Daily Loaf

Since the mainstream media has shoved off to cover the last moments of America’s Next Top Model and the finals of the American Idol competitions, I want to bring you up to date on the Swine Flu. 

First of all it is important to understand that in the USA’s rush to make the naming of this virus politically correct and to protect the flagging pork industry, they settled on H1N1 virus. H1N1 is a group of viruses, influenza A(H1N1).

Viruses are not typical and change often so by using this general title for this virus, Public Health has dumbed us down. Other groups of influenza viruses are A(H3N2) and B/Yamagata and B/Victoria viruses but the list is massive and complicated. To call this virus H1N1 is like using the term car to categorize a Ferrari 612 Scaglietti. Yes it is a car but, there are many cars and among cars the 612 Scaglietti is most unique.  This “swine flu” is an A(H1N1) but it is not the only A(H1N1) virus. Read the rest of this entry »

A "Mexican Kiss"

The media is having a field day hypnotizing Americans with fear over the impending Porkacolypse, but is this newest incarnation of doomsday  actually keeping us from getting laid?

I realize everyone is tired of the Swine Flu. All my friends roll their eyes at its mere mention. I get it. But trends around my college campus are beginning to shift, and I’m starting to worry. I mean the slutty chicks are still willing to lay any wookie, but the marginally wild women who drink apple martinis on barstools while their thongs creep out the top of their business skirts are becoming even more inaccessible. They are sitting on barstools with their legs crossed, like ladies for God’s sake. My boy Shawn who NEVER has a problem landing a lady had two drinks he bought for prospective partners sent back with a “No thanks.” The girls are turning down free booze now? He’s lucky I like girly drinks.

(READER POLE AFTER THE JUMP) Read the rest of this entry »

Are you afraid of eating pork thanks to the outbreak of the swine flu? Or, more accurately, the outbreak of media hysteria over swine flu?

Well, don’t worry about it, you can’t catch a respiratory disease like flu from a slab of applewood smoked bacon or inch-thick chop, no matter how undercooked. This new strain that’s affecting humans hasn’t even been found in pigs. But that’s not stopping the hysteria bandwagon, among consumers, the media and governments.

Which means that American pork producers have had to go on the offensive. Read the rest of this entry »