Daily Loaf

I’m still amazed when I hear about someone getting married because of faith and not love.  That fact that people are still marrying out of necessity to their religion is astonishing. Take Alex for instance.  I don’t personally know Alex, but he is a friend of a friend.  Recently his story reminded me how some people still hide who they are in order to be accepted by church or family.  Alex is gay, yet he lives the life of a straight man to his friends, family, church, and even his fiance. Read the rest of this entry »

Originally reported by the Dailymail.co, The British designer store, Debenhams, recently researched who buys men’s underwear. What they found reveals a bit more about relationship trends that just who controls the wallet.

Men only buy their own underwear for seventeen years of their lives. This responsibility is relegated to mothers and wives the rest of the time. Read the rest of this entry »

Cheating: to practice fraud or deceit; or informally to be sexually unfaithful.

Although this definition seems clear-cut, what constitutes cheating in a relationship is often ambiguous. For some, cheating includes intercourse but not oral sex. Some count French kissing but not closed mouth kisses. But what about holding hands or snuggling — physical acts that are more associated with emotional connections than physical acts of passion? To take it a step further, can you cheat without physically touching someone else? Is fantasizing about someone else during sex cheating? What about flirting online? Believe it or not, Wikipedia actually has a page for this subject, describing it as an affair of the heart. Read the rest of this entry »

“Hi!  I live in Tampa. A while ago, I dreamt that I was getting married. Everything seemed to be normal at the wedding, until I looked at a picture that someone had taken. My gown was black, as were my bridesmaids. The whole male wedding party was also wearing nothing but black! I’m only 14 years old, don’t have a boyfriend, and definitely DON’T want to be married. Can you tell me what this means?” (sic)

It’s interesting that at an age when young girls fantasize about boys, weddings, marriage, etc., you are sooo adamant that you DON’T want to get married.  What’s up with that?

I’ll tell you. Read the rest of this entry »

“Dream Momma, I am a 45-year-old, married, black female professional living in Tampa. I have been having an online “affair,” if you will call it that, for 3 years with a white man. My husband, who is also a professional, travels a lot with his job. I have met my online lover, and although we have shared embraces, we have not shared a bed.

This dream begins with me on my bed and my husband in the sitting room that is off our bedroom. There is a curtain there, so I cannot actually see him but I hear him as he moves about. He is watching TV. My lover enters my bedroom wearing just a long tee shirt and crawls onto the bed with me. I am not surprised to see him; it is as if he does this often. He snuggles up behind me and is very amorous. I am watching the crack in the curtain. I suggest that we go to another room.

We go the bathroom that is just beyond my laundry room. There is a cot set up for him. He apparently stays here often. But the washer has been moved into the bathroom and I am concerned that my husband will come into this room to tend to the washer. So I am emptying the washer and taking clothes from the toilet(?) that appear to be clean. I am trying frantically to stay ahead of my husband in thought.

I hear him come into the laundry room and he is doing something with the dryer. My lover is starting to say something and I am signaling him not to talk but he continues to whisper. My husband is close enough that I could touch him if there were no wall and I am almost crazed that I can’t seem to make my lover understand that he should not talk AT ALL.

He finally makes me understand that he has left his belt out in the house somewhere. He thinks maybe my bedroom, and he is not sure where his pants are. My head is about spin off as I try to imagine where he might have left his things and if I can get to them before my husband sees them – as they are not the same body types and do not share a sense of style. Help me understand this dream please.” (sic)

Dream Momma will try. The first thing that is of significance is the fact that whenever your husband appears in the dream there is something concrete between you (a curtain, a wall). That is important. It means there IS something between you in real, waking, life that is interfering with marital intimacy (and Dream Momma doesn’t mean just sex). Read the rest of this entry »

“Hello Dream Momma!

I saw your video from the St. Petersburg short film festival on http://www.roblimo.com/ and a dream that I had in the wee hours of Saturday came to mind. I was starting a job at a company I worked for 25 years ago, and only one person was still there (she would be close to 70 now and I haven’t had any contact with her in probably 20+ years). A gentleman in a suit, carrying a large bouquet of flowers (fall colors, I remember distinctly with no roses) had a single red rose in his other hand, which he gave to me and said welcome back. I knew this person wasn’t an employee, however I did thank him and call him by his name…Morley Safer. “Thank you, Morley!”

I normally don’t have dreams stick in my mind but this one was way far out there to say the least. Any clues as to what it might mean?” (sic)

I sure do! It’s a wonderful, affirming dream. Your unconscious, via your dream guide, is Read the rest of this entry »

At my former job I met a man I’ll call Scott. Scott came in multiple times to specifically seek my advice and stayed roughly an hour each visit. We talked about each others’ lives, specifically love and sex; I like to think these subjects are my forte and I talk about them with most everyone. The majority of the the conversations were about his ex and recent dates he went on. Once, when it was time for Scott to leave, I was on my way out for lunch. As we walked out together I said, “You know I don’t have that many good guy friends that I can chat with around here. We should be friends.”

He shot me a curious smile and gave me his phone number. We occasionally shot each other a text about our bad experiences with Verizon and the like, but then things went in a direction I wasn’t expecting.

Via text he asked, “What do you want?”

I laughed and said, “Well nothing. You know I’m not single, right?” I figured Facebook would have given him that answer.

“I’m not looking for anything serious,” he wrote. “You’re a cool girl and all, but I’m not looking for anything ’serious’ with you.”

I could not believe what I was hearing. I legitimately thought he wanted to be my friend, but in the end he just wanted to fuck. I ended communication with Scott immediately and called a close male friend to vent.

As naive as it sounds, I have never been asked out-right to be a friend-with-benefits. Don’t get me wrong, I see nothing wrong with that, but I honestly did not think he had an ulterior motive. I was very, very wrong.

This got me thinking of other scenarios with male “friends.” Two of my close male friends have told me that we couldn’t be friends or talk as much, because of trust issues with their partners. When did I cross a line where it’s not OK to be friends with males, especially if they are in a relationships?

I have always had more male than female friends and am confused as to why this relationship seems taboo to many. I can understand how a girlfriend would get jealous if I had slept with or dated these male friends, but otherwise I’m lost. The worst part is that I have been friends with one guy long before he met his recent beau, so why should I have to give him up as a friend?

My boyfriend and I have an exponential amount of trust for one another and I think this is what is lacking in couples that “forbid” their partner to have friends of the opposite sex. I feel that if you do not have friends of the opposite sex for fear of what will happen in your own relationship, you are missing out on some major life experiences, and I don’t mean sexually.

Why am I just now learning this unspoken rule? After some thought I think I have found a solution: the friend needs to meet the partner in order to convey a sense of trust and to prove that he/she has no ulterior motives. But is the rule only applicable to people in marriages or relationships? What about single people? I need some perspective on this one? What do you all think?

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“There are songs that make us want to dance, songs that make us want to sing along, but the best songs bring you back to the moment you first heard them and once again break your heart”
-xoxo gossip girl

Every Upper East Sider loves a good wedding. The flowers, the toasts, the dress … well, Lily’s fifth wedding was anything but the usual affair. Besides actually marrying for love instead of money or status, Lily and Rufus’ wedding (that was 20 years in the making) was spur of the moment. Just like the weed-induced proposal and the announcement of their love child right before the “I Dos” (Thank you, Georgina.) Not only was it spur of the moment, but it almost didn’t happen.

Lily can never commit and always has a reason to run from Rufus, but after 20 years, a love child (a fake death of a love child), their children getting together, and Lily’s four previous marriages, it’s time for them to get together and stay together in holy matrimony til death do they part. But lets hope that doesn’t happen too soon — Lily has already been a widow once.

But back to the love child: Read the rest of this entry »

“Dear Dream Momma, I have a big crush on this guy I know. In my dream last night he said hi and seemed really happy to see me and his face and eyes glowed with this happy warmth. I said hi and I could feel inside I was screaming with excitement but wanted to play it cool. We went to this wooded picnic table and sat down on the same seat. I noticed I was a little close to him so I scooted over some closer to the edge on the left but he scooted closer to me. He asked me how I was and I could feel myself blush. I said I was okay and asked him. He said how he was doing okay but he felt bad cause he took some time off of college because his wife and daughter were very sick and he wanted to take care of them and spend time with them. I remember feeling like I was going to cry and I could feel all his love and concern for the wife and daughter and I remember seeing a gold wedding ring on his finger. The weird thing is in real life he’s single and he has a few degrees from university and has a well established job he’s been working at for a few years now. Why is he married in the dream?”

The short answer is, because he is married. Married to something else, and I suspect it’s Read the rest of this entry »

Our loves holes lose elasticity with age, usage, and childbirth, which is unfortunate because the tightness of the anus and vagina contribute to sexual pleasure for both men and women. This is why it’s necessary to exercise these muscles daily.

While I was in nursing school, one of my instructors continually made negative commits about anal sex and how it destroyed the body. To give you an idea of how ignorant she was, when a gay student pointed out that not all gay men participated in anal sex she said, “Yeah right!”  I eventually dropped that class. She was either homophobic or just trying to justify why she wouldn’t let her husband do her in the ass. She was probably one of those uptight people who didn’t like sex anyway.   Read the rest of this entry »

I’m at the point in my life where almost everyone I know is getting engaged. I’ve been to three weddings this year, which is more than I’ve attended in my entire life. I’m surrounded by my friends with “wedding fever.” If they’ve been in a long-term relationship, they’re pushing for a proposal. If they’re single, they’re rushing to find someone. Why the sudden rush?

Read the rest of this entry »

Nothing bores me more than controlled environments like movies, plays, amusement parks, the zoo, or the circus. I just don’t enjoy artificial stimulation–at least that kind of stimulation. Unfortunately my husband is the complete opposite.  Recently, on a perfect afternoon with the sun shining through the clear, 59 degree Pinellas County sky, he wanted to go to a matinee. I agreed but I had no interest in the movie; I just wanted to try out my new toy: a penis leash. A penis leash is probably one of the best things a woman in a heterosexual relationship can invest in, other than a bed with high posts. Mine was similar to a dog leash, except the constricting portion encompassed the bottom portion of the cock’s shaft and the nuts. It’s similar to a cock ring or cock & ball divider, but it acts as a choke chain. If you pull the leash, it will tighten. Read the rest of this entry »

Sometimes when I hear a person say, “having sex,” I start to wonder what kind of sex?  When I was growing up, “having sex,” meant sexual intercourse involving the penis and vagina. Doggy style was considered kinky. Today I find that most of my peers are willing to experiment with different kinds of sex, especially if they are new divorcees or if they just want to spice things up. But, sex has changed since we were kids.  Sometimes when I hear a sexual reference I don’t understand, I ask my 22-year-old son to explain it. This just goes to show that new sexual practices are constantly being created. However, for the purposes of this quick guide to sex, I’m only going to discuss: intercourse (penis and vagina), oral (mouth on penis), anal  (penis in anus), and masturbation. Read the rest of this entry »

Everyone has a list… a list of people you are allowed to sleep with while you’re in a relationship. For some, the realization of this list may not actually be “allowed,” but the list exists nonetheless.

In the beginning of my four year relationship, my boyfriend and I both mentioned people on our respective lists. I originally thought it was strange to talk about other people we lusted after, but times have changed and the list continues to evolve. I’ve seen a few of the people on my list recently and wasn’t impressed. They have since been replaced.

Read the rest of this entry »

In the 80’s I did some things I’m not proud of, one of which was having sex with a married man. Yeah it was fun and he gave me money and lots of things, but eventually my morals kicked in and I broke it off. This guy had a horrible sex life with his wife who wasn’t bad looking. Today I find a similar situation with many male acquaintances who are not satisfied with their love lives.  I understand that after10 or 30 years of marriage, sex can get a bit boring, so I’m here to provide a few tips to help keep things lively in the sack. Read the rest of this entry »

Dear Dream Momma,

I hope you can help me. Last night I had a very significant dream. My boyfriend kept turning into a rabbit, then back into a human. When he was a rabbit, he would turn very mad, out of control, eat sharp objects and do other things to endanger his life.

I spent a great deal of time trying to manage him. I became aware that while he was with me (as a human) he was treating me like a princess, but I had found out (from one of my university professors!) that behind my back he was calling me names like a whore, and said I was promiscuous.

In the same dream I went to visit my newly married best friend who had just come back from her honeymoon where she flew over all of these dangerous places, including Afghanistan. Despite this she was blissfully satisfied, and her new house was looking small, but beautifully decorated. Although she had only just gotten married, she had a 20-week-old baby.

In real life I have a boyfriend of one year with whom I am currently in a long-distance relationship. He gets frustrated with me for asking if he cheats all the time. I also have a best friend who got married two weeks ago. She has no baby.

Dear Rabbit’s Girlfriend (RG), Read the rest of this entry »

“Dream Momma, Last weekend I had a dream (nightmare) that I was trying to outrun a sinkhole with the family in the car. We made it to a shopping mall and ran inside just in time to see the parking lot and everything that lay beyond it swallowed up. It freaked me out and the only thing Julie could say was “What did you eat last night?”

Dear Dreamer, I have to assume you are married with kids and that Julie is your wife. On that assumption I believe this dream is about your belief and your marriage. You and your family are in a car (the marital journey) trying to outrun a sinkhole (big problem-separation-divorce-global crisis). In a nano second you are saved but the world outside is swallowed up.

Hmmm, swallowed up. What comes to mind when you think of the world being swallowed up? Read the rest of this entry »

Swingers are often stereotyped as having lascivious affairs, but depending on what you consider cheating, almost everyone is having some type of affair.

For me, an affair isn’t necessarily a physical relationship; it can be an emotional connection as well.  Depending on who you are, either connection can constitute an affair.

By this definition I have both emotional and physical affairs.  I’m not in love with these people; some are friends that I share a side of myself with that I don’t share with everyone. Others I just have sex with and don’t care if I ever see again. Read the rest of this entry »

Unfaithful politicians have been around since, well since as long as there have been politicians. So why do we now expect philandering political figures like Senator John Ensign and Governor Mark Sanford to resign because of an affair? Many Americans see infidelity as a major source of the erosion of morals and marriages in modern times. The truth is that spouses have always been unfaithful, it’s just now more socially acceptable to get divorced over an affair. Samara O’Shea of the Huffington Post goes against the grain in her article on adultery, reminding us that if our society was going to collapse because of adultery, it would have happened a long time ago. Read the rest of this entry »

People underestimate the power of relationships. Some bonds are never broken and then some were never meant to exist at all. It takes two strong people willing to compromise to keep themselves and their partners happy. The ebb and flow of a relationship is natural, but sometimes I wonder if the two wavelengths will ever be in sync. Read the rest of this entry »

Dream Momma,

My boyfriend has a reocurring dream of being a successful lawyer, married to Megan Fox, living in a nice home with children. He wakes up from this dream and his reality seems like a nightmare. (he is 35 unemployed and is back living with his parents).  I try to be supportive but I’m hurt when he tells me he’s dreaming of Megan Fox.

Dear Dreamer, one time removed.  I guess hurt could be the word that works but I’ll tell you girlfriend, your problems are far greater than him dreaming of Megan Fox. You don’t say how old you are and since he’s 35 I’m guessing you’re no teenage.  Why are you thinking like one?

Now here’s the juice: Read the rest of this entry »

I’m back on the hunt for my next fuck buddy applicant. The qualified applicant I came across wasn’t available to accept the position - he already had an employer and was just testing the market. It was a great interview that ended too soon. I was prepared to have multiple interviews and multiple organisms with him, but that’s the way it sometimes goes with fuck buddies.

My quest for a dependable, exciting fuck buddy has inspired and shocked my friends. I have one girlfriend who’s recently divorced and sees the wisdom in the fuck buddy application process. Meet them, take their application, give them a thorough interview and either offer them the job or kick them to the curb. It’s not that hard of a process, just one you have to be careful of.  Read the rest of this entry »

Every straight male (and some females) have a version of this fantasy: two college-aged girls sitting on a couch, playfully flirting before spontaneously stripping and fondling each other. This is the scene I walk in on Friday.

Two attractive young women share a leather loveseat while watching a muted MTV show. Having just met that morning, the women are overly nice, complimenting the thongs and bras they’ve brought with them in overnight bags. But this isn’t a fantasy: these women are preparing to film their first girl-on-girl scene. Read the rest of this entry »

Marriage counselor, M. Gary Neuman, polled more than 200 cheating and faithful husbands about fidelity for his book, The Truth About Cheating. Below are some of his surprising findings. Read the rest of this entry »

As a contributor to this wonderful Sex & Love site I got to thinking about the two terms: sex and love. Sex is defined as the act of engaging in sexual intercourse whereas love is defined as a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person. Love comes in a variety of forms. For example, you can love your mom and your significant other but in very different ways. For the purposes of this column, when I talk about love, I’m talking about romantic love.

The two words are inextricably linked. I know you can have sex without love, but can you have romantic love without sex? Can you have a passionate and tender affection for another person your entire life and never have sex with them? I’ve recently asked many of my friends this question and I’ve gotten both answers. Read the rest of this entry »

Disclaimer: Each self-identifying poly person has their own take on these matters. This is just one of them.

Not too long ago, I wrote about being a credit to one’s kink and the problems I have with mainstream media covering my “kinks” in particular. Sure enough, an article on The Daily Beast about triads who wish to marry caught the attention of Fox News last week. They have since turned the matter into another round of slippery slope arguments that was chronicled by Media Matters. The claims are so ludicruous that I figured I would have to ram my head against concrete for it to make sense. Kudos to Jenny Block, author of Open: Love, Sex, and Life in an Open Marriage, for holding her own during her appearance on Fox & Friends.

First and foremost, there is no movement among polyamorists to lobby for marriage rights. Read the rest of this entry »

Have you ever dated someone who is much more into you? Or, have you been the person who has to tell yourself to stop obsessively calling your potential love interest? The ebb and flow of hormones in our bodies can make this situation infinitely more complex.

After four years in a relationship, friends tell me they still face this dilemma. “Sometimes I like him more… then sometimes he is way too into me.”

The book Marriage in Motion , by Richard Stanton Schwartz and Jacqueline Olds, discusses the problems of actual couples to illustrate the perpetual motion of relationships: “Relationships are always in motion. Shifting feelings of closeness are an aspect of their essential nature, not a demonstration of an indi­vidual’s character flaws.” Read the rest of this entry »