Daily Loaf

On many occasions I can be caught mumbling, “Man, I wish I was a guy.” This is accurate on most accounts. It sucks bleeding every month for days on end. Having a kid come out of your lower body looks pretty shitty. And, general upkeep is far more annoying.

But, when it comes to sex, I am MORE than happy to be a female. Read the rest of this entry »

As I was driving to work Monday, Fisher and Boy from the 97X morning show played a creepy voicemail from a dude attempting to get a date.  The bit was about a woman who was approached by a  guy who asked her out. She wasn’t interested and was only able to get rid of him by giving him her business card.  Probably a dumb move, but I sympathize. The guy called her two times leaving two very long, creepy messages.  Some men just can’t imagine why any female wouldn’t want to date or sleep with them. This made me consider all the creepy ways men have tried to weasel their way into my life, or at least my vagina. Read the rest of this entry »

The internal prostate massage is one of the most sexually stimulating practices you can do for a man, and it’s healthy.  I started milking the prostate a few years ago after reading some literature on the subject.  It was more than difficult getting my then 46-year-old husband to try it, but once I did he enjoyed it.

Milking keeps the blood moving and releases seminal fluid.  Some men aren’t into having anything in their anus, so a perineum massage can also be stimulating as well. The perineum is a small, smooth patch of skin located between the testicles and the anus. By pressing down on this area, not too hard, this will indirectly stimulate the prostate.  I usually use this technique when I’m masturbating my husband.  Again, I enjoy using ky-warming gel and it drives him nuts.  Read the rest of this entry »

Who has sex with strangers?  I think the answer is most of you. Whether you are a swinger, single person, or a perpetual cheater, it’s likely you’ve had sex with someone you consider a stranger.  So why do so many people think the swinging lifestyle is so strange — we too have sex with strangers, but at least we’re honest about it. Read the rest of this entry »

I occasionally receive sex questions to answer on my blog. This recent question and its accompanying answer struck me as something I should share with a wider audience:

I can’t believe I’m actually asking this, but I’m kind of desperate. I am dating a guy who is uncircumcised and I’ve never been with an uncut guy before… I have no idea what to do with it. To be honest, I think it looks kinda gross, but I really like him so I want to learn how to work with it and pleasure him. How do I do that? Read the rest of this entry »

On several occasions I’ve been asked how many sex partners I’ve had. Having lived as a swinger for several years, I’ve probably had more than most, but the exact number is tricky. It depends on what you count as a sex partner. For me, I can only define what one is, by describing what a sex partner is not.

Oral sex only: Some swingers have rules, like soft swap only.  This means I only have oral sex with the other man then have actual sex with my husband. For me, oral sex doesn’t count as sex. Read the rest of this entry »

I just noticed that I have a bruise on my breast.  Does this mean the sex was really good or really bad? That all depends on what you like in bed. For me, my weekend sex, bruises and all, was pretty damn good.

Soccer Dad and I walked into the second bar of the night on our ‘date’ with a hot younger couple.

“You don’t have to liquor me up,” I said to my potential sex partner. “I’m a sure thing,”

Everyone laughed, but the fact remained that we were there to get comfortable with each other before having sex with virtual strangers. This is the basis of the swinging lifestyle after all. Read the rest of this entry »

According to the September 2009 edition of Playboy, watching porn boosts your testosterone levels as effectively as hormone therapy drugs.

Men lose and average of 1percent of their testosterone levels every year starting at age 30, and 5 million American men suffer from low testosterone. Among the array of detrimental effects this has on your penis, low hormone levels can cause you to shrink and become depressed. Read the rest of this entry »

I’ve schooled you in what constitutes an affair. I’ve listed the rules of having an affair and where to look for a discrete hook-up.  Now I’ll tell you how to save money in your search for that NSA(no strings attached) fuck.

Ashleymadison is a website revered for finding discrete hook-ups. Currently the site is running a promotion that puts a spin on the government program, Cash for Clunkers. Their promotion, Cash for Chunkers, saying, “is being married to a chunker weighing you down?” Read the rest of this entry »

Is your vagina cleanly shaved? Do you regularly go for the Brazilian wax? Maybe you trim your pubic hair regularly or let it grow wild like a little ecosystem around your penis. Whether you’re male or female, you must be aware of the pubic hair issue.

Porn stars and swingers aren’t the only people who need to manicure their privates. It still surprises me each time I go out on a swinging date and see the female with a Chia Pet of a vagina, or the male with so much hair you have to dig through it to find his cock.  Please tell me, is pubic hair really still popular or are these people just oblivious? Read the rest of this entry »

Sometimes you’re looking for love, but sometimes you just want to find someone on the internet who can be your personal Oprah. To fulfill this fetish, I again turned to Craigslist. Below is my original post followed by my favorite responses. (All names and personal info have been changed to protect the weird)

tampa bay area craigslist > casual encounters

Skinny White Guy looking for his Oprah – m4w – 23 Read the rest of this entry »

I’ve met enough penises in my time to know that like lollipops, dicks come in all shapes and sizes. The fact is that most dicks are between five to seven inches erect; the real question is, does size matter? Read the rest of this entry »

Sat. July 11th. Mistress Mayhem at The Quest. Tampa’s most wicked dominatrix will be stopping by to discipline naughty submissives. The Quest. 12517 66th St. N. Largo, FL 33773.

Sat. July 11. Ultra-Glam Fetish Party @ Purgatory. Show off your brightest colors, fishnets and animal print patterns, outrageous hair and over-the-top makeup! Custom steel bondage equipment will be set up throughout the club to encourage safe and consensual play. Creative bondage, spanking, flogging, fetish games and the ultimate mind fuck are also encouraged. DJs Danny Bled and Godfather.18+. $15-$20. Purgatory Nightclub. 1000 State Road 84 City, Fort Lauderdale, FL Zip. 33315. Read the rest of this entry »

Lil' Ricco, ME (THE FUCKIN' BOSS), and D-Block pre-gaming

(Warning: while the below events are basically true, the story is told through the voice of a supreme douche in need of a good bitch slap)

My main BITCH was having a bachelorette party at my pad, complete with rubber dongs and ding-a-ling cakes and shit, so I decided to go COCK OUT with DOUCHE FEST 2009

(Pics and video below break, not suitable for pussies) Read the rest of this entry »

July 2-5. GaYBOR Days 2009.

-Thur. July 2. Weekend Kick-off Social Party. 2 hours of GameWorks fun card. Drag Show. Drinks & Tapas included! Families and adults welcome. $15. Gameworks.
-Fri. July 3. VIP Party at The Nest. 6-9pm. 1430 E. th Ave. Ybor City.
-Fri. July 3. DJ Manny Lehman and Pistol Pete Underwear Fashion Show. 10pm-3am. Steam Fridays 1507 E. 7th Ave. Ybor City.
-Sat. July 4. GaYBOR Poolside Beach Party. 4pm-8pm. $15. Tampa Howard Johnson Riverfront Plaza.
-Sat. July 4. Derrick Barry as Britney Spears. 9pm-3am. G Bar. 1401 E. 7th Ave. Ybor City.
-Sun. July 5. GaYBOR Brunch. 11am-2pm. Streetcar Charlie’s. 1811 N. 15th St. Ybor City.
-Sun. July 5. The GaYBOR Bar Crawl. $20. 5pm- Read the rest of this entry »

Axillism: n. Sexual climax achieved by masturbating the penis in the armpit of a partner.

Etymology: From axilla, armpit, and ism , act.

Synonyms: axillary intercourse; bagpipe (or bagpiping); Coitus in axilla; huffle (or huffling); maschalation; penis-to-armpit Intercourse; pit job.

See also: hircusophilism (preference for underarm hair); masehalophilous (arousal from armpits).

Use: Jimmy didn’t have to worry about wearing a condom, because he preferred axillism over vaginal intercourse anyway.

Arts on 9th is a new facility in Ybor City, featuring a theater, art gallery, photography studio and shop. It’s a welcome addition to the Bay area scene, which ought to have 20 such spaces. But the first play offered there — Bathhouse: The Musical by Tim Evanicki and Esther Daack — is far from impressive.

Treating gay life as if it had no reality outside the sexual, it’s essentially an evening of soft porn, of real and metaphorical crotch-grabbing with songs titled “Penises are like Snowflakes” and “Clicking for Dick.” The irony is that the four onstage performers — Toph McRae, Jason Crase, Alexander Ferguson and Christopher McCabe — are expert singer/dancers, and a few of the show’s songs feature attractive melodies and thrilling harmonies.

But again and again, the lyrics aren’t much better than what you’d find on a bathroom Read the rest of this entry »

Fri-Sun. May 8-10. Exxxotica Miami. The largest adult event and expo on the east coast, featuring adult entertainers Jesse Jane, Stoya, Angelina Armani, Riley Steele, Jenna Haze, Ron Jeremy, Sasha Grey, Teagan Presley, Savanna Samson, Bree Olson, Kaydeb Kross, Sunny Leone, Eva Angelina, Alexis Texas, Joanna Angel, and Gina Lynn.

Fri. May 8. Clothing Optional Foam Party. Live Bands, DJ, Foam, a potluck dinner, a pool, hot tub, camping, and nudity. What more could you want? A music video will also be shot on location so bring some friends to fill out the crowd. 7pm. $10. The Riverboat Nudist Club. www.NaturallyNude.com.

Sat. May 9. Foot Party at the Quest. The Fabulous Mistress Diana and friends will be hosting a foot, show, and boot fetish play party. Bring all your fabulous fetish shoes, high heel spikes, your skit kicker boots and your cute little twinkle toes and join us for a stomping good time cleaning, licking, sucking, and worshiping Tampa Bays most fabulous feet. 10pm. $30. The Quest. 12517 66th St. N. Largo, FL 33773. Read the rest of this entry »

Fri. May 1. Grand Opening of The Ybor Eagle. Tampa’s newest leather bar is scheduled to open with a bang. No cover and free drinks from 9pm – 11pm. Live appearance by Raging Stallion model Tyler Saint. Leather dress code is strictly enforced. A locker-room is provided for you to get geared up. The club also features and in-house leather store stocked with Raging Stallion products. 1909 N. 15th. Ybor. Largo Florida 3 12517 66th St North Largo Florida 33773.

Mon. May 4. Lingerie Mechanical Bull Riding Contest. Think Urban Cowboy except with hotter girls and less clothing. $1 drinks all night. Girls in lingerie drink free. $1000 in total prize money. Strokers 11236 W. Hillsborough Ave. Tampa, Fl. 33635.

Tues. May 5. Cinco De Mayo Bikini Contest. Florida’s Finest Bikini Babes Presents this contest for $1000. 7pm. Mojo’s 1845 E. Memorial Lakeland, FL 33801.

Tues. May 5. Cinco De Mayo Bury the Burrito Contest. $100 dollar cash prize to whoever can bury the burrito the fastest, I think. I can’t figure this one out. I assume it’s an eating contest, but the judging could be based on style or creativity. Or it could be some new gay code word or fetish I’m not hip to. If you go, please write and tell me what the hell is going down. In any case, 2 hours of an open bar, 9pm-11pm. G.Bar 1401 E. 7th Ave. Ybor City Tampa. Read the rest of this entry »

Craigslist personals ads are clearly the future of mating. Admit it, some of those cell phone shots of dudes spreading their cheeks in the mirror are of you. Being the virtually promiscuous young man that I am, I not only browse the personals for my own entertainment, I post absurd ads under the “Casual Encounters” section to see if anyone will respond. No matter how strange or perverse the post, my email inbox always fills up.

Yesterday I was feeling rather feminine, and decided to pose as a forty-seven year-old woman with a somewhat normal fetish, at least for Craigslist standards. Below is the actual ad, followed by the best of the over one hundred and twenty-five responses it received.

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tampa bay area craigslist > casual encounters

Fill my vagina – w4mm – 47

My vagina feels empty.  I want it to be filled.  I don’t want to have sex, but I want it to be filled.  You can put anything in my vagina.  The choice is yours.  I will lay on my bed and spread my legs.  I’ll leave the door open.  You casually creep in and insert your offering into my vagina.  I’ll be doing this all day Sunday.  Just come in and stuff my vagina with whatever you have.  I want my vagina to be filled to the brim with glorious things (but not penises sorry).  You can jack off too me if you want or bring a partner.  I will be getting stuffed all day.  Please avoid using sharp or very harmful metal objects.  Other than that, you can put whatever you want in me.  Stuff me! Read the rest of this entry »

I’m a big fan of nudity in games, as I am of nudity in most situations.

I like how it helps push us past this last, weird, Puritan taboo this country has about sex and body image and all that. Never afraid of courting a little controversy if it gets them a lot of free press (you’re soaking in it), Rockstar Games has included some genuine, unabashed, in your face full frontal nudity in the new download-able episode for Grand Theft Auto IV. What’s particularly brilliant: They’re not using it to titilate — no tits at all in fact, just some jack-ass businessman getting a massage while he wheels and deals with a biker gang. It’s meant to make teeneage dudes uncomfortable, and it works great on that front.

Want to see for yourself? Of course you do. Follow the jump [potentially NSFW, depending on how your work views video game nakedness].

Read the rest of this entry »