Daily Loaf

“Sometimes it’s hard to see the lines we’ve drawn until we cross them. That’s when we rely on the ones we love to pull us back and give us something to hold on to. Then there are the clearly marked lines, the ones that if you cross you may never find your way back.” -xoxo Gossip Girl

This election day, no Upper East Sider was far from scandal. Between Olivia’s bathroom boy story on Jimmy Fallon, Tripp Van der Bilt’s election day hoax, and the possible destruction of Serena and Blair, election day was definitely not just about the ballots (but who ever said politics wasn’t dirty anyway?)

Although there may not be ballots involved in Dan and Olivia’s relationship, they might need to start keeping score. After an appearance on Jimmy Fallon, Olivia let the story of their first date slip off the tongue — and it wasn’t the best first date, considering Dan came back from the bathroom with his shirt inside out, not the best impression for any girl. After she told this story on national television, everyone started to call Dan “bathroom boy,” which is definitely a step down from his previous nickname, “lonely boy.” But in true Humphrey, style Dan did not let her scandal affect him, and he let it brush right off his shoulders. Good for you Dan, don’t let the fact that your girlfriend told an incredibly embarrassing story about you on national television get you upset!

National television may not have been kind to Dan, it was kind to Tripp Van der Bilt — at least at first. No one loves a good election day hoax likes the Van der Bilts. In an attempt to bring up his points in the polls, his wife hired someone to fake drown in the Hudson, so Tripp could save him, portraying himself as a hero.

In good gossip girl fashion Vanessa was there to capture the entire thing on film, including filming the part where the fake drowner jumped into the Hudson and swam to a more convenient place to drown. Read the rest of this entry »

Well, we won’t know who the two winning candidates will be until after 7 p.m. when the polls close. But I already know who the loser is (besides Paul Congemi): St. Petersburg.

I don’t have to look at the latest voter turnout results to say St. Pete citizens have abdicated their duties as an electorate. After visiting precincts on the north, south and west sides of town, I can see that voters largely stayed home from this mayoral primary.

But the numbers back me up, too. Read the rest of this entry »

Lines. Lines. Lines.

Lines at the coffeeshop. Lines at the polling place. Lines at restaurants. Lines of people waving signs. Lines of traffic. The entire day will be spent in lines.

And, funny thing, I don’t mind at all.

Tonight’s the night! After two frickin’ years of Barack and McCain, Hillary and Huckabee, “bitter” and “you betcha!,” it’s finally election day. Get out there an vote! Your country needs you. In the meantime, here’s NBC’s great Chuck Todd on what to look for after the polls close.

• Your polling location: For Hillsborough residents, for Pinellas residents.
• Got voting questions? Here’s the answers.
• Bring on the sports metaphors: The candidate’s turn up on Monday Night Football.
• If McCain’s going to win, this is how.
• If Obama loses, “It would mark the biggest collective error in the history of the media and political establishment.”
• It’s election day: Free coffee and donuts for everyone!
• Instant nostalgia: The New York Times remembers Election ‘08.
• R.I.P. Obama’s Grandmother. Madelyn Dunham.

William McKeen is chairman of the University of Florida’s Department of Journalism and author of several books, including the Hunter S. Thompson biography Outlaw Journalist.

Election Day and our thoughts turn naturally to books.

Here’s a strange-but-true fact: When he was president of the United States, Theodore Roosevelt read a book a day. He wouldn’t allow himself to sleep at night until he had finished the tome du jour.

Pretty darn impressive. Makes you wonder how many other presidents were such dedicated readers. Anyone? Anyone? Bueller?

OK, from elections to erections . . .  of one sort or another

THE GREATS OF ROTH: When did they start making Cialis for the brain? There must be some breakthrough that helps old guys keep it up mentally.

How else to explain the continuing brilliance of Philip Roth, who must be at least 900 years old? Shouldn’t he be sitting on some St. Pete park bench talking baseball and bowels? Instead, he’s churning out Big Time Lit.

Seems this guy didn’t even begin to hit his stride until he made retirement age. Look at his work the last 15 years (12 books and counting!) and you see not only some of his greatest writing, but also some of the finest books from an American novelist since that whole Declaration of Independence thing went down.

Roth has been publishing for a half-century now. Though he rose to fame with Goodbye Columbus (in the 1950s) and Portnoy’s Complaint (in the 1960s), seems that Roth was just warming up with those two classic (and sex-obsessed) books.

The Ghost Writer (1979) came out at a time when you might expect him to step into his slippers and shuffle off to literary nighty night. He’d put in a good 20 years by then, and so he had earned a peaceful retirement. But that magnificent book was his way of telling us (in Bob Dylan’s words), “Stick with me – things should start to get interesting right about now.”

Not everything Roth has published since Ghost Writer has been choice, quality stuff. But the occasional misfires are expected when you take the sort of risks he’s taken. But if I start ticking off all of the fine books he’s done in his AARP years, I’ll soon run out of fingers.

He’s the only living American writer to get the balls-to-the-wall complete-works treatment in the prestigious Library of America. He’s won so many awards, he’s started using them for doorstops. And rarely does a year pass without something grand. Look back on the last decade, with American Pastoral,  The Human Stain and The Plot Against America.

Here comes Indignation (Houghton Mifflin, $26), his 29^th book overall.  Roth works in cycles and so he has  nine novels about Nathan Zuckerman, three novels about David Kepesh and three novels about “Philip Roth” – who may or may not be the author.

Indignation is a stand-alone book, in which the narrator – as always, a character somewhat superficially like Roth – is sent into Midwestern exile by his father. Marcus Messner, the protagonist, leaves Newark behind for the plains of Ohio – a college in Winesburg, Ohio. That’s right, good old Sherwood Anderson’s Winesburg, Ohio. Just the premise makes you want to tap-dance naked. Opening the book, you think, “This is going to be fun.”

Roth does not disappoint.

TALKING AND SIGNING:  Tampa native  Lionel (who says he needs only “one name, like God”) is coming  home to promote his book Everyone’s Crazy Except You and Me and I’m Not So Sure About You (Hyperion, $22.95). He’ll be at Inkwood Books, 216 S. Armenia Ave., for a reading and signing at 2 p.m. on Saturday, Nov. 15.

His real name is Michael Lebron and he’s a Stetson University law school grad and Air America host. During his lawyer days, he was on both sides of the aisle as prosecutor, then defense attorney. He’s been doing talk radio for 20 years and calls himself “America’s Favorite Contrarian.”

Jeff Klinkenberg, the man with the best job in Florida (”Have radials, will travel”) will talk about his latest book, Pilgrim in the Land of Alligators (University Press of Florida, $24.95), Saturday at  Brooker Creek Preserve Education Center, 3940 Keystone Road, Tarpon Springs.

Klinkenberg writes his on-the-road accounts of life in what he calls “The Real Florida” for the St. Petersburg Times. The jumping-off place for his talk is “Floridians in the Age of Dinosaurs,” but it will no doubt be supplemented by stories from his latest collection. His talk will be followed by a book singing.

What’s better than FREEdom and democracy? Free food for just doing your civic duty, that’s what.

Tomorrow, several corporate stores are offering free food and drink if you show them your “I Voted” sticker. In fact, so many companies are offering free shit tomorrow that you could theoretically spend the whole day eating without paying a dime. (And for your early voters, many of the stores are going on the honor system and don’t require a sticker. Click the links for details.)

So, in that spirit, I’ve compiled the offers I know about for an Election Day Free Food Extravaganza itinerary. Ah, voting never tasted so good!

Read the rest of this entry »