fantasy Fest originated as a way to bring tourists to Key West in the off season. What better way to bring people to an island during hurricane season than to entice them with a giant Halloween street party with alcohol and painted naked people. I’m looking forward to the painted naked people the most. What can I say, I can see people in drunken stupors in downtown St. Pete, have causal sex on a Tuesday night at home, and see a parade at the drop of a dime in Tampa, but there’s not too many places I can see painted naked people first hand.

(NSFW Photos) Read the rest of this entry »

I hate when guys tell me they don’t have girlfriends when they do. I don’t care. If I’m attracted to you, I’ll fuck you. Just don’t lie to me. I want to know the risks upfront. Some women flip out on you if they catch you with their man. I ended up with a pit bull and a mountain of clothes four feet high on my doorstep once because I was fucking someone‘s boyfriend. Of course at the time, I denied I even knew him and made her take it all back. I learned my lesson though: if he has a girlfriend, only fuck him once, or there will be drama. Read the rest of this entry »

After reading Rebecca’s 10 Reasons you might be a swinger, I realized I am one.   I’ve toyed with this thought like I’ve toyed with hard cock; let it amuse me but never take it seriously. I fit 5.5 of the 10 listed reasons (the half reason is because I know what Viagra is but the limp dicks I’ve tried fucking, apparently don’t!).

Is it possible though that a single, straight, female can be a swinger? Read the rest of this entry »

Maybe it’s my age, experience, or perhaps I’m not as kinky as I thought, but a recent blog, “Rape Fantasy: the ultimate taboo,” caught me off guard. It revealed that some women fantasize about being raped. Fantasies are great. They’re fun and they enhance sex, but I also think they are best shared only with a trusting partner. Victims of rape or sexually assault don’t want to know how some women enjoy role playing games involving forced sex. It’s also not a good idea to tell potential rapists that some people like to imagine being “overpowered and forced to surrender.” Some men may take this controlled fantasy out of context, and transform it into a harsh reality. Read the rest of this entry »

I was sitting in front of my laptop Monday morning, putting the finishing touches on Dirty Talk 301, when the number to my chat line rang.

“Hello Sweetheart,” said the sexiest voice I’d ever heard.

“Hi there,” I said in my most seductive tone.

The caller told me he’d been thinking of me and finally found my number.

“That sounds really great sweetie, but WHO are you?”  Read the rest of this entry »

After reading Dirty Talk 101 and Dirty Talk 201, you’re ready to turn the heat up.

I’ll admit that a few times while working on a chat line, the caller would actually turn me on with vivid details of what he looked like, at least in both of our minds. I’d react to his voice and start imagining myself what it would be like to fuck him. Men like these made me enjoy talking dirty and making callers cum with just my words. The excitement of making a man with just your voice is orgasmic. When done right, the rush is orgasmic!!

(language below NSFW)

Read the rest of this entry »

Hopefully you’ve mastered the lessons from Dirty Talk 101, and are ready for some more advanced word play in Dirty Talk 201.

Men are very visual creatures who have overactive imaginations when it comes to sex. A man once told me his imagination was so good he could switch hands and swear he was with sisters. Nice! A true 2-for-none special. To activate your man’s sexual imagination, detailed description and sexual imagery are extremely important. Read the rest of this entry »

I have a gift. I can talk dirty to men and the occasional woman and not feel ashamed or dirty. That’s pretty fucking cool considering most women can’t even tell their husbands to give them some dick while alone in bed together. Most people look at being a phone sex operator as a dirty job for skanks and hookers, but I’m neither. I have a Bachelors’ Degree in Communication.  During the day I took Interpersonal Communication and at night I practiced Personal Communication. So, for all you ladies, who want to talk dirty, but just don’ t know where to begin, here are some pointers. Read the rest of this entry »

I couldn’t help but comment on the Comic Con fan who made a video of himself asking St. Petersburg’s own Megan Fox if she’d like to do a celebrity sex tape with him.  That took balls.  I’d have liked to see a better picture of him.  I mean, if he was cute, why the hell not?  Oh yeah, not everyone can do the fuck buddy thing.  I forget that I have a knack for running through men like water runs through faucets.

(video after the break)

Read the rest of this entry »

Love is a funny word. It’s a word that I’m extremely uncomfortable with when it comes from a man. It doesn’t matter if he wants to love me, or doesn’t want me to love him; love freaks me out.

There are plenty of men who want to love me, but I don’t want to hear it. Maybe it’s because five months isn’t long enough to be over a 6.5 year relationship, even if the X was an asshole. Maybe it’s because the men who’ve told me they loved me in the past followed it up by getting me arrested, cheating on me, crashing my car, or dumping me two days later because they weren’t mature enough to say they loved me to begin with.

Or maybe this time, it’s because I know none of the people using the L word are right for me. Read the rest of this entry »

Every day at work a horny old Frenchman points out my tongue ring and asks if he can “feel the metal.”

Usually I tell him that I’d rather tattoo my vagina. OUCH! But Rebecca’s post, “Body modification can improve sex,” got me thinking; tattooing my vagina is way more appealing than blowing an old smelly Frenchman. I did some research on genital tattooing and found a few amazing specimens for your entertainment. (pictures below NSFW) Read the rest of this entry »

After years of dating and love affairs, I’ve realized that men fall into 2 categories: the kind who treat women like they have “Kryptonite Pussies” and the kind who treat women like they have “Crack Pussies.” I came to this understanding one morning when I walked into the office and proudly announced, “My Pussy is Crack!!”

My boss choked on air but my female coworkers seemed less surprised. Read the rest of this entry »

Daniel Radcliffe in Equus

Harry Potter  & the Half Blood Prince is coming out Wednesday July 15, and there’s no better time to resurface these photos of a very naked, very toned, very sexy Daniel Radcliffe.   I know I’ll be watching this 6th installment of the Harry Potter series in a highly aroused state that I haven’t experienced in any of the previous movies.

(Full frontal pics below, NSFW)

Read the rest of this entry »

I don’t look at every sexual encounter as having to happen with someone I’m in love with or even dating. I’m a woman and I love to have sex with men I’m attracted to. Some call it meaningless sex. Some call it evolved sex. I just call it sex. Read the rest of this entry »

During phone sex, most men are interested in their fantasies, what they want women like me to do to them. Over the phone I’ve done it all, from getting down on my knees and making them rock hard, to riding them so hard their balls need to be iced down. For me, these fantasies are old and boring, so I’m going to share one of my own. Read the rest of this entry »

I’m back on the hunt for my next fuck buddy applicant. The qualified applicant I came across wasn’t available to accept the position - he already had an employer and was just testing the market. It was a great interview that ended too soon. I was prepared to have multiple interviews and multiple organisms with him, but that’s the way it sometimes goes with fuck buddies.

My quest for a dependable, exciting fuck buddy has inspired and shocked my friends. I have one girlfriend who’s recently divorced and sees the wisdom in the fuck buddy application process. Meet them, take their application, give them a thorough interview and either offer them the job or kick them to the curb. It’s not that hard of a process, just one you have to be careful of.  Read the rest of this entry »

I spent the better part of 5 years in a love triangle, and now I’m creating another one.  After all the pain the last one caused, you’d think I’d be smarter, but people in love aren’t smart. I’m not actually in love this time, just intrigued by one and pursued by another.  If I let it continue then I’ll be in a triangle. I’m not the only one in this situation.  I’m surrounded  by people in love triangles.  WTF…when did we go from wanting another person, to want two other people? Is it our self-centered selfish way of life? Is it low self esteem and insecurities that make us look for attention from more than one lover at a time?  Or is it where our society is heading–the triangle becoming the new relationship standard?  Read the rest of this entry »

I have a sex swing I think I want to sell.  Yes it’s used, but does that really matter?  It’s been washed.

I’ve asked all my friends if they were interested in getting one.  Apparently, I’m the only one who likes to have sex while flying through the air.  Or they just don’t want to sit where I’ve had sex.  If that’s the case, don’t sit on my furniture anymore, bring your own chairs.

How many people actual sell used sex swings?  More importantly do people BUY used sex equipment? That has to be a fetish right?  People sell strange shit all the time.  I’m not selling me in the swing, just the swing itself.

(How-to photos after the break. NSFW) Read the rest of this entry »

I got thrown for a loop the other night.  I was sought out; someone wanted to turn in his fuck-buddy application.  I was reluctant at first. He’s not my normal type of applicant.  He’s not my normal type of anything.  That’s what makes him so unique and alluring.

I went to meet him with the idea of swapping ideas, not body fluids.  We’re colleagues and thought we could stimulate some creative juices–and stimulating juices is exactly what happened. Read the rest of this entry »

As the hunt for my next fuck-buddy continues, I’ve expanded my search parameters and raised my age limit. At least I tried to.

When I was younger I vowed I wouldn’t date anyone more than eight years older than me, but as I grew up, my lovers and boyfriends got progressively younger. To be honest, I hadn’t even thought about dating older men until the other night. Read the rest of this entry »

Maybe she can handle smelly men but I can't

I’ve been taking applications and conducting interviews for my new fuck-buddy now for the past month. Mainly they’ve been short interviews and no one has been called back for a follow-up.  Why waste anymore of my time or bodily fluids on a sub par applicant?  I’m tired of the anticipation, only to be let down.  Don’t men in Florida know how to fuck a woman right?  I’m not asking for a lot.  Only to be bent over and fucked hard.  My hair pulled and my ass slapped.  I want to feel a cock stroking my pussy and making me cum.

Our first encounter was mind blowing.  We left each other satisfied but wanting more.  Before he’d even cum the first time he asked when he could see me again.  His fingers were gentle but left a trail of fire blazing where he touched me.  His kiss was hard and passionate, left my lips red and my body dripping with anticipation. He was a skilled and experienced lover, taking his time, sometimes taking five, just to make sure he made me cum several times before cumming himself.

(Picture to follow; not suitable for work.) Read the rest of this entry »

I had a busy weekend. Three fuck-buddy applicants and not a single one qualified for the position.

Friday night I started out texting applicant 1.

“What are you doing later?”

“Staying home. Do you want to fuck tonight and then 2 times a week?”

At first I wasn’t sure if I was turned on or repelled by his directness. I haven’t had sex with this friend in 11 months, which is a long leave of absence for him to try and schedule twice a week sex. Having just got out of a serious relationship, this proposal sounded more like a boyfriend than a fuck-buddy. I wasn’t ready to commit to such a strenuous schedule. Besides, if I wanted to fuck this guy twice a week, I wouldn’t have avoided him for 11 months. Read the rest of this entry »

I read Cecil Adams’ “What are the risks of hetersexual anal sex?’ last week and it made me think back to my phone sex days.  Most of the time my calls were pretty routine: what are you wearing, what do you look like, give me a blow job–the usual.  Then there were calls that made me think, what the fuck?

Some people have some freaky shit going on in their brains. I like to think I’m pretty open and accepting about sexuality. I come from a state where it’s legal to have sex with your animal.  I’m not into the whole, Tiajuanna Donkey Show, but hey if that’s what you’re into. Needless to say, something must be pretty extreme for me to think it’s a perversion.

For me, as long as your fantasy does not permanently injury me, I’m down to try just about anything once. I have to try everything to know whether or not I like it.  But this one caller had a request I knew I’d never try. The fetish did however make me think about how happy I was that he was on the phone and not doing this with some naïve young girl who didn’t how dangerous a fantasy like this could be. Read the rest of this entry »

It’s Friday Night and I’m at home waiting on my date. Since I’m still waiting, I assume I scared him off.  This has been happening more often. Maybe I’m getting too aggressive.  I’ve been assertive with men my entire life.  I was under the impression that society had changed and it was ok for a woman to talk about sex without being a whore.   Besides, he started it. He contacted me online and since I’m a flirt, I couldn’t resist.

His online photos were so fucking hot my eyes burned just looking at them.  Clearly defined upper body with dark hair and light eyes.  I’ll do dirty, nasty things for a man with dark hair and light eyes. I was excited from the start.  I wanted to see where this would go.  Hopefully straight to the bedroom. This is how it started, straight from the internet chat box:

“Hi there sexy, love your smile and pics,” he wrote. Read the rest of this entry »

Until recently, I never fully understood the lengths men will go to simulate a pussy while masturbating. I figured most dudes were as uncreative when it came to masturbation as they were during sex: the standard oil and lotion mixture, or a swab of conditioner in the shower applied at rapid speed until the desired effect is achieved. That was until I met Condom-guy, Sock-guy, and Glad-bag-guy.

At a recent party Sock-guy tried to impress me with a story about how he was working construction on a beach house when the mood struck him. Naturally, he took off a sock and searched for a bucket. In all my time working as a phone sex operator I have never heard of a fetish involving a bucket and a sock.

After finding a bucket, he went to in an empty bedroom closet. He was making so much noise the foreman caught him mid-stroke with his cock in the sock. Read the rest of this entry »

I’ve been single now for six weeks and I need sex. I’m used to getting sex everyday, sometimes twice a day. Hey, my ex may have been a big asshole, but he was hot and great in the sack when or wherever the urge struck us. Now that he’s gone, I’ve had to break out the glasscock a lot more than normal.

For anyone who has never tried a glass blown dildo, I highly recommend it. The beauty of the glasscock is that it’s always hard, you can heat it up by boiling it or cool it down by putting it into the freezer. Cleaning it is a breeze, stick it in your dishwasher or wash it by hand. It’s by far the safest material to use for sex play since you can wash the funk off and it’s safe to use for the next time or person, whatever you’re into.

But as much as I enjoy the glasscock, I crave a man’s touch. Read the rest of this entry »

I had to devote an entire blog to this subject.  Thanks Ernie for your comments and questions that prompted this response on my last blog “How Young is Too Young.“

The example of Dick using his giant penis to get women to take care of him and how I could be sure he wasn’t, is because he has his own job, home, vehicle and he’s not depending on his girlfriend to do this for him, unlike Harry.  It was more of a reference to Dick’s manhood than his actual penis.   For clarification Harry had the giant penis and no he wasn’t the first under 21 year old male I’ve had hot sex with.  Nor to be the last.

Since when do women love big penises?  Does the beginning of time count? Since when do women hate big penises?  Does the beginning of time count?  It all depends on the woman. Yes, some above average penises can make a woman experience discomfort, but if properly excited, penis size really isn’t an issue.   When women get sexually aroused they go through a process called “tenting” where the vagina expands an inch in length and doubles its width, this along with vagina “sweating” the moistening of the vaginal walls, prepares women to take on that above average penis with ease and comfort. Read the rest of this entry »

How young is too young?  What defines age?  The actual number in years?  Maybe it’s the experiences in your life that define your age?  Can age be described in accomplishments or possessions?   I’ve recently opened myself up to someone who’s made me ask these questions.

In my 20’s, too young was anyone who wasn’t 21 and up.  I had lots of friends who were bartenders, so naturally I spent a lot of time getting free drinks and closing down bars.  I can sum up those years of my life with 1 song title, “Let’s get drunk and screw.” Now that I’m no longer in my 20’s or have friends that are bartenders, I don’t spend much time in bars or drinking.  What I do spend my time on, is finding my next Mr. Right Now or maybe even THE Mr. Right.  This leads me to my problem. The person who’s presenting himself to me now is under 21.  I’ve broken this rule before and it ended horribly.  The circumstances surrounding the age difference now are different so can the relationship be different?

Read the rest of this entry »

My cat, Morpheus, is a molester and it’s my fault, well mine and my ex-boyfriends.   Ever since my ex and I broke up, Morpheus has been humping my butt! 

I’ve woken up the past couple of mornings to a blaring alarm clock and this strange feeling on my ass, only to look back and see him kneading and humping it through the covers.  He’s fixed so it’s kind of disturbing.  All I can think is that CSI is going to come into my bedroom and find cat sperm all over my comforter and I’ll be labeled a cat fucker!! I swear it freaks me out.

I really think the problem is that my cat is stressed out because my boyfriend and I broke up and now he’s some sort of cat sexaholic, humping my ass to relieve stress or alleviate tension. Not only is the breakup hard on the ex and me, it’s also freaking out my cat.  I know that animals pick up on human emotions but did my sweet innocent kitty, pick up on the change in emotions after my ex and I had sex?  Read the rest of this entry »