Daily Loaf

“Dream Momma, I am a 45-year-old, married, black female professional living in Tampa. I have been having an online “affair,” if you will call it that, for 3 years with a white man. My husband, who is also a professional, travels a lot with his job. I have met my online lover, and although we have shared embraces, we have not shared a bed.

This dream begins with me on my bed and my husband in the sitting room that is off our bedroom. There is a curtain there, so I cannot actually see him but I hear him as he moves about. He is watching TV. My lover enters my bedroom wearing just a long tee shirt and crawls onto the bed with me. I am not surprised to see him; it is as if he does this often. He snuggles up behind me and is very amorous. I am watching the crack in the curtain. I suggest that we go to another room.

We go the bathroom that is just beyond my laundry room. There is a cot set up for him. He apparently stays here often. But the washer has been moved into the bathroom and I am concerned that my husband will come into this room to tend to the washer. So I am emptying the washer and taking clothes from the toilet(?) that appear to be clean. I am trying frantically to stay ahead of my husband in thought.

I hear him come into the laundry room and he is doing something with the dryer. My lover is starting to say something and I am signaling him not to talk but he continues to whisper. My husband is close enough that I could touch him if there were no wall and I am almost crazed that I can’t seem to make my lover understand that he should not talk AT ALL.

He finally makes me understand that he has left his belt out in the house somewhere. He thinks maybe my bedroom, and he is not sure where his pants are. My head is about spin off as I try to imagine where he might have left his things and if I can get to them before my husband sees them – as they are not the same body types and do not share a sense of style. Help me understand this dream please.” (sic)

Dream Momma will try. The first thing that is of significance is the fact that whenever your husband appears in the dream there is something concrete between you (a curtain, a wall). That is important. It means there IS something between you in real, waking, life that is interfering with marital intimacy (and Dream Momma doesn’t mean just sex). Read the rest of this entry »

Dream Momma,

I dreamed I was driving a car in the neighborhood where I was born and saw a helicopter parked in the driveway two houses from ours. When I drove closer to show it to the person in my car I knocked off a small propeller, made of wood, about twelve inches long. I noticed the other side of the propeller was completely broken off.  I picked the broken piece up and went to a store hoping to find a replacement.  Lots of large things were in my way as I drove around the helicopter to get to the store. I didn’t hit anything but driving in that place and the dream were both very weird to me. What do you think?

Find out what it all means after the break: Read the rest of this entry »

I’ve schooled you in what constitutes an affair. I’ve listed the rules of having an affair and where to look for a discrete hook-up.  Now I’ll tell you how to save money in your search for that NSA(no strings attached) fuck.

Ashleymadison is a website revered for finding discrete hook-ups. Currently the site is running a promotion that puts a spin on the government program, Cash for Clunkers. Their promotion, Cash for Chunkers, saying, “is being married to a chunker weighing you down?” Read the rest of this entry »

After reading Dirty Talk 101 and Dirty Talk 201, you’re ready to turn the heat up.

I’ll admit that a few times while working on a chat line, the caller would actually turn me on with vivid details of what he looked like, at least in both of our minds. I’d react to his voice and start imagining myself what it would be like to fuck him. Men like these made me enjoy talking dirty and making callers cum with just my words. The excitement of making a man with just your voice is orgasmic. When done right, the rush is orgasmic!!

(language below NSFW)

Read the rest of this entry »

Getting into position: The woman draws her knees up while the man positions himself over her. Trapping her thighs in what is described as a “tight knot,” he saddles her and rides her buttocks all the way to orgasmville!

On a scale of 1 to 10 how would you rate position? 8

Did you have difficulty getting into the position? Slight difficulty. You will have to play with this one a bit to understand exactly what “tight knot” means. I’m not even sure we got it completely right … but if what I did was wrong, I don’t want to be right! Read the rest of this entry »

Getting into the position: Crush milky chunks of cactus with sulfur and realgar. Dry this mixture seven times until it can be easily turned into powder. Add in a monkey turd and sprinkle mixture over your lover’s head. Read the rest of this entry »

What is it about immortal blood sucking broodaholics that makes women swoon?  Is it the danger?  Is it the biting?  Because trust me girls, I can nibble your neck and I’ve been known to walk fast with a pair of scissors in my hand.  Or perhaps it’s something unattainable to us, the meek mortal man.

Vampire stories such as Twilight and True Blood are currently the hottest things on the market from books, to film/TV and even sex toys.  What gives?  The thought of having my blood removed from the warmth of my veins does not get me wild in the pants.  But the ladies, the ladies do love their undead bad boys.  They want to be taken to the edge and peer over the side.  It drives their juices and makes their heart feel a new sense of life.  The thought that you could be laying with your lover and in the throes of passion and he could take your life must be a mighty intoxicant.  But give me a shot of tequila over a chalice of blood any day.

Edward Cullen does have quite a few more desirable qualities than say Count Dracula.  For one he doesn’t consistently look like he’s heading to the opera.  He’s a moody, anti-social, and more Abercrombie than Hot Topic.  And you’d being lying if you couldn’t admit those eyes are DREAMY. Read the rest of this entry »

Love isn’t the most sensible of emotions. I’d go so far as to say that love is the mentally handicapped cousin of reason. There’s just something about being in a relationship that causes you to ask stupid  questions you don’t want to know the answers to.

“Were you thinking of Mathew McConaughey the last time we had sex?”

“How big is my junk compared to the other guys you’ve been with?”

“Have I put on weight?” Read the rest of this entry »

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Today marks the inaugural episode of the Reel Projections podcast, hosted by yours truly and fellow movie lover/CL Associate Editor Joe Bardi. Featured is the first part of my recent interview with comic-book artist Dave Gibbons, who talks about his new book, Watching the Watchmen, as well as the upcoming film based on his seminal graphic novel he helped to create with writer Alan Moore, Watchmen.