Daily Loaf

“Dream Momma, I am a 45-year-old, married, black female professional living in Tampa. I have been having an online “affair,” if you will call it that, for 3 years with a white man. My husband, who is also a professional, travels a lot with his job. I have met my online lover, and although we have shared embraces, we have not shared a bed.

This dream begins with me on my bed and my husband in the sitting room that is off our bedroom. There is a curtain there, so I cannot actually see him but I hear him as he moves about. He is watching TV. My lover enters my bedroom wearing just a long tee shirt and crawls onto the bed with me. I am not surprised to see him; it is as if he does this often. He snuggles up behind me and is very amorous. I am watching the crack in the curtain. I suggest that we go to another room.

We go the bathroom that is just beyond my laundry room. There is a cot set up for him. He apparently stays here often. But the washer has been moved into the bathroom and I am concerned that my husband will come into this room to tend to the washer. So I am emptying the washer and taking clothes from the toilet(?) that appear to be clean. I am trying frantically to stay ahead of my husband in thought.

I hear him come into the laundry room and he is doing something with the dryer. My lover is starting to say something and I am signaling him not to talk but he continues to whisper. My husband is close enough that I could touch him if there were no wall and I am almost crazed that I can’t seem to make my lover understand that he should not talk AT ALL.

He finally makes me understand that he has left his belt out in the house somewhere. He thinks maybe my bedroom, and he is not sure where his pants are. My head is about spin off as I try to imagine where he might have left his things and if I can get to them before my husband sees them – as they are not the same body types and do not share a sense of style. Help me understand this dream please.” (sic)

Dream Momma will try. The first thing that is of significance is the fact that whenever your husband appears in the dream there is something concrete between you (a curtain, a wall). That is important. It means there IS something between you in real, waking, life that is interfering with marital intimacy (and Dream Momma doesn’t mean just sex). Read the rest of this entry »

Our marriage began with a hurricane (the storm, not the drink).  The morning after our wedding we were forced to evacuate Louisiana. We drove for 14 hours and after no luck finding a hotel, we ended up spending the first night of our honeymoon sleeping in our Jeep in a Cracker Barrel parking lot. While not obviously romantic, it was adventurous and oddly special.

We recently celebrated our first year anniversary — or as my husband would say, “We survived our first year of marriage.” As year one passed us by, I couldn’t help but reflect on what I have learned…about marriage, about love and about myself. Read the rest of this entry »

“Dream Momma, I wanted to send you this dream to give you a smile. My husband told me yesterday morning that he had dreamed of a big stone foot that was possessed – and it was forced to tap-dance all over the place. He has just taken up a part-time corporate contract after being on sabbatical (to complete his Master of Commerce in Wine Management, his passion) in order to get some income to fund the set up of his new wine business. I’m not sure exactly how his situation connects to the dream symbol but my intuition says that it certainly does!”

Yikes! I’m not even smirking, much less smiling, and I fear you won’t be either when I tell you what I believe his dream means. Now, I usually don’t touch a dream sent by someone other than the dreamer, but my keen intuition tells me to make an exception here. I suspect it’s because you, the observer, are cloaking your fears in this pseudo-give-you-a-smile way. Why would you want Dream Momma to smile? I suspect deep down you don’t. What you want is for Dream Momma to soothe your fears and make you smile. Wish I could but that (playing mind games) is not my style. So, are you ready? If not, click delete … or steel yourself for a bitter pill. Read the rest of this entry »

“Dream Momma, I dreamed I was pregnant (which in real life I am) and that my husbands best friend entered my room and started kissing my neck and I was going along with it. He then took off my clothes and his own clothes and showed me his big penis. I then told him to put on a condom because in my dream I was still aware I was pregnant. So we had sex (missionary style), which is not recommended to do while pregnant, but in my dream I let him because he wasn’t putting any pressure on my stomach like in real life my husband does. So while we were having sex, all I was thinking about was how I had just took my revenge that I was plotting against my husband and put it to action. We then finished and even though I did it to get back at my husband I begged him not to tell him. Still in my dream but later on that day we were all at the house and my husbands best friend was also there, but I felt so guilty. Even though I felt guilty I still wanted to do it again.” (sic)

Yikes, this is not good. Dream Momma wants to know why the hell you ever agreed to get pregnant? Or did you? Read the rest of this entry »

The internal prostate massage is one of the most sexually stimulating practices you can do for a man, and it’s healthy.  I started milking the prostate a few years ago after reading some literature on the subject.  It was more than difficult getting my then 46-year-old husband to try it, but once I did he enjoyed it.

Milking keeps the blood moving and releases seminal fluid.  Some men aren’t into having anything in their anus, so a perineum massage can also be stimulating as well. The perineum is a small, smooth patch of skin located between the testicles and the anus. By pressing down on this area, not too hard, this will indirectly stimulate the prostate.  I usually use this technique when I’m masturbating my husband.  Again, I enjoy using ky-warming gel and it drives him nuts.  Read the rest of this entry »

William Taylor of Centreville, VA is not happy. Much to the amusement of commuters, he stood at the corner of a bustling intersection for the past two mornings, telling the world he is a cheater.

After Taylor’s wife found incriminating photos on his cell phone, she came up with an unusual punishment for her philandering husband. She specified that, during morning rush hour, he must stand at a busy D.C. area intersection wearing an “I cheated” sandwich board… for a week. Read the rest of this entry »

DNA tests have confirmed that former Presidential candidate, John Edwards, is the father of Rielle Hunters’s 18-month-old daughter, Frances. Even more surprisingly, National Enquirer broke the story.

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Since MTV’s The Hills began in the summer of 2006, Heidi Montag has gone from Lauren Conrad’s sweet best friend to Spencer Pratt’s feisty vixen. Montag has seemingly tried everything to stay in the celebrity spotlight, starting with her awful music video (directed by her new husband, Spencer) of Montag running and rolling on the beach in a bikini.

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Sometimes you’re looking for love, but sometimes you just want to find someone on the internet who can be your personal Oprah. To fulfill this fetish, I again turned to Craigslist. Below is my original post followed by my favorite responses. (All names and personal info have been changed to protect the weird)

tampa bay area craigslist > casual encounters

Skinny White Guy looking for his Oprah – m4w – 23 Read the rest of this entry »

I’ve met enough penises in my time to know that like lollipops, dicks come in all shapes and sizes. The fact is that most dicks are between five to seven inches erect; the real question is, does size matter? Read the rest of this entry »

Don't worry, the fellas clean up pretty good…

I didn’t tell my husband where we were going.  I really should have after suggesting he wear his pink polo shirt. It’s a stereotype, I know, but I couldn’t resist. I’m not saying he voted for McCain, but I’m pretty sure he voted for Reagan. Twice.  I called earlier in the day and asked “Hey, babe, wanna go see a play tonight?”  Rhetorical question; the answer is and must always be “Sure.”

3 Guys in Drag Selling Their Stuff: The name alone is enough to get me in the door. The bar in the Crown Theater with half-price drinks ensures that we will stay through intermission.  Never been to Club Nautico, never knew there was a theater in the back room, never knew there was a back room. Gypsy Productions can be counted on to bring fun, campy, sometimes poignant shows to Tampa Bay audiences and they rarely make me feel like I wasted an evening.  3 Guys… was no exception.  It may not change your life but it may make you change your red muumuu.

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Marriage counselor, M. Gary Neuman, polled more than 200 cheating and faithful husbands about fidelity for his book, The Truth About Cheating. Below are some of his surprising findings. Read the rest of this entry »

What is it about immortal blood sucking broodaholics that makes women swoon?  Is it the danger?  Is it the biting?  Because trust me girls, I can nibble your neck and I’ve been known to walk fast with a pair of scissors in my hand.  Or perhaps it’s something unattainable to us, the meek mortal man.

Vampire stories such as Twilight and True Blood are currently the hottest things on the market from books, to film/TV and even sex toys.  What gives?  The thought of having my blood removed from the warmth of my veins does not get me wild in the pants.  But the ladies, the ladies do love their undead bad boys.  They want to be taken to the edge and peer over the side.  It drives their juices and makes their heart feel a new sense of life.  The thought that you could be laying with your lover and in the throes of passion and he could take your life must be a mighty intoxicant.  But give me a shot of tequila over a chalice of blood any day.

Edward Cullen does have quite a few more desirable qualities than say Count Dracula.  For one he doesn’t consistently look like he’s heading to the opera.  He’s a moody, anti-social, and more Abercrombie than Hot Topic.  And you’d being lying if you couldn’t admit those eyes are DREAMY. Read the rest of this entry »

Sooner Holley: About halfway through regular season play, my husband and I started talking about college football armageddon: The Florida Gators made an incredible turnaround after Tim Tebow’s moving speech following the Ole Miss game, and the Oklahoma Sooners started racking up touchdown after touchdown against every opponent following the Texas game.  Could it be possible that our two teams might meet in the BCS National Championship Game?

When conference championship weekend came to an end, we looked at each other and with a single glance; the battle line was drawn.  Not only would our teams, who had never in history met on the gridiron, see each other in a BCS match-up, it would be for the National Title.  Ever since, I have been inundated with Tebow propaganda… Read the rest of this entry »