Daily Loaf

Don’t fuck your best friend. This rule seems obvious enough, and yet I couldn’t help testing it.

We were best friends since high school, but ever since we had sex, we barely talk anymore. I’m uncomfortable around him, and being around me hurts him. I don’t want to have sex with him and he still wants to have sex with me. Sex has put a huge strain on our friendship and his sanity. I keep thinking of the recent news story about the male best friend who kidnapped, tied up, and took naked photos of his female best friend in hopes of blackmailing her into having sex with him once a week. Not a good way to get sex. Read the rest of this entry »

When Celebrity Rehab with Dr. Drew aired, I wondered why Dr. Drew was venturing into the realm of substance abuse instead of sticking with what made him famous: dispensing sex and love advice on his call-in show, Love Lines. This month, Dr. Drew reclaims his throne as the Oprah of American sex with the new reality show, Sex Rehab with Dr. Drew. And by reality, I mean the show features celebrities — though I use the term “celebrity” very loosely. Read the rest of this entry »

“Sex is always the answer. It’s never a question. And the answer is yes. Yes. YES!” –Nickelback.

Sex is a great answer to most every relationship problem, unless you’re with someone who’s never in the mood or uses sex as a punishment. So you had a fight. Nothing resolves the issue or rekindles your lust for one another like a passionate bout of makeup sex.  Doctors have long preached the health benefits of a good sex life–relieves stress, strengthens the heart, and improves breathing–but it’s also a great way to maintain a healthy relationship. Read the rest of this entry »

Women either love receiving oral sex or hate it; there’s no in-between. I don’t understand how you can hate something that can be so pleasurable, and sometimes, quite frankly, that will  give you the best orgasm you have ever had. Self-conscious thoughts should be thrown out the window ladies because the smell, taste, or sight won’t be enough to make him stop if he knows you are getting pleasure from him. Unless of course you really need to take care of the aforementioned items discussed in my post, 5 turn-offs for him.

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On many occasions I can be caught mumbling, “Man, I wish I was a guy.” This is accurate on most accounts. It sucks bleeding every month for days on end. Having a kid come out of your lower body looks pretty shitty. And, general upkeep is far more annoying.

But, when it comes to sex, I am MORE than happy to be a female. Read the rest of this entry »

Boners, dykes, pubes, drag queens – I’ve discussed it all with my 13-year-old sister, Rose. We have a sort of no-holds-barred relationship; she can ask me anything and I’ll be completely honest. Growing up, my Bubbi and I shared the same sort of communication and I treasured it, so I wanted to offer this kind of relationship to my sisters.

Without batting an eye, I’ve explained  condoms, abortions, why I’m bisexual or “half-lesbian,” and, to her surprise, that women get armpit hair. But recently, Rose asked something that gave me pause. She wanted to know why I don’t date hot guys. Read the rest of this entry »

In the 80’s I did some things I’m not proud of, one of which was having sex with a married man. Yeah it was fun and he gave me money and lots of things, but eventually my morals kicked in and I broke it off. This guy had a horrible sex life with his wife who wasn’t bad looking. Today I find a similar situation with many male acquaintances who are not satisfied with their love lives.  I understand that after10 or 30 years of marriage, sex can get a bit boring, so I’m here to provide a few tips to help keep things lively in the sack. Read the rest of this entry »

Welcome to a new edition of How To Write A Novel.

Bringing an entire story together without any relationships would be difficult, even if the relationship isn’t a romance. Consider Neo and Trinity, Martin Riggs and Lorna Cole, Bella Swan and Jacob Black, Harry Potter and Hermione Granger, Sam Witwicky and Mikaela Banes, to name a few.

Here are a few questions often raised in my writing group: What is enough and when is it too much? If you write for young adults, should there be sex? Young people have sex, use drugs, and drink alcohol,  but should I write about these things? Read the rest of this entry »

Let’s get one thing straight.  Every woman should be treated like a princess. Women need to be handled with care and respect. Speak to them honestly and avoid trying to be something you are not; we see right through that. Here are some simple pointers for men who are a bit lost when it comes to women–especially those men who don’t realize they’re lost.

The guys who don’t talk about their dicks, chicks, sexual achievements, or money are the ones who have it, do it, and can use it. Read the rest of this entry »

When I was in public school, I developed such a phobia of sex from my health teachers’ slides of flesh rotting STDs and flamboyant Priests’ speeches about vaginas being highways to hell, that I genuinely feared my dick would spontaneously combust upon touching a girl. Consequently, I was a virgin well into college (actually, the static state of my virginity had more to do with the fact that I couldn’t grow pubic hair until I was 18, but it feels better to blame religion and the government).

But times are changing. Britain’s National Health Service (NHS) just published a pamphlet advising students that it’s their “right” to have an enjoyable sex life. Read the rest of this entry »

For those who don’t know me, my head is always in the gutter; hell I rent out the sewer! I’m blunt when it comes to sex and relationships! Lately I’ve been dealing with all my girlfriends’ drama and issues, but I’ve become aggravated when they don’t listen. To save me many hours spent half-listening to girlfriends cry into their phones over ruined relationships while shoveling comfort foods, I’ve decided to catalog my dating advice for you to flip through at will. Think of it as an encyclopedia for dealing with and dating men.

For my first entree I tackle the problem of asking your man stupid questions about your appearance.

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Our next patient, who I shall call, oh I don’t know…. “Vikki”, had an issue with her mother (and her obvious disdain of head wear) and a wedding anniversary.  She came to me frantic and looking for a solution.  I think my answer went down smoothly; with a spoonful of sugar, and a bit of good ol’ fashion reason.

She writes:

My mother is trying to kill me! She wants to throw me a surprise anniversary party next month (9yr wedding anniversary) only it leaked out and what’s WORSE is she is making it a gay theme party where everyone has to wear the most ridiculous hat they can find and I HATE hats… WTF am I going to do? Hats have nothing to do with weddings or anniversary parties. I don’t know what to do, I don’t want to burst her bubble, but I also don’t want to have a ridiculous party I hate.

Read the rest of this entry »

My next patient is Kelley. She has size 7.5 shoes, lives in Tampa, and enjoys Frigidaire!  She sounds like a lovely person, but I fear she may have included a bit too much information for you inter-hooligans.  I will happily censor it to protect the innocent.

Dear Doctor Why,
What is so WRONG with being nice in a relationship?
My name is Kelley -Lastname- (I’m the girl on the right [she sent in a photo!]). I live on -A Street- in Tampa, FL. My question to YOU Doctor Why is: The guys I date tell me I’m “too nice” and our relationships never progress beyond the “we’re only dating” status. So what if I’m nice! I’m a nice person damn it!
Please help,
Kelley Read the rest of this entry »

Hello internets! I’ve come from far, far away in time and space, oh wait…. that’s the other Doctor.  Well actually I’m just from Earth, like you.  You may call me “Doctor Why“.

I’ve come to offer my advice–advice on relationships, friendships, love, and just ‘what should I do’ types of questions.

Why should you ask me, you may be asking yourself?  Well… why not?!! I’m a doctor!* (No, not really).  In truth I have had a crazy life with many different experiences, circles of friends, love triangles, anti-friend-group-getting-together problems, or antifrigroproblem, (Yes, I just made that up) and over the years people have come to value my opinions (their personal sanity is in question). Read the rest of this entry »