Daily Loaf

I had so much fun in Key West for Fantasy Fest it should be illegal (though I’m sure some of it was, or very damn close).  The boat ride on the Key West Express was well worth it. We got there in a fraction of the time and my friend Melissa and I got a head start on the festivities by sucking down White Russians and talking to Fantasy Fest veterans and fellow virgins. My favorite old pros were Bob and Rita who gave us a heads up on the freaky crazy fun of swinger groups who meet in Key West just to have sex with one another and go to kink parties. We quickly realized how true their anecdote was when we stepped off the boat and were promptly offered a free room by some NYC cops. Unfortunately they were a bit vague as to the terms of their offer.

The best word to describe what I saw in Key West is WOW!! I knew I was going to see some weird shit at Fantasy Fest but no amount of preparation or pictures can ready a person for the real thing: a celebration of parades, naked people, drunken stupors, and casual sex. Read the rest of this entry »

Maybe it’s my age, experience, or perhaps I’m not as kinky as I thought, but a recent blog, “Rape Fantasy: the ultimate taboo,” caught me off guard. It revealed that some women fantasize about being raped. Fantasies are great. They’re fun and they enhance sex, but I also think they are best shared only with a trusting partner. Victims of rape or sexually assault don’t want to know how some women enjoy role playing games involving forced sex. It’s also not a good idea to tell potential rapists that some people like to imagine being “overpowered and forced to surrender.” Some men may take this controlled fantasy out of context, and transform it into a harsh reality. Read the rest of this entry »

It occurred to me recently that fuck buddies are high maintenance.  A fuck buddy can be someone you sleep with on occasion with no attachment, or it could be a couple you and your partner swap with now and again. I’ve met a few people who seem to fuck others purely for the psychological boost – they need to feel better about themselves. These are high maintenance fuck buddies. Read the rest of this entry »

I was sitting in front of my laptop Monday morning, putting the finishing touches on Dirty Talk 301, when the number to my chat line rang.

“Hello Sweetheart,” said the sexiest voice I’d ever heard.

“Hi there,” I said in my most seductive tone.

The caller told me he’d been thinking of me and finally found my number.

“That sounds really great sweetie, but WHO are you?”  Read the rest of this entry »

After reading Dirty Talk 101 and Dirty Talk 201, you’re ready to turn the heat up.

I’ll admit that a few times while working on a chat line, the caller would actually turn me on with vivid details of what he looked like, at least in both of our minds. I’d react to his voice and start imagining myself what it would be like to fuck him. Men like these made me enjoy talking dirty and making callers cum with just my words. The excitement of making a man with just your voice is orgasmic. When done right, the rush is orgasmic!!

(language below NSFW)

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Hopefully you’ve mastered the lessons from Dirty Talk 101, and are ready for some more advanced word play in Dirty Talk 201.

Men are very visual creatures who have overactive imaginations when it comes to sex. A man once told me his imagination was so good he could switch hands and swear he was with sisters. Nice! A true 2-for-none special. To activate your man’s sexual imagination, detailed description and sexual imagery are extremely important. Read the rest of this entry »

I have a gift. I can talk dirty to men and the occasional woman and not feel ashamed or dirty. That’s pretty fucking cool considering most women can’t even tell their husbands to give them some dick while alone in bed together. Most people look at being a phone sex operator as a dirty job for skanks and hookers, but I’m neither. I have a Bachelors’ Degree in Communication.  During the day I took Interpersonal Communication and at night I practiced Personal Communication. So, for all you ladies, who want to talk dirty, but just don’ t know where to begin, here are some pointers. Read the rest of this entry »

I couldn’t help but comment on the Comic Con fan who made a video of himself asking St. Petersburg’s own Megan Fox if she’d like to do a celebrity sex tape with him.  That took balls.  I’d have liked to see a better picture of him.  I mean, if he was cute, why the hell not?  Oh yeah, not everyone can do the fuck buddy thing.  I forget that I have a knack for running through men like water runs through faucets.

(video after the break)

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Love is a funny word. It’s a word that I’m extremely uncomfortable with when it comes from a man. It doesn’t matter if he wants to love me, or doesn’t want me to love him; love freaks me out.

There are plenty of men who want to love me, but I don’t want to hear it. Maybe it’s because five months isn’t long enough to be over a 6.5 year relationship, even if the X was an asshole. Maybe it’s because the men who’ve told me they loved me in the past followed it up by getting me arrested, cheating on me, crashing my car, or dumping me two days later because they weren’t mature enough to say they loved me to begin with.

Or maybe this time, it’s because I know none of the people using the L word are right for me. Read the rest of this entry »

Every day at work a horny old Frenchman points out my tongue ring and asks if he can “feel the metal.”

Usually I tell him that I’d rather tattoo my vagina. OUCH! But Rebecca’s post, “Body modification can improve sex,” got me thinking; tattooing my vagina is way more appealing than blowing an old smelly Frenchman. I did some research on genital tattooing and found a few amazing specimens for your entertainment. (pictures below NSFW) Read the rest of this entry »

After years of dating and love affairs, I’ve realized that men fall into 2 categories: the kind who treat women like they have “Kryptonite Pussies” and the kind who treat women like they have “Crack Pussies.” I came to this understanding one morning when I walked into the office and proudly announced, “My Pussy is Crack!!”

My boss choked on air but my female coworkers seemed less surprised. Read the rest of this entry »

I don’t look at every sexual encounter as having to happen with someone I’m in love with or even dating. I’m a woman and I love to have sex with men I’m attracted to. Some call it meaningless sex. Some call it evolved sex. I just call it sex. Read the rest of this entry »

During phone sex, most men are interested in their fantasies, what they want women like me to do to them. Over the phone I’ve done it all, from getting down on my knees and making them rock hard, to riding them so hard their balls need to be iced down. For me, these fantasies are old and boring, so I’m going to share one of my own. Read the rest of this entry »

I’m back on the hunt for my next fuck buddy applicant. The qualified applicant I came across wasn’t available to accept the position - he already had an employer and was just testing the market. It was a great interview that ended too soon. I was prepared to have multiple interviews and multiple organisms with him, but that’s the way it sometimes goes with fuck buddies.

My quest for a dependable, exciting fuck buddy has inspired and shocked my friends. I have one girlfriend who’s recently divorced and sees the wisdom in the fuck buddy application process. Meet them, take their application, give them a thorough interview and either offer them the job or kick them to the curb. It’s not that hard of a process, just one you have to be careful of.  Read the rest of this entry »

I spent the better part of 5 years in a love triangle, and now I’m creating another one.  After all the pain the last one caused, you’d think I’d be smarter, but people in love aren’t smart. I’m not actually in love this time, just intrigued by one and pursued by another.  If I let it continue then I’ll be in a triangle. I’m not the only one in this situation.  I’m surrounded  by people in love triangles.  WTF…when did we go from wanting another person, to want two other people? Is it our self-centered selfish way of life? Is it low self esteem and insecurities that make us look for attention from more than one lover at a time?  Or is it where our society is heading–the triangle becoming the new relationship standard?  Read the rest of this entry »

Sex sells, so it makes sense that sex appeal is often used to market the green movement. Several magazines have recently come out with “sexy” ways to go green that are as impractical and as much of an ego stroke as buying a Mini Cooper. While I’m also jumping on the “green sex” bandwagon, I aim to provide ways to go green in the sack that are more practical than sexy.

Don’t have kids!!! Kids are so unsexy. Not only will these little bastards kill your sex life, sully your nightlife, and make it increasingly difficult to afford romantic getaways, they’re also the largest source of pollution worldwide–considering they grow up to become full-fledged consumer-whore polluters like you and me. No environmental organizations or political groups want to admit the evils of children for fear of being misanthropic, but it’s simple math. If you want to reduce the human strain on the earth, reduce the number of people. Instead of donating money to reactionary programs like “feeding the homeless” or “starving children” funds, be proactive by supporting groups like Planned Parenthood that attack the problem at the source.

Use condoms: Never listen to a dirty hippie who claims he doesn’t believe in condoms because they aren’t biodegradable. Read the rest of this entry »

Maybe she can handle smelly men but I can't

I’ve been taking applications and conducting interviews for my new fuck-buddy now for the past month. Mainly they’ve been short interviews and no one has been called back for a follow-up.  Why waste anymore of my time or bodily fluids on a sub par applicant?  I’m tired of the anticipation, only to be let down.  Don’t men in Florida know how to fuck a woman right?  I’m not asking for a lot.  Only to be bent over and fucked hard.  My hair pulled and my ass slapped.  I want to feel a cock stroking my pussy and making me cum.

Our first encounter was mind blowing.  We left each other satisfied but wanting more.  Before he’d even cum the first time he asked when he could see me again.  His fingers were gentle but left a trail of fire blazing where he touched me.  His kiss was hard and passionate, left my lips red and my body dripping with anticipation. He was a skilled and experienced lover, taking his time, sometimes taking five, just to make sure he made me cum several times before cumming himself.

(Picture to follow; not suitable for work.) Read the rest of this entry »

Until recently, I never fully understood the lengths men will go to simulate a pussy while masturbating. I figured most dudes were as uncreative when it came to masturbation as they were during sex: the standard oil and lotion mixture, or a swab of conditioner in the shower applied at rapid speed until the desired effect is achieved. That was until I met Condom-guy, Sock-guy, and Glad-bag-guy.

At a recent party Sock-guy tried to impress me with a story about how he was working construction on a beach house when the mood struck him. Naturally, he took off a sock and searched for a bucket. In all my time working as a phone sex operator I have never heard of a fetish involving a bucket and a sock.

After finding a bucket, he went to in an empty bedroom closet. He was making so much noise the foreman caught him mid-stroke with his cock in the sock. Read the rest of this entry »

I’ve been single now for six weeks and I need sex. I’m used to getting sex everyday, sometimes twice a day. Hey, my ex may have been a big asshole, but he was hot and great in the sack when or wherever the urge struck us. Now that he’s gone, I’ve had to break out the glasscock a lot more than normal.

For anyone who has never tried a glass blown dildo, I highly recommend it. The beauty of the glasscock is that it’s always hard, you can heat it up by boiling it or cool it down by putting it into the freezer. Cleaning it is a breeze, stick it in your dishwasher or wash it by hand. It’s by far the safest material to use for sex play since you can wash the funk off and it’s safe to use for the next time or person, whatever you’re into.

But as much as I enjoy the glasscock, I crave a man’s touch. Read the rest of this entry »