Daily Loaf

The original Married With Children was a raunchy, cartoon of a sitcom, filled with sexual innuendos and over the top caricatures of sexuality (see Peg and Kelly). The advantage of the parody porn version, not Married with Children XXX, is that it can actually show all the dirty things the jokes reference, like Bud whacking off into a sink or Al looking up women’s skirts at the shoe store.

Al’s job is threatened as a new guy steals all his attractive female clients with the aid of ecstasy pills.  Faced with losing his job, Al employs Kelly to help catch his co-worker with his pants down. Sex and hilarity ensue. Read the rest of this entry »

When approaching any piece of media, it’s vital to engage the work on its own terms. What are the creators trying to accomplish? Do they have a specific audience in mind or message they’re trying to convey? How did they use the resources at their disposal?

So it would be unfair to judge the second Brady Bunch porn parody, Not The Brady’s XXX Marcia, Marcia, Marcia, on the quality of the acting, writing, or cinematography. It makes no claims to excellence or even competence in any of these areas (and a good thing, too). It’s a porn movie that parodies an already ridiculous, previously parodied TV show, The Brady Bunch. Its goals are to turn you on with hot, XXX sex and to make you laugh. Sadly, it doesn’t do a very good job at either. Read the rest of this entry »

First, Twilight fans were given The Vamp, a pale, sparkly dildo which, according to the website, retains temperature so you can “toss it in the fridge for that authentic experience.”

Naturally, the next step was to turn the teenage melodrama into a porno flick. Given the abundance of XXX parodies released this year, it’s hardly surprising that the insanely popular vampire love story had a go.

This Isn’t Twlight: The XXX Parody was released this weekend. Since a 48-hour digital rental at AEBN.net is only $7.95, a couple girlfriends and I decided to give it a try. It would be good for a laugh, if nothing else. Read the rest of this entry »

Former Tampa resident Tom Kelly details his journey into the swinger world as a single male in Would you like to sleep with my wife. Kelly’s adventure begins after leaving an unhappy relationship with a  fanatic girlfriend in attempt to quell his desire to be constantly surrounded by naked women.  This ultimately leads him to a management position at a nudist resort frequented by swingers. Kelly finds himself both admiring the natural beauty of women and discovering a new lease on a taboo lifestyle.  Guests find Kelly’s helpful nature and outgoing personality to be more of a sign of suggestive behavior than typical customer service. This leads him to receive propositions of sex and the opportunity of new sexual exploration. Read the rest of this entry »

A book review of How to Live with a Huge Penis
By Dr. Richard Jacob and Rev. Owen Thomas

In a society obsessed with size–with cars as small as soapbox racers and cell phones like matchbooks–it’s no wonder men with oversized male genitalia, or OMG, are still persecuted. But, a new book, How to Live with a Huge Penis: Advice, Meditations, and Wisdom for Men Who Have Too Much, offers hope. It has finally given me the strength to come unzipped about my well endowed penis.

OMGs are such a taboo subject, I didn’t even realize I had one until I measured my erection with the ruler provided on the book’s inside cover. Technically I only have a “well endowed penis,” as opposed to a full blown OMG, but I may have misdiagnosed myself. (Readers are instructed to place the ruler at the base of the penis, possibly adding several inches of undercarriage. As a gentleman, I always measure from the top) Read the rest of this entry »

Lots of sweat, heavy breathing, a final desperate surge to finish followed by the sweet release that leaves you in a euphoric state of bliss…

The youngin’s are doing it. Old people are doing it. You can do it alone or with a group. Some like it fast, while other’s prefer it slow. Heck even Hugh Heffner’s doing it.

Everyone is doing it; everyone is running. Gees, what did you think I was talking about? Perverts. Read the rest of this entry »

Ah to be a young celebrity, where the proof that you’re just as normal and foolish as the people who line up to see your shows is plastered all over the internet. Such joy!

Not far behind in the wake of last week’s Nude Celebrity news comes confirmation of nude Ashley Green pictures. You may recognize Green from her role as Alice Cullen in the Twilight franchise. Confirmation that the images were real came in the form of lawyers issuing cease and desist notices. The grounds?

(video after the break). Read the rest of this entry »

Vanessa Hudgens has done it again. News is spreading that a new crop of nude pictures has surfaced of her on the net. Confirmation that the pictures were real came in the form of cease and desist letters issued by Hudgens’ lawyers. According to the notices, the pictures were taken when Hudgens was still a minor. Other sources claim this latest batch was originally taken before the pictures that were leaked in 2007. No word yet on whether these pictures were also meant for Zac Efron’s private collection. Cue up another round of “this is why sexting is bad!” debates, followed by a few rounds of “people should exspect that their private nudie pictures will remain private.” Having something like this happen once can be written off as a mistake, but will Disney be as lenient in the wake of this second incident? Read the rest of this entry »

Why would I, a straight man, review a collection of essays about women’s sex lives, and more importantly, why would I choose to do so on my honeymoon? Either I’m a caring husband searching for insight into pleasing my new wife, or I’m a calculating bastard researching ways to maneuver through discreet affairs. Whatever the case, I started Behind the Bedroom Door, expecting a series of romantic comedy plot lines: a torrent of quirky yet troubled sexual encounters redeemed by a meaningful relationship still in its honeymoon phase. After all, who’d write an essay about their lukewarm sex life when their current partner was sure to read it (coincidentally my marital sex life is like the opening night of a Cirque Du Soleil performance). Read the rest of this entry »

Since many of you have expressed interest in how to jump into the swinger lifestyle, I’ve put together a few reviews of swinger websites that I’m a member of.

Florida’s Finest Couples is dedicated to lifestyle parties throughout Florida. This site is open to couples and single females who are at least 21 years of age. Members will receive discounts at swinger clubs and adult toy stores, and they will be on the list for invite only parties and special events. Read the rest of this entry »

Damsella beat her fists against Kurby’s rock hard chest. He ignored her struggles as his lips continued plundering her luscious breasts. He lifted her completely into his arms and made his way to the bed dominating his room.

“Please, you must stop!” Damsella gasped.

Her bosom heaved in a mix of fear and passion. She could not help her attraction to this swarthy, lean, tall man with his abundance of muscles and piercing eyes. The things he was doing to her body made it cry out for more of his touch, though she knew that she shouldn’t give in to temptation. Kurby laid her gently onto the bed, then crawled up to straddle her legs. Gripping the sides of her (insert women’s top here) Read the rest of this entry »

As you may recall from my story a few weeks ago, I have delved deeply in the world of vampires and the love and sex lives of the walking undead.  In doing so, I discoverd some hot business going down on in HBO’s series True Blood.  You know for a show about icy bloodsuckers, there is a whole lot of heat between the sheets.  So, since I’m now hooked on the show and my readers love some HVA (hot vampire action) I will be reviewing all the molten hot scenes this season of True Blood.  Obviously plot spoilers may be littered about, so view at your own risk.  And commentary and images are very NSFW.

Read the rest of this entry »

Dear Readers:

If the idea of any woman over a size 12 and sex makes you queasy, you might want to skip this article. If you like, or don’t mind, the idea of women over a size 12 and sex (or you’re a masochist who likes to read about things that are unattractive to you), then by all means read on for a tale of nudity, shoes, body-stocking malfunctions, and hula-hoops.

Hugs and Snugs,

Camile

PS: Some of the images are not safe for work. The video is safe for work, but you still view it at your own peril. Read the rest of this entry »

Disclaimer: Each self-identifying poly person has their own take on these matters. This is just one of them.

Not too long ago, I wrote about being a credit to one’s kink and the problems I have with mainstream media covering my “kinks” in particular. Sure enough, an article on The Daily Beast about triads who wish to marry caught the attention of Fox News last week. They have since turned the matter into another round of slippery slope arguments that was chronicled by Media Matters. The claims are so ludicruous that I figured I would have to ram my head against concrete for it to make sense. Kudos to Jenny Block, author of Open: Love, Sex, and Life in an Open Marriage, for holding her own during her appearance on Fox & Friends.

First and foremost, there is no movement among polyamorists to lobby for marriage rights. Read the rest of this entry »

Everyone has their jam, right? That song that comes on and you just have to hit the dance floor. With some of my friends, I wonder if they actually mean “song that makes my panties wet.” One minute mi niñas and I are in a closed off circle, dancing amongst ourselves. That song comes on, and the affected girl is plastered across some random guy, grinding for all she’s worth. I understand. Anytime I hear Luke’s “Scarred” I want to find my boyfriend, The Puppy, and grind against on him until his crotch falls off.

An anime group I belong to had discussed this on an online thread. With each song or band that was added to the list (including one member who listed “Flight of the Bumblebees”), we started trailing off into what it was about each song that got our libidos going. I was in the middle of re-reading that thread to see how much had changed when Rabid Nick posted his interesting list of sex songs. In the middle of writing a comment, I realized that I have more songs that fall into the “makes the panties wet” category than sex songs. Read the rest of this entry »

Is your Kitty Purry? Video after the break

Pandemic?  We don’t need no stinkin’ pandemic.  The world might be in a state of blinding fear but you wouldn’t know it by looking at the faces in the crowd at Katy Perry’s bay area appearance on 4/28.  The Rabid one was a part of the wily crowd and has to say, sex was flowing in the air and it had a palpable taste.

She kissed a girl and hell yeah she liked it. Her pseudo lesbian moment brought the people out en mass to Jannus Landing in St. Petersburg.  Ok, I know what you’re thinking, “who cares about pop music’s current female sensation?”  But a quick study of the mostly estrogen fueled audience yields fascinating results.   Read the rest of this entry »

Getting into position:

This position is fundamentally the standard missionary with a twist (literally). The woman lies flat on her back with her legs open. The man lays down on her, so that he is facing her feet (great for those with a feet fetish).

The woman will have the easiest time guiding his member into her yoni once in position. After penetration is achieved, the two lovers are instructed to move their hips together in a circular motion. The man will enjoy his partner’s freedom to fondle his testicles, as well as squeeze his buttocks. Read the rest of this entry »

With his struggle to find producers to back his new play, “The Penis Diatribes,” Michael Matteo asks the question, “is the vaginal more politically correct than the penis?”

There’s no denying our cultures fascination with penises. They are everywhere. One hundred story high monuments to manhood dominate our city skylines. Our government is in a perpetual big dick contest, threatening enemies with our superior phallic weaponry. But, just because these images of manhood overrun our everyday life doesn’t mean audiences are ready to embrace them on stage.

Consider this. Even though we now have a black president, most will agree that a certain degree of racism is still inherent in American society. Because of this inequality, it is perfectly acceptable for a black comedian like Read the rest of this entry »

A new anti-rape contraceptive could soon hit the shelves of American pharmacies. Rapex is a hard, truncated condom with rows of razor sharp hooks on the inside. These hooks latch onto a rapist’s penis upon penetration and must be removed by a doctor. The contraceptive is similar to a tampon in regards to comfort and visibility, as well as the fact that it is inserted and removed with an applicator.

Rapex has sparked some debate among feminists, who see this device as similar to requiring women to wear chastity belts. For me, the difference is that women are given a choice to wear Rapex, whereas chastity belts were often imposed.

The product was originally developed for South African women, as close to two million women are raped in this country a year. Conceivably, Rapex could be used in America by women who are exposed to risky situations for a prolonged period, or when traveling in unfamiliar areas. The product could also reduce the occurrence of date rape, which is one of the most common forms of sexual assault in this country. Rapex could even help prevent rape among domestic partners as these cases often go unreported because they are difficult to prove. Read the rest of this entry »

It’s Friday night. I’m checking on the contents of a penis-shaped ice mold that I bought at The Todd. The jello shot is shaping up nicely.

I’m still naked and wet from my shower when someone pounds on the door. Bastards are early. My phone rings. The knocking becomes louder. I figure I’ll have more peace if I let them in than if I make them wait until I get dressed. My co-host, Yaoi (pronounced Yow-ee) Lover, asks if everyone was supposed to show up naked or if I was pulling home owner’s privilege. Her fiancé adds that he approves if I am. Middle finger erect, I ask them to check on the stuff in the freezer. I need to get dressed before the rest of the lechers arrive for the hentai viewing party. Read the rest of this entry »

British doctors have developed what is being hailed as “Spray-on Viagra.” Unfortunately for all those men eager to turn their one-eyed sailors into Popeyes, the excitement may be premature.

PSD502, which sounds like a ballistic missile, enables men who suffer from premature ejaculation to last up to six times longer. From the reports, the product does nothing for men with erectile dysfunction or a lack of sex drive. In other words, you won’t see any infomercials advertizing “Hard-on in a Can.” Rather, PSD502 seems to work like a numbing agent, desensitizing trigger happy cocks.

The product was tested on 300 European men, 200 of which used the real thing while 100 used a placebo. The men who used PSD502 claimed they had more command over their stick shifts. The subjects were asked to apply the ointment five minutes before sex, and then to time their sex with a stopwatch. According to dailymail.com, “intercourse increased from an average of 0.6 minutes to 3.8 minutes in the medicated group.” Read the rest of this entry »

Drafting on the heels of the summer release of Star Trek, Hustler plans to release a trekky themed porn titled, This Ain’t Star Trek XXX. With the success of the parody, Who’s Nailin’ Paylin, it seems adult companies are finally tapping into the idea of using pop culture and plot to sell porn. This is nothing new (See The Office and Scrubs), but as the adult industry is forced to compete with free internet porn, I suspect we’ll see a rise in adult films with bigger budgets, plots, and high production value.

I have to say I’m kind of excited to see pornography become a bit more professional. These parodies give regular people an excuse to buy porn without feeling creepy. Sure there will be plenty of trekkies with hard drives loaded with free smut, but this parody will be the only one they proudly display on their shelves and watch with friends. If you’re the type of person who can’t understand watching an X-rated film around company, rent the Blockbuster version of Pirates or Caligula and pop it in at a party. Not only do parody porns have the same aphrodisiac effects as alcohol, they also provide for the same amount of laughs. Read the rest of this entry »

After reading about Shawn’s misadventures in a local sex shop, I knew it was my duty as your faithful Pro-Sexplorer to bring you the news about one of my more recent discoveries. I was tipped off by a friend about a rare creature (maybe even mythical) in Tampa Bay – the tasteful sex-toy shop. And I’m talking tasteful, a quality not solely constituted by the confidence that you won’t stick to anything in the store (the floor, the walls, the packages, an employee…). I had dared to hope before – after all, NYC has Babeland – and been repeatedly depressed by the economic indifference to my need for a sex-toy shopping experience somewhat akin to a spa day.

Pandora’s Box is not your typical sex shop. From the view outside, you’d have no idea of the goodies hiding in the back room. It’s completely lacking in neon, there are no red X’s to be found, and sexual aids account for a mere 25 percent of its inventory (local zoning laws – only so much depravity per square foot in downtown St. Pete). While the front of the store is business as usual, if your business includes art, hand-made jewelry, refinished antiques, and an aura-reading machine, the back is a treasure-trove of sex toys for those not of the straight male persuasion. No blown-up images of gaping vaginas, no creepy guy in a booth, in fact, no videos or books of any kind (it’s a different license). Pandora’s Box is a woman-owned, woman-run shop offering a choice collection of sex toys in a discreet, raunch-free environment. In short, it delivers the goods. Read the rest of this entry »