Daily Loaf

For decades, athletes from Walt Frazier and Joe Namath to Derek Jeter and Dwyane Wade have graced us with a sense of style and pizzazz off the field. Due to uniform restrictions in most professional sports, it is much more difficult for athletes to fashionably express their individuality on the field. Some athletes, however, have still managed to find a style uniquely their own, simply by using their heads. From hats to facemasks, eye black to visors, these 12 have established their own personal trademarks by sporting headgear that makes them utterly recognizable. Where do they rank on your list?

12 ) Brett Favre’s Stained Baseball Cap – Nothing screams John Deere quite like a Brett Favre press conference. The on-again, off-again, gun-slinging, formerly retired quarterback of the Green Bay Packers…. I mean New York Jets…. wait, no, the Minnesota Vikings made a lot of press lately with his most recent return to the NFL. When Minnesota officially announced his latest comeback, Favre looked like he had just gotten off his riding lawnmower. A slave to fashion he’s never been, but don’t tell that to the marketing brass at Wrangler jeans. Favre has a style all his own, no matter how tired we all are of seeing it. What other Hall of Fame athlete could get away with wearing a torn, oil-slicked baseball cap while announcing he was about to earn $12 million at the age of 40?

11) LeBron James’s Headband – LeBron James has made the sweatband fashionable again in the NBA. Never before has a man wearing a headband been so intimidating. Only King James could rock the headband and make it look cool. Well, he and John McEnroe back in the day, but LBJ has considerably less hair. You go ahead and tell the league’s brightest talent that headbands are lame. Just be careful he’s not dunking over you in the meantime. Read the rest of this entry »

Last week, college football fans saw four top ten teams (Ole Miss, Penn State, Cal and Miami) lose in disheartening fashion. While the upsets this weekend will likely not be as poll-shattering, Saturday’s slate features three crucial contests between ranked teams that will continue to add pieces to the puzzle that is college football. Likewise, the NFL features several intriguing matchups, including a grizzled veteran facing his former team for the first time and the league’s best offense squaring off against one of the best defenses. If you only get regional coverage, this is definitely a Sunday where you’ll want to visit your local sports pub to catch the action.

(22) Michigan at Michigan State – (Saturday, 12:00pm – Big Ten Network – Mich St minus 2.5)

Freshman quarterback Tate Forcier is quickly becoming the most popular kid in Michigan. The only thing that could make him more popular would be bailing out the state’s failing automobile industry. Forcier added to his growing Wolverine legend by staging another last minute comeback, this time against Indiana, but he injured his shoulder in the process. According to coach Rich Rodriguez, Forcier should be ready to go by game time. This will be Michigan’s first road game of the season and the first time Rodriguez will visit East Lansing as Wolverine head coach. Michigan State (1-3) has struggled so far this season but has only lost its three games by a combined thirteen points. Michigan best not be caught looking past the Spartans to next weekend’s difficult road test at Iowa. Read the rest of this entry »

Can you smell that, sports fans? The freshly cut grass? The grill at the tailgate loaded up with low-sodium, turkey kielbasa? The stumbling guy with matching hat and jersey who has had way too much to drink hours before tip-off? That’s right. It’s that time of year again and we are all ready for some football.

That means we can hunker down in front of the tube this weekend and enjoy, enjoy, enjoy. Here’s what you should be watching.

(3) USC at (8) Ohio State (Saturday, 8:00 pm – ESPN – USC minus 7)

If you’re going to watch only one football game this weekend, make sure this is the one. Never has a meaningless game been so meaningful, at least in Columbus, Ohio. The loser of this game can still win their conference and even conceivably play for a national championship. But after last year’s 35-3 beat down, many feel Ohio State needs to exact revenge against Southern Cal, not only for its program but for its conference. Can Ohio State stop USC’s ground game? Can they put pressure on freshman QB Matt Barkley? Can Ohio State’s Terrelle Pryor will his team to victory? If you’re not fortunate enough to attend this game in person, turn up the volume on your television sets. The Horseshoe should be rockin’.

Troy at (1) Florida – (Saturday, 12:00 pm – ESPN – UF minus 36.5)

Read the rest of this entry »

Narcissism is defined as having an excessive love or admiration for oneself. The word comes from the mythological Narcissus who fell in love with his own reflection in a pool of water and then drowned after staring at it so much. Good lesson to be learned, huh?

The modern, professional athlete is a special breed, one whose superhuman skills bring not only riches but also the nonstop attention of the paparazzi. Many athletes handle the attention modestly and with class. Tim Duncan comes to mind. Brandon Roy scored 50 points in a game last season, then credited his teammates for his performance.

But several athletes take it to another level. They can’t get enough face time. They crave the attention. They become standoffish, arrogant and do more to turn people away rather than gain new fans.

So get your popcorn ready. Here’s a countdown of the five most arrogant, narcissistic athletes playing professional sports today: Read the rest of this entry »

Brett Favre has retired yet again and this time he means it… we think. Then again, Friday the 13^th: The Final Chapter was supposed to be the final Jason movie. No word whether ESPN will shorten their SportsCenter broadcasts to 30 minutes with lack of new Favre material to cover. The Favre Will He/Won’t He reality series could be out soon. Favre not joining the Vikes was not even the worst news they received this week. Quarterback Tarvaris Jackson suffered a minor MCL sprain when a lineman rolled over his leg in practice. First Favre, now this. Viking quarterbacks are dropping like flies. Perhaps they should just snap the ball directly to either Adrian Peterson or Percy Harvin. Then again, Michael Vick is still available.

Speaking of Mike Vick, the nation and PETA protestors alike wait with bated breath to find out which NFL team will give Vick a shot at redemption. As the NFL season rapidly approaches, a franchise has yet to announce they’ll sign him. In fact, the only person to back Vick is Tony Dungy. Unfortunately for Vick, Dungy is no longer a head coach in the league. Dungy’s support, along with Vick’s contrition after meeting Commissioner Goodell, was a major reason Vick was allowed back into the league. With my bad credit, I’m wondering if Coach Dungy can accompany me to the closest bank for a loan. Read the rest of this entry »

SAY IT AIN’T SOSA – The New York Times recently reported that former National League MVP Sammy Sosa failed a drug test in 2003. Surprise! I’ve never failed a drug test before… but I’m pretty sure my employer wouldn’t wait six years to tell me that I had. Sosa’s name was on the same infamous, and supposedly anonymous, list of 104 names that also outed Alex Rodriguez. Sosa allegedly told reporters in perfect English that he still looks forward to his Hall of Fame induction.

FAVRE FROM RETIRED – In an HBO interview, Brett Favre once again graced viewers with a “Maybe” when asked whether he would play next season. ESPN reported that the Minnesota Vikings sent a team trainer to Mississippi to check on Favre’s health after recent shoulder surgery. What’s a little plane fare when compared to the future of your franchise? Vikings fans are probably more excited about screwing over Packer faithful than they are looking forward to winning a Super Bowl.

DONTE PUT AWAY (FOR A MONTH) – Donte Stallworth was sentenced to 30 days in jail after pleading guilty to DUI manslaughter stemming from an horrific incident where he struck and killed a pedestrian earlier this year. Stallworth faces a lifetime drivers license suspension and must perform 1,000 hours of community service. An undisclosed financial settlement was reached with the family of the deceased. Shortly after that decision was handed down, the NFL suspended Stallworth indefinitely. Looks like the NFL is a little more in tune with justice than our legal system.

FREE HEDO – One day after the Orlando Magic lost the NBA Finals, small forward Hedo Turkoglu announced he would Read the rest of this entry »

An old high school buddy of mine recently e-mailed me and asked that I “please write something about what a prick Brett Favre is and why he needs to go away.”  So Kid Sheraton, this one’s for you:

I generally don’t like to write about Favre, mostly because there’s never anything other than pure speculation to write about.  Coverage of him must be sexy though, since his recent surgery is all that’s ever reported on the four-letter.  I hear ESPN is starting an all-Favre network soon which makes sense since on their Sunday night broadcast, the Favre surgery actually preceded Tiger’s Sunday round of 65 at the Memorial and Roger Federer’s victory at the French Open.  Perhaps a weekly Favre update will drive sportschump.net traffic through the roof.  Video: Read the rest of this entry »

Ever wish you had a daily crib sheet of miscellanea that would surely enable you to achieve impressive levels of pretense while out at the bar with friends?

No?

Well, here it is anyway:

Word of the day: eldritch (adjective) — strange; eerie; unearthly; weird; spooky.  That’s an eldritch motherfucker, right there.

Quote of the day: “Happiness makes up in height for what it lacks in length.” — Robert Frost

Historical event of the day: The Wuchang uprising sparks the Chinese Revolution of 1911, leading to the fall of the Qing Dynasty and the establishment of the Republic of China.

Happy Birthday to: Thelonius Monk (1917), Ed Wood (1924), David Lee Roth (1954), Brett Favre (1969), Mario Lopez (1973) and Dale Junior (1974).

Yeah, we shit the bed this week and got the picks up a little bit late.  Our laundry list of excuses: Snider’s caught up in Rays fever while simultaneously battling the ravages of age through an exercise program ostensibly designed by the Ultimate Warrior; Sal’s embroiled in a vicious smear campaign against a myriad of minor annoyances; Bardi’s chained himself to his desk in a preemptive effort to thwart the repo man and shouts, “Unhand me, you knave!” whenever someone approaches.  I myself am deep in the midst of a top-secret project that absolutely necessitated attending last night’s GWAR concert at Jannus Landing and getting astonishingly drunk whilst being showered with (hopefully) fake bodily fluids.

So, yeah, compiling the football predictions for this week was a bit of a logistical nightmare.

Joe Bardi sez:

Cincinnati Bengals @ Dallas Cowboys

So much for the undefeated season. Dallas looked positively mortal last week while getting smoked by arch-rival Washington. To make matters worse, T.O.’s post-game presser went a long way toward reestablishing the wide out as a locker room cancer. Fortunately, the antibiotics Dallas needs has arrived in the form of the god-awful Cincinnati Bengals. Possibly the worst team in the league, the orange cats will serve as a suitable punching bag upon which the Cowboys can pound their season back into shape. If the Boys are ever going to put up 40 on the scoreboard, this is the week.

Buffalo Bills @ Arizona Cardinals

Poor Arizona. Last week, the Cards got torched by Father Time and the Jets, surrendering 56 points before the bloodshed was through. This week, its another AFC East foe on the agenda, as the 4-0 Buffalo Bills ride into town looking to beat down the Cardinals and head into the bye week undefeated. Don’t expect Buffalo to put up the kind of points the Jets did, but don’t expect the Cards to put up much of a fight either. And someone get Kurt Warner to retire already!

New England Patriots @ San Francisco 49ers

Head-scratcher of the week. New England is coming off a bye week, and I have to believe that Belichick will have the Patriots ready to play. The Niners are, at best, a wildly inconsistent squad that can put up points almost as fast as they surrender them. This contest comes down to which New England team shows up. If the Pats look anything like the team that won 21 regular season games in a row, the game will be over early. However, if New England looks like the team that Miami ran over two weeks ago, San Fran just might have a change. At this point, New England is a three point favorite. Flip a coin. Then bet the opposite of whatever the coin says to do.

Indianapolis Colts @ Houston Texans

What is the status of the Colts? At 1-2, another loss will spell trouble for a franchise that has become a playoff regular. It’s luck of the draw that Indy has to deal with the lowly 0-3 Texans this week. Can Manning right the ship? (Is there any doubt?) Can the defense come together without Bob Sanders? (They always seem to.) I expect the Colts to show steady improvment throughout the rest of the season, with the team peaking right as the playoffs start. And that march to the postseason begins this week with a 28-14 victory in Houston.

Fantastic Sal Sez:

San Diego Chargers @ Miami Dolphins

Hmm.  Something tells me the Fins used up their three wishes to the NFL genie two weeks ago when: 1. They beat the Patriots, 2. They destroyed the Patriots on their home turf and 3. Ricky Williams didn’t light up a victory ganja.  Welcome back to reality, boys.

Tennessee Titans @ Baltimore Ravens

Another match-up of top-ranked defenses that no amount of editing and inspiring Sam Spence music can make watchable in the highlight reel.  But it’s also my stone-cold, lead-pipe lock of the week: Titans 2, Ravens 0.

Washington Redskins @ Philadelphia Eagles

So you’ve just come off a nationally televised upset of the Cowboys, and your reward is: The Eagles.  In Philadeliphia.  A team, by the way, that was upset by the Bears.  The good news for the Redskins is that the Eagles secondary tends to give up big plays.  Take the Skins and the points.

The Lowly Intern sez:

Chicago Bears @ Detroit Lions

Expectations soar improve slightly for the Lions in their first game After Millen.  Unfortunately, the steaming pile Millen left behind remains intact.  Look for Bears rookie RB Matt Forte to prove that bitchslapping Detroit’s defenseless defense is indeed his, ahem, forte.

Atlanta Falcons @ Green Bay Packers

The Falcons bring a league-best ground game to the not-yet-frozen tundra to take on a Packers D that’s so far been as porous as a moldy block of swiss cheese against the run.  Green Bay QB Aaron Rodgers is also nursing a sore shoulder.  Somewhere, Brett Favre is watching with a grizzled smirk on his face, perhaps while also enjoying a nutritious bye-week snack of rusty nails and fresh blood.  Atlanta runs amok, and irate Packers fans pelt Rodgers with an array of feminine hygeine products.

Seattle Seahawks @ New York Giants

Even without WR Plaxico Burress available to lend his expertise, the Giants shouldn’t have any trouble resolving this domestic dispute on their home turf against a suddenly frisky Seahawks air attack.  New York in a romp.

Kansas City Chiefs @ Carolina Panthers

You gotta be kidding me.  A feckless Chiefs team heads off the reservation only to get mauled by a resurgent Panthers offense.  Next.

Tampa Bay Buccaneers @ Denver Broncos

The question isn’t whether or not the Bucs can put points on the board against Denver’s “reluctant matador” style of defense.  The question is whether or not they can contain the Broncos vaunted passing game enough to make those points stick.  It’s close, but I lean toward no.

Pittsburgh Steelers @ Jacksonville Jaguars

Pittsburgh’s Super Bowl hopes took a huge blow with last week’s season-ending injury to RB Rashard Mendenhall.  This week, they turn to something called Mewelde Moore.  Ew.  I think the Jaguars pounce on this dinged-up Steelers crew, and gain some Super Bowl momentum of their own.

Minnesota Vikings @ New Orleans Saints (Monday Night)

Classic matchup.  The Vikes bring a punishing rushing attack and a stout defense, while the Saints feature the league’s most prolific air show.  If this was a real football game (i.e. outdoors, preferably in inclement weather) I’d heavily favor Minnesota.  Coincidentally, both teams play in domes, which means the Saints would have the advantage here both at home and on the road.  Too close to call, but my magic 8-ball says, “Fucking Awesome.”

Tina Fey does it again playing Sarah “The Other White Meat” Palin. Stay tuned for another turn in the post-debate edition of SNL next weekend — if Lorne can talk her into it, that is.

• Do we have a deal?
• After winning Friday night’s debate, Obama holds onto his lead in the polls.
• Speaking of the debate, let’s check those facts …
• “I’ll go with the guy with one house.”
• The Bucs beat the Packers, while Favre tosses six as the Jets rout the Cardinals.
• The Rays ride into the playoffs with a win and homefield advantage.
• Heather Locklear arrested for “suspicion” of D.U.I. (I sense dropped charges.)
• Scar Jo ties the knot.