Daily Loaf

“Sometimes it’s after the curtains close the real reckonings come, whether it’s about who we wish we were or who we wish we could be or who we want.” — xoxo Gossip Girl

This week was the one of seriously awkward conversations … I guess that’s what happens when you have a threesome, or if you’re trying to have sex with your ex-hook up’s married cousin, or when your step brotherish comes to a club to take you home from an ecstasy deal with an ambassador.

Although we were all promised a hot and heavy threesome last week not much was delivered, this week we got a little more of a view of the action, through flashbacks of a very cocky (pun intended) Dan, and we learned one very important lesson: don’t ever have a threesome Read the rest of this entry »

“Some people think that when the party ends the night is over, but I’ve found it’s when the music stops and the lights come up that the real trouble begins. You better get your beauty rest now, because it looks like things could get ugly in the morning.”  — xoxo Gossip Girl

Photo courtesy Giovanni Rufino / The CW

Becoming a debutante is one of the most important rites of passage a young girl experiences in high society: white dresses, hot escorts (whom you will fuck later, it is your duty as a new lady of society,) and waltzing — which you will never do again. But apparently, the Upper East Side does not exactly follow these rules. There was no white in sight, the band was playing a song called “Bitch” (not the best song to waltz to), and absolutely no fucking. Between stepbrother’s boyfriends as escorts, a former queen B’s love passed down to the next generation, and the promise of a threesome … all of these things should have added up to a steamy episode. Not exactly.

Let me first address the elephant in the room. Last week’s preview of Gossip Girl promised us a threesome and we got one Read the rest of this entry »

“Like all good things, the witching hour must come to an end. True natures are revealed. Tricks turn into treats, and taking off costumes is as much fun as putting them on. Everything returns to the way it was except for little girls who forget Halloween lasts only one night. They wear their costumes for so long, pretty soon they can’t even remember who they were before they put them on.”
-xoxo gossip girl

If these Upper East Siders know one thing, they know that Blair Waldorf never settles, and this week was no different, even when it comes to the love of her life Chuck Bass. After last week’s sexual boundary-bending episode when Blair tricks Chuck into kissing a man, he is of course a little leery of her. But when Blair finds out Chuck is opening his speakeasy club within 24 hours, she gets down to business. Even after strict instructions to not get in his way, he wants to do this on his own terms. She, of course, does the opposite, because Blair Waldorf takes orders from no one.

After calling her ex-hook up/boyfriend’s uncle and guardian for a little help with a liquor license for Chuck’s new club, it of course backfires. Messing with any Bass is never a smart choice, and Jack Bass is no exception. After guaranteeing he took care of the license, he informed Blair he never got it handled. Basically, a big fuck you to Bass industries and Chuck, and Blair. This made Chuck’s first major endeavor a failure of sorts, considering the police came to close down the club very quickly after their doors had opened.

But Chuck is not Blair’s love for no reason: Read the rest of this entry »

“When it comes to family, we are all still children at heart. No matter how old we get we always need a place to call home because, without the people who love you most, you can’t help but feel alone in the world. Fortunately, misery loves company — for now, at least”
-xoxo gossip girl

When Upper East Siders play games, they go all out, no holds barred: sex, pot, and money are always on the table. Serena and Nate went all out this week and played a little game of poker for a mere 25 grand entry fee — but for different reasons. Serena thought they were on the same team, and that they were gambling to get her boyfriend Carter’s debts to the Buckley family erased. But Nate was trying to get his cousin Tripp elected to office by gambling a picture of Tripp seemingly smoking a bong and then using a bait and switch later, because nothing is ever what it seems in the world of Gossip Girl.

Nate should know by now to never mess with Serena. When she found out Nate lied and played her in order to help his cousin instead of helping her, she flipped the tables and outed Nate for his bait and switch. She got Carter’s debt erased, but he was anything but grateful — he claims he wanted to do this for himself, and for her to let him prove that he could — but I think there is another card up Carter’s sleeve.

One Queen B always has something up her sleeve, and this week was no different. Blair has her new minions in full effect — headbands and all (thank god for the return of the headbands.) But Blair always has a prize to win, and this week she wanted to make the NYU freshman toast at Parents Weekend. She was willing to go to all lengths to get this toast; it would be her first crowning moment at NYU. You can always expect the unexpected with Blair Waldorf and she will do anything to win — anything but lose her beloved Chuck (pictured).

The alumni deciding who would give the toast wanted something she had … a kiss from Chuck Bass. Although Chuck Bass may wear a lot of purple, he is not a gay man. Or, at least we didn’t think so — but Chuck Bass, the famous womanizing badass, kissed Read the rest of this entry »

“There are songs that make us want to dance, songs that make us want to sing along, but the best songs bring you back to the moment you first heard them and once again break your heart”
-xoxo gossip girl

Every Upper East Sider loves a good wedding. The flowers, the toasts, the dress … well, Lily’s fifth wedding was anything but the usual affair. Besides actually marrying for love instead of money or status, Lily and Rufus’ wedding (that was 20 years in the making) was spur of the moment. Just like the weed-induced proposal and the announcement of their love child right before the “I Dos” (Thank you, Georgina.) Not only was it spur of the moment, but it almost didn’t happen.

Lily can never commit and always has a reason to run from Rufus, but after 20 years, a love child (a fake death of a love child), their children getting together, and Lily’s four previous marriages, it’s time for them to get together and stay together in holy matrimony til death do they part. But lets hope that doesn’t happen too soon — Lily has already been a widow once.

But back to the love child: Read the rest of this entry »

Our favorite Upper East Siders started college this week. Dan, Vanessa and Blair all are at NYU, Nate’s starting at Columbia soon, and Serena is off to Brown, right? Maybe not. In her apparent quest to be the center of attention, Serena decided Brown was not the right decision for her. Ivy League just isn’t good enough for this van der Woodsen, so Serena is taking the path less traveled for now, socializing with martinis and Manolo Blahniks and living her fabulous life. Who needs college when you have limos, crazy woods sex with Carter Basin, and the world at your fingertips? At least for now…we’ll see what happens when Lily comes home.

While Serena is “finding herself,” guess who found Blair Waldorf? None other than Georgina Sparks (our favorite villain!) who is now also her new roommate. Welcome to your freshman year from hell, Blair! Let the battle for Queen B begin. While Blair tries and fails with headbands and sake (see above for proof), Georgina throws a boho chic rooftop rager. But Blair never admits defeat that early. Instead, she calls in new recruits in the form of missionaries from Georgina’s past at bible camp, all sporting shirts that say OMJC and tambourines… cause everyone loves a good Jesus party. Read the rest of this entry »