Daily Loaf

Boners, dykes, pubes, drag queens – I’ve discussed it all with my 13-year-old sister, Rose. We have a sort of no-holds-barred relationship; she can ask me anything and I’ll be completely honest. Growing up, my Bubbi and I shared the same sort of communication and I treasured it, so I wanted to offer this kind of relationship to my sisters.

Without batting an eye, I’ve explained  condoms, abortions, why I’m bisexual or “half-lesbian,” and, to her surprise, that women get armpit hair. But recently, Rose asked something that gave me pause. She wanted to know why I don’t date hot guys. Read the rest of this entry »

Four different qualities can describe a woman: hot, beautiful, sexy, and sensual. Hot can be easily achieved with the right clothes, hairstyle, and make-up. Beautiful is, take your breath away, crack a smile smitten. Sexy is an attitude that can be displayed through body language and accentuated with clothing. Sensual is more of an action that stems from sexy, her sexual undertones and mannerisms all relate back to a sexy female, and of course, sex.

Sex doesn’t always have to be about sex. Having a partner that is sensual can make your mood that much better. However, you don’t always have to have sex to be sensual. A few simple acts, sans penetration, can get your blood flowing and lift your libido. Here are a few sensual scenarios that capture sensuality without sex. Read the rest of this entry »

Who has sex with strangers?  I think the answer is most of you. Whether you are a swinger, single person, or a perpetual cheater, it’s likely you’ve had sex with someone you consider a stranger.  So why do so many people think the swinging lifestyle is so strange — we too have sex with strangers, but at least we’re honest about it. Read the rest of this entry »

I occasionally receive sex questions to answer on my blog. This recent question and its accompanying answer struck me as something I should share with a wider audience:

I can’t believe I’m actually asking this, but I’m kind of desperate. I am dating a guy who is uncircumcised and I’ve never been with an uncut guy before… I have no idea what to do with it. To be honest, I think it looks kinda gross, but I really like him so I want to learn how to work with it and pleasure him. How do I do that? Read the rest of this entry »

Women have it easy.  They can get laid nearly effortlessly. Men on the other hand aren’t quite so lucky.  Even the male half of a swinging couple must put forth the effort to catch the eye of a pretty lady or the hot soccer mom at a party.  Vanillas (non swingers) may think that being a swinger at a swinger party pretty much guarantees sex, but the truth is it doesn’t.

The rule of thumb for both swinger men and vanilla men (I apologize if you  feel plain) is, keep your mind open and your hands to yourself.  This may seem contradictory to some, but if you’re open to talking just a little and not groping her soccer ball shaped ass, you’ll succeed more times than not.  Trust me. I’m a woman and I know these things.

Don’t talk yourself out of sex.  Read the rest of this entry »

Everyone has a list… a list of people you are allowed to sleep with while you’re in a relationship. For some, the realization of this list may not actually be “allowed,” but the list exists nonetheless.

In the beginning of my four year relationship, my boyfriend and I both mentioned people on our respective lists. I originally thought it was strange to talk about other people we lusted after, but times have changed and the list continues to evolve. I’ve seen a few of the people on my list recently and wasn’t impressed. They have since been replaced.

Read the rest of this entry »

In the 80’s I did some things I’m not proud of, one of which was having sex with a married man. Yeah it was fun and he gave me money and lots of things, but eventually my morals kicked in and I broke it off. This guy had a horrible sex life with his wife who wasn’t bad looking. Today I find a similar situation with many male acquaintances who are not satisfied with their love lives.  I understand that after10 or 30 years of marriage, sex can get a bit boring, so I’m here to provide a few tips to help keep things lively in the sack. Read the rest of this entry »

I love to masturbate! Everyone masturbates, well, except for weirdos, old people, and those who haven’t tried it.  I’ll admit that I was in my late 20s before I discovered the beauty of self pleasure.  Since then I turned into a closet masturbator.  No, this doesn’t mean that I pretend that I don’t; it simply means I masturbate in the closet.   This may seem rather strange to you, but it makes perfect sense to me.  I get home a bit earlier than expected and the house is empty, but for how long is unknown.  I need some me time and I don’t want to get caught.  Thus, closet masturbation is born. Read the rest of this entry »

Here is the final portion of a story about my recent abortion. If you missed the last part, please read it here. It left off with my walking into the Planned Parenthood office.

I signed in, then sat for about ten minutes, reading Tom Robbins’ Even Cowgirls Get The Blues. When they called me, I signed a few papers, gave my insurance and emergency contact information, then was told to go upstairs.

When I reached the top of the staircase, I saw at least 70 pale, exasperated women waiting. I went to the desk and was given a wristband and a bit more paperwork. Then, I waited. Read the rest of this entry »

I’ve spoken with many women about their experiences dating older men. After repeatedly hearing the same pros and cons, I decided to compile a list of tips for men who would like to successfully date younger women. You’re welcome.

1) Don’t make a big deal about the age difference. You can’t completely avoid the discussion, but unless she specifically finds it exciting (some do), don’t bring it up often. Avoid making her feel like a fetish item. Instead, let her know that you really like her and she just happens to be younger. Read the rest of this entry »

After reading Rebecca’s 10 Reasons you might be a swinger, I realized I am one.   I’ve toyed with this thought like I’ve toyed with hard cock; let it amuse me but never take it seriously. I fit 5.5 of the 10 listed reasons (the half reason is because I know what Viagra is but the limp dicks I’ve tried fucking, apparently don’t!).

Is it possible though that a single, straight, female can be a swinger? Read the rest of this entry »

Have you ever been rudely awakened at 3 a.m. when your bed mate takes all the covers or rolls on top of you? How about trying to fall asleep while your partner snores like an asthmatic hog? According to sleep specialist Dr. Neil Stanley, couples should sleep separately for the good of their health and their relationship.

Dr. Stanley is quick to point out that couples suffer 50% more sleep disturbances when they share a bed and that historically, people are not actually meant to sleep beside one another. Read the rest of this entry »

I consider myself an authority on spotting losers because, well, I used to be one. I only exempt myself now because I’m married. Not to say that all married men make quality boyfriends; I just feel that if you’re able to convince a woman to marry you after five years of dating, either you’re not a loser or you’re extraordinary at hiding it.

Obviously there are as many ways to tell if a potential man-date is a loser as there are breeds of crotch ponies. To complicate things, everyone has their own definition of what constitutes a loser. For instance, you may be perfectly fine dating a man I consider a loser because you’re desperate or you’re willing to overlook his lacking qualities in lieu of, say, his bank account. With that said, below is a list of signs the guy you just met is a loser

-When asked what he does, he says, “I’m in a band,” or “I’m an artist.” Read the rest of this entry »

Soccer Dad and I are off to another swingers party this weekend filled with couples we know and many we don’t.  So how do we know a swinger’s party will be worth the trip and the price of admission if we have no idea if there will be anyone there we want to fuck? We don’t.

Vanilla couples may never completely understand swinging.  The lifestyle is based on looks, confidence, and sexual prowess.  You can be a perfectly nice person, and even attractive, but that doesn’t mean I want to have sex with you just because I arrive at a swinger’s party with a choker that reads, “I love cock.”  Swinger parties or clubs are similar to regular bars on Saturday nights: They’re meat markets, except for married folks. Read the rest of this entry »

Remember when you actually had to speak to a person face-to-face to attract a date? Well times have changed and so has the world of relationships. Social networking Web sites like our beloved Facebook have caused major rifts between couples. A study by the University of Guelph, involving more than 300 college students, found that Facebook causes jealousy among romantic partners. Much of this resulted from a partner being Facebook friends with his or her ex. Read the rest of this entry »

After reading fellow CL contributor Beth’s inspirational post about her running journey last week I thought it best to continue this baring of the soul and expand upon my own running journey. What better way for our readers to understand our obsession with running than to share a little piece of ourselves with you?

That story starts in Feb. 2008 with an insomnia driven, hyper-active redhead that just got dumped. Yep, there’s nothing quite like a good old fashioned dump fest to get a girl down. I was a drunk emotional wreck as yet another opportunity of “happily ever after” slipped through my fingers. I realized quickly that I needed to find an outlet for my emotions, bottled up energy and sexual frustration lest my friends disown me, so I started running again. I’ve always run, here and there, to get some cardio in, to help me sleep a little better but this time was different. This time I put a little more into it.

By July, I was starting to eye an upcoming 5K race and committed to the July 4th Watermelon 5K that Track Shack in Orlando puts on every year. With no real training other than a few runs a week and absolutely zero knowledge of how far/fast I was going, I hit Mead Gardens for my first 5K. Thirty some odd minutes later I huffed and puffed my way through the finish-line on the verge of puking my guts out — but I was exhilarated. I just ran a 5K. Read the rest of this entry »

Most of what is said about abortion comes from politicians and religious leaders, but it’s everyday women who actually have to make the difficult decision of what to do about an unplanned pregnancy – women like me.

1 in 3 American women will have an abortion in her lifetime. This is a huge number which likely includes many women close to you, yet few ever talk about their experiences. Where are the personal accounts?

Even with the anonymity of the internet, these stories are hard to find. Women facing unplanned pregnancies have a right to know about the experiences of other women and why some chose to terminate their pregnancy. Read the rest of this entry »

This isn’t the most original position in the world, but sometimes it’s nice to be reminded of the little pleasures… and this is definitely one of them. The woman bends forward while gripping the bedstead, her buttock raised high. The man mounts her from behind then cups her breasts and squeezes them together. Read the rest of this entry »

On several occasions I’ve been asked how many sex partners I’ve had. Having lived as a swinger for several years, I’ve probably had more than most, but the exact number is tricky. It depends on what you count as a sex partner. For me, I can only define what one is, by describing what a sex partner is not.

Oral sex only: Some swingers have rules, like soft swap only.  This means I only have oral sex with the other man then have actual sex with my husband. For me, oral sex doesn’t count as sex. Read the rest of this entry »

Love or hate Marilyn Manson, you have to respect his impeccable taste in women. Sure, fortune and fame can get you anything (or anyone), but I’m still baffled by the homely Manson’s ability to pick up some of the most stunning up n’ coming starlets of the day. Here are a few of his conquests:

Rose McGowan

Actress Rose McGowan is best known for her roles in movies, such as Jawbreaker and Grindhouse, and the television show, Charmed.

She and Manson dated for 3.5 years in the late ’90s and early ’00s, during which time McGowan made headlines appearing at an awards ceremony wearing only a loose net over the front of her body and a cascade of strings across her backside (and oh, what a backside!).

After a two-year engagement, McGowan ended the relationship and Manson moved on to… Read the rest of this entry »

William Taylor of Centreville, VA is not happy. Much to the amusement of commuters, he stood at the corner of a bustling intersection for the past two mornings, telling the world he is a cheater.

After Taylor’s wife found incriminating photos on his cell phone, she came up with an unusual punishment for her philandering husband. She specified that, during morning rush hour, he must stand at a busy D.C. area intersection wearing an “I cheated” sandwich board… for a week. Read the rest of this entry »

Disclaimer: There’s a 50/50 chance of another poly person disagreeing with everything and anything I say in this article. I love to hear from other poly people–especially when I’m wrong.

Yes, jealousy occurs in poly relationships. We’re no more excluded from it than a monogamous couple. The form it takes depends on the situation and people involved. Examples I’ve personally witnessed range from the traditional, “I’m afraid you’ll find someone better and leave me,” to  “I’m not jealous. I just don’t like that person and don’t want you to date them.” The most common form of  jealousy revolves around Partner A being so wrapped up in New Relationship Energy (aka “shiny, new person” or “honeymoon” phase) that Partner B feels neglected. Read the rest of this entry »

Let’s get one thing straight.  Every woman should be treated like a princess. Women need to be handled with care and respect. Speak to them honestly and avoid trying to be something you are not; we see right through that. Here are some simple pointers for men who are a bit lost when it comes to women–especially those men who don’t realize they’re lost.

The guys who don’t talk about their dicks, chicks, sexual achievements, or money are the ones who have it, do it, and can use it. Read the rest of this entry »

When jealousy rears its ugly head during sex, nothing good will come of it.  People enter the swinging lifestyle for different reasons.  Unfortunately some believe swinging will save their marriage.  Such a desperate move usually only promotes jealousy–a surefire relationship killer. Read the rest of this entry »

Maybe it’s my age, experience, or perhaps I’m not as kinky as I thought, but a recent blog, “Rape Fantasy: the ultimate taboo,” caught me off guard. It revealed that some women fantasize about being raped. Fantasies are great. They’re fun and they enhance sex, but I also think they are best shared only with a trusting partner. Victims of rape or sexually assault don’t want to know how some women enjoy role playing games involving forced sex. It’s also not a good idea to tell potential rapists that some people like to imagine being “overpowered and forced to surrender.” Some men may take this controlled fantasy out of context, and transform it into a harsh reality. Read the rest of this entry »

It’s no secret that I love big beautiful women. Recently two new television shows focusing on curvaceous women popped out, catching my attention like over sized breasts springing out of an undersized corset.  Is Hollywood finally getting away from its infamous worship of the anorexic female form, or are these new shows just a thinly veiled attempt at exploitation?

Read the rest of this entry »

Ginger, carrot top, and the dreaded fire crotch. These names assaulted me throughout adolescence. Some kids even called my hair orange, while I said it was strawberry blond, as if the blond somehow redeemed the rogue reddish tint. Classmates identified me as “Emmalee, you know, the red head.” I begged my mom to let me dye my hair a “normal” color, but she always said no.

Read the rest of this entry »

I just noticed that I have a bruise on my breast.  Does this mean the sex was really good or really bad? That all depends on what you like in bed. For me, my weekend sex, bruises and all, was pretty damn good.

Soccer Dad and I walked into the second bar of the night on our ‘date’ with a hot younger couple.

“You don’t have to liquor me up,” I said to my potential sex partner. “I’m a sure thing,”

Everyone laughed, but the fact remained that we were there to get comfortable with each other before having sex with virtual strangers. This is the basis of the swinging lifestyle after all. Read the rest of this entry »

I love children, so long as they’re not screaming at a restaurant, shoving food on the floor, puking Gerber on my shoulder, interrupting my sleep, filling their diapers with green shit, or spoiling my social plans with emergency hospital visits. Maybe I only love other peoples’ kids, particularly my brother’s son who will carry on the proud family name by being extraordinarily average.

I may have kids one day, but not so long as I’m married to a biologist who believes overpopulation is at the root of all environmental problems. Living in the continuous strip mall that is Pinellas County, it’s hard to avoid the squeeze of overpopulation encroaching on every side not unlike the legions of change-hungry meth-addicts who swarm the moment I step outside. Who hasn’t felt the urge to lessen the overpopulation problem by veering off the road to clip a beached-whale of a tourist waddling across the street followed by a soccer team of unruly chubsters? And maybe it’s just me, but why the hell does the government not offer tax breaks to couples without children instead of breeders?

A new book, No Kids: 40 Good Reasons Not to Have Children, by Corinne Maier agrees with me. Read the rest of this entry »

It occurred to me recently that fuck buddies are high maintenance.  A fuck buddy can be someone you sleep with on occasion with no attachment, or it could be a couple you and your partner swap with now and again. I’ve met a few people who seem to fuck others purely for the psychological boost – they need to feel better about themselves. These are high maintenance fuck buddies. Read the rest of this entry »

As long as you’re not some dude, you should sleep with me. Now, I’m not talking about cuddling up and taking a nap together. I’m talking about full-fledged, steamy-hot, I-Can’t-Believe-It’s-Not-Butter sex! (Minus the butter substitute, and Fabio).

You may be asking “why?” Well the answer is simple: why not? I’m a healthy, 25-year old business owner who has a deeper, sensitive side when you get past the douchebag exterior. I’m not only really smart, but I’m also very sexy, and humble too…well, maybe not that last part. I can even play the guitar, or at least hold one really cool. Read the rest of this entry »

I was sitting in front of my laptop Monday morning, putting the finishing touches on Dirty Talk 301, when the number to my chat line rang.

“Hello Sweetheart,” said the sexiest voice I’d ever heard.

“Hi there,” I said in my most seductive tone.

The caller told me he’d been thinking of me and finally found my number.

“That sounds really great sweetie, but WHO are you?”  Read the rest of this entry »

The “Get Leid Party” Saturday night by Florida’s Finest Couples, was one to remember. I walked into a room full of grass skirts, bikini tops, and Hawaiian shirts. Brian, the website’s owner, was a spirited good looking guy who kept trying to announce my presence on one of the karaoke mic. I guess that means I’m finally a superstar! I declined his offers, worried that no one would want to fuck me knowing I’d critique our sex the next day. Read the rest of this entry »

I’ve schooled you in what constitutes an affair. I’ve listed the rules of having an affair and where to look for a discrete hook-up.  Now I’ll tell you how to save money in your search for that NSA(no strings attached) fuck.

Ashleymadison is a website revered for finding discrete hook-ups. Currently the site is running a promotion that puts a spin on the government program, Cash for Clunkers. Their promotion, Cash for Chunkers, saying, “is being married to a chunker weighing you down?” Read the rest of this entry »