Daily Loaf

Don’t fuck your best friend. This rule seems obvious enough, and yet I couldn’t help testing it.

We were best friends since high school, but ever since we had sex, we barely talk anymore. I’m uncomfortable around him, and being around me hurts him. I don’t want to have sex with him and he still wants to have sex with me. Sex has put a huge strain on our friendship and his sanity. I keep thinking of the recent news story about the male best friend who kidnapped, tied up, and took naked photos of his female best friend in hopes of blackmailing her into having sex with him once a week. Not a good way to get sex. Read the rest of this entry »

My boyfriend hates texting. Hates it. Doesn’t understand it. “I’m not married to my phone,” he says. “Why do people think they can just reach me whenever they want?”

They think that because, well, they can. We live in a technological age of hyper-connectedness. But, the deeper question is how has our connectedness affected us as communicators and people?

This century is a period of instant access, immediate gratification, and zero wait time. We fast forward through commercial breaks. We upload photos from our camera phones straight to Facebook, complete with caption and status updates. We guide missiles on video game consoles.

More importantly, we talk to each other constantly. Read the rest of this entry »

I first introduced my friend Julia in Sugar daddy wanted:  part 1, as a beautiful, 30-something with long black hair, large breasts, and a thin frame–-a woman who should never have a problem finding a date, yet she does.

Julia decided to try her luck on seekingarrangment.com, and quickly began sending and receiving messages.  The emails mainly consisted of questions such as, what are your interests and what are you looking for?  Some men wanted to know about kinky things like anal sex or S&M. Others said they were interested in friendship.  Still others were more concerned with what kind of arrangement Julia wanted. Some questions were quite extreme, but not harmful, while others made her click the delete button as fast as possible.  Luckily Juila found a few profiles that caught her attention. Read the rest of this entry »

Social networking sites like Facebook have changed the face of modern dating, but this new technology isn’t without its flaws. We’ve all had a “friend” who has been caught flirting or cheating via illicit Facebook messages. One woman even discovered her marriage was over when her spouse spontaneously changed his relationship status to single. Below are a few awesomely hilarious examples of the various ways Facebook can f-up your dating life.

(pics originally posted on collegehumor.com) Read the rest of this entry »

A ‘dating’ lifestyle for a single dad can be fraught with many nightmarish consequences. For example, I cannot bring a woman home without being asked what happened to the last woman I dated. My kids usually ask for her by name. Nothing kills a mood quicker than mentioning another woman’s name to your current date—except maybe calling your current date by another woman’s name. Read the rest of this entry »

Internet dating has fast become a popular way to meet people. There are sites for every type of relationship: singles, couples, swingers, cheaters, gay, lesbian, bisexual, and friends. However, the universe of the internet continues to expand, delving into ever more specific niches. Here are some samples of the hyper specific dating sites I’ve come across.

My favorite site so far is Cougarlife.  I’m not quite a cougar (I’m 37), but I do fancy a younger 20-something man, and would be happy to join this site!

For those who have a very particular fetish, you may find a potential partner in Extreme Restraints Dating, where members are encouraged to explore their hidden fantasies.  I poked around this site (its free!) and discovered there are some real hotties with fetishes I’ve never even imagined! Read the rest of this entry »

A recent article, “How Men Select Women,” sums up the science of what men look for in female mates. I’ve synthesized the information down to a blog-sized bite. Please note that these finding are based on averages, and that a wide variety exists on each side of every claim. Averages simply give us a language for talking about attraction. If you find you don’t match all of these criteria, which is pretty much everyone, rest assured there are many people who will have a thing for your differences.

High reproductive value: Men are attracted to younger women who have more fertile years ahead of them, or a high “reproductive value.” Read the rest of this entry »

“Dream Momma, keep having the same kind of dream the past 3 nights. i have been with my boyfriend for a year and a half and i keep having dreams that he is going to break up with me sooner or later. Our relationship hasn’t always been perfect, but we have been through a lot and are still together. If i keep dreaming that, is it going to come true?” (sic)

You have had a series of prophetic, warning, dreams and yes, he will break up with you unless you deal with the relationship now.

You’re lucky, the upside to a prophetic dream is that it Read the rest of this entry »

As much as the Cat in the Hat had Thing 1 and Thing 2 to keep him entertained on rainy days, I have Boob 1 and Boob 2.

Most times, in the privacy of my own home, they don’t do a whole hell of a lot for me. They get in the way, I spill things on them, and they prevent me from seeing my lower body when looking directly down. Buuuut, when I take them outside… oh the places we go! Read the rest of this entry »

Everyone has their preferences when it comes to the opposite sex. I prefer dark hair, light eyes, and a man who stays in-shape. I focus on my figure and expect the same from men. However, don’t misunderstand me when I say preferences. I prefer certain characteristics, as do all women, but there are some things that are major turn-offs for most females.

Read the rest of this entry »

Our loves holes lose elasticity with age, usage, and childbirth, which is unfortunate because the tightness of the anus and vagina contribute to sexual pleasure for both men and women. This is why it’s necessary to exercise these muscles daily.

While I was in nursing school, one of my instructors continually made negative commits about anal sex and how it destroyed the body. To give you an idea of how ignorant she was, when a gay student pointed out that not all gay men participated in anal sex she said, “Yeah right!”  I eventually dropped that class. She was either homophobic or just trying to justify why she wouldn’t let her husband do her in the ass. She was probably one of those uptight people who didn’t like sex anyway.   Read the rest of this entry »

Life has a way of taking wrong turns when you least expect it. We all face it, sometimes fear it, usually deal with it, and hopefully learn from it. Our lives are intertwined with so many others, we barely know where to draw the lines. And after a particularly large turn, we find ourselves faced with new variables to maneuver, new obstacles to overcome.

Divorce is one of those turns. After many years of marriage, when I found myself single again, I didn’t know what to do with myself. I only knew that anything I wanted to do, I did with myself. Okay, a little lotion and a lot of imagination goes on. Read the rest of this entry »

Boners, dykes, pubes, drag queens – I’ve discussed it all with my 13-year-old sister, Rose. We have a sort of no-holds-barred relationship; she can ask me anything and I’ll be completely honest. Growing up, my Bubbi and I shared the same sort of communication and I treasured it, so I wanted to offer this kind of relationship to my sisters.

Without batting an eye, I’ve explained  condoms, abortions, why I’m bisexual or “half-lesbian,” and, to her surprise, that women get armpit hair. But recently, Rose asked something that gave me pause. She wanted to know why I don’t date hot guys. Read the rest of this entry »

It stands to reason that at some point in our lives, we are going to have to deal with the, “sex/relationship with a co-worker” situation.

Most of us spend more time at the office than anywhere else. It’s a great dating pool, as long as you ignore every rule of human resources and don’t mind the fact that you will be haunted by said sex or relationship until one of you quits or dies. Read the rest of this entry »

Sometimes when I hear a person say, “having sex,” I start to wonder what kind of sex?  When I was growing up, “having sex,” meant sexual intercourse involving the penis and vagina. Doggy style was considered kinky. Today I find that most of my peers are willing to experiment with different kinds of sex, especially if they are new divorcees or if they just want to spice things up. But, sex has changed since we were kids.  Sometimes when I hear a sexual reference I don’t understand, I ask my 22-year-old son to explain it. This just goes to show that new sexual practices are constantly being created. However, for the purposes of this quick guide to sex, I’m only going to discuss: intercourse (penis and vagina), oral (mouth on penis), anal  (penis in anus), and masturbation. Read the rest of this entry »

Dream Momma,

“Okay, so I am dating this girl which I am a female…and I’ve also dated her cousin. Who is a guy. He calls and talks to her but asks for me at first. Is it to hear my voice?…now I’ve let go of him other than as a friends because of dating his cousin. But I still have dreams about him, our relationship ended bad. And my dreams are always about him apologizing and saying he screwed up for ever leaving me and he begs me to take him back well in my dream I always take him back…and we end up having sex. My dream feels so real…what do I do about this…what could it mean I should do?”

So, as I understand it, you were sexually involved with cousins, one female, and one male.  You are a female. Read the rest of this entry »

In the 80’s I did some things I’m not proud of, one of which was having sex with a married man. Yeah it was fun and he gave me money and lots of things, but eventually my morals kicked in and I broke it off. This guy had a horrible sex life with his wife who wasn’t bad looking. Today I find a similar situation with many male acquaintances who are not satisfied with their love lives.  I understand that after10 or 30 years of marriage, sex can get a bit boring, so I’m here to provide a few tips to help keep things lively in the sack. Read the rest of this entry »

I’ve spoken with many women about their experiences dating older men. After repeatedly hearing the same pros and cons, I decided to compile a list of tips for men who would like to successfully date younger women. You’re welcome.

1) Don’t make a big deal about the age difference. You can’t completely avoid the discussion, but unless she specifically finds it exciting (some do), don’t bring it up often. Avoid making her feel like a fetish item. Instead, let her know that you really like her and she just happens to be younger. Read the rest of this entry »

I consider myself an authority on spotting losers because, well, I used to be one. I only exempt myself now because I’m married. Not to say that all married men make quality boyfriends; I just feel that if you’re able to convince a woman to marry you after five years of dating, either you’re not a loser or you’re extraordinary at hiding it.

Obviously there are as many ways to tell if a potential man-date is a loser as there are breeds of crotch ponies. To complicate things, everyone has their own definition of what constitutes a loser. For instance, you may be perfectly fine dating a man I consider a loser because you’re desperate or you’re willing to overlook his lacking qualities in lieu of, say, his bank account. With that said, below is a list of signs the guy you just met is a loser

-When asked what he does, he says, “I’m in a band,” or “I’m an artist.” Read the rest of this entry »

Love or hate Marilyn Manson, you have to respect his impeccable taste in women. Sure, fortune and fame can get you anything (or anyone), but I’m still baffled by the homely Manson’s ability to pick up some of the most stunning up n’ coming starlets of the day. Here are a few of his conquests:

Rose McGowan

Actress Rose McGowan is best known for her roles in movies, such as Jawbreaker and Grindhouse, and the television show, Charmed.

She and Manson dated for 3.5 years in the late ’90s and early ’00s, during which time McGowan made headlines appearing at an awards ceremony wearing only a loose net over the front of her body and a cascade of strings across her backside (and oh, what a backside!).

After a two-year engagement, McGowan ended the relationship and Manson moved on to… Read the rest of this entry »

I admit I’ve dabbled in the art of witty tweets and Facebook status updates in hopes of catching the attention of women I don’t know well enough to message. Unfortunately, my updates usually only attract the attention of guys I went to high school with and distant relatives. Serves me right I suppose.

Now I just post updates about where I’ll be and what time in hopes that my legions of virtual stalkers will be motivated to move to a more public forum. Sadly, my thousands of fans are too lazy to leave their computers and discreetly watch me eat pancakes at Waffle House.

(Video after the jump) Read the rest of this entry »

So it has been a few years since I’ve played the dating game… but I distinctly remember it… checking my phone for missed calls, checking my phone to make sure it was working…. Yes, occasionally I was THAT girl… looking forward to Friday for that first date, wondering where it would lead. And I remember the disappointment I felt after the date when I realized he wasn’t The ONE. Why do I bring this up? Certainly, I’m not reentering the world of dating…THANK GOD!!

Well, it dawned on me yesterday, as I checked my email for the 127th time, that finding a job is very similar to finding a mate. Read the rest of this entry »

I don’t look at every sexual encounter as having to happen with someone I’m in love with or even dating. I’m a woman and I love to have sex with men I’m attracted to. Some call it meaningless sex. Some call it evolved sex. I just call it sex. Read the rest of this entry »

It may surprise you to know that my boyfriend, The Puppy, and I enjoy different things in bed. Not “he likes it rough, she likes it slow” types of differences – I’m talking different fetishes and kinks. Some of our friends do not believe that we ever have this problem. They tell me their own experiences with lovers who only wanted sex if it was in the dark, missionary, and slow, when they (my friends) wanted it hard and fast, with the lights on. For most of them, the differences in the bedroom led to their break-ups. But The Puppy and I have been together for years. We’ve been dubbed “the most married, unmarried couple I know” by more than one friend. We make people want to hurl because we’re so head over stupid for each other. How in the world could such a couple possibly have issues in the bedroom? So, for all of the other couples who have ever been there, here is our story…
Read the rest of this entry »

It’s a simple progression: strangers, friends, sex partners. We went out the other night to meet a new couple (the Smiths) whom we met on a swingers dating website. The selection process on this type of website is similar to other online regular dating services. Couples or singles complete a profile, provide pictures, and commence browsing.

After exchanging a few emails, we set a date. So Friday night we meet at a local restaurant. As on most of our swinger dates, small talk turns to stories, which inevitably gets the energy flowing. Most the stories told are of bad experiences; like the time we met a couple at a local restaurant and the woman shows up in leopard print spandex pants and stripper shoes, that just screams out “We are SWINGERS!” We are at a family restaurant people - not a bar; let’s try to keep the attire normal, please. Anyway, small talk lightens the mood and helps the conversation move with virtual strangers and potential sex partners. Entertainment aside, the decision has been made to go to a local bar for a few drinks. Drinks tend to further loosen everyone up a bit and soon the conversations turn to flirting, kissing and borderline inappropriate behavior in public.
Read the rest of this entry »

You thought the first date went off well, but for some reason you are now suffering “Mr. Telephone Man” syndrome.

Below are ten reasons (five general, and five of my own) that might explain why you are striking out. Note: These are meant to apply to men and women because we’re all guilty of striking out.

5) You’re a poser and it shows.
Pretending to like something in order to hook up with someone almost never works. Somewhere in the conversation, you will tell that jazz lover you’ve been hitting up, how much you love Cab Calloways’s sax playing. The other person will respond by either rolling their eyes and walking away or outright calling you a lying prat. Not to mention, pretending to like something when you actually hate it means you will be spending hours doing something you dislike. Better to be up front about not liking whatever it is that s/he is into and focus on what you are into. If it turns out that the attraction does not go beyond physical, you have two options: a) work with it, or, b) move on.

Moral: Be yourself and find someone who likes you as a person. Read the rest of this entry »

I got thrown for a loop the other night.  I was sought out; someone wanted to turn in his fuck-buddy application.  I was reluctant at first. He’s not my normal type of applicant.  He’s not my normal type of anything.  That’s what makes him so unique and alluring.

I went to meet him with the idea of swapping ideas, not body fluids.  We’re colleagues and thought we could stimulate some creative juices–and stimulating juices is exactly what happened. Read the rest of this entry »

Sometimes I act a little “extreme” in relationships. Some of my ex’s have called me crazy. I prefer the term passionate. And at the risk of blacklisting myself from dating forever, I’m going to disclose some of my insanity, right here, right now, in hopes of helping at least one lost soul out there like myself.

Here’s the truth… I’m afraid to trust. I have a skewed perception of reality. I’m hypersensitive. And while these defects start out as delightful quirks, as a relationship progresses they cause most men to run for the hills. Read the rest of this entry »

 Some people think it’s impossible to cheat in a polyamory relationship, but it doesn’t work that way. The following are four rules that my boyfriend, The Puppy, and I have:

1) No starting a new relationship without telling your partner.

Deciding to have an open, poly, or otherwise non-monogamous relationship doesn’t automatically give you the green light to screw anything that catches your  fancy. For one thing, you may be thinking that you’re fine  with a V (Sally and Susan are dating Timmy, but not each  other) or a triad (Susan, Sally, and Timmy date each other) relationship. Your partner may want a closed triad (Susan, Sally, and Timmy date only each other- also a form of poly fidelity). Or maybe you were expecting to have a hierarchical relationship where your starting partner would be your primary, while any new person would be secondary. Little things like this should be talked over before either party brings home someone new. Even if the talk is skipped, your starting partner should be aware that you have added someone new to the relationship. Bottom line: If you’re dating someone behind your partner(s)’s back, it is cheating. No if, ands, or hoo-haws about it. Read the rest of this entry »

Here you are, suddenly single.  Your long-time girlfriend finally tires of your insatiable need to alphabetize. Your wife walks out after years of you cheating on her with the Tampa Bay Bucs. Maybe you got tired of slipping on the panties she leaves lying on the bedroom floor.

Whatever the cause, it’s daunting to be single after years of sedentary monogamy. When it’s time to date again, to jump back on that pony, you’ll soon discover that the rules of the game have changed.

Most books about re-enlisting in the dating corps seem to be addressed to women, but Judith Sills’ Getting Naked Again (Springboard, $24.99) has adaptable wisdom for us all.

She uses that central theme – nudity, both physical and psychological – as the entry point for her book.  Maybe you have small children, which makes dating again an emotional minefield about the suddenly insecure little ones. Maybe your kids are teen-agers and now you’re trying to do what you’re telling them not to do. When your kids reach a certain age and see you struggle in relationships, it’s an odd about-face when they start giving their parents dating advice. And there’s always the satisfaction that comes with knowing that your dating life kicks the ass of your kid’s dating life. Read the rest of this entry »

How young is too young?  What defines age?  The actual number in years?  Maybe it’s the experiences in your life that define your age?  Can age be described in accomplishments or possessions?   I’ve recently opened myself up to someone who’s made me ask these questions.

In my 20’s, too young was anyone who wasn’t 21 and up.  I had lots of friends who were bartenders, so naturally I spent a lot of time getting free drinks and closing down bars.  I can sum up those years of my life with 1 song title, “Let’s get drunk and screw.” Now that I’m no longer in my 20’s or have friends that are bartenders, I don’t spend much time in bars or drinking.  What I do spend my time on, is finding my next Mr. Right Now or maybe even THE Mr. Right.  This leads me to my problem. The person who’s presenting himself to me now is under 21.  I’ve broken this rule before and it ended horribly.  The circumstances surrounding the age difference now are different so can the relationship be different?

Read the rest of this entry »

Gamers get a bad rap – folks think we’re all about ultra-violence and bloody constraint. The more spines ripped from bodies, the better.

Well, I’m here to tell you that’s just a stereotype, a nasty, vicious one to boot. We’re fully rounded (sometimes really rounded) people, too. We laugh, we cry, we sometimes even read books, but most of all we appreciate a quality gaming experience over pure gore. Don’t take my word for it; some real, live scientists did a study and proved it’s true. All right, one study does not make it a fact, but this definitely jibes with what I know and like. The blood can be fun, but its novelty only lasts a few minutes. For a game to be good, you’ve got to keep on playing and playing it, and no way you’re going to do that unless the game play is fun. Unless maybe there are boobs too…

Which brings me to Game 4 a Date, a personals site for game players. Read the rest of this entry »

An amusing satire on the rise of texting in the dating world today:

http://current.com/items/88906818/texting_your_way_to_love.htm