Daily Loaf

Hey there.

It was really nice meeting you the other night at [name of club, bar, or mutual friend's house]. I really liked the ensemble you were wearing. I’m not one to boast, but I can spot a well-made garment when I see one. Your shoes were really cute too. I’m really sorry I spilled Miller Lite all over them mid-pop ‘n’ lock. But I think I should tell you right now, I’m a sucker for red lips and high-heels…so I really feel like you nailed that one. Bravo. But enough about my inner drag queen and killer dance moves.

I want you to know that I’m a good girlfriend. Read the rest of this entry »

Cheating: to practice fraud or deceit; or informally to be sexually unfaithful.

Although this definition seems clear-cut, what constitutes cheating in a relationship is often ambiguous. For some, cheating includes intercourse but not oral sex. Some count French kissing but not closed mouth kisses. But what about holding hands or snuggling — physical acts that are more associated with emotional connections than physical acts of passion? To take it a step further, can you cheat without physically touching someone else? Is fantasizing about someone else during sex cheating? What about flirting online? Believe it or not, Wikipedia actually has a page for this subject, describing it as an affair of the heart. Read the rest of this entry »

“Well, I’ll start of with the basics you’ll need to know to understand how this is so confusing to me. All my life i’ve constantly been told by girls “i only like you as a friend” There this girl in real life who i really like, but we’re just friends, best friends to be exact, and i’m totally fine with that. In fact, i am great with it because relationships often die out but friendships don’t. She is in my dreams almost every night, but last night, “she was in my dream but only in the background a couple of times and we spoke a little bit. The strangest part is now, there was this girl in my dream (who i don’t know in real life, she was obviously made up in my dreamland) who is completely not my type in looks and personality. But for some reason i started to like her, a lot, and just as i was getting the courage up to ask her on a date, she makes it very clear that we’re just friends. Not only that, but one of my childhood friends who i am still currently friends with also liked her but she also only liked him as a friend too, but i was willing to go behind his back to go on a date with the girl who we both liked (and i wouldn’t do that in real life, i’m not that kind of guy)” (sic)

Dream Momma likes this dream because it is such a good example of the sexual shadow at work. Read the rest of this entry »

“Dream Momma, I always wake up feeling guilty and covered in sweat but cannot remember dreaming. What’s up with that?”

So, you’ve had a dream that soaked your pillow, woke you up.   Bothered you all the next day too.  “What the hell?”  you chewed. Well the hell is you’ve had a “big” dream, one like legendary dream analyst Carl Jung had as a kid.  In Jung’s dream, he was shitting on a church.  Tough dream, daytime nightmare really, for a kid whose dad was a minister.  Oh, the guilt and shame.

Guilt and shame are what a lot of cold sweat dreaming leaves us with.  Dream-cheated on your girlfriend with her mother (who has “lifted” her age backwards and looks kinda, sorta hot?)  Shame on you!  Or, you dream-stole from  the kids little league team you help coach?  What’s that about?  You’re an honest guy.  Or, gulp, imagine dreaming of seducing the kid you’re baby sitting.  Lots of guilt and shame there too.

Relax, it’s not what it appears to be. Read the rest of this entry »

Since many of you have expressed interest in how to jump into the swinger lifestyle, I’ve put together a few reviews of swinger websites that I’m a member of.

Florida’s Finest Couples is dedicated to lifestyle parties throughout Florida. This site is open to couples and single females who are at least 21 years of age. Members will receive discounts at swinger clubs and adult toy stores, and they will be on the list for invite only parties and special events. Read the rest of this entry »

We all know someone who thinks of himself as a “bad boy,” the kind of guy who claims he can “mack” on any “hooze bag” in a bar. The name “bad boy” is slightly misleading. When I think of bad, I think of UFC fighters or extreme athletes. For the most part, “bad boys” are more of the poser, douche bag variety–the kind of guys who wear trendy clothes featuring the brands of UFC fighters or extreme sports. Douches tend to be ultra conformists who follow trends, are hyper narcissistic, and are completely self centered dick weeds. These are the dudes I spent my high school years hating, and my college years trying to take a few tips from. Despite what you think about douches, they seemingly feast on an endless buffet of one-night-stands. Read the rest of this entry »

Man Manual, advice #2: Don’t insist on doing everything with your boyfriend.

Your idea of fun might be a long day of primping and shopping, but for a guy that’s the furthest thing from his mind. God gave you “girlfriends” so as not to punish your man with your chick shit outings! Instead of dragging along your boyfriend for an endless day of wandering and waiting while being your human shopping cart, do it with your pals instead.   Read the rest of this entry »

That was one question I asked myself after an incident a few years ago. I met a man in his mid 30s at a bar in South Tampa. He was a well-dressed Italian man with a nice athletic build. We exchanged numbers and that was that. I left the bar and forgot about even giving my number away.

The following week I get a text asking to hang out. I figured what the hell, I’m the adventurous type — why not see what happens. I was a little bit horny anyway, but figured I could probably control myself.

I get over to his place, played with his cute little dog, watched some baseball, and sipped a cran and vodka. We both got a few drinks in us.

Read below the jump for the rest [probably NSFW]:

Read the rest of this entry »

You know that feeling you get when you stop at the ATM and your balance is dramatically lower than you expected? And then you feel like a cretin for three or four days?  That has terrible written all over it. Why do we put such value in our status in life? And with that in mind, do you judge yourself or estimate your self value by the relationship you are in or how many people you sleep with?  That’s a one way ticket to an over populated region called “Disappointment Town”.

Read the rest of this entry »

There is absolutely no way I would rather wake up in the morning than with a strong cup of coffee and my beautiful boyfriend. For the past year this has become our little AM ritual when we spend the night together: coffee, cigarettes, and conversation that feeds the soul. This morning was no different. We sat on his front porch listening to the rain and breathing in our daily dose of carcinogenics when it struck me; how is it that I’m still so excited to wake up with him after a whole year? Read the rest of this entry »

Love isn’t the most sensible of emotions. I’d go so far as to say that love is the mentally handicapped cousin of reason. There’s just something about being in a relationship that causes you to ask stupid  questions you don’t want to know the answers to.

“Were you thinking of Mathew McConaughey the last time we had sex?”

“How big is my junk compared to the other guys you’ve been with?”

“Have I put on weight?” Read the rest of this entry »

Dear Dream Momma, I dreamed I was at a Girlfriend’s meeting in an auditorium and my seat # was AA. I checked the row but all the seats were taken. They started to serve lunch from the stage and would not give me one unless I was in my seat. The 2 servers did not believe me, but handed me a lunchbox anyway and pointed toward the exit.

Dreamer, it’s clear you’re invested in alcoholics and/or addicts. Here are the key indicators of why I believe that: Girlfriend is capitalized (Emphasis on alcoholic person), seat # was AA (Alcoholics Anonymous), all the seats were taken (no room for you/you don’t belong).

The next part of the dream is about how you have been nurtured somehow by your investment in the world of addiction, (serving lunch).

Finally, and here’s the good news:

Read the rest of this entry »