Daily Loaf

We are currently in the midst of a severe celebrity slump.

Real, honest-to-goodness headline-grabbing celebs are no where to be found. Instead, we’ve been bombarded with the imitation crab variety, pretty girls and airbrushed guys with little to offer above and beyond their MTV “reality” shows. I can’t get away from them – the Lauren Conrads, Heidi Montags, Spencer Pratts and Audrina Partridges of the world. I don’t watch the show, yet I know every freaking thing that’s going on in their “lives.” I’m bombarded with information about them, not because they have any redeeming qualities, or talents, or have done something noteworthy, but because they’re whores for the camera. They see a lens and instead of hiding their faces, or smiling uncomfortably and scurrying for the closest exit ala authentic celebs, they make a beeline straight for the photo op. This full-on media assault on my consciousness has caused me to avoid my usual celeb gossip haunts because I know I’m gonna find out some useless bit of information about how Audrina’s tits might be fake, or how Lauren and Heidi might finally bury the hatchet, or whether or not Spencer is going to propose again and what size diamond will he choose (it has to be big, you know how Heidi gets), and where oh where are they tying the knot, and will it be recorded and broadcast on The Hills, and will Heidi get her dress made personally by Vera Wang?

Excuse me, I’ve thrown up in my mouth a little and it tastes of my disgust in humanity.

Pictured: Spencer Pratt and Heidi Montag, ruining the time-honored tradition of celebritydom one photo op at a time. Read the rest of this entry »