Daily Loaf

• Plan: 1. Buy the Don Draper doll 2. Find a doll that kinda sorta looks like me 3. Place them together in a Barbie dream house 4. Live vicariously through plastic figurines

• I am not a hateful person, but American Idol, I think I may hate you. After a week of pretty solid performances mixed in with the worst two girls’ performances that exist in my fairly crappy memory, you disappointed me beyond belief. BOTH those girls stayed, as if the voters decided it was more entertaining to hear two underage chicks who sound like tortured kittens sing covers of shitty pop songs more than people with, ya know, like talent and stuff. Screw you, American Idol voters, you’re the worst.

• Jennifer Love Hewitt and Jamie Kennedy are calling it quits. I guess that even her vajewels weren’t enough to keep him around. Or maybe she was just totally out of his league. Thoughts?

• As if reality television wasn’t already a complete crock of BS this week, our favorite Tampa Designer, Ben Chmura got auf’ed on Project Runway Thursday night. Lesson we can all learn from this: Don’t put fake shark teeth on a suit….or anything….ever. Seriously, ever. (We heart you Ben and we will miss you on our televisions every week.)

After the jump, Lilo is suing all the wrong people, a very Corey farewell, Miley gets deep and more….

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Unspeakable tragedies beget all-star charity spectacles, and the earthquake in Haiti is no exception. Soon-to-be-former American Idol curmudgeon Simon Cowell (right) will flex his celebrity muscle by drawing some of the British Isles’ biggest music stars to re-purpose and re-record a song by a most decidedly American band — “Everybody Hurts” by R.E.M.

NME reports the details, including R.E.M.’s approval:

R.E.M.’s manager Bertis Downs told The Sun that the band are waiving all royalties for the song, which is raising money for the Helping Haiti fund and the Disasters Emergency Committee.

“We are deeply touched the song has been chosen for this Haiti campaign,” Downs said. “It means a lot that the song the guys wrote all those years ago will be used for such an important appeal.”

Which British superstars did Cowell draft for “Everybody Hurts?” Check out the current list of participating celebs and the original video for “Everybody Hurts” after the jump.  Read the rest of this entry »

*That Miley Cyrus is growing up right before our eyes and real fast if I do say so myself. First it was the 20-something underwear model boyfriend and now a tattoo peeking out from beneath her underage boobage. It’s gonna look good in a few years when her career starts going down the tubes and they have to cut through it to put in her career-saving bags of silicone. Enjoy that sexy little tat while you still can Hannah Montana.

*Honestly, I could probably write an entire “This Week-ish” about America’s golden boy, Tiger Woods and the magical cornucopia of ho-tasticness (thanks to my friend Joey for that gem of a description) he has laid before us this holiday season. The mistress count is now up to “ten, ten STDed** mistresses. AH AH AH AH AH!” It’s a bit confusing, but luckily the Hollywood Examiner is here with a numbered list of all Tiger’s ladyfriends and a short description, so we can keep it all straight. Number four is my personal fave, because she worked at a Perkins and there is nothing that turns me on more than of those giant muffins in the glass case with fluorescent lighting. Clearly Tiger felt the same.

*The always unique, except when she is mimicking other people in photoshoots, Lindsay Lohan is, oh look at that, mimicking another star who is more famous than she is, in a photo shoot. Slipping nip, smoking cigarettes in bed and showing off her naughty parts, she is obviously channeling Kate Moss in the 90s. Thank God, because we did not get enough photographic evidence of that train wreck the first time around.

After the jump, more Lindsay photos, a James Franco mugshot, a new Mrs. Hogan and more….

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A photo wrap-up of the Miley Cyrus show at St. Pete Times Forum this past Tuesday, December 1.

Complete photo galleries of Miley + support act Metro Station after the jump. Read the rest of this entry »

• With the premiere of New Moon just around the corner, this Team Taylor vs Team Rob thing is heating up and Miss Swift has picked her side. The half-Asian (she is half Asian right? Whatever, I don’t have time to Wikipedia it) Taylor Swift is getting cozy with Taylor Lautner. I couldn’t make it through this entire article but they are totally doing it, I am sure that is how it ends.

Heidi and Spencer as Jon and Kate Plus Eight.

• I recently participated in the Twitter trend “#PeopleYouWannaKillBecauseOfTheirFace” and chose Spencer Pratt. @SpencerPratt is now following me on Twitter. His possible removal from my hit list due to befriending is nullified by the following Halloween costume (pictured left). Two things I hate do not make a right.

• Just when I was starting to be okay with this whole Miley Cyrus thing (read “okay” as, “every time I hear Party in the USA I turn it up as loud as possible and sing my little heart out”),  the teens and tweens of America have turned against her! I am always behind what the kids are doing these days. Seriously, Crocs are still cool, right?

*EXCLUSIVE: Ex: A-Rod Had Portraits of Himself as Centaur Hanging Over His Bed
The only true tragedy with this story is that it does not include a photoshopped version of what this portrait probably looks like. Thank the Lord for my unmatched talents and my college education for my art skills, that I can fill this void in all our lives (my version of Alex Rodriguez in all his mythical glory, after the jump).

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*Creepier headlines than this are hard to come by, even with Halloween approaching: Amy Winehouse’s Dad: She and Her New Boobs Are ‘Fantastic’ …. Mmmmmmk, well first of all, this is a lie because I am a person and I know about things and I have eyes. Second, I did not realize that Joe Simpson was Amy Winehouse’s father. Small world.

*Mischa Barton has made a statement, which is basically the Hollywood equivalent of “Well, I didn’t want to be on your team anyway so I am taking my ball and going home” by telling the media “that whole world of network television, probably isn’t, for me, a good idea now. I need to start reading for more serious roles.” This news come just weeks after her ill-fated and awful CW series, The Beautiful Life, was pulled off the air.

*In Full House news, because that show will remain relevant for-e-ver,  Jodie Sweetin is releasing her memoir next month and as it turns out, the Olsen twins weren’t the only ones spending the majority of their New York Minute premiere in a bathroom stall. That was a bulimia joke. Get it? Cuz they are so thin? Okay, fine, it wasn’t that funny. This gets better, I promise.

After the jump: girl on girl for charity, people who are still the same as they were last week and a little Adam Lambert candy for the soul.

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The weekend doesn’t officially end until you’re caught up on your music news.

• RollingStone.com has exclusive video footage of Maroon 5 recording the follow-up album to 2007’s It Won’t Be Soon Before Long. The video also includes footage of the band lounging in Switzerland, where lead singer Adam Levine (pictured right) and company have been working on the album. Mr. Levine is truly my dream man, a beautiful, perverted poet. Isn’t that what all women want?

• Fuse will air the world premiere of Nirvana Live at Reading on Monday, Nov. 1, at 11 p.m. The concert is from 1992 and has never been released. Yes, everyone you know will be watching (and re-watching) this broadcast.
• Them Crooked Vultures have finally (finally!) announced the release date of their self-titled debut album to be Nov. 17. “No One Knows” for sure until the album drops, but I’d be a “Pretender” if I didn’t say this album could be a “Stairway to [Rock 'n' Roll] Heaven.”
• Artists like Pearl Jam, R.E.M. and Trent Reznor of Nine Inch Nails have joined the National Campaign to Close Guantanamo after learning their music may have been used to torture detainees. Is Miley Cyrus on the list of musicians whose music aided in the torture? Seriously. I’m not trying to be funny.
• Weezer is teaming up with Chamillionaire, Sara Bareilles and Kenny G for tracks for an upcoming edition of AOL Sessions at AOL’s Beverly Hills studio. Well, Beverly Hills is where Weezer wants to be, but who knew it would be Kenny G that would get them there?
• Speaking of Weezer, the band released the video for “(If You’re Wondering If I Want You To) I Want You To,” the first single off their new Raditude album, slated for release on Oct. 27. Enjoy the video — in your favorite undone sweater and with some pork and beans, of course — and more music links after the jump. Read the rest of this entry »

A helping of music links to get you through the weekend.

• Despite Thom Yorke’s ongoing solo project, Radiohead guitarist Ed O’Brien says the band will be releasing a physical album sometime next year. I don’t care if you give me something online or on vinyl — just keep on playing, Radiohead.
• Amy Winehouse is “hopefully” going to be releasing an album in 2010, according to Island Records co-president Darcus Beese. She’ll also “hopefully” be sober next year. And “hopefully” eat a cookie or two. And “hopefully” wash her hair.
• Ozzy Osbourne promises to answer fan questions in an upcoming issue of Uncut magazine, and inquiries are now being accepted online. Whether or not anyone will be able to understand the answers he supplies remains to be seen.
• Method Man was arrested for tax evasion in New York and now faces four years in prison. Dude, didn’t you learn anything about the legal system from your days on The Wire?
• French electronic musician Alan Braxe has re-mixed Beyonce’s new single, “Broken-Hearted Girl.” It doesn’t matter how good it is, Braxe: Kanye’s comin’ after you.
• The Pixies are releasing limited-edition CDs and digital downloads from their current tour, where they’re playing Doolittle in its entirety. Even the indie rock crowd is jumping on the digital bandwagon. Are you taking note, Killers?
• If you can’t wait for Beck to release a new album, listening to Charlotte Gainsbourg’s IRM ought to curb your appetite.  Beck wrote the album’s music, co-wrote the lyrics, produced and mixed it, but it’s still Gainsbourg’s record. Really.
• Soulja Boy was arrested in Georgia for obstruction after telling police officers that people gathered at an abandoned home were there shooting a music video.  This is seriously the uncoolest thing a rapper has ever been arrested for. Read the rest of this entry »

A weekly bulletin about who’s playing on late night TV; set your TIVOs or DVRs if you’ve got an early bedtime. See a day missing? No musical guest that night…

The Jay Leno Show, NBC (he’s baaacckk!)
Monday, September 14: Jay-Z with Rihanna & Kanye West (likely performing their single, “Run This Town,” pictured right)
Wednesday, September 16: Miley Cyrus
Thursday, September 17: Bruce Hornsby & Eric Clapton

The Late Show with David Letterman, CBS
Monday, September 14: Cage the Elephant (rerun, July 30)
Tuesday, September 15: Care Bears on Fire (August 26)
Wednesday, September 16: John Fogerty (September 3)
Friday, September 18: Gary Mule Deer (August 20) Read the rest of this entry »

So far, we’ve given you a heads up about a range of this fall’s best bets in music — Leonard Cohen, electronica artists from Paul Van Dyk to Junior Boys, Yo Yo Ma, a quintet of quality indie artists (The Decemberists and MuteMath, among others) who are not stopping in Tampa but at least gracing us with their presence in nearby Orlando, and a couple of worthy jazz shows. Here are rest.

The Big Drawers
We get most of the big tours in Tampa because we have the audiences and venues to support them. This fall is no exception and the biggest among them are longtime barn burners Bruce Springsteen & the E Street Band (Sat., Sept. 12, Ford Amphitheatre, Tampa, $36-$98); U2, the first band to play Ray Jay solo, i.e., not for any Super Bowl festivities. (Fri., Oct. 9, Raymond James Stadium, Tampa, $30-$250); and the queen of teeny bop pop herself, Miley Cyrus (Tues., Dec. 1, St. Pete Times Forum, Tampa, $39.50-$79.50). Read the rest of this entry »

Ah to be a young celebrity, where the proof that you’re just as normal and foolish as the people who line up to see your shows is plastered all over the internet. Such joy!

Not far behind in the wake of last week’s Nude Celebrity news comes confirmation of nude Ashley Green pictures. You may recognize Green from her role as Alice Cullen in the Twilight franchise. Confirmation that the images were real came in the form of lawyers issuing cease and desist notices. The grounds?

(video after the break). Read the rest of this entry »

Last time Miley Cyrus played Tampa Bay it set off a Ticketgate, with moms of young daughters up in arms about being screwed out of the opportunity to buy tickets. Many of them dropped several hundreds of dollars as to not run afoul with their progeny.

Let’s hope there’s not another ticket fiasco this time. Actually, the best thing that could happen is that Miley-mania has calmed down the extent that MILFs aren’t breaking the household budget to take 11-year-old young Brittany to see her heroine.

Here we go:

Miley Cyrus will perform at the St. Pete Times Forum on Tuesday, Dec. 1, 7 p.m.

More important, though:

Read more.

Check out CL’s one-top, all-purpose music site.