Daily Loaf

Whether  you are a 20-something single or a 50-something swinger, you’ve encountered or experienced poor sexual performance at one time or another. Older men aren’t the only ones who sometimes have trouble getting erections. Nerves, alcohol, weed, or even condoms can cause men’s dicks to shrivel away to marshmallow land.

Recently I was emailed regarding the popular use of Viagra in the swinger lifestyle.  This guy was a 20-something man who never really had an issue with getting an erection.  After hearing how great the drug was he wanted to give it a shot.  The experience was nothing to write home about.  It was sex as usual.  He was wondering if something outrageous is supposed to happen during sex when you take Viagra or if it just gets you hard and keeps you hard? Read the rest of this entry »

While the swinging lifestyle is booming in some cities, smaller communities lack the big city perks of public places to meet and plenty of fresh faces.  Smaller communities have less to offer an adventurous couple out for a night of experimentation (otherwise known as fucking your friends). Although lifestyle related clubs are an excellent resource for hooking up, or for at least being around like-minded adults,  you can meet swingers without ever stepping foot into a club.

When lifestyle clubs aren’t close enough for an evening out, or they just don’t feel right, you may have to get creative when it comes to meeting other couples. The old fashioned way of advertising in the back pages of adult magazines is Read the rest of this entry »

Swingers are secretive.  Most tend to keep their lifestyle and identity private to avoid a myriad of potential problems.  Who wants their boss or even their mother to know they have sex with multiple partners?  (Except my boss at CL… he thinks I’m cool).  We tend to be evasive when it comes to where we go, how we meet people, and who we hang around.

Since being in the lifestyle, I am constantly amazed at who I run into at local swingers club, on swinger websites, and at swinger house parties.  At first I feel like hiding, or just leaving, but the fact is that you both are there doing the same thing.  Still, you can’t help but wonder how you didn’t notice that Mr. and Mrs. Smith from over yonder are swingers. How did I miss the cues?  I don’t remember them offering the secret handshake or wearing our club’s secret symbol. Read the rest of this entry »

Although swingers are thought of as more open-minded in terms of sex than your average vanilla couple, somethings are still taboo. Recently, I’ve met several people who participate in the swinging lifestyle with family members. Some attend clubs together in hopes of finding sex separately. Others have sex in the same room while some even have sex together.

When I first spoke with a few “family swingers,” a range of emotions ran through me, from shock and disgust to complete confusion. Read the rest of this entry »

I used to think that if I paid to get into a swingers club (anywhere from $20-$100), I deserved some sex out of the deal.  This logic wore off pretty quickly, though the desire and intention haven’t.  Many times Soccer Dad and I go to swingers clubs just to hang around like minded people, flirt shamelessly, and behave borderline inappropriately. Believe it or not, sometimes we aren’t even looking for sex.

Swinger clubs are sexually charged by nature.  The music is typically sexual and the women are dressed sexy. Combine this with a little alcohol and the party girl in me comes out.  At this point I do expect sex and it usually happens.  Sometimes it’s with a friend, sometimes with a stranger, and sometimes with Soccer Dad.  It’s really a win win situation for me. Read the rest of this entry »

All swingers have their own rules. Rules are what make swinging doable (pun intended).  Soccer Dad and I have gone somewhat past the basic swinger lifestyle and have dabbled a bit in an open marriage.  You might wonder how this is different.  We are having sex with others, isn’t that open?  It’s actually not.  Typically swingers share their experiences together.  That might mean sharing one bed with another couple and swapping, or having drinks and dinner with a couple and then following up with sex in the same room.  Sometimes couples, myself included, venture to separate rooms for sex. So, where do solo events fit into these scenarios? Read the rest of this entry »

I’ve been in a few bedrooms over the years and I’m always amazed by the sounds that come out of overly excited sex partners, either with me or in the bed next to me.  Everyone responds differently to sex, orgasm, and excitement, but  how much of that noise is genuine and how much is put on for show?

I am not an overly noisy person during sex.  I don’t really talk loudly about the dirty deeds I want you to do to me.  You could say I am more of a sexual whisperer.  If you were having sex with me you might experience my hot breath in your ear, whispering whatever comes to mind in my sexiest voice.  Although, sometimes I find myself being  just silly in bed and clowning around during sex.  Unfortunately this might be at your expense — sorry.  But, if you’re lucky enough to hear me raise my voice a bit, grind out a few words in a deep tone, you are probably hurting me, and well, at the moment it might be a good thing. Read the rest of this entry »

I guess you could call Soccer Dad and I seasoned swingers, as we’ve been involved in the lifestyle for more than eight years. But, even with this vast amount of experience I still don’t always know what swingers are looking for. Online swinger profiles offer some insight into understanding what swingers want, as well as illuminate some of the confusion involved in trying to make connections within the swinging scene. Read the rest of this entry »

I’ve had many emails asking how to successfully approach other swingers.  The answer isn’t the same for everyone.  Approaching a stranger for sex is awkward at best, let alone  incredibly intimidating.  What if they say no?  What if they don’t like you?  How do you know if they like you? Read the rest of this entry »

Living the swinger lifestyle offers the opportunity of having sex with many different strangers.  I don’t really know all of the people I have sex with, but normally I have talked and spent some time with them before engaging in any sexual play.  But, even with this excitement I still fantasize about riskier sex scenarios.

In the dressing room/closet: I have always wanted to have sex in a department store dressing room or a random storage closet with a total stranger.  The thought of meeting a beautiful stranger and having erotic sex after locking eyes gets me hot and bothered.  This must be a fantasy many of you have too. Read the rest of this entry »

As I float around my pool today, naked of course, I fantasize about things I’d like to do naked.  Some of these things may be risky and others just goofy, but all fun.

Besides jumping in the pool naked, I’ve walked around a private club naked, attended a swingers party naked, and I’ve actually danced on a stripper pole a time or two naked. But I still fantasize about a few other things i could do in my birthday suit. Read the rest of this entry »

As I was driving to work Monday, Fisher and Boy from the 97X morning show played a creepy voicemail from a dude attempting to get a date.  The bit was about a woman who was approached by a  guy who asked her out. She wasn’t interested and was only able to get rid of him by giving him her business card.  Probably a dumb move, but I sympathize. The guy called her two times leaving two very long, creepy messages.  Some men just can’t imagine why any female wouldn’t want to date or sleep with them. This made me consider all the creepy ways men have tried to weasel their way into my life, or at least my vagina. Read the rest of this entry »

Women have it easy.  They can get laid nearly effortlessly. Men on the other hand aren’t quite so lucky.  Even the male half of a swinging couple must put forth the effort to catch the eye of a pretty lady or the hot soccer mom at a party.  Vanillas (non swingers) may think that being a swinger at a swinger party pretty much guarantees sex, but the truth is it doesn’t.

The rule of thumb for both swinger men and vanilla men (I apologize if you  feel plain) is, keep your mind open and your hands to yourself.  This may seem contradictory to some, but if you’re open to talking just a little and not groping her soccer ball shaped ass, you’ll succeed more times than not.  Trust me. I’m a woman and I know these things.

Don’t talk yourself out of sex.  Read the rest of this entry »

In the 80’s I did some things I’m not proud of, one of which was having sex with a married man. Yeah it was fun and he gave me money and lots of things, but eventually my morals kicked in and I broke it off. This guy had a horrible sex life with his wife who wasn’t bad looking. Today I find a similar situation with many male acquaintances who are not satisfied with their love lives.  I understand that after10 or 30 years of marriage, sex can get a bit boring, so I’m here to provide a few tips to help keep things lively in the sack. Read the rest of this entry »

I love to masturbate! Everyone masturbates, well, except for weirdos, old people, and those who haven’t tried it.  I’ll admit that I was in my late 20s before I discovered the beauty of self pleasure.  Since then I turned into a closet masturbator.  No, this doesn’t mean that I pretend that I don’t; it simply means I masturbate in the closet.   This may seem rather strange to you, but it makes perfect sense to me.  I get home a bit earlier than expected and the house is empty, but for how long is unknown.  I need some me time and I don’t want to get caught.  Thus, closet masturbation is born. Read the rest of this entry »

Soccer Dad and I are off to another swingers party this weekend filled with couples we know and many we don’t.  So how do we know a swinger’s party will be worth the trip and the price of admission if we have no idea if there will be anyone there we want to fuck? We don’t.

Vanilla couples may never completely understand swinging.  The lifestyle is based on looks, confidence, and sexual prowess.  You can be a perfectly nice person, and even attractive, but that doesn’t mean I want to have sex with you just because I arrive at a swinger’s party with a choker that reads, “I love cock.”  Swinger parties or clubs are similar to regular bars on Saturday nights: They’re meat markets, except for married folks. Read the rest of this entry »

On several occasions I’ve been asked how many sex partners I’ve had. Having lived as a swinger for several years, I’ve probably had more than most, but the exact number is tricky. It depends on what you count as a sex partner. For me, I can only define what one is, by describing what a sex partner is not.

Oral sex only: Some swingers have rules, like soft swap only.  This means I only have oral sex with the other man then have actual sex with my husband. For me, oral sex doesn’t count as sex. Read the rest of this entry »

Not every marriage is open to multiple sexual partners like mine, but the overwhelming desire to fuck someone other than your spouse is as common as arguments over whose turn it is to take out the trash. The difference between cheaters and those stuck in 10+ year marriages with infrequent sex and constant nagging, is that cheaters act on these desires. The problem is that cheating doesn’t come natural for most of us. So, if you aren’t the stud fucking the office hottie in the bathroom, or the femme fatale hooking up with random douche bags you flash peace sign at on the highway, here are a few guidelines for dabbling in the dark art of extramarital affairs. Read the rest of this entry »

The word swinger sounds dirty all by itself. For many, this lifestyle conjures stereotypes of swingers engaging in all types of uninhibited behaviors. Many of the assumptions non-swingers have about the lifestyle are true, to an extent, but it’s important to realize that every swinger is different, and we each decide what uninhibited behaviors we are comfortable with.

Swinging is often associated with over indulgence in alcohol or drugs; most people can’t understand how you could get naked and have sex in front of, and with, a room full of strangers, without being wasted on some substance. Personally I don’t partake in drug use or excessive drinking, but I’ve had swinging encounters with a few who do.  Read the rest of this entry »

Time for a little comic relief after a long ass day of menial work.  A co-worker sent me one of those emails with a lame Mastercard priceless picture joke attached to it.  Like I give two shits about a kitten on a ledge!  It got me thinking about the extremely hilarious and shocking ones I’ve seen.  The world wide web is a marvelous thing! I decided to share my top picks for the Mastercard “priceless” jokes and of course they have to do with sex! (Unfortunately I had to censor the top two because they showed a little too much, even for Creative Loafing, so here are my top 6).

1)  I can’t even imagine the stuff you could catch!  OMG Read the rest of this entry »

I got thrown for a loop the other night.  I was sought out; someone wanted to turn in his fuck-buddy application.  I was reluctant at first. He’s not my normal type of applicant.  He’s not my normal type of anything.  That’s what makes him so unique and alluring.

I went to meet him with the idea of swapping ideas, not body fluids.  We’re colleagues and thought we could stimulate some creative juices–and stimulating juices is exactly what happened. Read the rest of this entry »

As the hunt for my next fuck-buddy continues, I’ve expanded my search parameters and raised my age limit. At least I tried to.

When I was younger I vowed I wouldn’t date anyone more than eight years older than me, but as I grew up, my lovers and boyfriends got progressively younger. To be honest, I hadn’t even thought about dating older men until the other night. Read the rest of this entry »

Getting into position:

Just thinking about this position will hurt a lot of folks with bad knees, so if you or your partner have any difficulties in this arena, this may not be for you. It begins with the man squatting on a hard surface with his back straight and his thighs parallel to the floor. It will take a lot of balance and coordination to maintain this position.

The woman squats atop the man, resting her feet as far forward as necessary to help balance the union of the two lovers. Once in position, you will find that it is not quite as difficult to remain upright as it was in the beginning. Movement will be limited to your basic grinding, unless the woman has exceptionally strong thigh muscles and can lift her body up and down with relative ease. Read the rest of this entry »

Today we introduce Michael Troy’s new blog Sex in the Shadows. Michael has made a life’s work out of exploring the darker boundaries of the sexual experience. His adventures will take you places you may have not dared to go — not yet, at least.

I’m prowling MLK and Florida Avenue in Tampa because I know that with five dollars in my pocket I can get a blowjob here.

What the Tampa Chamber of Commerce doesn’t tell you is that Tampa is the easiest city in the U.S. to get fucked in. Behind all the sanctimony, and the Marriage-is-between-a Man-and-a-Woman bullshit, among all the churchgoers, the SUV drivers and the Bucs fans, Tampa is populated by a hotbed of freaks.

The crack whores on MLK look like they’re pretty evolved on the chain of transmittable diseases, so even though I’m not exactly a safety-first kind of guy, I make a turn onto Nebraska.

Read the rest of this entry »

Today’s topic: coitus vs. fellatio. Fucking vs. blowjobs.

I’m coming (sorry) at this from a specific (heterosexual) angle; let me lay it out:

When I was in high school in the ’70s, getting sex from a girl was hard to come (sorry) by. Perhaps I just wasn’t a very good closer, or maybe I preferred the company of “good girls,” but in order to, in our lexicon, “ball a chick,” you pretty much had to date a girl for awhile, have said the L-word and perhaps even hinted that you were considering a long-term future with her.

Then the girl might let you “make love” to her — usually in pretty uptight, unimaginative ways. (Not that we complained.) Let me stress that these were the experiences of me and most of my friends — rarely, in high school, did a guy come rollin’ up with a story about how he scored with some chick he just met. It may have been different elsewhere, but I get the sense that this is a pretty fair depiction of the sexual mores of teenagers during my late adolescence.

So with enough diligence, you could get laid. Blowjobs, on the other hand, were a different matter. That was a major leap, and a young man would be very proud indeed if he was able to procure such a service (from his girlfriend, of course). By and large, the high school girls we knew and dated were of the I’m-not-putting-that-nasty-thing-in-my-mouth mindset. Blowjobs were dirty.

That script seems to have flipped. From anecdotal data I’ve picked up from some of my younger friends and colleagues, blowjobs have become a sort of social currency. No big deal. One friend of mind, who’s now 30, remembers having first dates with girls in high school whose stance was, more or less: I won’t fuck you, but I’ll give you a blowjob.

I’m a little envious, I guess.

Read the rest of this entry »