Daily Loaf

It’s a big week for me, with the premiere of New Moon and the season finale of Project Runway, so despite my sudden fever and inability to breathe through my nose, I am excited and ready for some recapping!

To catch you all up, we are in New York and it’s just a couple days before the show at Bryant Park and poor Carol Hannah is blorching in the bathroom at the hotel. Before we even begin, I, for the record, am on Team Carol Hannah for the win. I love the evening looks, the dresses, the classic style, the drama, the frufiness, I love it all. One of my BFFs, Amanda W, is on Team Althea. We have a bet, loser buys the other one a Starbucks drink. If Irina wins, we all lose, as a human race, for allowing such a crazy be-otch to hold the title of Project Runway Winner. That is my stance on that.

From what I can tell, the workroom was basically just a mess of chaos, alterations, annoyance and tears for two days. I can understand though, I want to cry for Carol Hannah, she is beyond sick, I cannot imagine working under that kind of pressure while being that ill, ugh! At least she has Logan to comfort her, someone Wikipedia that and tell me they ended up married … I really want that happy ending. In non-loving news, Althea and Irina seem to be sharing brain waves yet again with the makeup look, bringing Althea to tears, the third workroom-cry within the first 10 minutes of the show … I’m no expert but that might be a record.

When they finally got to the tents, the chaos went from yikes to redonkulous. I have never seen Tim Gunn as upset as he got backstage at the runway show. No one was ready and he was not the least bit pleased. He ALMOST YELLED!!!! I cannot believe it, but seriously, these girls are a mess, models aren’t dressed, hair isn’t done. Big. Huge. Mess.

After the jump find out who wins, who loses and who has to buy Starbucks, or if we just lose as a planet.

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Finally, it’s almost time for Bryant Park! Before we can get back to New York City though, we have to visit the designers in their hometowns and deal with a few surprises along the way.

Carol Hannah moved to the suburbs of NY and is no longer living in her car, which is good.
She is inspired by Duke and the ethereal architecture of the campus. The architecture is evident in her collection and it really is quite beautiful. I am happy with her collection, very Carol Hannah. Tim’s activity with her family is my favorite of this show, making a traditional southern dinner with her adorable family. How cute is Tim in that apron!?!?! Loooove it, I think he has a future on Top Chef, who’s with me?
And then to bring the cuteness meter to an all-time Runway high…Oh my god, did you see her and Tim in the snow holding hands? They are too much, for serious. I want to hold hands with Tim and saunter through the snow. A girl can dream…

Irina is next on the list of home visits and she is living in NYC and shockingly, her dog is just as annoying as she is, fabulous. Her inspiration is Coney Island, which is special and weird and I am not sure if I get it. An then there is fur, ugh, I hate fur…I am not loving this collection. It’s very Real Housewives of New York. In typical NY style, her family time with Tim is at a restaurant and well, it’s a bit dull. Her mom is proud, her dad doesn’t approve, wah wah wah. Let’s allllll feel bad for Irina.

Althea has decided to create her collection in the bustling metropolis/fashion capital of the midwest of Dayton, Ohio. She has also chosen to work in a building with scariest elevator EVER, like Tower of Terror kind of fear flashed across Tim’s face. Oh yeah, we are here to see her collection, not Tim fall through an elevator shaft. So, I like what I’m seeing from Althea, it’s interesting but soooooo much, so much fabric and layering. What an adorable little midwestern family and her cute boyfriend it a Cosby sweater. Awwwww, I really want to see one of these small town girls make it in the big city.

We learn one last tidbit of info before heading off to the big city, Irina is using trademarked images from Coney Island for one of her pieces so she has to change it out. Hmmmmmm, interesting. Who’s stealing now be-otch!! Yeah, that’s what I thought.

Now, onto New York!!!!

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I think the editors have finally started to pay attention to this little blogger here in St. Pete, because we automatically start this week by learning that Althea and Irina aren’t speaking. Love it…finally Irina picked on the wrong girl. I have the feeling that Althea has a little trailer park in her and we all know, those girls can fight. Watch your back Meana Irina, watch. your. back.
Besides those two lovely ladies giving each other the silent treatment, Gordana, Carol Hannah and Christopher are the only designers around. And Chris looks soooooo lonely in that little apartment all by himself. Are the girls not allowed to move over there? Because I am pretty sure that would relieve some of the tension, thicker than Gordana’s accent, that is happening in Casa de la Girlies.

The challenge this week, the final challenge if you hadn’t gathered that from the 400 times they have said it, brings us to The Getty Center, which is apparently the heart of Los Angeles culture but seems mostly like a mish-mosh of art stuff. Whatever, I like it, it gives the designers some freedom to show their point of view. I like all the inspirations they have chosen from the Getty Center, but am a little concerned because so far they haven’t done awesome with that whole “get inspired” thing…I have faith in them though, except for Gordana. I have no faith in Gordana, ever.

I am really wishing I would have kept a log of how many negative things Irina said about people throughout this episode, because she is on it tonight, at least in the double digits. Did anyone else hear her call Carol Hannah a cute dog? That is not a compliment. I love a good Jack Russell terrier as much as the next girl but I do not ever want to be called one…just mean, so mean. Despite some messy looks and harsh critiques from Tim Gunn, everyone is keeping it together…untiiiiiiil the crazy Eastern European starts talking about her spiritual dress or some crap. Yep, we got our first cry of the show from your fave and mine, Gordana. Prepare yourself, because I don’t want to spoil anything but let’s just say the cry count is going up like the spaceship this week, straight to the moon (is it wrong that this makes me happy?).

The editing is really making it looks like every single designer gets torn apart on the runway. But do they??

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It’s getting down to the wire now, with six designers left to duke it out for a spot at Bryant Park. They started the episode by facing away from the runway to get their challenge info, which kinda sorta makes them all look like they are in time out and Heidi is their disappointed teacher. But it’s all clear when their “winning looks” are on stage and they have to make a companion piece, another riveting challenge (insert sarcastic eyeroll here). Wait, most of their “winning looks.” Logan just has a random look up there, because he has never won a challenge, but when you look that good in real life, you don’t need to actually win a challenge, you just need to be there and smile pretty. He clearly lives in “the bubble” but I think the girls out there will agree when I say he can live in my bubble any day (Heyyo, see what I did there. Ok, I don’t totally get it either but shhhhh, its been a long week.)

Gordana…yikes.

The workroom is a little dullish but we do get a random backstory on Gordana, complete with stock photos of some kids in a third world country. Twenty bucks says that isn’t even her and another twenty says she is getting auf’ed. We also learn that Gordana is only 44. WOW, she needs to get some Oil of Olay in the worst way possible.

Meana Irina

Generally, I like to see the designers making nice but I am uncomfortable with the Althea-Irina friendship, joining forces in hating Logan for stealing a collar idea from Althea. I have thoughts on this,. The first one is that it was an ugly collar the first time, it is still pretty ugly, Althea needs to calm it down and keep inhaling those In-N-Out fries. Second, I would really like some of those In-N-Out fries. That’s it.

We did learn that the other designers have a little nickname for the resident beotch, Meana Irina. Living up to her name, it only took her about four and half seconds to back out of her alliance with Althea, accusing that little blonde bombshell of stealing the sweater idea. Irina is a one woman drama machine…I kinda never want her to leave, what would I write about?!

Okay, okay, I know that we are all on pins and needles so let’s do this. On to the runway and I am hoping for a cat fight, I saw it in the previews…don’t tease me Lifetime!

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We are officially Shirin-less this week aaaaaaand I like it. There is already a sense of peace and calm amongst the designers, take it in; it’s lovely isn’t it? Now that we have had a little moment of zen, it’s time to get extremely bored and then overly stressed. You ready? I am.

Even Michael Kors looks pissed he got this challenge.

Michael Kors is the big designer presenting them with the challenge, the inspiration challenge.  Choose a location and use it as your inspiration for your next garment, mmmmmk, that’s a bit dull but I suppose that compared to The Sultan of Sequins last week, nothing will ever be good enough. At least they could have to make a dress out of food or rocks or live animals, something! Nope, let’s see what they come up with when asked to design something inspired by the bustling metropolis of Santa Fe! (say that in a Price is Right voice, it’s way funnier)
Since this challenge is about as thrilling as watching Chris sew little pieces of leather onto a belt, lets take quick second to talk about something that has been bothering me for quite some time: Althea, she is the worst dresser EVER. She should stop shopping at the Rave, no one looks good in a metallic, flesh toned half-backless tank, no one.
My favorite little shit-talker, Irina, is in meany-mode yet again, which seems to be her new schtick. She also wins the quote of the week award while explaining her garment to Tim Gunn: “you know, it’s casual but it’s still dressed up.” We get it Irina, it’s like the mullet of the runway, right?. Way to keep it classy, beotch. Can you tell I reeeeeally dislike this girl? She would probably make me cry myself to sleep. I retract that statement, she would DEFINITELY make me cry myself to sleep.
Also, we have a breakthrough in the mental breakdown count, though we do not see it, Nicolas claims one so I am adding it to the list. Judging from this display of chaos on runway day, they should all be having breakdowns. This is looking desperate.

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This week, the challenge is brought to us by Macy’s INC line and everything is blue … ok, welp, I like blue, I guess. It seems a little boring, but we are given another team challenge, which we all know are my favorites because people have even more chances to bicker and gripe and throw each other under the fashion bus at the first sign of trouble. Let the games begin.

I felt a little drama acomin’ when Althea picked Logan. They didn’t show it but in my mind Carol Hannah shot Althea a serious death look. She seems all sweet and innocent but I think a blonde dreamy designer can bring out the worst in her. I don’t think it’s out of the question to be patiently waiting for a bitchslap, if only a ‘lil one.

In non-blonde news, Louise is a hot mess this week, surely losing her little gothic mind. She misplaced her envelope of money in Mood, displays her bird-calling ability and blatantly tells us that she can’t handle the pressure. I hate to break it to her but she miiiiight be on the wrong show, maybe a reality show about non-competitive sewing techniques would be more her speed? With all this focus on her, my early prediction is that she is out of here tonight. Am I right? Am I wrong? Hmmmm, we won’t talk about it ’til after the jump.

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Hooray for Hollywood, that something, something, something Hollywood…okay, yeah, I don’t know that song but you get the idea and if you don’t know where this is going, they did a movie challenge, because you know, Project Runway is in LA this season, if you hadn’t gathered that yet.

This is one of the cooler challenges I have seen in a while: Pick a genre, make up a character, dress her. That is basically what I did with my Barbie dolls every Saturday of my childhood, so I am fairly certain I could have aced this one as an 8 year old. Also, this is a one-dayer and the pressure. is. on.

And sometimes ladies, when we are under pressure we gravitate towards the comforting arms of the dreamy blonde who kinda sorta looks like Dr. Chase from House at the work table next door. You know what I am talking about don’t you? Mmmmhmmm, yep. A little Logan and Carol Hannah looooove connection. After that whole Mitchell and Ra’mon thing went to crap, I feel like I was burned by love in the workroom but I have hope in temporary reality TV happiness once again. How fab would that wedding be?! Anyhow, with the pressure also came a fantastic montage of people prancing around the workroom, my personal favorite though was my boy Nicolas, who not only chose to prance but also squeal. He captured the feel of a one-day challenge in that one moment of excitable terror.

Next up, the runway!

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The designers apartments may be getting a bit more empty but there are still a few who need to be auf’ed, ASAP. So let’s get rid of another one, shall we? It’s the newspaper challenge and this whole episode watches a lot like a bad gossip column: Sex, Lies and Bitchiness. Okay, no sex, but soooooo many lies it kinda makes up for it.

Poor Althea is confused about why they are at the LA Times. Listen Althea, blonde to blonde, you have GOT to amp up the intelligence factor, you are representing us now, the girls who spend hours with 40 volume on our roots every six weeks, just think before you speak. I have your back, I am talking you up to at least 8 to 12 people who read this recap. Be smart! Pretend you have seen this show before! Alright, that’s all Althea, make me proud. The good thing is, Althea is a rocket scientist when compared to Shirin. Finally, someone for everyone to mutually hate…and I like it! Oooooh, and a montage of stank looks, it’s like Christmas for reality TV fans. How many looks did she get?? Nine, aka, not enough. I want double digits; Bravo would have given me 12 stank looks, easy! Read the rest of this entry »

This week on Project Runway, the models are calling the shots. Shameless ploy to get us to watch Models of the Runway? Yes. Am I watching Models of the Runway? Yes. Mission accomplished, Lifetime, you have sucked me in.

I love that the models have all these grand ideas but a little part of me, okay, the majority of me, thinks they have absolutely no idea what on earth they are talking about. Example: Shirin’s girl wants a royal blue satin jumpsuit with gold rope accents.
Let me repeat that slowly and in caps:
A
ROYAL BLUE
SATIN
JUMPSUIT
WITH
GOLD ROPE
ACCENTS
Apparently she is confusing Shirin for her mother sewing a Halloween costume, or the challenge for “Who can look closest to a dominatrix Superwoman?” Read the rest of this entry »

Welcome to Project Runway, episode three. Finally we got to see some claws come out AND a Runway first in the elimination. This is the Project Runway we all know and love.

But let’s rewind, I can’t get ahead of myself, even though I want to, because there is a lot of ground to cover. Things start off innocently enough, California, beaches, surfer girls, Tim Gunn in a blazer on the beach…yes, he wears a blazer to the beach, that man is all class, all the time. Also, in case you forgot about their sponsor, who they showed every ten minutes for the first 2 episodes, Garnier is the most amazing hair product ever and you should probably go buy some right now so that you too can have luscious, model-like locks (insert hair flip and smile here).

Now, I looooove group challenges, but I really loooooove doubles challenges because there is no middle child to keep the peace. Seeing two people try and make nice while not knowing a damn thing about the other one and secretly resenting that person is my style of reality TV. Watching this episode was like watching an arranged marriage go down in flames, big, fluffy, satin and neoprene flames. Read the rest of this entry »

Let me begin by saying that, for maybe the third time in our relationship, my DVR let me down. How can we have plans every Thursday at 10 and yet it fails me the one time I don’t turn on my TV until 10:10pm?! I do not understand it, you have one job in life Mr. DVR. One! That said, I join you 10 minutes into this weeks episode of Project Runway. From what I have gathered, Rebecca Romijn is there, she is “with child” as they say in the Bible, and she wants a snazzy new look to flatter the large lump in her stomach that holds what is guaranteed to be a gorgeous set of twins.

The work room is kind of a hot mess this week, and not just because of those hormones. (Get it? Cuz they are making clothes for pregnant ladies!) Mitchell is throwing around shorts fit for the fat lady at the state fair as opposed to a fake-pregnant model, and Malvin has opted to wrap his belly in … gauze? I guess that’s convenient if the woman suddenly goes into labor, but that’s also real gross. Speaking of Malvin (who sounds oddly similar to Michael Jackson) … did you catch that look of death he gave Tim Gunn!? If Tim ends up dead in Brooklyn, beaten to death by hipster scarves, I think we all know who to blame.

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Tonight as we all watched the long-awaited premiere of Project Runway, the Costume Diva was left wondering….
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